Façade
by Sheen
Summary: (Completed) The truth is never what it seems. Traumatised by tragic events in his life, a genuis - Rui - hides himself behind an emotionless shell until he meets someone special ... Intrigue, Friendship, Betrayal & Love etc. Changed ratings to be safe!
1. Default Chapter

Prologue  
  
I knew there was something different about myself right from the start - to be more accurate, from the moment my memories came into existence. I remember always being bundled up warmly and held securely in the strong, yet gentle arms of this lady with gray hair and a wrinkled, but kindly face. She was always carrying me, feeding me and changing me. There was this couple who also came to visit me very often. They called her Florence, and she greeted them respectfully as Mr and Mrs Hanazawa. In her one-sided conversations to me, I learnt that they were my parents. Sure enough, whenever she had time to be with me, Mrs Hanazawa would be picking me up and introducing herself as "mama". Her arms were very much softer than Florence's and she always smelled of jasmine flowers. I would always smile at her, showing her my toothless gums because strangely enough, that would make her eyes light up and her lips would curve into a wide breath- taking smile. Needless to say, I thought she was the most beautiful woman in the world. Even Shizuka comes second. As for Tsukushi, well I guess it just isn't fair to compare . .  
  
My rude awakening to the "cold realities" of this world - using this phrase loosely - was probably when I was about 6 months old. My parents held a party in my honour to "introduce" the masses to the heir of the Hanazawa empire. Between, this may be a slight exaggeration because as Tsukasa used to boast when we were all very young, the Doumyoujis' business is larger than the Hanazawas', Mimasakas' and the Nishikados'. However, I digress. I cannot recall the decorations too clearly as the light reflecting from the crystal chandeliers hurt my eyes, as did the huge diamonds worn by certain overdressed ladies. What I find hard to forget is the sickeningly sweet smiles and sugar-coated words that fell from the lips of some of the couples that spoke to my parents and complimented me, and the way the same smiles hardened and the faked cordiality transformed into cold looks directed at my parents' backs subsequently. The jealousy and hatred in their stares made me shiver, and my mother held me closely, thinking that I was cold. Cliché as this sounds if looks could kill, yours truly and company would have been sent to an early grave. I guess they did not bother to hide their malicious glares because they did not believe that a six month old baby would be able to comprehend such poisonous looks. Well, I memorized their faces, committing them to heart.  
  
When my bedtime came, my mother sent for Florence who took me upstairs and placed me in my cot in the nursery. However, the connecting bathroom had been "opened" to the public i.e. the guests for the night. As I was relaxing in my cot, gazing out into the night at the twinkling stars (at least I think Florence mentioned to me that the tiny dots of lights in the sky were stars), I overheard the conversation between two ladies in the toilet.  
  
". . did you see what Mrs Hanazawa was wearing?"  
  
"The set of pearls? Yes, it obviously clashes with her dress. Again a prime example of fashion over sense."  
  
"I wonder how she managed to coerce Mr Hanazawa into marrying her. I mean he was one of the most eligible bachelors."  
  
"They said she seduced him and he had to choice but to marry her . ." There were other whispers followed by mocking laughter. I will not repeat the rest of the conversation, however, I was so furious at the insults directed to my mother that I started to cry in angry protest. What else could I do? Their conversation terminated once I started screaming, and they left the toilet soon after Florence came in to pacify me. That was when I first realized that the world I lived in was extremely complex and that there was much I had to learn.  
  
On another occasion, I was watching a documentary about babies with Florence. At least, Florence was under strict instructions from my parents to watch the program and I was with her at that time. To my amazement, the old man said a lot of untrue things including that babies only start to develop neurons when they are nine months old, hence they are unable to have memories before that. Also, that their memories in the first one or two years would be not be accurate and it would be highly unlikely that they would be able to retain their memories for long. He further mentioned that that babies usually can say several words by their first birthday, and by their second, they would be able to speak intelligibly. In addition, he said that most toddlers started walking when they were about one to one and a half years old. Hmm . . he may be right about speech and walking abilities of babies, but the inability to speak is no way indicative of our, or at least my, capabilities to understand! Either he was an ignoramus, or he was lying through his teeth, or . . I was simply different. I deduced that it was unlikely to be the first two reasons because it seemed highly improbable that an extremely qualified and well- respected pediatrician who had been asked to educate the public on TV would be a fraud. So I realized at the age of seven months that I was different from most people, and would most likely remain so . . 


	2. The Beginning of Isolation

Chapter 2 - The Beginning of Isolation  
  
The first two years of my life passed peacefully. My parents soon left me to my own devices under the care of Florence, when their work commitments once again took control of their lives. However, I was a quiet and well- behaved child, and I was contented to be with Florence who loved me like her own son. My mother tried to spend as much time as she could with me, which was probably only about two months or so per year. Yet, I appreciated her efforts because I could see how busy she was, constantly typing on her notebook, sending e-mails, faxes and answering a thousand and one phone calls whilst being in the same room as me. I loved the times when she let me sit on her lap as she typed on the keyboard, both arms surrounding me safely like the sides of the cot. She had the habit of speaking her thoughts aloud as she typed, probably hoping that I would be tricked into thinking that she was talking to me, not knowing that I was able to understand everything she said. However, those reading lessons that she inadvertently gave me probably explained why reading came as naturally to me as breathing. It was not something I had to learn. However because I never enjoyed showing off, I did not give any outward sign of my reading abilities. Unfortunately, these sessions became less frequent as our expanding business required her to travel more frequently.  
  
When I was three, an incident happened that scarred me permanently and changed the entire course of my life, much the same way a row of dominoes would collapse once the first domino is knocked down. I had woken up feeling feverish and achy after spending the entire night tossing and turning. Somehow, I managed to climb out of bed and head for Florence's room, suspecting that I had caught a chill. Her room was downstairs next to the kitchen and I hoped that I could make it without any mishap, for it was a long trip for my short legs even when I was in the pink of health. As I was passing my father's study, I noticed that the heavy oaken door was slightly open, and I heard my father's voice. I decided to stop and rest for a moment, partly because I was rather exhausted from the walk, and partly because I was curious. My dad had strictly forbidden anyone to disturb him in the study whenever he was with any visitors. Leaning against the wall, I caught wisps of the conversation.  
  
". .Please Hanazawa san, it'll kill my old parents if I have to go to jail, not to say . . wife and kids . ."  
  
" . you should have thought of that before . ."  
  
"I am begging you . ."  
  
". . some more and the police . . drag you . . felony and get ready to spend twenty years in jail . ." The voices grew louder, then the door was flung wide open as a man in a rumpled suit stormed out. There was a wild look in his eyes as he turned back to my father.  
  
"You will regret this, Hanazawa. One day I will make sure you regret this, you heartless bastard . ."  
  
"I await your return with great anticipation." I almost did not recognize my father in the doorway. His usually warm blue eyes were cold and hard, and I had never heard him speak in that infuriatingly polite drawl with the malicious undertones before. I shivered involuntarily. With a snarl, the man spun around and then paused abruptly as his eyes fell on me. With a quick movement, he scooped me off the floor and swung me over the barrister. I clutched his arms tightly even though his tight grip was bruising my ribs. Peering down, I saw that my feet were dangling about fifty-feet above the ground and started bawling in fear.  
  
"Put my son down." I heard my father order harshly.  
  
"As you wish." I found myself dangling from one side as one of his hands loosened its hold on me. I screamed loudly.  
  
"Stop! Let go of my son!" I heard my mother screaming too - apparently she heard the commotion and had rushed out of her room.  
  
"I told you, you will regret your decision . ." Then, the hand holding me let go, and I felt myself starting to fall. The last sound I recalled hearing was the horror in my father voice as he shouted my mother's name . .  
  
"He's awake!" I heard an unfamiliar voice saying when I opened my eyes. I blinked as the room came into focus, and found myself looking at an elderly gentleman who was prodding me gently all over. I turned my head and saw my father standing on the other side of my bed, his face pale and haggard. His eyes were bloodshot and there was what appeared to be several days' growth of beard on his chin. I blinked again, shocked to see my usually impeccably dressed and clean shaven father looking so disheveled. Only when he mumbled something in reply, did I realize that the elderly gentleman was still speaking to him.  
  
" . . physically fine," the gentleman was saying. "However, I don't know if he will be traumatized by this experience. Let me know if he starts reacting different, for example if he starts clinging to you or his nanny, crying, whimpering, or screaming for no reason. Also, he may remain motionless for long periods or make aimless movements. He may also regress to sucking his thumb, wetting his bed or be scared of darkness." He paused for a while as my father bowed his head, taking all this in silently. "However . . his actions may also result from him losing his mother . . I'm sorry about your wife . ." My head snapped up at these words and a cold sense of dread filled me. What happened to my mother? What happened to her?  
  
"Father? Father?" My voice was squeaky. They looked at me quickly, surprise evident on both faces. Apparently, they had forgotten that I was listening. "Where's mother?" My parents had trained me to speak proper Japanese even at a young age. I saw a look of pain pass fleetingly over my father's face before he looked at gentleman and made a gesture asking him to leave both of us alone. I tried to swallow the lump in my throat and looked apprehensively at my father as he sat down on the edge of my bed.  
  
"You need to be brave," his voice was hoarse, almost as if he had a cold. No, a voice was shrieking in my head, no, no, no, no . . "Your mother is in hospital. Do you remember what happened?" I shook my head dumbly.  
  
"Do you remember falling down from the fifth floor?" I shivered at the memory and nodded. "Do you remember your mother lunging after you? She caught you and protected you with her body as you both fell . . However, she hit her head . ." his voice died as he turned away, too choked up to continue. Mother . . my lips started trembling and I curled into a ball, as a soft whimpering sound came from my throat. I felt my father petting my head and cringed inwardly from his touch. Somehow, I had to blame someone for the accident and blaming my father was easier than blaming myself wasn't it? Just then, my father's handphone started ringing.  
  
"Hello?" I heard a long pause and then.  
  
". . Is there no more hope?"  
  
". . I understand . . I will go to the hospital immediately . ."  
  
" . . yes you have my permission to . . to go ahead . .. and . and make the necessary arrangements . ."  
  
". . yes, I . . I will sign . ." I had uncurled my body and was looking fearfully at my dad the moment I heard the word hospital, my face still wet with tears. He was breathing heavily and his hand was shaking when he disconnected. I saw that his face was deathly white.  
  
"Dammit!" He suddenly screamed as he flung his handphone against the wall with all his strength. I watched, paralyzed with shock, as the handphone shattered against the wall and the broken pieces scattered onto the floor, resembling the pieces of my broken life. Then he turned and stumbled blindly out of my room, leaving Florence to find me huddled in one corner of my bed, rocking myself to and fro. I learnt sometime later from the conversation between two servants that my mother had been declared a vegetable. My father had gone to hospital to sign his consent for the doctors to pull the plug, and to see to the necessary arrangements for the funeral. I did not see my father again until the day of the funeral.  
  
Did they not say that it is always raining when you put a loved one to rest? The sun was blazing brightly when my mother's coffin was lowered into the earth. It almost seemed that even the heavens were against me. If it had been raining, I would at least have had the luxury of crying as the raindrops would have camouflaged my tears. Instead, as the fates would have it, I had to stand up straight next to my father, holding back my tears as we both said our farewells to my mother in front of the masses - the price to pay for being rich and relatively famous. I had been drilled again and again by Florence that the Hanazawas have never and will never shed tears in public as a matter of family pride. It was fortunately that I managed to hold onto my self-control until I reached the sanctity of my room. I cried alone in my bed for my mother every night for goodness knows how long.  
  
After the funeral, I retreated into my own shell and refused to come out, ignoring all the psychologists that my father employed. They diagnosed me as having a less severe case of autism, but eventually gave up when I refused to respond to treatment. They told my father that I would hopefully grow out of it by myself. Little did they know that I had surfaced the net for the symptoms, committed them to memory and then carefully displayed all the symptoms in front of them. It was not all acting because I felt extremely guilty for playing a major part in my mother's death and was dealing with it in my own way. Somehow, I felt that had I not been eavesdropping outside the door, the man would not have caught me and everything would have been fine. (Between he was convicted by a panel of jury and sentenced to the electric chair.) I also blamed my father in part for pushing the man to taking such drastic measures against him. It only made things worse when he married another woman only six months after my mother's death. Although it was yet another business marriage and she was relatively kind to me, I secretly resented both of them - my father for replacing my mother so soon, and my stepmother for taking the rightful position of my mother. I learnt another lesson - the adaptability of human beings - when the rest of the world soon forgot about my mother, and some people even though that the second Mrs Hanazawa was my mother. There were only two things that I grew to be grateful for - that my father was fortunately sensible enough to choose a bride closer to his age than mine (unlike Akira's father who married a very young woman), and that my stepmother was indeed a sensible and decent woman. Some years later, we eventually became friends, but then I'm jumping the gun . .  
  
Dear All: Thanks for reading and leaving your comments. If there are any suggestions with regards to how to improve my writing, characterisation, grammar, spelling etc, please feel free to let me know!  
  
Regs, Sheen  
  
Pure Innocence: Thanks so much for your kind comments! I hope you will like the rest of the story as well. Please let me know if there's any way in which I can improve the story.  
  
Lian, Kensingtonkid: Wow, thanks so much for leaving with two comments each! I'll look at your stories in a jiffy.  
  
Fresh8: Ah, probably the same thing that Armetis Fowl did ;) Thanks for commenting!  
  
Chi: A Rui fan! I hope you won't kill me for the angst that I'm making him face in his life ;). 


	3. Another World

Chapter 2 - Another World  
  
Another year passed - I was still in my own relatively silent world. Of course, I still spoke occasionally, but as little as I could. However, contrary to the general belief that I was developing slower than normal kids my age, I had actually finished reading the entire set of Encyclopedia Britannica that strangely enough happened to be kept in my room. After all, I was not really an autistic child but had developed the habits of one. I preferred to be left alone in peace where I could work out new ideas in my head or simply be listening and learning from the conversations around me without appearing to do so. It was at this point in my life that I first met Tsukasa, Soujirou and Akira. It was my fifth birthday and my father and stepmother had strangely enough organized a birthday party for me.  
  
"It's time you introduced him to some kids his age." I overheard my stepmother saying. "Moreover, if you recall the last party when we were talking to the Doumyoujis, Mimasakas' and Nishikados, we all agreed that we should introduce our sons to each other so that they would have suitable playmates around their ages."  
  
"But you know Rui . ." Father's voice died away.  
  
"I think all he needs are some friends to break him out of his shell. Remember what the doctors said? He would probably grow out of it. He may communicate more readily with kids who are his age . ." I crept away, knowing that my stepmother would have managed to convince my father before long. Although I was still contented to be in my own world, I thought it would not be too bad getting to meet people my age. This was my chance to test my theory with regards to whether I was different from others or not.  
  
When the big day arrived, I walked into the garden dressed in one of my best suits, only to be greeted by a spray of water in my face. Taken aback, I simply stood there with water dripping off my face as I stared at three boys my age. One of them was scowling at me and the other two were laughing their heads off. The boy who was frowning held a water gun in his hand and had black curly hair. One of the laughing boys had wavy brown hair with a reddish tint, whilst the other had dark brown hair, a few shades darker than mine. Finally, the boy with the dark brown hair straightened up and smiled me.  
  
"Hi, I'm Soujirou. This is Akira," he nodded at the wavy hair boy next to him. "And that's Tsukasa over there. You must be Rui." Both he and Akira smiled at me. I simply stood there quietly, staring at them.  
  
"Hey are you alright? Can you hear me?" He looked rather surprised and a little worried as he walked up to me and waved his hand in my front of my face. "Tsukasa didn't scare you too much did he?" I blinked but kept quiet as I continued to look at him.  
  
"Leave him alone if he doesn't want to talk, idiot!" Suddenly, Tsukasa shouted loudly. "You and Akira talk too much!" I had automatically turned when he started shouting and found him looking straight at me. Then his eyebrows drew together in a frown when I continued staring without saying a single word.  
  
"What are you looking at?" His dark eyes were hostile again. However, I was not put off by his show of anger. Somehow, I could see that beneath all that bluster was a scared little boy who was trying to protect himself by hiding behind a tough mask. How like me behind my shell. Then I turned and looked at Soujirou and Akira. Again, I sensed the same thing from both of them, except that they did not use violence but instead sought to hide their loneliness through fun and laughter. Yes, even at the tender age of five, our personalities had already started forming. I could tell, however, that none of them were "like" me and they definitely didn't act like me.  
  
"Hi." I finally said softly in my monotone. They all stared at me.  
  
"He talks!" Akira chirped as he came bouncing over. "Here," he passed me a white handkerchief. I took it hesitantly from him, wiped my face and passed it back. He stuffed it carelessly back into his pocket.  
  
"Hey, come and play with us." Soujirou grinned at me. Somehow, both he and Akira grabbed me and I was pulled along with them. Although I was in their company all afternoon, most of the time I was sitting there and simply watching them play, refusing to participate in their games. I did not mind playing sports, but certain games like police and thieves were too juvenile for yours truly. I could tell that Tsukasa did not enjoy certain of the games as well. That young boy was (and he still is) really violent and it was pretty obvious that he had problems with anger management. However, I could see him making an effort to control himself where the two boys were concerned. Almost automatically as I sat there watching them, I hugged my knees to my chest and started rocking myself slowly to and fro to a song that I was humming mentally. I did not realize that someone was standing next to me until I felt a hand on my shoulder. However, from the force of habit (or my excellent acting skills), I simply continued rocking slowly as I continued staring ahead, not turning to see who the person was.  
  
"Hey, what's up with you?" The gruff voice could only belong to Tsukasa. For a moment, I was taken aback and stopped rocking. Cursing myself for this slip in my armour, I simply stilled under his hand, pretending that his voice had "calmed" me down.  
  
"You're a strange one. Stranger than me," I heard him mumble under his breath. I turned slowly and looked at him. To my surprise, I saw the concern in his eyes that he was trying to hide as he sat down beside me. However, at this moment, a servant walked up to us.  
  
"Young masters, it's time for tea."  
  
"Yay!" That was Soujirou. He and Akira immediately jumped up from where they had been wrestling. I mentally smiled as I took in their enthusiasm and climbed up from the floor. It was my birthday party after all and I still had the responsibilities of a host.  
  
"Come," I said to Tsukasa holding out my hand. He gripped it and in one smooth motion tried to pull me to the floor. However, I managed to remain upright. A sudden grin lit up his face replacing his habitual scowl as he got up and faced me.  
  
"Let's go." He clapped me on the shoulder. From that moment, we became friends. Strangely enough, it took me longer to accept Soujirou and Akira as my friends. However, they were so easy going and full of laughter and pranks that it was also not long before I was officially part of their gang. I had thought that they would be the ones that would have a problem with letting me in. However, although they thought I was rather weird, they accepted me readily enough, even before I accepted them. I guess in a way our parents encouraged our friendship. We only had each other and never played with other children because they did not like us to associate with children from families with a lower social status. Call them snobs, but that's the way things were, and still are.  
  
Other than my first meeting with my now closest friends, another event made my fifth birthday memorable. After the guests left, my father brought out an expensive looking violin case tied with a large ribbon. He laid the tiny violin case in my arms as I looked at it silently.  
  
"It's a violin, Rui." I had to refrain myself from rolling my eyes at him. Obviously it was a violin. "Your mother always loved the violin . . She wanted so much to teach you herself." I stiffened - this was news. I never knew that my mother loved the violin. I had never ever heard her play. Then my father held my hand and I followed him still clutching my violin case. He stopped in front of a door that I had always assumed led to a storage room and unlocked the door. My eyes opened wide when I followed him into the room.  
  
Although it was evening, the rays of the setting sun shone through the numerous glass planes that spanned an entire wall, covering everything with a rosy pink glow. The thick windows overlooked a huge pond in the garden. When I managed to look away from the magnificent view, I noticed that there was a large cabinet that covered almost one of the remaining walls, several different types of musical instruments in the room including a huge grand piano, and an extremely high-tech machine that resembled the most sophisticated hi-fi set I had ever seen. Father walked to the cabinet and opened one door, showing me a few dozens of CDs.  
  
"These are records of your mother's playing. She was extremely talented and could play all types of different types of musical instruments. She especially loved the violin and was always practicing in this room until she became too busy to play much. Music was in her blood and I believe in yours too. You take after her in so many ways, Rui . ."  
  
And I never knew. Mother, why didn't you ever tell me? Almost unconsciously, I put down the case gently on the table, undid the ribbon and opened the lid. A most beautiful violin lay against the velvet lining. My fingers stroked the violin almost loving before taking it out of the case and lifting the little bow. Then I looked at my father as he adjusted the violin, laying it on my shoulder and correcting the way I held the bow.  
  
"I know a little of the violin - your mum taught me." He walked me through the motions of playing a few simple notes on the violin. To my surprise, it felt so natural to be holding the violin and to scrape my bow gently across the strings. In fact, it almost felt like I was continuing something that I had once been familiar with, and for some reason had to stop for a while. Surprise flittered across my father's face as I imitated his motions perfectly and started playing a series of chords that sounded like scales.  
  
"You are indeed your mother's son," his voice was strangely hoarse. When I glanced at him, I saw that his eyes were wet. Then, he left the room abruptly, leaving me alone with what came to be my favourite instrument. He hired a famous violinist to give me weekly lessons and to my embarrassment, my teacher proclaimed me a child prodigy almost at once. I was fortunate to have such an excellent teacher though. It seemed that in no time I was composing my own songs and able to play any piece after listening to it a couple of times. One of my favourites was this song that I learnt from one of my mother's tapes. When I first played it for my father and stepmother, his eyes became wet again.  
  
"This is your mother's favourite song. You play it exactly the same way she did. However, I do believe that she was much older than you when she composed it." I soon found a different world to lose myself in - the world of music. However, in spite of my musical abilities, my father hired personal tutors for me (just as Tsukasa's, Soujirou's and Akira's parents did for them) shortly after I turned five, and made them followed what was meant to be an extremely grueling schedule. I was often quite bored when they kept drilling facts into me that I had known for years (ok a few years - I was five after all). So I started revealing some of my abilities - just enough to be deemed brilliant but not too much so that they would suspect. Till today, they believed that I was just a "normal" gifted autistic child. A paradox eh? Well, it's simply that certain autistic children are gifted in certain ways, and they had me categorized as such . .  
  
Toinks: Hey there! Thanks for commenting - it makes my day. I do hope it's been convincing so far (  
  
Pure Innocence: Thanks so much for reading and highlighting that to me! Really appreciate it! I've always had problems with my commas - I'll try to look out for them this time round. Strangely enough my grammar check doesn't appear to pick 'em up ;)  
  
Drina: Hi! Of course I remember you "Girl" ( I don't go to winglin that often either. However, this time I am posting this story at both sites because I realise that different people are reading it. Thanks so much for leaving me a comment!  
  
Opal Soul: Ah ha, another Rui fan? ( I think I will be torturing him a little more *ducks for cover in case anything is thrown* But this the reason why we adore Rui - we feel sorry for him too eh!  
  
Lian: Wowee another comment here as well? Thanks so much for reading - made my day! ( 


	4. Found Out

Hi all! Apologies for the long absence and I do hope you'll like this chapter that I rushed out last night! Thanks for your patience!  
  
Chapter 3 - Found Out  
  
"Hey Rui, come and join us!" Akira yelled as he ran to the stone bench that I was perched on, quietly observing the three of them kicking a football. We were at Soujirou's garden. "Come on, we can split into two teams and have a real match then!" He tugged on my sleeve. I simply shook my head quietly and then proceeded to ignore him as I gazed unseeingly at a spot in front of me.  
  
"Leave him alone moron, you know what he's like!" That was of course Tsukasa. It had been slightly over a year since we first met, but his temper had not improved at all. Instead, it appeared to have deteriorated. Akira shrugged in his easy-going way and gave up trying to persuade me to join them. I was just as lost in my thoughts as they were involved in their game, thus no one noticed Mr and Mrs Nishikado approaching.  
  
"Soujirou, look who's here!" I turned automatically at Mrs Nishikado's voice and froze as my nose caught a whiff of the familiar scent of jasmine flowers. I found myself staring at an exquisite white kimono embroidered with delicate light blue and purple flowers. Lifting up my head, I saw a beautiful lady in her late thirties or early forties with a breath-taking smile. My heart clenched painfully as I gazed at my mother's smile on the face of a kindly looking stranger as I breathed in her perfume. Mother! I bit down on my lip hard enough to draw blood as the old ache suddenly surfaced.  
  
"Auntie Toudou, how are you!" Soujirou quickly ran up to the elegantly dressed lady and bowed respectfully to her.  
  
"Boys, this is Auntie Toudou. And these boys are Doumyouji Tsukasa, Mimasaka Akira and Hanazawa Rui." Mrs Nishikado pointed us out one by one to Mrs Toudou. Tsukasa and Akira bowed respectfully - we have all been taught the proper etiquette by special tutors. However, I still had not recovered from my shock and simply stood there like a pale statue, my eyes fixed on her face. I had to fight my sudden urge to weep when her eyes landed on my face with an extremely sympathetic gaze.  
  
"Ah, so this is little Rui," her voice was soft as her hand gently touched my hair. "I've heard so much about you from your parents." I stiffened and regretted it almost immediately when she redrew her hand, apparently under the misconception that I was uncomfortable with her kind gesture. She turned to smile at the rest of the gang, but I found myself unable to remove my eyes from her. Although she did not physically resemble my mother, her expressions and mannerisms were strangely similar to hers. I felt drawn to her like a moth to a flame. However, I must clarify at this stage that yours truly is not guilty of an Oedipus Complex unlike Akira. It's simply that the guilt I feel for partly being responsible for causing my mother's death, combined with the fact that she died before I had time to really get to know her well or to see her faults as a person, had resulted in my placing her on this pedestal above any other woman. You see, since young I have had a habit of placing women I love on pedestals.  
  
"Auntie Toudou, is Shizuka here as well?" Soujirou had just finished his question when I heard musical laughter resembling the tinkle of silver bells. Before I could turn around, a young girl had stepped into our little gathering.  
  
"How are you, Auntie Nishikado?" Her voice was just as lovely as her laughter. We all stared at the vision in front of us, unable to blink. That was my first impression of Toudou Shizuka. I still remember the angelic smile on her beautiful face as she stood in front of us dressed in the frilly white dress with her long black hair tied up in two braids that fell to her waist. She was obviously older than us because she was slightly taller than all of us. Of course, we have more than caught up with her since then. Most people still think that it is her beauty that captivates us all. However, although we all find her strikingly beautiful (who would not?), it has never really affected us overly much despite what others would like to believe, because we all practically grew up together. For me, it was always her smile that attracted me - the smile that resembled her mother's. However, I have to admit that I preferred the real thing because her smile lacked the maturity that was incorporated in Mrs Toudou's and my mother's smile.  
  
"Can we go and play now?" Soujirou asked his mother who nodded at us. With a whoop of joy, he and Akira grabbed Shizuka and pulled her to the corner of the garden where they had been playing. Tsukasa was already kicking the ball. I did not follow them but remained rooted to the spot, my eyes unconsciously followed the retreating figure of Mrs Toudou as the grownups left, lost in my painful memories.  
  
"What are you doing here?" A soft voice broke into my thoughts. I found Shizuka standing in front of me, looking at me with a concerned expression. "Are you feeling alright?" I remained silent but nodded slowly.  
  
"Come and play with us." I was about to shake my head when she suddenly smiled at me. I groaned inwardly and surrendered, letting her take my hand and lead me to the rest. I still remember the way Akira's jaw dropped comically, Soujirou's eyes almost popped out of their sockets and Tsukasa blinking several times before proclaiming gruffly that it was time I started learning to play like a boy instead of acting like a sissy. I guess that was when they thought I started to "emerge" from my "autistic" world. Shizuka's visit ended with her extracting promises from all of us to go over to her house the following week to play with her.  
  
I have to confess that I was not looking forward to playing with tea sets or dolls when my chauffeur drove me to Shizuka's house. Yet, I could not refuse their invitation because I wanted to see both Mrs Toudou and Shizuka again. I was pleasantly surprised when I saw that her collection of toys included several interesting puzzles and brain-teasers. I sat in a corner and amused myself solving all her puzzles, including separating two strangely shaped metal pieces that were seemingly intertwined. I heard a sharp intake of breath and then Shizuka was kneeling next to me.  
  
"Rui, did you just do all these yourself?" She asked quietly. I nodded absently, still focusing on solving the last puzzle. It was an intricate cube with several letters on each face, and one had to twist the cube in such a way as to form a legible word on each side. That was the most challenging puzzle and it took me nearly twenty minutes to obtain the solution. With a sigh of satisfaction, I placed the cube on the floor and looked up to see Shizuka and Mrs Toudou both staring at me with almost identical shocked expressions. I mentally slapped myself on the head, wondering if I had just blown my cover. However, I managed to retain my usual expressionless mask and disinterestedly looked through them, appearing to stare unseeingly ahead.  
  
"Rui," I heard Mrs Toudou calling me but pretended to be in my own little world. However, she sat down in front of me keeping her face at my eye level, and I was forced to look at her. "Rui," she waved a hand in front of all the puzzles that I have solved. "I see that you love these brain teasers don't you?" I tried to continue to stare blankly at her but ended up fidgeting uncomfortably as her eyes probed mine, assessing and weighing whatever she saw in their depths. For the first time, I felt completely exposed and vulnerable under her penetrating gaze. I finally surrendered and closed my eyes, ending our staring match.  
  
"Shizuka, go and play with the rest. Rui, please follow me." Was that satisfaction I heard in her voice? I stood up reluctantly as she took my hand and led me to their library. By any standards it would have been considered large. However, I know that we all have equivalent private libraries at home - a luxury that can be afforded by anyone as wealthy as us.  
  
"Please have a seat, Rui." I climbed onto one of the huge sofas and she sat next to me, facing me. "Rui, I won't undermine your intelligence - I know that you have reasons for acting the way you have. However, I was wondering if you are aware of your full potential?" I stopped breathing for a second. Mrs Toudou was looking at me gently, waiting for my response. I realized the game was up - she had caught me unaware and I had underestimated her intelligence. Yet after acting for six and a half years, it was hard to let my guard down fully and be a fluent conversationalist so I simply shook my head.  
  
"Well, I'd like to organize a series of tests - pretty much similar to the puzzles that you have been playing with - for us to find out. And we'll keep this a secret between both of us. I won't give you away in front of the rest."  
  
"Why?" I finally spoke up.  
  
She sighed and remained silent for a few seconds before speaking again, "I can't tell you why at the moment, Rui. It really depends on the results of the tests. I can only ask you to trust me." Then she looked earnestly at me, "please trust me Rui. I would never do anything to harm you. I have the highest regard for you and your parents. Your late mother and I were close friends . . I should have known . ." her voice died away. What should she have known? I was about to reject her when she suddenly smiled sadly. A lump rose in my throat as I remembered how my mother had smiled the same sad smile at me when she told me that she would miss me, before setting off for what was to be her last trip overseas. I found myself nodding.  
  
"I'll be in touch," with that, she returned me to the gang. I was so disturbed by our meeting that when Shizuka took my hand and pulled me in to join their games, I did not resist much to the delight of Soujirou and Akira who started taunting me rather mercilessly about why it took a girl to make me participate in their games. However, my mind was still focused on the event that just took place, so they eventually stopped when I failed to respond to their teasing.  
  
Dear all,  
  
Thanks so much for reading and taking time to drop me a comment! I really appreciate it! I do hope that this unexpected break hasn't put you all off reading this story . .  
  
Regards, Sheen  
  
Chi: I went to Brisbane for a week! The weather there was lovely and it wasn't very cold. And I definitely agree that weird people are usually pretty talented. I have no idea why, perhaps they are able to be so passionate about what they excel in that they shut themselves in a little world of their own in order to be able to focus on what they do well? Beats me (  
  
Opal Soul: You definitely hit the nail on the head! To me, Rui has always been a mystery. I guess he could either be a weirdo that behaves pretty much like a machine and lives for sleeping. Yet, we see glimpses of him in the manga that seems to indicate that his character may be much deeper than what is shown to the world. Or at least me and my overactive imagination likes to think so! I'm sooooooooooooo glad you like this hypothetical side of Rui !!!!!  
  
Syaoran's Tenshi Itsumademo: Thanks so much for taking time out to drop me a comment especially since you don't usually review HYD fanfics! I guess everyone who writes have insecurities about how realistic or original their plot is or how crappy the writing is. So I'm really grateful for your kind comments and I'm glad that you like Rui's perspective.  
  
Toinks: Hey thanks so much for your encouragement! I really appreciate it and I'm glad you find it realistic (  
  
Lian: Hi !! Sorry for writing such a confusing story! Between I haven't been to Winglin so let me know if you have new updates. I'll proceed to reading your other fic on this website ( !!!  
  
Angel: Ah! The answer to your question has been answered in the above chapter - "when will he meet Shizuka?". I know I might be overdoing his talents but I was trying to imagine why he could act in the way he always does. Thanks so much for your encouraging comments ( !!  
  
Shari: The internet! You're right - I guess I simply assumed that they would have internet in their house being so rich. Also, Rui at the time of surfing the net was already three. Given his exceptional intelligence, I assumed that he would be able to accomplish much more than other people his age. Thanks so much for your comments and I'm glad you like the story!  
  
Kensingtonkid: You're definitely right. I was trying to imagine why Rui would be so musically inclined and why he appears to be so fond of his violin that I thought of how his mother could have died when he was very young. I know no one ever mentioned that he had a stepmother so I incorporated the part where most people had forgotten that the even had ever taken place. I do hope it's convincing!  
  
Fresh8: Thanks so much for your encouraging comments and reading this story! It's just that since you have all been so kind as to take time out to drop my comments, words of encouragement etc the least I could do would be to reply ;) !!!  
  
Piglet: I'm really glad that you liked the other story - it was pretty melodramatic but please excuse my first attempt in writing a HYD fanfic. Do you happen to be a Rui fan? Thanks so much for commenting - I love reading other people's point of view!  
  
Drina: Really love reading your insightful comment! I was imagining that their characters would have developed since they were young (. 


	5. And the Shell Cracked

Chapter 4 – And the Shell Cracked

Weeks passed and I thought that Mrs Toudou had completely forgotten about her plans (whatever they were), when we suddenly received an invitation from her for tea.  My stepmother was extremely pleased about the invite because Mrs Toudou had promised to show her some prize bonsai, and she was a fanatic about gardening.  

"Look, she invited all of us to tea and Rui too!" She waved the invitation at my father who was buried behind his newspapers.

"When is it?"

"This Wednesday."

"I can't make it – I have a meeting with an extremely important client.  I doubt that Toudou will be available too.  Just bring Rui with you, he could play with Shizuka."

So I found myself in front of the familiar gates with my stepmother, wondering what awaited me.  We did not have to wait long.  Mrs Toudou came to the gate herself to welcome us and led us into the house.  Shizuka greeted me cheerfully looking as beautiful as ever in a delicate pale blue kimono similar to the one her mother was wearing.  I have often wondered why parents love to dress their children up in clothes that resemble their own.

"Shizuka, bring Rui to your rooms."  I saw the look that they exchanged before Shizuka bowed obediently and bade me to follow her.  It fueled my curiosity and I willingly went with Shizuka.  We stopped at the second floor in a long corridor with two rows of identical doors.

"Rui, my playroom is here." Shizuka opened the nearest door on the left.  Her playroom was pretty big, well-lit and airy, and I could see huge cupboards that I assumed were filled with her toys, games and books – same as ours.  There was also a large computer in one corner of the room and I wondered what type of games or programs she had … …

Just then, there was a polite knock on the door.

"Come in."

A servant bowed, "Miss Toudou, your mother's guest has arrived in the library."  

"Okay." Did I hear her sigh?

"Rui, I need to go and say hi to my mother's guest.  Could you please come along with me?"  I was quite affronted.  Why should I accompany her to meet a stranger when I hardly communicate with my friends and family?  However, I have never been able to get the better of Shizuka when she puts on this beseeching look, her large brown eyes going all helpless and yet hopeful at the same time.  The next thing, I found myself in the library that was coincidentally situated opposite her room.  I, for one, never believe in coincidences.

"This is Rui."  I turned in surprise to see Mrs Toudou sitting beside an extremely vertically challenged (to be politically correct) but well-groomed gentleman.  His hair was all white and he was smiling benignly at me from behind a pair of steel-rimed spectacles.  I realized that Mrs Toudou had not introduced him to me.  There was this air of authority around him, and it was evident that he was accustomed to having his orders obeyed.

"How old are you, Rui?"  I kept quiet out of habit as I looked at him.  He chuckled and then continued, "Rui, I have heard all about you from Mrs Toudou.  Please discontinue your act for an hour and talk to us."

"Why?"  
  


"Because I may have an interesting proposition for you."

"Not interested," I started to walk away.

"Don't you enjoy solving intellectual challenges?"  I stopped at his words.  This entire fiasco was starting to be a bit too unreal for me.  I bit hard on my lip to assure myself that I was not dreaming.

"Besides," he continued smoothly.  "You may not be up to scratch."  Oh yeah?  I raised an eyebrow quizzically, rather offended by his crafty way of trying to get a raise out of me.  Well, you know when someone is trying to get you to do something by using reverse psychology?  I saw through his motives immediately, but hey I was still young.  Even though I knew what he was attempting to do, I could not resist accepting his challenge because he hinted that I was not good enough.  Of course things are different now.  I can ignore any taunts or jeers without turning a hair, but I was only seven then.  He knew he got me when I turned back and looked straight at him.  He was good – not a hint of satisfaction was revealed in those dark orbs.

"Shizuka, you can wait for Rui in your room," Mrs Toudou stood up.

"Wait," I said, "are you leaving me here alone with him?"

"Your mother will get suspicious if I don't go back, Rui," she smiled at me gently.  "Please take my word, this gentleman stands on the right side of the law and he will not hurt you in anyway.  He is simply conducting that tests that I have mentioned to you about previously.  No harm will come to you under my roof."  The last few words were spoken with authority and I felt reassured.  Nodding silently, I let them leave.

"Okay, now let's start … …" I was asked to sit at a table where a laptop had been set up.  There I spent the most interesting but tiring two hours of my short life, solving extremely complete puzzles.  I was so mentally exhausted by the end of the session that I actually closed my eyes and took a short nap on the table.  The quiet buzz of voices woke me up although out of habit I kept my eyes closed.

"… … his IQ is above 200? … … That's stratospheric … … " That was Mrs Toudou's voice. 

"Yes, we will try to recruit him."

"He is a minor … …" 

"Toudou, don't act all high and mighty now." The voice cutting her off was indignant.  "You knew the possible outcome when you informed us about his potential."

"But … … I didn't expect it to be so soon … …"

"Well, we just have to ask him then … … Rui, I know you're awake."  My eyes snapped opened and I looked up at them.  Mrs Toudou was looking rather upset, but the gentleman was smiling rather smugly.

"Rui, I have a proposition for you."  I did not have the slightest inkling then of how this sentence would change my life.  If I had, would I have escaped as quickly as I could on my short legs?  I do not know the answer till this very day … …

"I belong to a government agency that little is known about."

"Espionage?"  The word simply slipped out of my mouth.  However, he only looked thoughtful, not irritated at my interruption.

"In a way.  There are many types of espionage – I am in charge of this branch that can be probably classified as mental espionage.  Firstly, we don't do any James Bond stuff, so I certainly would not want to get your hopes up thinking you can be playing superhero and killing other spies.  We crack codes.  Meaning that any messages intercepted or captured from the enemy will be sent to our department.  We would first crack the code, and then analyse the message in light of recent events to determine its authenticity.  It is also our responsibility to create codes and code messages once a while to prevent the "enemy" from catching on."  He had my full attention – that sounded like fun!

"I would like to recruit you for our department, Rui.  We would first train you to be familiar with all existing types of codes.  Your training period will depend on yourself.  On average people take about 2 years.  However, I have confidence that your training time will be much shorter – possibly even half that time.  We will pay you although the earnings will probably seem meager relative to your own income.  However, you will performing a service for the society and be part of an elite group that is privy to the most recent and confidential information on a global basis."

"Tell him about the risks … …" That was Mrs Toudou.  A warm feeling swept through me at her intervention.  It was quite obvious that she was looking out for my interests.

He shot an annoyed look at her, "I am just about to do that."  Then he bent down so that he was at my face level.  "Rui, the identities of the members of our department are kept strictly confidential and everyone is given a code name when they start.  I am not going to sugarcoat facts – we are the ones at highest risk and most targeted by any of our country's political rivals or even by countries who want to "acquire" code breakers."  Naturally, did he think I was dumb?  What better way to help win or end a war by intercepting all the messages, knowing in advance the plans of your enemies, or setting traps for them?

" … … five of our agents have died.  Two of them were brutally tortured to death, the other three were lucky and managed to kill themselves before the interrogation … …" I flinched.  "Because of that, we started to keep the identity of our agents secret – in fact we have improved upon the methods used by the FBI and CIA.  Hence, you will be living a dual life, rich playboy on one hand and expert code analyst on the other.  Your entire existence will change drastically once you decide to make this commitment.  I know you're a minor, but I trust that your intellect surpasses grownups and your ability to analyse and comprehend is definitely beyond that of an 18 year old kid that is considered in our world as an "official" adult.  You will have many more questions once you think this over.  I will seek you again in a couple of weeks.  If you consent, we will send you to a psychiatrist to certify that you fully capable of making your own decisions, and that you understand completely what the work encompasses and the impact on your life.  Also, I must ask you keep everything that has happened in this room strictly confidential.  See you soon."  With that he left.

"Rui … …" Mrs Toudou had remained behind.

"Yes?"

"If you need someone to talk to about this, you can come and see me anytime.  I would not be able to give you any advice because the choice is really yours and yours alone.  However, I would be quite happy to listen when you work things out."

"How are you involved in all this, Auntie Toudou?"  I thought she was not going to answer when she remained quiet for a while.  Then she sighed quietly.

"I was once recruited by them."  I looked at her with a new respect.  "No," she shook her head.  "Nothing as special as what they are trying to recruit you for.  I spy for them because no one will suspect the beautiful and affluent wife of Toudou to be a spy."  There was a bitterness in her tone that I caught but could not understand.  She smiled at the confusion on my face, "let's get you back to your mother, Rui.  And remember to continue to keep your mask on in public."  In a blink of an eye, my face had smoothed into my habitual expressionless look and she nodded in approval before we both went back to the living room.  On the way back, my stepmother was happily raving about the new techniques she learnt for cultivating bonsai whilst my thoughts were far far away … …

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Dear All,

Did you have problems logging into this website?  I have been trying for almost 4 days!  :)  Thanks so much for reading and leaving me a comment!

Nana-chan: I'm so glad you like this story  :)  Hopefully this next chapter will be up to your expectations.

Lian: Hi!  How're things going?  Urm … … Actually Tsukushi hasn't appeared in my story yet … … Did you get confused with Shizuka?  They are currently still 5 at the moment ;)

just a reader : Thanks so much for your encouragement !!!!  :)  I'm glad that you like the way Rui is portrayed in this story.  I was a bit worried that people will not like the way that I have changed Rui's character in the sense that I've made him out to be so much more than the emotionless machine that he sometimes appear to be.   Sorry for the wait!

Chi: Brisbane is in Australia – it's not that cold I guess compared to certain other states.  Ah!  I hope this chapter answers your question about what the test is about and what Mrs Toudou is expecting.  Tsukushi – hmm … … I'm not very sure yet exactly when she will be appearing but not in the next 2 chapters at least I would think!  

Fresh8: Hi!  This chapter has more of Rui coming out of his shell!  See the title ;) Thanks so much for your encouragement – I'll try harder !!! :)

Moonlighter: Hey thanks for reading and leaving me a comment!  I'm glad you like this story … … I'm still thinking of the plot for the latter part of this story.

Kensingtonkid:  Thanks so much for reading.  I think I'll simply continue to post my story here instead of winglin because like what Lian says it's much more organized!  I thought it would be fun if Shizuka didn't really "drag" him out of his façade actual, but that he simply had a soft spot for her and things happened such that it appeared that she did ;)  I'm so glad you think it's convincing.

Drina:  Thanks, it was quite relaxing in Brisbane.   I was wondering too if I made him seem too mature for his age.  I guess intellect does not always equate maturity, but at the same time I was thinking that if he's so intelligent, he would be able to analyse and comprehend much more than other kids his age.  I hope I did not overdo it.  Thanks for commenting !! 

Angel: Hi !! Thanks so much for your comment – I'm glad that I managed to convey exactly what Rui is thinking :) !!!

Piglet: Hello!!!  Actually in spite of my self-denial state, I think I'm must be quite a Rui fan too!  I've always told myself I'm not but it's just that it's so interesting to write about him because he can have a lot more depth to his character compared to the rest but I guess that's simply an excuse ne ;)  Sorry for this long wait – there was something wrong with the website for the past few days so I only managed to get it up now … …


	6. Certified Fit

Chapter 5 – Certified Fit

I thought over the gentleman's proposition very carefully but I did not need a long time to make up my mind.  Being an "agent" and the nature of the "work" sounded so intriguing that I was very much hooked.  Sure danger was lurking, however, I doubted that I would be so unlucky.  Did they not say that they have adopted many measures to keep their agents safe?  Well, experience not intelligence is what makes one develop and grow as a person.  However, I was very young then – you would not consider a seven year old experienced would you?  Having made my decision, I simply waited to be approached by the gentleman (I did not know his name and thus had to address him as such).

"Rui, look who's here?" I was in the midst of programming a new computer game when I heard my stepmother's voice. 

"Hi Rui!"  Shizuka smiled as she popped her head into my room.  I slid off my chair and went to her – obviously the gentleman must be somewhere around.

"Rui, I'm bringing Auntie Toudou to my bonsai garden.  Make sure you get Shizuka a drink and entertain her for a while ok?"  Geez, one thing I can never stand is my stepmother addressing me like a five year old.  Yes, I have the appearance of a kid but my mind is far more advanced than that for goodness sake!  Anyway, she took my silence for consent as was her habit and left.  Shizuka waited for about couple of minutes before shutting my door behind her and locking it.  

"Rui, could I see your CDs please?" She smiled brightly at me and I led her to my collection of CDs as I frowned slightly, puzzled by her strange behaviour.  I was even more taken aback when she selected my own heavy metal rock CD and turned up the volume, letting the "noise" flood my room.  I thought she told me previously that she only listened to classical music and operas?  

Then she leaned towards me and spoke softly into my ear, "are there any cameras in your room?"  

"No," I shook my head realizing that she could not hear me through the "music".  She smiled as she passed me a set of earphones and gestured for me to put them on as she pulled out something that looked like a handphone from her pocket.  I obeyed and she flipped open the "mouth-piece", placing the device in my hand.  I found myself looking at a flickering screen that cleared the moment Shizuka pressed a button.

"Hi Rui!" I found myself staring at the gentleman who appeared on my screen.

"Hi."  To my surprise, he was able to hear me.

"So have you decided?"  I nodded.

"Good, good."  He almost beamed with satisfaction.  "I will arrange for you to see the psychiatrist tomorrow night at 8pm.  Keep most of your nights free – that will be when you will be having your training … … in secret of course … …" He added almost as an afterthought.  

"What about my parents … …" I started saying but he had disconnected and the screen darkened into nothingness.  "Darn … …"

"He loves doing that."  I turned to Shizuka in surprise as she shrugged nonchalantly, "he always does that to me when he gives me instructions." Instructions?

"You … …" I could hardly believe this beautiful young girl was also an agent.

"No, not what you think.  I'm just a messenger."  Shizuka said with a smile as she made a gesture indicating that she was not bright enough.

"Shizuka, can we turn this thing off now? I'm getting a headache."  

With a giggle, she turned down the volume, "Rui, I've never heard you say so much at one go.  Let's go to the garden!"

I was rather keyed up the next day, thinking about my "appointment" with the psychiatrist.  I wondered how my parents would react.  It turned out that I did not have to worry at all.  My father informed me that they were going out for an important dinner and thus would be leaving me at home.

"Oh, and we've got Mrs Lee to take care of you since it's Florence's night off.  She's taken care of Soujirou and Shizuka previously.  So don't cause any trouble, Rui."  I rolled my eyes the moment I walked out of the room – when have I ever caused trouble?  I found it ridiculous and demeaning in a way to be left with a babysitter.  How could I get her out of the way for my meeting tonight?  I came up with a scheme after some thought, but decided to shelf it for the moment to see what had been planned by the gentleman.  After all, they were the ones seeking me out and not vice versa.

"Now, goodbye and we'll see you tomorrow morning."  I simply stood quietly by the door as my parents left me in the company of a middle age lady whom they had introduced to me as Mrs Lee.

"So shall we go to your playroom, Rui?" She smiled at me. I nodded once and brought her to my rooms on the third floor.  I noticed that it was 5 minutes to eight as we passed by the grandfather clock in the hallway.  Only 5 minutes left for "them" to impress me with their "abilities".  

I held the door open politely for Mrs Lee and she beamed at me, "thank you sweetie."  I could barely refrain from rolling my eyes.  Grow-ups, especially ladies, are always so easily impressed by what they deem to be good manners.  I could tell that she was also also impressed by the size and the content of my playroom.  She took a seat at the large rose wood table in the middle of the room and gestured for me to sit next to her.  I complied unwillingly.

"Shall we play a game, Rui?" I was about to shake my head firmly when a mysterious smile appeared on her face.  "I know you love the games that you played in my good friend's, Mrs Toudou's, library."  My eyes widened in surprise for a moment.

"Nice to meet you, doctor." I slipped off my chair and bowed politely at her.  Two can play the game.  

A twinkle appeared in her dark eyes, "ah!  As intelligent as they say.  The pleasure is mine, Master Hanazawa.  Please call me, Jeannette."  I shook her outstretched hand.

"You know why I am here." It was a statement.  "So let's start.  I'll need you to sign some forms at the end of this session."  It was a pretty relaxed session – more like having a conversation.  I was not comfortable with the personal nature of certain of the questions that was asked especially those relating to my mother's death, but I knew she was assessing my personality, mental and emotion state through these questions and was not being inquisitive.  Thus, I managed to answer them in a rather detached manner and could practically see her radiating approval by the end of the session.

"Rui, there's nothing to keep you from being an agent in spite of your age."  Jeannette placed her report in front of me.  "I need you to sign here to confirm your identity and your consent to indicate that you have not been coerced into undergoing this examination." I read through the report quickly and signed it.  "Now, this is your contract."  She passed me a thick sealed envelope with "Strictly Confidential" stamped on it.  "J told me to pass it to you.  You don't have to sign it now.  You can read it through carefully and he'll contact you."  

"Who is "Jay"?  Is he the gentleman who has been contacting me?" I could not refrain from asking.

"Yes, he's the head of the branch that he's trying to recruit you for."

"His name is "Jay"?"

"That's what he wants us to call him.  I don't know what it stands for.  I don't think he would let us call him by the first alphabet of his real name though – it's probably a code."

"J, not Jay." I muttered to myself as she looked at me in puzzlement.  I guess they both sounded the same.  Anyway, I did not feel the need to provide her with an explanation and instead turned to the thick contract and started reading very carefully, watching out for loopholes and clauses.  The full implications of the responsibilities of an agent started to sink in when I read the document … … the oath of silence … … Confidentiality … … Nation's Secrets … … War Secrets … …  In the case of injuries … … Compensation … … Death … … Punishment for Treacherous behaviour … … Death … … My hands were slightly shaking when I turned the last page.  A warm hand covered mine and I looked up into Jeannette's compassionate eyes.

"Do you want to talk about it?"  I shook my head – I could not talk to her, not at that moment.  I needed to think over things alone.  Suddenly, it was no longer a game.  

"Here's my card," she slipped me an ordinary looking card.  I inspected it carefully but I could see nothing extraordinary with it.  A small smile hovered on her lips, "it's just my ordinary consultation name card with my contact details are on it.  You can call me anytime. Just be sure to state your name clearly if you receive my answering machine."  I nodded quietly.

"We'd better get you in bed – it's past eleven pm.  Your parents will be back in an hour's time."  I looked at my watch in disbelief, not realizing that so much time had passed with having the session with Jeannette and reading the contract.  Like any other baby-sitter, she helped me wash up and tucked me into bed.  She sat with me until she thought I had fallen asleep because of my breathing patterns – indeed I was almost asleep.  Then she leant over and gently brushed a lock of hair from my forehead.

"Poor child … … such heavy responsibilities … … look at him sleeping … … he's just a child after all … …"  I heard her muttering softly to herself before she sighed heavily … …  The next thing I knew, it was morning and Florence was gently shaking my shoulder to wake me up in time for lessons with my tutor.        

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Dear All,  
  
Thanks for reading and all your comments! Between Rui was actually 7 years old as per the last chapter. I guess it wasn't really clear, but a year had passed since he first met the rest of the F4 and Shizuka :)  Sorry, some of my answers got cut off so I re-posted this chapter again.  My apologies for those who got cut off!  
  
Angel: It's a bit of a cliff-hanger at the moment ne! However, I guess it's at the same time rather obvious whether he will accept the job or not ;) Thanks so much for your encouraging comments!  
  
Lian: I'm glad it's getting less confusing! I'm glad to know it wasn't my account but the problem is with this website. I was a bit concerned for a couple of days.  
  
Fresh8: I was also posting it in www.winglin.net/fanfic/Sheen3.  However, it is really quite messy there, so I don't think I have posted my last chapter there nor chapter 5 as well!  Sorry I got a bit confused – were you suggesting that Rui's "emotionlessness" should be written as being due to his character and not because of his training as an agent?  Sorry me stupid *hits head*!

*Yan*: Are you talking about "A Beautiful Mind" as in the movie?  I heard it was really good, but I've never watched it before.  It thought the main character was an autistic mathematician who slowly became mad.  Did he ever help decipher coded messages?  If he did, then geez my story is indeed similar to the movie… … :)

Chris:  Thanks for your kind comments!  Actually Rui was a baby only until Chapter 1.  I think he was already 3 years old in chapter 2.  However, indeed it is quite surprising that he knows so much since he is only so young.  Just that you know one always reads about babies knowing more than we expect them to and hear parents complaining how "manipulative" babies can be ;)  
  
Lily: Thanks so much for your encouragement! I do hope the plot is not unfolding too slowly . . :)  
  
Chi: That show really sounds interesting! Unfortunately I have not watched the show that you were describing before. The IQ around 200 is actually from another manga Itazurana no Kiss. The boy is meant to be extremely intelligent with an IQ of around 200 from what I recalled. With regards to men being more intelligent than women, I guess it really depends on the nature of the questions that are asked. Because women are expected to utilise the right brain more and men the left brain (if I didn't get them mixed up). Hence, women are expected to be more verbose, communicative and more emotional, whilst men are expected to be better at analysis ;)  
  
Kensingtonkid: Thanks so much for all your encouragement! This is definitely going to be a Rui-based fanfic. So for once Tukasa, Tsukushi and the rest will remain in the shadows ;)  
  
Piglet: I hope this chapter meets your expectations! Let me know if the story is unfolding too slowly ne. I tend to overdo the details ;)  
  
Pure Innocence: Makino is definitely going to appear - I don't think a HYD fanfic will be complete without all F4 characters, Shizuka and Makino making an appearance at least once. But that's only my opinion so those that disagree, please don't flame me!


	7. And so It Began

Chapter 6 – And so it Began

"Ouch," I felt a sudden pain as a hard object connected with my head.  I blinked blearily at the basketball lying at my feet before turning to frown at Tsukasa who was looking rather irritated as per normal.  I gritted my teeth, controlling my urge to do him some violence in return.    

"Serves you right for not paying attention!  Now stop daydreaming and come play basketball – we are one player short."  He yelled impatiently as he gestured towards the hoops.  

"Yeah stop being so dreamy, Rui."  Soujirou and Akira were fooling around as usual, making Shizuka laugh at their antics.  I stood up and stretched lazily, stifling a yawn as I threw the basketball to Tsukasa.  Without warning, the basketball was flung right back into my face.  Thanks to my quick reflexes, I caught it just seconds before it could do me any permanent damage. 

"Tsukasa!" I heard a shocked gasp from Shizuka.

"That was just a wake-up call." Tsukasa smirked. "Come on, don't tell me you didn't get your twelve hours sleep.  I made sure that I called you only after ten … 

…" I cut off the rest of his sentence by throwing the basketball back at him with equal speed and accuracy.  "Ok, that's better.  Let's go whoop their asses," he caught it with ease and nodded towards Soujirou and Akira.  I shrugged off my exhaustion and joined them in an extremely vigorous match.  It was a close shave but we won the game against Soujirou and Akira, leading by only two points.

"Exciting match and well played Tsukasa!" Shizuka who was acting as umpire smiled as she handed over the bottles of mineral water brought by a servant to our thirsty crowd.  It was a habit of hers to identify the best player at each game.  We trusted her sound judgment so it became a kind of game in itself for us to compete "fiercely" against each other in order to receive this highest accolade that was "awarded" each time.  I watched in secret amusement as Doumyouji's cheeks turned a little pink as he stuck out his chest proudly and started strutting around.  Soujirou and Akira pouted childishly.  Trying to hide my grin at their behaviour, I quickly gulped down the icy cold water, letting it slide down my parched throat. 

"Mater Doumyouji," another servant bowed respectfully just as Tsukasa had finished showing off to the disgruntled pair, "your chauffeur has arrived."  Immediately, his grin was replaced by a scowl.  Muttering curses about spoilsports and dominating parents, he grabbed his bag and stalked off, growling a goodbye to us.

"We've got to head off too," Soujirou said glancing at his watch.  "Don't want to be grounded.  Shizuka, need a lift?"

"No, my mother's coming to pick me up.  She wants to exchange certain recipes with Auntie Hanazawa."

"Okay, Akira let's go." They waved to us and reminded us of the next meeting at Tsukasa's place the following week before leaving.  As the sound of their footsteps died away, I took a quick but cautious look around the garden, ensuring that Shizuka and I were the only ones in the garden.  From the corner of my eyes, I saw Shizuka adjusting her wristwatch.  After half a minute, she glanced up at me mischievously.

"Coast clear," she announced as I allowed a slight smile to grace my lips.

Faking a disgruntled look, I grumbled, "I don't see why you are the one with all the elabourate gadgets.  Ain't I the one with the ALL IMPORTANT job?"

She rolled her eyes good-naturedly at me, "yes Mr VIP, sir.  You know you don't need one!  I'm not the one working alone, I need to keep track of things around me … … For goodness sake Rui, stop acting your age!  The next thing you would be asking me to play video games with you, just like a normal ten year old brat."  

"What an idea!" I pretended to give it some thought.

"RUI!"

I chuckled at her indignant expression before turning serious and holding out my hand to her.  She stared back at me uncomprehendingly as I raised a quizzical eyebrow at her. 

"Recipe?" I prompted, reminding her of the code word she used.  Understanding dawned on her lovely face, before she shook her head.  Ah, so my stepmother was really getting a recipe from her mother and she was not dropping off another diskette with material for me to decode.  Well, at least I can get a decent night's rest tonight.

"How's the practicing going along, Rui?" 

"Not too bad, I'm kind of getting used to the routine."

"Any major difficulties with any of the pieces?"

"Not that I can't resolve at the moment.  What about you?  How's the dancing?"  
  


"Good, even my mother thinks I'm improving.  I don't know if she'll let me take up dancing professionally though."  Anyone listening to our conversation would think that we were two kids talking about our hobbies.  However, practicing was the code word we came up with to describe my decoding work, while dancing was the code word for Shizuka's training as a first a messenger, and later as a spy should she prove herself capable.  

Let me explain before anyone gets any glamorous idea about Shizuka's job.  All she does is to act as a communication channel between the government and certain parties, passing news or messages discretely between both parties.  Currently, her "work" consists only of conveying pretty harmless albeit urgent messages or passing on certain less important coded messages for me to crack and vice versa.  Even should she be deem capable and complete her training as a spy in future (she has to be of legal age before she can do that), she will not have to perform duties of a female James Bond.  In fact, all she has to do is continue acting as a messenger with the additional unpleasant duties of learning to eavesdrop without getting caught.  

I think it is pretty boring compared to my heavy responsibilities and she knows it too, except that she would rather die than admit it to me.  There has always been this friendly rivalry between us that has been going on since I completed my training about one and a half years ago.  I guess it started because she was considered the most talented and youngest "employee" of the organization until yours truly came along.  In spite of her angelic looks, Shizuka has this extremely competitive streak – she simply hates to be beaten at anything!  Unfortunately, I am exceptionally good at whatever I do and being an only child, I am not used to giving in to others.  Moreover my pride refused to allow me to take second place when it is obvious (to anyone with a discerning eye at least) that I was the best  - I mean it was not as if I could help being a genius and picking things up much more quickly than others.  I think it makes things worse when I try to be a gentleman and give in to her in a condescending way.  It is quite amusing to see her try to reign in her temper and continue to act like the beautiful and charming angel that she is – most of the time at least … …

A sharp jab to my ribs stopped my musings and I quickly resumed a vacant expression as Shizuka tapped her watch lightly, signalling that someone was approaching.  Sure enough, our mothers appeared in front of us.

"Shizuka, it's time to go."  Mrs Toudou smiled her lovely smile as I bowed and greeted her politely.  "Rui, I heard that you have been practicing hard, and that your skills have improved tremendously.  Your teacher must be extremely pleased."  I nodded rather solemnly and her eyes twinkled mischievously, making her look years younger.  For a split second, I saw how Shizuka would look like in future.  I walked them to the car, enveloped by the familiar feeling of security and peace that her presence always provided … …

*Flashback*

I tried to control the slight tremor in my hands as I handed the signed contract over to the gentleman whom now I thought of as J (and was subsequently told to address him as such) when I met him in my garden at the appointed time.  He beamed at me as he accepted it and told me to follow him.  My unease grew as we slunk through the shadows and he headed for the woods near the back of my house.  

"Where are we going?" I was starting to get worried when we stopped in front of what appeared to be a clump of bushes.  He took a swift look around before parting the bushes and stepping through.  Trying to calm my irrational fears, I took a deep breath and followed him into the dense undergrowth only to find myself facing a dilapidated hut that had obviously been uninhabited for many years.

"You're finally here," another voice spoke softly as I jumped violently, spinning around to see Mrs Toudou appearing from the shadows where she had apparently been keeping a lookout.  She smiled at me gently as she took my cold and clammy hand in hers, giving it a comforting squeeze.  I calmed down instantly – she had kept her promise about taking care of me after all.  No longer frightened, I followed them through the hidden trap door in the floor of the hut into the cellar.  My eyes widened as J pressed on a wooden plank forming part of the wall near the trap door, and the opposite wall swung open revealing a dark passage.  We walked in silence for probably twenty minutes before coming across a metal wall.  J stepped in front of a small panel next to the door, keying in a code with one hand as he placed his other hand palm down on an identification pad.  He appeared to glance up casually (I was informed later that a retina scan was also conducted except that the ultra-violet rays were not visible) and the door slid open noiselessly.  I followed them into a brightly lit corridor and counted a total of three doors.

"Welcome to one of our offices, Rui," J finally spoke.  Just then, a door opened and a tall but thin man in what appeared to be his early fifties stepped out.

"I thought I heard voices," he commented in English as he shook J's hand and kissed Mrs Hanazawa on the cheek.  "Ah, good to see you Toudou, you're looking as lovely as ever."  Then, his light blue eyes fell on me and he held out his hand switching to fluent Japanese, "you must be my new pupil – Hanazawa Rui!  I hope you won't disappoint me."

"Meet Professor Jacob Schwartz – we call him Prof - he's one of the most brilliant people in the world and we are lucky to have him in our employment.  It's an honour to be trained by him personally, he only teaches the best."  I simply bowed respectfully.

"Let's get started shall we?  I don't want you to lose more sleep than you need and we have lots to get through tonight," he gestured to the open door and I followed him obediently into the room that I would come to know as my "classroom".

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Dear all,

Apologies for the lapse in updating – I was very busy so to make up for it, here's a specially long chapter!  Thanks so much for all your reviews – they keep me writing :) 

Kensingtonkid: Hi!  Thanks so much for your kind words!  I'm glad you like I.N.K too.  It was quite fun writing it, the only thing having to stick to the plot most of the time.  I'm starting to let my imagination run wild with this … … :)

Twilightstarz: Thanks for your encouraging comments!  Tsukushi would probably not appear until a couple more chapters.  Actually strangely enough I have not read "A Beautiful Mind" or watched that movie, however, I guess this plot is quite "common" ne :)

*Yan*: Yes, I will probably watch that movie sometime.  It sounds really interesting! 

chris37: Thanks so much for the bit of background about how Makino got into Eitoku!  I must say I never thought about this issue before but it does make sense.  I do so apologise for the long wait! 

Shari: Thanks so much for your kind comments!  Urm do you consider this dragging his training?  I am fast forwarding his into the future and then providing his training as a flashback so that there's no need to go into too many details.  I guess this story is more focused on the development of Rui as a person so although he'll definitely meet Tsukushi in the near future, it didn't happen until he was in his late teens.  Probably in a couple more chapters - please bear with me ! ;)  
  


Drina: I totally agree!  I feel although he can "see" most of the consequences, he can't really "comprehend" them because his intellect cannot make up for his lack of experience in life.  Love reading your opinion!

Chi5: I am not certain how the results are obtained, but in general they test certain skills including language, mathematical and (largely) analytical skills.  With regards to more girls going to university, I agree with you that intelligence counts.  Certain other factors to be taken into account also includes willingness to work hard, financial abilites and piorities/interests :) Thanks for reading!  

Fresh8: I see I overdid the death part ;)!  I guess I was trying to convey that the contract was worded in a way to make Rui realize that the severity and possible dire consequences!  I simply love to explore the intricacies and possible complexities of Rui's character.  I hope you will enjoy reading it as I do writing it ;) 


	8. My Double Life

Dear All,

Sorry for the time I took to update the last chapter.  Here's a quick update to make up for it.  Do let me know your opinions about the way the story is heading for and especially if you think the plot is moving too slowly.

chris37: Thanks so much for your comments and suggestion!  I especially appreciate your support because it does motivate me to keep writing.  Hence, this faster update!  Tuskushi as an agent?  That's a thought.  Currently my plans are for Shizuka to be the other agent as has been revealed in the past chapters!  I have a more "angsty" plan for Tsukushi.  Perhaps you could let me know again how you feel about the next chapter ;)

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Chapter 7 – My Double Life

*Flashback Continued*

I finally stopped typing furiously and clicked on the send button.  Almost instantaneously, there was a soft rumble as the printer at the far end of the room flickered to life and the huge monstrosity started spewing paper.  I stood up and stretched, easing the cramp in my back from sitting in the same position for hours.  

"Three hours fourteen minutes and twelve seconds." I lifted my head to see Prof scanning the first printout from the top of the small heap.  "Hmm … … one hour forty three minutes to decipher the message, thirty seven minutes to code that passage, with the remaining time taken to come up with a new code.  Not bad, let's take a look at your actual answers … …"

Behind my calm exterior, my heart was pounding as I waited nervously for him to peruse through the rest of the printouts.  This was my most important hurdle – if I got through this "examine", I would have "graduated" and broken all existing records to become the youngest agent to have completed his training in the shortest time.  After about an hour (it seemed like eternity to me), he lifted his head and I saw a kind of pride shining in the light blue eyes as they met mine.  

"Not bad at all.  You've decoded the message without a single error and coded the paragraph perfectly – although I must say that I expected nothing less from you.  And even though you provided the exact three languages and the principles underlying three codes that you used in creating your new codes, I haven't been able to crack your code as yet … … Well done agent!"  

"Yes," I said softly before taking the hand that he held out to me and shaking it vigorously.  He cocked an eyebrow in amusement, knowing that my mild reaction was equivalent to an explosion of delight from any other person.  We had gotten to know each other pretty well over the past year and many sleepless nights when he taught me all he knew about languages and codes.    
  


"How can you learn to run even before you learn to walk?" Had been his somewhat cliché but extremely appropriate analogy when I questioned his attempts to provide me with a firm grounding in many different languages, being impatient to be introduced to the world of intrigue and mystique.  How raw I had been then!

"Rui," my eyes snapped back to Prof who looked at me expectantly.

"Sorry Prof, my attention wandered.  What were you saying?"  I muttered a trifle embarrassed.

He chuckled good-naturedly, "well I won't give you extra homework for once!  There's someone to see you in the library."  I nodded obediently and left the room.  Just as I expected, I saw the familiar figure of J waiting sitting behind the desk.

"Congratulations, Rui, for not only holding the record for taking the shortest time to complete your training, but also scoring the highest mark ever."  He was beaming at me in his usual deceptively benevolent manner.  Perhaps I was just paranoid and he was really being kind, but let's just say that I have my doubts about the man heading one of the most important (if not the most important) Intelligence branch being one big pussy cat.  My suspicions were justified as a soon-to-be familiar glint appeared in his eyes, "now for your first task, Rui … …"

I spent another two hours translating a very important letter in five different languages, cursing him fluently in my head as I did so.  I was ready to drop from exhaustion when I finished.  I had just undergone a three-odd hour grueling examination and that unsympathetic being had to "break " me in immediately.  There was nothing special about the letter that no ordinary linguist would have been unable to handle.  I guess it was simply his way to show me right from the start who was the controlling party in our relationship.  Even after "handing" in my assignment, he sat me down for another hour.  We ironed out many important details relating to the different methods of contacting me and vice versa, the places where I could work depending on the nature of the assignment, the ways for me to submit completed projects, how to handle several types of scenarios, the rules involved and so on.  By the time he was done with me, it was close to dawn and I was so tired that I barely had the energy to drag myself onto my bed before going out like a light.  That was how I celebrated my "graduation" – sleeping until late afternoon.  Fortunately, by then Rui's "abnormal" sleeping habits were already widely known, so no alarm was raised … … 

I adjusted quickly to my double life, working with all those special tutors hired by my father (not that they could teach me much especially during those language lessons), playing my musical instruments (especially the violin) and composing my own songs, "hanging" out with the only four friends I had when our parents deemed our progress was satisfactory, and attending the rare functions that etiquette required during my supposedly "waking hours". 

My life as an agent started usually late at night and I would work sometimes to the early hours of the morning, depending on the size and nature of my assignments.  In contrast to the little charade that I put on in front of my mostly clueless family and friends (excepting Shizuka and her mother), I have the ability to survive for long periods of time with extremely little sleep.  In fact, three or four hours of sleep each day is all I require to keep me going, and allow me to think clearly enough to crack the most difficult codes nightly for a monthly period.  However, my lifestyle really aided my deception because during the day I would shut down my mental activities to a bare minimum and zone out.  Thus my constant silences, vacuous expressions and moments of dozing off are by no means faked … …

*End of Flashback*

I spent the rest of the afternoon in my music room, letting the soothing music wash my troubles away.  I lost myself in the beautiful pieces until my stepmother sent the servants to summon me to dinner.  With a regretful sigh, I placed my violin back into the case with great care.  I had outgrown the violin that I received at five of course, but my father had given me another of my mother's violins.  When I try hard enough, I can picture my mother as a little girl, growing up and playing her violins pretty much the same way as me.  However, my emotional scars from her early demise are starting to fade and I must confess that there are times when I find it a bit tough sticking to my emotionless mask.  Fortunately, my friends and family believe that I am starting to emerge from my "shell", thanks to my beautiful fellow agent.

Dinner was a quiet affair as per normal with my father being tied up at his office and my monosyllabic replies to an occasional question from my stepmother.  I can't deny that she tries but I have not forgiven her for replacing my mother so soon.  I have wondered why she has not provided my father with another heir as yet, just in case any mishap should befall me.  I mean I am the only one in our gang that does not have any siblings.  However, I decided subsequently that it was none of my business especially since I am not particularly concerned about my inheritance … …

My thoughts were suddenly disturbed as I received a now familiar electric jolt through my left arm, leaving a tingling feeling behind.  Immediately a frown ceased my brow – I had been looking forward to a decent sleep.  I surreptitiously snuck a glance at my multi-purpose watch and confirmed that the indicator was on.  Although the watch I wore is a perfect replica of the one that I was given on my seventh birthday, it had been given to me by J (as per the rest of the multi-purpose watches that I outgrew) and had been designed and manufactured using the latest and most advanced technology.  Besides the normal functions of a watch and including the replacement of alarms/vibrators with the mild jolt of electricity in order to avoid unwanted attention, this watch also acts as a miniature computer and communication device amongst other things.  My natural curiosity won out and I excused myself from the table very soon.  I made my way rapidly to my bedroom and locked myself in the toilet.  Once alone, I pressed a button on my watch and scanned that the short message that appeared.

"Stein, special request for your performance by distinguish guest at usual time and place … …" I was irritated but intrigued at the same time.  Over the past year or so, very few of my assignments reached the level of secrecy that required me to actually return to my "schoolroom".  Most of the other assignments could be performed on my computer at home, although I had to take the usual precautions to ascertain that I was alone and subsequently destroy all evidence of my work.  

However, the rare "schoolroom" assignments were the most challenging, and I recalled one that strained my capacities to the limit where Prof and I had slogged on it every night for two weeks.  When we finally completed the decoding of the message, we both turned pale at the enormity of the message.  Prof got in touch with J immediately and I went home only to end up having nightmares for a week, waking up in bed every night screaming my head off.  My father and stepmother were extremely worried as they suspected that I was suffering a relapse and wanted to send me to a group of psychiatrists.  In the end, I took strong sleeping pills on the sly to knock myself out on the nights that I did not have to work.  However, these nightmares finally stopped when the active agents were able to foil the terrorist attempt because of the information we provided.  This happened barely six months ago and now I am "called" for another assignment.  I can only hope that our findings will not prove as ominous as the previous one.  Oh and between, Stein is my code name.  J selected it as an acronym for "Einstein" to reflect my mental capabilities – I must say that I was rather flattered at his explanation even though I knew it was simply an indication of his ability to manipulate people.     
  


I flushed the toilet and set my watch alarm, deciding to take a nap to "recharge" my batteries in preparation of the long nights that awaited me.  The familiar electric jolt woke me up at midnight and I turned off the alarm, glancing at the bedside electronic clock to double check the time.  After a quick visit to the toilet, I felt more refreshed and changed into my "night-prowler" clothes that consisted of a pair of dark jeans and an equally dark jumper.  I stepped out onto my balcony and climbed swiftly and silently down the wall, my hands and sneakers automatically finding the metal rungs that had been cleverly camouflaged by the abundant growth of ivy covering the walls.  Landing lightly on my feet, I quickly slunk into the shadows and stayed there for a moment, ensuring that no one was any the wiser that I had left my bed.  Taking a deep breath, I let the cold night air clear my head before straightening from my crouched position and quietly sneaking out, still keeping to the shadows.  I recall the normal adrenaline rush and feeling ready to take on the world.  However, now I can only wonder at the naivety of my ten-year old self - nothing could have prepared me for what was to come … …


	9. New Talents Uncovered

Dear All,

Thanks to my faithful readers and special thanks to my reviewers!  This chapter is dedicated to you guys who have kept me motivated to write.  Currently on a roll – my muse appears to have woken up from the midst of hibernation.  Hopefully he won't slip into oblivion again all too soon!

kensingtonkid : Be prepared for more shocks ahead! *Evil chuckles* I know this is extremely OCC.  Thanks so much for reading and I do you'll like the rest of what I have in mind ;)

chris37: Is this fast enough ;)?  Thanks so much for always being so encouraging ne!  Sorry, I can't be really exact with regards to when Tsukushi appears coz I'm letting the story "write itself".  If you think Rui's watch is hi-tech, you should see Shizuka's gadgets ;)  I didn't elabourate but hers are meant to be far more advanced than Rui's coz he's in a pretty inert role.          

ToinKs: Wow, thanks for commenting on both chapters at once!  Really like your imagination – that's what I kinda picture Rui as well. Who knows what is going on in his head behind his expressionless face and certain weird behaviour?  I am so enjoying trying to provide an explanation for his weird behaviour ;)

Lian: Hi!  It's indeed been a while!  Good to see you around and read you latest update as well.  Hit the nail on the head you did i.e. about Rui being the outstanding pupil … … Thanks for dropping by :)

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Chapter 8 – New Talents Uncovered

I slipped like a small shadow into the hut, entered the cellar through the trapdoor and fastened it behind me.  Within minutes, I was standing in front of the metal wall, keying in my own code number.  The door slid open as soon as I placed my palm on the touch pad and looked up for the retina scan.  I stepped into the doorway just as the computer announced my presence. 

"Are you ill, Prof?" These words slipped out of my mouth as soon as my (figuratively) old mentor stepped out of his room to greet me.  His light blue eyes were bloodshot and watery, and there was an unhealthy grayish tinge to his skin that I had never seen before.  His clothes were rumpled as if he had slept in them for a couple of days, and his usually neat hair was in disarray.  My eyes widened in alarm - he looked as if he was on the brink of a breakdown.

"I'm fine, kiddo," he growled.  I frowned at his term of "endearment" but decided to let him get away with it this time round, as his unusually hoarse voice did nothing to reassure me about his state of health.

"I'm calling J to get you to a doctor." I turned and headed for the phone on the wall.  The next moment, he was standing in my path, blocking my way.

"Look, I'm fine – it's not my health.  Never knew you were such a caring boy," he said in a sarcastic tone.  I decided not to rise to his bait as it was obvious that he was trying to anger me in hopes of distracting me from my purpose.  However if I took his word that his health was not in danger, then the assignment allocated to him must be extraordinarily critical and stressful to render him into such a pathetic state.  

 "The assignment?" I asked looking straight at him.  A crooked smile appeared on his lips, letting me know that I had caught on.

"What would I do without my little Stein?" He continued in his rather sarcastic manner.  However, I caught a trace of emotions in his eyes that resembled worry, guilt and self-recrimination?  Then with a rather abrupt change in manner, he told me to go into the library.  I sat in the table across from him and watched him with narrowed eyes as he paced around for a few moments, running his fingers through his messy hair.  Finally, he appeared to come to a decision as he sighed heavily and slumped into the leather chair.

"Look Stein, this assignment is extremely dangerous – or at least the sections I have managed to translate is flashing warning signs at us.  It's top secret and anyone connected to the case stands a high chance of getting killed – especially us.  I really don't want to involve you.  I have tried to do everything myself but it's taking too long.  The headquarters have insisted on my getting the best possible help i.e. your help. " He said quietly with an extremely serious look in his eyes that I had only seen on one previous occasion.  That coupled with the use of my code name unaccompanied by jests, let's just put it that this situation had to be REALLY bad.  

"However," he continued, "we will all understand if you choose to walk away.  This will not reflect negatively at all on you.  In fact, as your friend and teacher, I would advise you to walk away … … Yet, for the sake of humanity, I am forced to put this request through to you … … The choice is yours … …" He bent his head slightly as he massaged the bridge of his nose with the thumb and forefinger of his right hand.  I recognized the sign of him being under extreme stress.

"I'll help … …" the words slipped out of my mouth before I was even conscious of my decision.  What else could I do?  Other than being under the normal delusions that each ten-year old boy has about his own invincibility, this was something I could do to repay the teachings of this man who had constantly put the welfare of mankind before himself.  

He lifted his head and stared at me, a myriad of emotions crossing his face.  Was that disbelief, gratitude, pride, worry, sorrow, shame and guilt that I saw? 

"Thank you … …" he said softly.

"Please did you really expect me to refuse such a challenge?" I rolled my eyes at him in an exaggerated manner.  "I could probably solve everything in half an hour!"

"Yes, I would like to see that." I was glad to see the return of his mildly sarcastic self.  "By the way, the plan is this.  Mrs Toudou will approach your father tomorrow about her friend giving her two tickets to a one week special training session conducted by this world famous musician … …." My eyes opened wide when he mentioned the name.  "She will offer to let you tag along with herself and Shizuka.  You three are meant to set off for "Venice" day after.  Your father and mother will be rushing off to America on the same day, so they would be too busy to pay too much attention and would give their consent readily enough."  

I was pretty impressed by his knowledge about my father's comings and goings.  These guys were good.  Everything went smoothly as planned without a hitch.  After trying for hours to decode a paragraph allocated to me, I snuck home before daybreak, and pretended to be surprised when I was woken up by my father.  After being informed of Mrs Toudou's plan, I was sent luggage, violin and all to the front gate where Mrs Toudou was waiting patiently in her car.  Within an hour, I was back hard at work in my "schoolroom" with all my belongings.  

It was almost dusk before I finally completed my task.  I quickly skimmed through the passage to ensure that I had made no mistakes before sending it to Prof.  I stood and did a few stretching exercises.  Then I decided to take a breather and popped over to the other room.  To my surprise, Prof was not working alone

"Ace?" I asked tentatively, recognizing the head of white hair and thin body that belonged to one of the top hackers in our organization.  The computer whiz lifted his head and a pair of shrewd red eyes gave me a quick once over, as he finally gave me a slight nod of acknowledgement.  I thought that was all I was going to get from the taciturn Albino when he suddenly commented, "you've grown boy."  

That was hardly surprising.  Ace first met me when I just started my training with Prof and was only seven.  It's been a little more than three years and as they always say, little boys shoot up like young trees.  He was upgrading the security on our computer systems then.  I had found his presence and silence rather intimidating then.

"Good work, kiddo," Prof said, his eyes never leaving the screen.  I nodded quietly knowing that he must be adding my paragraph to his masterpiece, and glanced over at their computers.  Suddenly, a red light started flashing on Ace's screen and a warning sign came up.  He stiffened and then spewed out a few choice profanities that made me cringe as his slender fingers started flying all over the keyboard.  

"What's wrong?" From Prof's concerned tone, I figured Ace must rarely lose his cool in this manner.

"I touched one of their traps.  They are now aware of our presence.  Their entire team is going to jump right on our heads, I have to scram."  

Prof sighed in frustration, "we were so close to getting the whole document too … …"

"Sorry pal, I can't handle all this myself.  I need backup and that'll take time." 

"What do you need?" I surprised them by speaking up.

Not pausing in his work, Ace mumbled, "someone to reinforce the protection on our system and send viruses to destroy any of their attempts to trace us, whilst I double back and distract them."  I almost snorted in disbelief - that was all?  Hell, I had been writing computer programs since the age of five – largely games I had to admit, but this was fully within the limits of my capabilities.

"Why didn't you say so earlier partner?" I said as I sat down at the next computer and linked my system with Ace's.  I could tell that I had given him the biggest shock of his life from the way his fingers froze in midair for a moment as I started to create another firewall around our system.  "Where did you store the viruses?  I don't think I have time to create any."

"V drive under the folder 'Viruses'.  Then the subfolder 'Trial Elimination'."  I barely refrained from rolling my eyes.  I should have known the answer before asking – Ace was not known to have one of the most systematic and organized minds amongst us all for nothing.  His fingers had resumed their swift, almost graceful movements by now.  He almost was playing the keyboard in the same way I played my violin. 

In spite of the urgency of our tasks, I could not help but be fascinated by his skill.  He was rapidly backtracking, eliminating evidence of his previous hacking attempts, and beginning to hit a few new but totally different targets simultaneously to confuse the enemy with regards to our real aim, making it harder for them to predict our next move.  I never had any cause to doubt the "quality" of top agents in our organization, but even so, I must say that he definitely exceeded my expectations. 

"Trial sensed from North," Ace barked out, watching out for me even as he went along his business.  

"Aye aye sir," I was already sending one of the viruses off, beaming as I looked at the trail of destruction i.e. effects of my handiwork.  Prof was already on the phone requesting for backup – I was really flattered at his apparent "faith" in my computer abilities. 

"Wow," I could not help but be impressed by the destruction capability of the viruses and the way they rapidly followed the trail all the way back to the base, wrecking further havoc on the enemy's system.  I kept it up for another five minutes, releasing another twenty or so viruses as I repaired the layers of firewalls that were breached.  Then, the reinforcements arrived (or rather logged on to be strictly accurate).  I was content to sit back and let the experts take over – it was starting to get draining because I was not trained for this stuff after all.  I found myself staring mesmerized at Ace's screen as he finally managed to throw off the "scent" and a beeping sound confirmed the download of the entire coded document.  Immediately, he signaled to the rest of his backups and erased his log, waiting for them all to sign off before he finally broke the connection.  

Letting out a sigh, he leaned back against his chair as his long thin body finally relaxed.  Then the red eyes swiveled to my face as he gave me an accessing glance, "you did good, boy."  I glared at him in irritation – what was the problem with my over-aged colleagues and their obsession with the "kiddo"s and "boy"s?  They would be employing a babysitter for me next.  However, his next words made me sit up and take notice, "wanna join me?  Think you have talent -  I'll train ya."  That was the longest sentence I have ever heard him put together.  As his meaning hit me, I blinked and my eyes automatically slid over to see Prof's reaction.  


	10. Nightmare R Violence, Rape & Homo

Author's note: Sorry I realised that it was quite confusing that I had used "he" and then the captors acted surprise that Rui was a "boy".  So this chapter has been corrected.

Author's Warning: R for readers age 18 and above - This chapter contains violence, explicit sexual material of a non-consensual nature and slash. 

Please take heed of the warning above and only carry on reading if you are prepared. Also, this scene is crucial to the plot, so if I inadvertently offend any readers please look the other way! Please do drop me a note if you've read this chapter because I'll really appreciate feedback about this chapter in particular, be it disgust, anger, boredom etc … …

kensingtonkid: I haven't killed Rui off – not exactly. However, I hope this chapter is still within the boundaries of what you consider acceptable to Rui! I really appreciate your constant reviews – keeps me motivated. Thanks for the lovely reviews!

Lian: Thanks so much for reading and commenting! I have been reading your story and will go to read your latest update now.

Piglet: Hi! Good to see you around. And thanks so much for your encouragement! Yes, I have the same problem as this other writer whom one of my friends commented "will describe every single plant, flower and shrub along the way" if he is writing about walking through the path! I have tried to speed up the plot a little in this chappie ne! I hope it's quick enough yet coherent too! Thanks for your constructive advice!

Chapter 9 – Nightmare 

"No Ace, stop trying to recruit my best agent. You know you've got a huge team over there." Prof folded his arms across his chest rather defensively. "He isn't even trained in your area." 

"Has natural talent." Ace nodded at me. I realized that his reputation of being a man of few words was indeed not exaggerated.

"He went through an aptitude test."

Ace chucked, "the same aptitude is required for both our jobs. You know the reasons why he was chosen to be in your department."

"It's J's decision."

Ace inclined his head, conceding defeat gracefully. Then he turned to me, "you've got talent, boy. I'm still willin' to teach if you're willin' to learn." I found myself nodding.

"I'll be in touch, boy. Ciao." Ace stood up and slipped out so silently that the only sound we heard was of the door closing behind him. I found Prof staring at me with a haunted look in his eyes.

"You don't know what you are in for," he finally spoke. "It was dangerous enough with you being a decoder, add on hacking skills to that … …" I fidgeted uncomfortably and he shook his head, "alright, get back to work. Let's sort out this mess later." I gratefully escaped back into my room. It was almost dusk when I had finished decoding the new message that Prof had forwarded me. My eyes bulged and my throat felt extremely dry as I read and re-read the message. With shaky fingers, I hit the enter key to send the translated paragraphs to Prof before leaping from my chair.   
  


"Prof … …" My voice trailed off as I burst into his room without knocking. To my surprise, the room was empty. I was about to backtrack when suddenly the sirens in the corridor went off. "Shit!" I cursed inwardly as my heartbeat accelerated. This emergency could mean only one thing - someone was trying to break in. Spinning around, I ran to the library. The large monitor on the wall flickered to life as I entered, and J appeared on the screen. 

"What's with the alarm, Stein? Did you set it off accidentally?" His face was impassive as per normal. I swear that man has nerves of steel.

"Someone is trying to breach security." To my surprise, Prof suddenly appeared next to him on screen. "Prof? What are you doing there?" A sense of dread was starting to fill me as I realized that I was alone.

"J wanted me to help him out with a sudden emergency two hours ago. I was coming back in an hour's time. I heard the alarm and rushed over."

"I'll send a team down. In the meantime, turn off all the systems – you know the drill." I quickly pressed a black button that eliminated all the information in the database and shut down all the computers. "Stein, stick to Route B and good luck. We'll get there as soon as possible." I swallowed nervously as the screen flickered for a second time and died. I knew it was more for my safety than theirs that they had to break connection, but I never felt more alone. I had, of course, known of the dangers that we would face if our enemies discovered our location. However, knowledge is quite different from reality. There was no time to think of that now, they would be in here in a matter of minutes. I had to do my best to trick them and stay alive. Route B – I mentally went over the plan that had been drilled into me and got into position … …

Suddenly, there was a loud explosion and the lights overhead went off for a minute or so. This was followed by rapid footsteps pounding down the corridors. They were spreading out and I heard harsh voices, doors being burst open and things overturned. The unfamiliar icy fingers of fear wrapped themselves firmly around my heart as the footsteps approached. I sucked in a deep breath and launched into a stellar performance worthy of an Oscar. More was at stake for me than simply fame or fortune, I was gambling to escape with my life or a worse possibility - the ghastly fate of being tortured to death. My only trump card was that few rational human beings would believe a ten or eleven year old boy capable of being an agent, and I had to milk that for all it was worth.

The door burst open and a deep authoritative voice commanded, "search this room thoroughly." Three pairs of footsteps headed for different corners of the room. From my "hiding place" behind the desk, I continued to keep my face vacant and a small whimpering noise escaped from my lips as I hugged my knees to my chest and rocked slowly to and fro. My intuition warned me that someone was approaching and the hair at the back of my neck rose, even as I heard an exclamation of surprise near me.

"F***! Come and see this!" It was a strain to continue my pretense of being lost in a world of my own makings when other footsteps started to head in my direction as well. I heard a gasp of shock.

"What's wrong with this kid?" A slightly foreign sounding voice spoke. I placed the accent immediately – German. "In shock?"

"Why is there a kid here in the first place?" A second voice joined in.

The deep emotionless voice spoke, "There's something wrong with this kid.  Look at that rocking and whimpering – autism probably. They could be trying to cure the kid to make use of any unique abilities whatever they may be.  Either that or it's someone's kid and the kid's acting." I felt my blood turn to ice in my veins at the accuracy of his guesses. However, outwardly I continued to let out my soft, almost soundless whimpers as I rocked slowly, keeping to a constant rhythm. From the corner of my eye, I saw a pair of shinny black leather shoes stop next to me.

"Well, well. What do we have here?" I almost leapt out of my skin as a hand landed on my shoulder. Instead still in character, I simply cringed away from the human contact and slid towards the wall, my whimpers increasingly slightly in volume as I hugged my knees more closely. 

"Hey," the deep voice sounded mildly surprise. The hand moved towards me again. I simply slid closer to the wall until I had practically plastered myself against it, curling up in a fetal position.

"We aren't going to hurt you," the deep voice said in a reassuring tone that did nothing to calm me down considering that another voice added "yet." I felt strong finger grasping my chin and forcefully tilting my face up. I struggled internally to keep my expression vacant revealing only a certain amount of fear in my eyes. Glancing up momentarily into a masked face that revealed only a pair of gray eyes as hard as gimlets, I managed to repress a shudder with superhuman effort and focused my gaze unseeingly at the dark material that covered his chin.

I heard an intake of breath, "you're a boy!" I silently cursed my longish brown hair.

"Hey, I think the kid's really autistic. He's too young to acquire such excellent acting skills."

"Such as pretty boy too." I felt goose bumps on my arms as the foreign sounding voice almost purred. The hand released my chin, allowing me to lower my head as my hair covered my face.

"Complete the search." The deep voice commanded. However, he did not move from beside me. The noises began again. After a while they finally stopped as the troup assembled next to me.

"Nothing?" The deep voice asked.

"Nope." I could sense the others agreeing.

"Shit!" Their leader's frustration is clear.

"Let's leave them a present … …" I tensed up again as there was no mistaking the malicious tone in the foreign voice.

"You sick fag!"

"Come on, you can't tell me you don't get turned on by such a pretty little thing. Pretend he's a girl." My eyes widened. Were they talking about me? For the first time in my life, a numbness took over my mind. I simply could not have processed the information that I just heard correctly. I had to be mistaken. 

"Chief?" There was no answer. Say no! SAY NO! A voice was screaming in my head. Suddenly, I was grabbed from both sides by different pairs of arms and my worst nightmare began. I wanted to thrash wildly, to yell at them to stop, to curse them and to beg. Yet, a self-preserving mechanism took over. As much as I would like to think that my motives were purely noble in wanting to remain loyal to my organization and save lives, I know I was motivated by the knowledge that things would be far worse if my cover was blown and they realized that I had been pretending. 

So I struggled to an "acceptable" extent and my efforts were rewarded with a hard blow to my face. The room was suddenly spinning. When my world righted itself, there was the metallic taste of blood in my mouth and to my horror my jeans were on longer on me. My underwear was pulled over my eyes as a blindfold and I was forced onto my hands and knees, my legs pulled apart and held in position by several pairs of arms. Horror and dread filled me as I tried again to struggle, but my efforts were futile. When a pair of hand roughly gripped my hips, I closed my eyes in despair as I tried to shut off my mind and erect a mental barrier against what was happening and was to come - my last and only remaining defense to protect my sanity. Then I was jerked back and I screamed as my world erupted in unbearable pain. The red hot pain lanced through my body as muscles and tissue tore.

"F*** he's so tight!" A voice groaned. I could not count the number of times they took turns to have their fun, my soul slowly dying inside as the degradation and the humiliation continued. The few tears that leaked from my eyes were absorbed by my blindfold. After some time, the pain was reduced slightly, their passage no doubt lubricated by the blood from my torn tissues and the fluids that were deposited in my body. Then my head was suddenly pulled back roughly by my hair. I gasped with the pain, realizing my mistake too late when they held my mouth open. To my horror, they had apparently decided to fully utilize the facilities. I choked, tried to breath and gagged as they took turns raping my mouth and throat over and over again. They finally stopped when I began to vomit the foul tasting liquid I had been forced to swallow. I shuddered convulsively a few moments after emptying my stomach, unable to contain my revulsion and rage that I felt at this latest act of deprivation. Raucous laughter followed my action. 

"See I told you he likes it, the little slut!" Before I had recovered from the shock that they had actually misinterpreted my reaction, rough hands reached over and grabbed me. I jerked violently and tried to back away, but the hold only tightened. "Now don't be shy baby, you know you want it," a different voice purred next to my ear, sending a puff of hot breath down my neck. To my mortification, I felt the first faint stirrings of arousal as the skillful hands continued their administrations, even as their owner continued the plunder of my body. 

"See you're really enjoying this, otherwise you wouldn't be getting hard. I can make it good for you." The voice continued to whisper seductively. I wanted to scream my denial, to vehemently protest against the falsehoods he was trying to implant in my mind. I had to hold back, to prove his lie. However, bodies are programmed to respond to stimulation. I was powerless to stop the slow betrayal of my body even as breathing became more and more difficult. My humiliation was complete when I came violently in the hand of my rapist, my entire body shuddering and shaking with the most intense yet decadent waves of pleasure I had felt in my life. Almost immediately, I heard a yell behind me as the rapist found his own release in me. 

"It isn't rape when you're enjoying it so … …" the same voice muttered hoarsely moments later in my ear. I remained silent with my head hanging forward lifelessly, my spirit had been completely broken – I no longer had the will to resist anymore but hoped that the end would come quickly.

"We have to go," their leader suddenly announced. "Movement spotted from lookout fifteen." I heard a few curses as I was flung to the floor, discarded like a piece of used clothing. My head connected with something hard and I finally sank into blessed oblivion … …


	11. Broken

Author's Note:

Thanks so much for all your comments! Really appreciate you taking time to let me know what you felt about the chapter … … Arigato gozaimasu! I hope this update is fast enough !!!! Between, I realised there was some discrepancy in the chapter. The way the captors kept talking about Rui as "he" and then acted surprise that "he" was a "boy"! So I have made changes that they kept referring to him as "the kid" until they realised that "the kid" was a boy! I do apologise for the confusion!

*Yan* : Hi !!! The trigger for Rui's attackers was anger at the thought of being thwarted, wanting to hit them where it would really hurt, and also partly because Rui was too "pretty". Ah, the problems of having a pretty face! Is Priest of the Church a book or a movie? I must confess that I have not hear of it before.

piglet: Thanks so much for reading !!! I must admit that I was a bit worried about getting flamed when I wrote this chapter – especially by Rui Fans. Yet to be honest my entire story resulted from this idea. One day, the thought suddenly struck me – how if Rui acts the way he does because he underwent a terrible experience? How if he had been a rape victim? Then the entire plot fell in place. 

Kara: Thank you thank you! *bows* I'm really thrilled that you like this! Thanks for your encouragement – I hope you will like the next chapter too!

Angel72: Hi!! Good to see you again !!! As per requested – this chapter is about how Rui deals (or is incapable) of dealing with his terrible experience! I hope you'll like it! :)

Toinks: Wow, thanks for leaving a comment for each chapter – that was like 4 times !!! Actually, I must confess that I'm really quite an idiot when it comes to computers and hacking er … … er … … that's far worse! I'm extremely IT challenged. I guess I was trying to recall what I had watched on movies before – which was rather limited. I'm so glad that it was convincing! 

vic~vic~vic : Ah a new reader !!! Cool !! Close, Rui's ten turning to eleven. But definitely still a kid and far from being an adult. Thanks for reading! This is almost the most angsty it'll get for Rui. Almost ;) 

Drina : Hi!! Great to have your insightful comments as per normal! I'm so glad that you can relate how this experience had "resulted" in his "weird" personality in HYD! I was really hoping that someone would so I must say I'm really delighted!

Chapter 10 – Broken

The first sensation that hit me as I slowly drifted into consciousness was the warmth that surrounded me, and the softness beneath my face. As I breathed in deeply, the unfamiliar smell of disinfectant assailed my nostrils. I struggled for a couple of seconds before finally managing to force my eyelids slightly apart. Why was it so difficult to open my eyes? All I could see was a large expansion of whiteness before the blurry shapes finally sharpened. I saw that I was lying prone on a white bed. I tried to lift my head but the acute pain that resulted from the slight movement strongly discouraged me from further attempts. 

As further sensation returned to my body, I realized that I was aching all over as if I had overstrained all my muscles. I made an attempt to move my legs to make sure that I was not paralysed. Immediately, a wave of white hot pain swept over my body. The pain was so intense that I could not breathe for a moment as tears came to my eyes. Even worse than the actual pain was the images that it evoked. Like a jigsaw puzzle, everything fell in place. For a moment, I relived through the horror of the atrocity that had taken place when I was last conscious. I shook uncontrollably as the pain, humiliation, disgust and guilt overwhelmed me. No, my brain screamed. Stop thinking, stop thinking, stop, stop, STOP! I was not even aware that I was screaming loudly until I felt a hand on my shoulder. Instantly, I panicked and started thrashing violently, trying my best to throw off the hand. Chaos erupted.

"Calm down! Calm down! Everything's okay." A voice tried to soothe me. However, I was beyond listening and continued to struggle with all my remaining strength.

"Call Dr Halford, quick! He's going to hurt himself if he keeps this up." I heard more voices as several hands tried to hold me down, and I completely lost my head.

"Shit, look at that blood, he's burst his stitches!"

"Hold him still, I'm going to administer the sedative … …" I felt a pinprick on my arm, then my struggles weakened as I drifted into darkness again … …

When I surfaced for the second time, my aching body immediately brought back the memories. I simply lay there unmoving, keeping my eyes tightly shut as I allowed waves of despair and guilt to wash over me. I heard someone shifting a chair to my bedside, but I continued to close my eyes.

"Stein, I know you're awake. Look at me." The familiar voice belonged to Prof. I did not respond, keeping my face carefully averted from him. Somehow I could not bring myself to look at him. "Stein … … please … …" His voice caught. I shut out his voice completely - it was too soon and my wounds were still raw. I needed time alone to try to get a hold on myself to accept what had taken place, even if I never healed. Still drowsy from the drugs, I went back to sleep. 

The cycle was repeated over and over again. I would wake up hearing familiar voices trying to talk to me, refuse to respond, reject any form of nourishment, and retreat into myself until sleep claimed me. However, I found no respite in sleep because I was constantly plagued by nightmares and would wake up screaming, my heart pounding rapidly as if I had been running for miles. After my violent reactions to any attempt to touch or comfort me, the nurses wisely left me alone with the lights on as I curled into my fetal position … … 

"You promised to keep him safe! He's only ten for god's sake!" It sounded like an enraged female.

"We took all the precautions we could. No one expected this to happen and we are just as upset about it as you are." The male was obviously trying to soothe the female's ruffled feathers.

"Where the hell were you?" 

Apparently the female found another target because a different male voice answered, "there was an emergency. So I was called away by J … …"

"Leaving the poor defenseless boy to fend for himself!"

"You make it seem as if I deserted him on purpose! What about yourself? Why did you only turn up today? We had been trying to contact you for the past four days."

"I was helping another group with their mission! I trusted you all and came back only to find this!"

"… … his parents?"

A bitter laugh, "they were trusting enough to believe that the course has been extended. God … ... What actually happened?" There was an extremely long silence then finally a choked sob and a low moan. "How can you keep this tape?"

"For his future psychiatrists' reference and as evidence against them."

"And his … his … tormentors?"

"All dead except for the leader. The other three were killed by the team we sent." Then the voice hardened, "they will regret ever leaving this 'present' for us … …"

"But what good does that do him now?" There was a long silence … …

Jasmine flowers, was my first thought when I woke up surrounded by the sweet scent. Someone was humming a familiar tune as soft hands gently stroked my forehead. The pain in my head had completely disappeared – had I died and gone to heaven?

"Mother," the word escaped from my lips in a whisper. The hand stilled and the humming stopped. I finally gathered enough courage to open my eyes, and my heart plummeted when I saw Mrs Toudou sitting on my bedside. "Oh … …" At my soft sound of disappointment, tears came to her eyes and she struggled to maintain a shaky smile on her trembling lips as she brushed back my fringe tenderly.

"Rui, how are you feeling today?" I looked at her with dead eyes and saw the pain reflected in hers. "My poor Rui," soft arms gently wrapped themselves around me. I flinched slightly and then forced myself to hold still as I was enveloped by warmth and the scent of Jasmine flowers. Feel the difference, I told myself sternly. Feel the difference between this and … … Focus on this and don't think, forget … … After a short while, I disengaged myself from the embrace. As I lifted my head, I met the eyes of J – he had somehow entered the room when we were preoccupied.

"Rui, the doctors say that you have more or less recovered physically. Are you still in pain?" I shook my head slowly – making sure to avoid meeting his eyes. The stitches had been removed and the pains had been replaced by a dull ache that was also fast vanishing. "Then you can be discharged today. Your parents believe that your course has been extended so you will be staying with Mrs Toudou for a few days." All impeccably planned to the last detail as per normal, I thought bitterly. Obeying his orders automatically, I slowly slid off the bed, grabbed my clothes and walked a little stiffly into the bathroom. My body was still a little sore which was no surprise considering that they practically had to sew me back together.

"He'll heal." I heard J commenting to Mrs Toudou as I closed the door. I pulled on my clothes and walked to the sink. As I washed my hands and splashed water onto my face, I lifted my head and stared into the mirror. A pair of large dark eyes fringed with dark eye lashes looked back at me, appearing too huge for the thin, pale face with delicate features framed by the longish brown hair. Although the face looked familiar, there was a strange haunted expression on the face and the eyes. Eyes that appeared far too old and knowing, eyes that somehow conveyed unspoken horrors … … 

Suddenly, something in me broke. I shouted in fury as I grabbed the bottle of disinfectant by the sink and flung it straight into the mirror, shattering the glass into a million pieces. I was filled with a wild consuming hatred for my face – those girly delicate features. If only I wasn't so "pretty", if only the team had arrived early, if only, if only … … The door burst open seconds later. They found me kneeling in front of the sink amongst the broken glass, my body trembling like a leaf in the wind, staring at the blood spurting from a large gash on one thin wrist with a sharp fragment clutched tightly in my other hand that was still dripping with blood … …

I cannot quite recall the events leading to my being installed in one of Mrs Toudou's many guestrooms. Apparently, I was sedated subsequent to my breakdown to prevent me from causing any further harm to myself. My memories of my one-week stay at Mrs Toudou's house are also pretty hazy, although I remember constantly being surrounded by a stream of nurses and doctors. J also sent a team of the best psychiatrists who worked for the government exclusively, and were privy to their secrets on a need-to-know basis. I alternated between two states - drug-induced sleep (to prevent nightmares) and facing therapy in my waking hours. What I underwent brought the definition of intensive therapy to previously unheard of levels - I figured that I must have created a pretty sizable dent in their funds.

I was never left alone and everyone talked to me constantly, especially the psychiatrists. The latter explained to me the mentality of my rapists, the hidden political agendas, what they had sought to achieve by attacking me and how they would succeed if I broke down. Hell, J even visited me and gave me a three-hour lecture about the entire political history behind my attack and expounded in great detail similar incidents that happened in the past. By the time he left, I was pale faced and trembling. The psychiatrists banned him from returning. However, his visit did me more good than harm in the long-run, because J achieved his aim of letting me know that I was simply a victim of circumstances – being at the wrong place at the wrong time. I understood that the objective of my rapists was not a personal attack (which would have been should they know what I really was), but to lower (and even destroy) the morale on our side by making the agents feel terrible remorse that they had inadvertently caused grievous harm to an innocent child close to (or even related to) them. 

Again and again, I was reassured that it was not my fault that something like that happened, that it was normal to feel scared, confused, depressed, ashamed, angry, be in denial etc. Basically, I was fed the full works until I was ready to scream with frustration. Instead, I simply withdrew more and more into myself, refusing to participate in these sessions or even say a single word. They even resorted to leaving me books on the topic when all I wanted was to be left alone. Quite frankly, my mental facilities were in perfect order - I understood everything they were saying. I knew it I did not ask for it, I knew it was not my fault, I knew that feeing confused, depressed, angry and even guilt etc was illogical but these feelings came with the package of being raped. I even read that rapists were known to mess with their victim's mind and confuse them by manipulating them to the point of erection or even ejaculation. 

However, having all these knowledge did not help me in the slightest. I knew that they were all talk, that they had never experienced the pain, the humiliation, the degradation and the guilt. They were not the ones subject to having their anus sewn back, injected with penicillin to prevent bacterial infection or undergoing all sorts of humiliating tests to ensure they had not contacted any sexually transmitted disease. And most of all, they weren't the ones living with the memories, having to deal with the confusion over their sexuality, the secret fear and self-recrimination that they had possibly "enjoyed" the experience. Knowledge may be able to hold fear at bay to a certain extent, but it can never wipe the horrific memories of the experience or lessen my anguish in anyway. Although, I would eventually recover physically, I did not know if my broken spirit would ever recover, and the deep emotional scars would always remain … …


	12. Picking up the Pieces

Author's Note:  Thanks so much for the lovely reviews and support that I have received.  I was really pleasantly surprised that there were no flames and that chapter 11 was pretty well received!  Thanks for being broad minded enough to accept the scene!

Piglet and Kara: Hi!!!  Thanks for your encouraging comments!! I'm so glad that you both actually felt Rui's frustration in the last chapter (that's one of the best compliments a writer can receive :)).  I hope you will be able to recover with him in this!  (excellent guess Kara!)

Fresh8: I hope this chapter will lift your spirits up a little?  Thanks for reading !!! :)

*Yan*: This may sound really weird, but I kind of sympathesised with him too! 

*Rui* You hypocrite, you just love to watch me suffer! 

*Sheen* er … er … not really … urm … you see …

*Rui* Stop trying to come up with feeble excuses (starts chasing Sheen with a chopper)

*Sheen* You shouldn't over exert yourself! (running as fast as possible)

ToinKs: Love your comments! I'm so glad you found the explanation convincing.  I had a hard time trying not to make it overdramatic – it still may pretty much be so, but I'm really trying to tone it down to make everything seem more realistic.  Definitely I agree with you, regardless, Rui is still only a kid, not even a teenager even if he is extremely mature.

Lian3: Thanks so much!  I'm really glad that you emphathesized with Rui as well!

cm: (My god I can't believe you actually left a comment – really made my day!  And just as insightful as your stories !!! Thank you thank you!) Touche! I definitely have to agree with you that Rui is not all that lovable in Façade as well ;) It is really fun to breath life into the "perfect" character and draw attention to all his flaws and weaknesses! (which is why I love the angst in your stories!)   

xin2005: Ah a new reader !!! Welcome !! *Looks in the mirror*  Hmmm …. … if I count my reflection as well as the person creating the reflection, then that'll be two.  Then do I consider my brain as a separate entity?  Sorry xin2005, just on a caffeine high becoz it's around 1am now! *Yawn* :) I'm the only one writing the story, thanks so much for your kind comments!!!

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Chapter 11 – Picking Up the Pieces

My relief from finally being "released" was marred by my stepmother.  The moment I stepped into the house, she started asking lots of questions regarding my "music training".  I tried to dampen her enthusiasm by restricting my responses to a nod, shake of head or a shrug.  Not at all put off by my nonchalance, she turned to Mrs Toudou who had to quickly invent lots of creative answers on the spot.  I had enough of hearing "how much Rui 'enjoyed' himself" and escaped into my room as soon as I could.  I felt the stress of the past few weeks eased off a little, knowing that I would at last be left in peace to lick my wounds.  

My life resumed and I was really grateful that my parents were so caught up in their work, because they left me strictly alone as usual.  Another good thing was that the counseling sessions had stopped.  The psychiatrists finally gave up when they realized that I would never cooperate or even respond to them.  I could finally start to do what I wanted i.e. to shelve the incident and put it behind me, so that I would be able to pretend nothing was wrong and get on with my life.  To most people, I appeared to be just as unresponsive as always.  However, my façade was no longer an act.  Inwardly I was a mess of nerves and suffered intensively from my experience as most rape victims did.  I withdrew from the world, avoided all human contact and experienced anxiety attacks when left alone with any male for longer time periods.  One incident in particular stood out in my mind.  Apathetic as usual, I had zoned out when Tsukasa decided to scare me by tackling me from behind.  I totally freaked out when my arms were suddenly pinned to my sides and I was rendered immobile by strong arms that encircled my ribs.  Shizuka informed me later that I dropped to the ground with my body jerking uncontrollably and started foaming at the mouth.  Fortunately, she had the peace of mind to quickly call for help.  The rest were so scared by the incident that they never attempted anything else.  

Talking about Shizuka, I had requested that the minimum be revealed to her, not wanting her to know the ugly truth.  All she was told was that I had been attacked.  However, Shizuka is far from lacking in intelligence and she is extremely good at putting two and two together.  I knew she suspected more than she let on, especially from the change in my behaviour – the constant edginess, the immediate retraction from any form of physical or even emotional contact, and the new wariness in my eyes.  Things were always better when she was around to watch out and "take care" of me.  Also, we had opened up to each other prior to my "accident", she understood me very well.  She always knew when to give me my personal space and never crowded me.  In spite of or perhaps because of everything, I have to admit that I also distanced myself from her, unable to handle the pity and concern that I saw in those dark eyes.  Yet, because of her kind nature and her tremendous efforts to protect our friendship, the tenuous bond between us never snapped.  I was and will always be grateful to her for that.    

Although I did not tell anyone, preferring to deal with my trauma in my own way and being afraid to show further weakness, there were times when I experienced flashbacks.  The overwhelming sense of powerlessness, humiliation and helpless fury would drive me back into my room, as I huddled in bed under my blankets shaking in fear, confusion and disgust.  In addition my sleep patterns deteriorated and I suffered from insomnia.  I would stay awake not daring to close my eyes because of the constant nightmares, and drug myself only when I was too tired to function.  The combination of mental exhaustion and the potency of the sleeping drugs somehow allowed me to slip into a deep dreamless sleep for at least four to five hours.  

Even though I never felt the urge to cut myself again, I did exhibit other forms of self-destructive behaviour.  I started experimenting with alcohol and drugs as a form of escapism.  I experienced my first hangover before I turned eleven – even Soujirou could not "boast" of such a record.  I tried almost anything and everything from popping all types of barbiturates, ecstasy pills, smoking marijuana and Ice, snorting cocaine and even injecting heroine.  Yet, somehow there was this little voice at the back of my head that prevented me from totally letting go, or perhaps from getting caught.  I did not allow myself to become addicted to any drug, limiting the doses and using them only when the need for relief became unbearable … …     

Under J's orders, I was left strictly alone by the rest of the "agents" (other than Mrs Toudou of course) for six months.  No one made any attempt to contact me.  However, I knew that our meeting was inevitable.  I still remember the Saturday afternoon when once again I quietly walked down the now familiar corridor to the library.  It seemed like another lifetime ago when Shizuka had led me down the same corridor.  As I expected, J was sitting behind the desk as I stood in front of him, keeping my eyes focused on an invisible spot on the desk.

"Rui, how are you feeling?"  I nodded dumbly without lifting my eyes.

"Look at me."  He commanded.  I flickered my eyes upwards and caught sight of his impassive face before looking down again.

"We need you back eventually, Rui.  Our country needs you.  However, if you're not ready … …"

"I'm not ready to go back, not there." My voice wavered.  

"The hideout no longer exists.  You should know that, Rui."  My eyes widened slightly, then I chided myself for not having drawn that obvious conclusion.  Of course they would no longer use a place that is known by the enemy – my brain activity must have slowed down because of the drugs.  I angled my head in acknowledgement.  

"The new area is heavily guarded and quite frankly if you prefer, you can do most of the work at home.  I know your father has always hired bodyguards for you."  Yes, that was true for all of our gang.  I was probably safer at home than anywhere else.  "In addition, I want to send you for intensive training in self defense, Rui," he continued.  "So what do you say?"  I kept quiet for a while – was I ready to go back?  Was I ready to continue with my "work"?  The voice at the back of my head started rattling off the pros and cons.  It would keep me occupied and prevent boredom.  Yet, danger still lurked.  However, the enemy did not even know your identity!  Others may find out.  You're still scared.  Naturally!  Do you want to remain scared forever?

I lifted up my head and for the first time looked J directly in the eyes, "I'll do it."

His face broke into one of the few genuine smiles I had ever seen, "welcome back, Stein."  I shook his hand firmly.  I was still unable to return his smile, but one day I would be able to smile again.  One day … …

I underwent J's "intensive training" program and learnt different types of fighting styles from the best – Karate, Judo, Taekwando, boxing, unarmed combat, fighting with all weapons and even how to shoot.  I took the course very seriously and trained very hard.  I found fighting rather easy because it required not only brawn but brains as well.  With the level of skills I achieved and the tactics I deployed, I became one of their best fighters and was practically unbeatable on a one-to-one fight.  Somehow, the ability to protect myself gave me back some of the self-confidence that I had lost.  Occasionally I would run into Shizuka who came for her practices as well.

"Rui, you've changed."  Shizuka told me softly one day after she watched me spar with another opponent.  I had beaten him up mercilessly and brutally, almost to the point of unconsciousness.  For the first time, there was an expression akin of fear in her eyes.  "Your eyes are so cold and emotionless.  It's like you don't have human feelings anymore.  I want my friend back, Rui … …  Come back please … …" And she wept.  

I would not have beaten up the guy so badly if I had seen her entering.  Anyway, that guy was an arrogant bully and he had rubbed me up the wrong way too many times.  Furthermore, he was Shizuka's age and was two years older than me.  And we know too well that the physical differences between a twelve and fourteen year old are quite significant.  It was just like her to feel sorry for some completely undeserving son of a bitch.  I ignored the little voice in my head telling me that my previous thought could quite as easily apply to someone else.  However, when I stood there watching her slight form shake with sobs as she buried her face in her hands, I felt an unfamiliar urge to comfort her come over me.  It had been quite a while since I had felt anything even remotely positive towards a fellow human being.  I finally decided to give in to my instincts and hesitatingly placed an arm around her shoulders in an attempt to comfort her, only flinching slightly when she turned and wept against my shoulder.  

"Sorry," I whispered very softly, almost to myself, as I held her lightly with one arm.  I did not realize then but I had started to stop feeling sorry for myself (i.e. effectively being a self-absorbed prick ... er hm … please excuse the language), and that the impenetrable wall of ice that I had built to protect myself (and to contain my emotions) had finally begun to thaw – at least as for as she was concerned.  When, she finally stopped crying and a pair of wet eyes lifted themselves to my face, I found myself saying, "want to play a duet?"  My attempt to cheer her up was rewarded by a beautiful smile as her eyes lit up.  However, she shook her head slowly.

"No, but would you please play your violin for me?  I haven't heard you play for ages!  Please?  Pretty please?"  I gave in.  I brought her to my place and we went to my music room.  She quickly took a seat on the piano stool as I walked to the cabinet and removed my beloved violin from its case.  Almost automatically, I took up my usual position in front of the windows that directly overlooked the huge pond.  Rays of sunlight danced across the surface of the pond creating an illusion that the calm waters were shimmering with a golden light.  I stood motionless for a while, losing myself in the beauty of Mother Nature.  Then with a smooth movement, I tucked my violin under my chin and drew my bow fluidly across the strings.  As always, the music took control of me and I was no longer aware of anything but the feel of my violin beneath my fingers and the soothing effect of the beautiful sounds on my weary, tainted soul.  

One song flowed into another - heavy, melancholy, soft, loud, harsh, almost discordant at times, mocking and heart-wrenchingly sad - and I poured out my pain, my anger, my fear, my confusion, my guilt and a thousand other emotions as I played.  I finally ended my "performance" with my (and my mother's) favourite song.  I swallowed the lump in my throat and closed my eyes tightly to prevent tears from forming, as the hauntingly beautiful music filled the room.  As the last clear note died away, my hands fell limply to my sides.  I kept my eyes closed as I took in a deep breath – somehow the experience had been strangely cleansing.  It was as if a balm had been placed on my soul.  I broke out of my reverie when the silence was shattered by the sound of applause.  I turned around to see Shizuka clapping enthusiastically.

"That was beautiful," she breathed.  I almost managed a smile – almost.  She slid off the stool and walked to me.  "I've got to go home now, it's time for dinner.  My mum will be worried."  She said gently.  My gaze shifted to the windows and I saw to my surprise that it was completely dark outside.  I had been playing for ages and Shizuka had simply sat there patiently like a doctor, letting me lance my boils.  I felt a sudden rush of gratitude for her.  "Thank you, Rui!" To my surprise, she tiptoed and her lips barely brushed my forehead. "Ja ne!" She said brightly before walking swiftly to the door.

"Shizuka," I said quietly but clearly as she opened the door.  She paused and turned to me with a questioning look.  

I turned away, slightly embarrassed by what I was attempting to do, "thank you."  From the corner of my eyes, I saw the surprise look on her face, and then a small knowing smile passed fleetingly over her lips.

"There's nothing to thank me for," she said lightly and closed the door behind her.  I shook my head – Shizuka, you can't fool me.  You are just as transparent to me as I am to you.  She had obviously planned to provide me with this "therapy session" right from the start.  However, I had to admit that she had succeeded beyond the psychiatrists.  For once I actually felt at peace, freed from my nightmares.  I knew this moment would pass very soon, but I was ready to enjoy it at least for as long as it would last


	13. A New Mission

Author's Note: Sorry for the slightly longer wait!  Thanks for your patience and the lovely reviews! 

kensingtonkid : Hi good to see you back!  Wow thanks so much for reviewing each chapter!  I see that the previous three chapters were really quite unexpected - an overdose of angst.  I'm afraid the overall tone of this story is going to be quite angsty though – please be prepared. :)

Reius Devirix: Ah a new reader!  Welcome and thanks so much for your kind and encouraging comments!

Blackcat: Another new reader – makes my day!  I'm so glad that you like this imaginary background of Rui, and that you think it's convincing.   

Rui *sulking* you could have given me a much happier life you know, Sheen.

Sheen : Oro? (borrowing Kenshin's pet "save-his-ass" word)

Rui : Yeah, I could simply be autistic.

Sheen : er … … hee hee hee … … *sheepish grin*

Rui : Stop all these lame comebacks! *the chase begins again*

ToinKs : Ah!  You smell romance in the air :)  What do you feel after this new chapter?  Does it change your perception or confirms it in anyway?  Thanks for your encouragement!

Lian:  Ah!  I'm sure I don't know who you mean *wink*  Tis a real mystery ne :)  Yes, I felt that Shizuka is really quite mature as well, however, you know the mentality of a girl is usually 3 years older than a guy her age, so by rights she should be at least 5 years older than the rest of the gang.  However, Rui is also exceptionally mature for his … … 

piglet : Thanks so much for your kind comments !!!!  I'm sooooooooo delighted that you think this helps in explaining Rui's character … … I was soooooooo hoping that my feeble attempt would succeed a little!

*Yan* : It would really be great if I would be able to show what the others think as well.  However, that will make this story too long and repetitive, so I decided to write it from Rui's point of view.  Thanks for reading.

xin2005 : Thanks thanks for your comments!  I'm not too sure when Tsukushi will be coming into the story as yet – probably in a couple more chapters – but how long have I been saying that for?  Ooooops!  This time I think it's really almost there ;)

Drina : *blush* I must confess that I never really thought about my narration style.  You are quite right – I think the bulk appears to be written as if Rui was thinking back.  Only very rarely is he "living in the present".  That was very insightful – this shows how unorganised and out of it I am!

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Chapter 12 – A New Mission

"How did it go?" No trace of emotion was revealed in the male's voice.

"Better than expected.  He fell for it hook line and sinker."  The young female responded just as calmly.

"Good girl, Cleo.  What would I do without you?"

"Send the next gal on the list."

"Ouch! That hurt, my pet."

"Mother told me that you can't hurt – she says you'd need a heart for that."   

"What's wrong, Cleo?  I've never seen you quite so … … shall we say … disturbed before."  The male was deadly serious again.  "Don't tell me you're going to crack too."

"He's my friend." Softly spoken.

"We're are helping him, not harming him." The male pointed out.

"By using his weakest point against him and making him reliant on me?" There was a slight incredulity in her voice.

"Not against him but for his own sake.  You've seen him deteriorate - only you can help him through this.  When he's better, we will teach him to let go."

"And hurt him again?"

"Well, if you still feel so strongly for him a few years down the road, you need not let him go.  You can be with him – it will be quite a good match."  The tone was almost thoughtful, "however, you are both still young – things may change.  So first and foremost, help him to recover first."

"Eeeww … …  Please J, he's just like a cute little brother that I never had.  Just like the rest of them, only of course he's a bit more special."

"Keep me updated with progress reports and let me know when you need any other help," was the sole rejoinder … …

My life fell into a fixed pattern as a couple of years went by pretty much uneventfully.  I still remained cold, aloof and pretty much untouchable, but I was healing.  It was summer again and we were playing a pretty rough game of basketball at Soujirou's place.  I was paired up with Tsukasa against Soujirou and Akira as per normal.  When the match finally ended, we collapsed tired and sweating under the cool shade of the huge tree next to the court.  I closed my eyes and was about to drift off to sleep, letting the physical and mental exhaustion overtake me when I felt a sharp jab to my ribs. 

"Hey don't sleep, Rui!"  My eyes flew opened and I gave the grinning and unrepentant Soujirou one of my coldest "don't mess with me when I'm tired" looks.  I could feel the beginnings of a migraine, having been up all night coding a complex document.  "Akira and I are going to this new nightclub again tonight, want to come along both of you?  We could pick up some girls."  His eyes twinkled as he looked at Tsukasa and myself.  

Tsukasa gave a rude snort, "I've got better things to do than to … …"

"Ah, he means that Tsubaki will whip his ass for being a naughty boy," Akira cut in helpfully.

"Aww … … how sweet!  Tsubaki is worried that we will pollute her little brother's mind."  Chimed in Soujirou.

"And make his lose his virginity at sweet sixteen … …" Akira sung in complete agreement.  

"Wake me up later," I said closing my eyes, waiting resignedly for the impending outburst.  I did not have to wait long.  Tsukasa let out a roar of rage as he pounced on the two boys with the intention of pounding them to pulp.  The noise of fighting slowly faded into the background as I fell asleep.  When I opened my eyes again, the noise had stopped and the three bruised guys were sitting on the ground.  I sat up and stretched lazily before taking a closer look at them, as I stifled a yawn.  Akira had a black eye and a split lip, Soujirou had this ugly bruise on his cheek and a few scratches on his arm, whilst Tsukasa's hair was completely in a mess and his nose was bleeding.  Their clothes were dirty and in disarray.  

"I swear, Rui, you can sleep through a thunderstorm," mumbled Akira.  Quite obviously his lip was hurting him.

"Anyways, do you want to come along with us?"  Soujirou really had a one-tracked mind when it came to girls even in his teenage years.

"No."

"Come on, Rui.  Surely, you don't want to be like Tsukasa and remain a virgin until you're fifty … …" He suddenly stopped in midst of his rambling and his voice took on a new note of urgency.  "Rui?  Are you alright?  Why are you so pale?" 

I winced involuntarily at the unintended cruelty of his words, feeling the blood drain from my face as they brought back images of rough, encroaching hands that bruised and abused tender flesh … …  They thought that I was an untouched innocent like Tsukasa?  If only they knew the truth - I was probably far more "experienced" than those two playboys put together.  I quickly closed my eyes for a moment and took in a deep breath before turning to them with my mask firmly in place.  They were all looking at me with deep concern, even though it was evident that Tsukasa was trying to hide his worry beneath an unusual ferocious scowl.  Probably afraid that I would repeat my performance of a few years ago and collapse at their feet in another epileptic fit, I thought wryly.

"Headache … … I'm going to bed." I rose to my feet with one hand rubbing my temples for extra effect and walked away, preventing them from asking me any further questions.  I did not feel very well anyways – the lack of sleep was getting to me.

"Do you think Rui's really okay?" I paused when I heard Akira's voice.  "I mean is it healthy to need so much sleep?"

"Rui's just a pig!  He's always been that way.  I'll rather sleep than go out with you both anyway!"  Obviously Tsukasa.

"So it's just you and me to wow the gals tonight again." That was Akira.

"Yeah, we'd better go home and clean up … …" I left once I was sure that their suspicious were not roused by my behaviour.  Really, I need to work on my acting skills.  It is quite embarrassing, not to say dangerous, how vulnerable I still am to these flashbacks … …

"Hey Shizuka, fancy meeting you here!"

"Why am I not surprised to find you both here?"

"Oh, meet Mary and Linda.  And Suzanne … …" Polite greetings were exchanged.

"Tsukasa and Rui's not with both of you?"

"You know both of them – Rui's having a headache."

"Really?  Is he okay?"

"Don't know he was really pale today, right Akira?"

"Yeah, we were teasing Tsukasa as per normal and then he suddenly looked as if he was going to faint."

"You were both teasing Tsukasa again?  What was it about this time?"

"Eh?  Well, just the norm that Tsubaki would beat him up if we brought him gallivanting."

"Uh huh and sleeping around, you mean."

"Why Shizuka, you will make us blush with your … …"

"Shut up Soujirou, I'm two years older than you … … Good boy … …"

A few hours later, "J, Rui's still hung up over the incident."

There was a short silence, then "I expected as much.  Thanks for the update Cleo, I'll do something about it … …" 

I frowned at the e-mail that I had decoded.  A team was going in to intercept a message that would be passed by certain shady political characters during an important function at the Sheraton Towers Ballroom.  J wanted me to be stationed in one of the rooms to decode the message and code a new replacement.  That meant that … … I did a quick mental calculation.  Giving the team sufficient time to strike, I would only have about three hours to accomplish the allocated task as the ball would last for only about five to six hours.  I sighed heavily getting mentally prepared for another one of those extremely stressful missions.  Too conveniently, my parents were invited to another important function that was overseas for the duration.  Seeing that many of the large companies they dealt with were owned by the government or had certain important government figures sitting on the boards, I suspected that J had something to do with the timing of these functions.

So here I was dressed to the nines in a tuxedo (one had to be prepared for any eventualities), sitting in one of the suites surrounded by bodyguards.  My heart started beating a little faster as the hour approached.  Then suddenly, there was a coded knock on the door and I heard a hushed exchange between the bodyguards before a slim figure entered into the room.  A brief glance informed me that she resembled Shizuka before I turned my attention to the message was slipped into my hand.  I quickly got to work.  Fortunately, the code was not difficult to comprehend.  Within forty-five minutes, I had the message deciphered and had more or less understood the coding system.  I quickly coded the new message the J gave me, changing the words slightly where I was not 100% certain about the codes.  In the connecting room, a couple of agents were finding the best match of the paper, ink etc for writing the replacement and forging the seal.  When I was done, I went to the other room and passed them the message.  To my surprise the slim young lady had returned and she took over the job of forging the message.  A woman of many talents, she must be one of their top spies I mused.  

I observed her quietly as she fully concentrated on her task and decided that my first impression of her was not really correct.  Her brown wavy hair and slim built was similar to Shizuka's, and they were probably about the same age.  However, their similarities ended there.  Shizuka is the classical flawless beauty and she exudes an air of confidence and grace.  On the other hand, this young lady although sweet in her own way can by no means be defined as a knock-out.  Furthermore, she did not have the presence that Shizuka had.  It was not difficult to imagine her merging with the crowd and slipping away unnoticed into the shadows – it would be definitely more difficult for Shizuka to do so.  When the note was written and sealed, she slipped off leaving the rest of us waiting tersely in the room, sipping drinks of our choice.


	14. Shadow in the Night Rated PG15

Authors Note:  This chapter is rated *thinks for a while* urm … … R (?) or NC-17 (?) … … well adult themes as per normal and rated more for innuendo … …  Trying a new style of writing so feel free to be as critical as you like!

And thanks so much for reading and leaving me those wonderful comments as always!

*Yan*:  Yes, I'm trying to speed up the story a little!  They are actually around fifteen and sixteenish (if there is such a word)!  Is the girl Makino?  Well … … I actually left some hints in this chapter to answer your questions, but I don't know if they are too subtle!  I hope you pick them up … … :)

kensingtonkid: Hi hi!  Ah, you suspect the girl is Makino too?  Excellent deduction with regards to Shizuka!  I didn't know if it was explicit enough that Shizuka was Cleo and in case anyone is wondering why her nickname is Cleo (seeing that J loves giving code names that tie in with their characters), it is the short for Queen Cleopatra in ancient Egypt – the embodiment of beauty, intelligence and regal.  Thanks for your kind comments and I'm glad you like angst too!

Piglet: Wow, I really enjoyed reading your speculations.  It is interesting to know how others feel and decipher the story.  The most asked question this time round: Is SHE Tsukushi?  What do you think after reading this chapter?  I left a few subtle hints and am looking forward to seeing what you think after reading this! ;)   Thanks for your lovely comments!

Shari: Hi!  The response to your statement is hinted at in this chapter !!!  I hope the answer isn't too subtle because I don't think there will be a direct answer in the story.  I will wait until the next chapter or so before providing the answer direct!  Hopefully by then you will all have "discovered" it!

ToinKs: And your hunch is ????  Now, you're making me extremely curious as well !!! ;)  I hope your hunch is in line with mine!!!   

Rui: Sheen stop trying to act mysterious for goodness sake, you are so not succeeding.

Sheen: Can I ask you a question?

Rui: That in itself is a question.

Sheen: Hey, you're right!

Rui *rolls eyes*

Sheen: Is that girl in the last chapter and this Shizuka, sorry I meant Makino Tsukushi?

Rui: I take the fifth … …

Sheen:  Come on, you should know very well.  Why you actually … …

Rui *turning a little pink* That's enough, I'm not telling! *Sulking off*

Lian : Hi, thanks for dropping by and leaving a comment !!!! And between, when will you be updating?  So do you think the lady is Tsukushi or not?  You seem to imply that you don't think she is Tsukushi?  I hope you'll find the answer in this chapter!!

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Chapter 13 – Shadow in the Night

As time passed, we grew more relaxed.  I was downing my fifth vodka (did I mention that I had a rather high tolerance for alcohol because of my drinking stint?) when the door opened and she slipped in quietly.

"Everything went as planned," her voice was a little low but had a calming quality.  We all heaved a sigh of relief.  

"J says to finish up as per discussed," she said.  Then she made a gesture to one of the bodyguards and he brought out three bottles of chilled champagne.  "And by the way, J sends his compliments."  

We had a bit of a celebration and two bottles of champagne were quickly drunk before the other agents left with two-hour intervals between each departure.  Since I had drawn the longest straw, I would be the person staying overnight.  I retreated to the bedroom flinging my jacket onto the nearest chair with a careless gesture, before standing in front of the huge window.  The moon was a pale silver disc surrounded by hundreds of twinkling stars in the dark cloudless sky – tiny spots of light where I was standing.  I lifted the rim of the glass to my lips and sipped the cold sweet bubbly liquid as I continued to look out of the window.  Ah delicious … …

"More?" A soft voice suddenly sounded right next to me.  I almost jumped out of my skin as I quickly spun around, dropping automatically into a fighting stance.  The girl was standing slightly behind me, her long brown hair cascading down her back.  She was holding the last bottle of champagne in one hand and her own glass in the other.  Startled by my violent reaction, she hastily took a step back with a half-scared, half-apologetic expression in those doe-like brown eyes.  "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," she explained in a low but sweet voice.

I let my fists drop and said simply, "sorry."  Silently, I picked up my fallen glass and held it out to her as a gesture of goodwill.  Her hand was shaking a little as she poured the golden liquid into my glass.  

"I was hoping that you'll want some company.  I'm the only person left in the other room. " She said by the way of explanation.  I nodded and gestured for her to make herself at home.  Strangely enough, I found her presence rather soothing – she had the type of low-key, calm and pleasant personality coupled with the unique ability to make people feel comfortable around her.  I realized why she was such an effective spy.  In fact, I suspected that she was probably even more outstanding than Shizuka.  I immediately quashed that disloyal thought, feeling that I had somehow betrayed my friend.  

"Here's the last of it!  I propose a toast – here's to all of us loyal employees." She giggled a little as she touched her glass to mine.  We had finished the entire bottle between the both of us as we stood watching the night scene together.  I could tell that she was a little drunk, and this champagne in addition to all the liquor I had drunk did nothing to help my slightly fuzzy vision.  There was no way I would be able to decipher any codes in my current state.

"To us all." I repeated as I emptied the glass, spilling a little on myself.  I cursed softly under my breath and then wiped my face with my sleeve rather clumsily.  

"Hey!  You've missed a spot."  She giggled again, leaning towards me.  My body went rigid as soft fingertips brushed the corner of my mouth lingeringly, leaving a tingly sensation.  

My eyes followed her every movement as she lifted the slender white fingers to her mouth and licked them slowly and deliberately, her eyes fluttering shut as she savoured the taste of the champagne.  I swallowed at the seductive gesture and quickly averted my eyes.  I took in a few deep breaths as I tried to calm myself, not wanting to release my inner demons that were habitually awakened by anything remotely sexual in nature.  However, there was some magnetic force that automatically drew my eyes back to her face.  Just as I was staring at her, the long lashes lifted and I found myself lost in the depths of her dark eyes – eyes that were filled with such promise that I felt, with a sinking sensation in my stomach, my hormones kick in with full force.  

My expression must have revealed some part of what I was feeling because the lush rose red lips curved into an extremely provocative smile as she leaned closer.  My eyes closed automatically as I felt soft lips brushing gently against mine.  Inevitably, I stiffened as the horrible images threatened again to break through.  However, she made no attempt to touch me.  As her lips continued their gentle caressing movements in an almost soothing manner, my brain started telling me how good it felt and how different it was from … …  I mentally slammed a door shut on those memories, letting the alcohol induced haze take over as I focused only on my sharpened senses and the wonderful sensations that she was making me feel.  A clinical almost detached voice in my head observed that this was probably the best way of getting over my fears.  Then, my brain shut down completely as a soft warm tongue gently grazed my lips.  

With a low groan, I parted my lips and kissed her back.  Our tongues touched tentatively as I slid my arms around her tiny waist and pulled her against me.  I breathed in her sweet scent – jasmine I thought hazily - as we continued to kiss with increasing passion.  Hell, I was always an extremely fast learner.  Her body was all soft curves as she pressed against me tantalizingly, seemingly undisturbed by a certain body part that was insistently making its presence known.  I found my hands running up and down her back soothingly as her fingers tangled in my hair.  We were both breathless and trembling when she finally broke the kiss.  I gazed into eyes that were darkened with the same desire that was reflected in my own.  In one smooth moment, she turned off the lights.  All sensations were heightened in the darkened room, the silence only broken by the sound of our heavy breathing.

"Undress me." Her low voice had an almost hypnotic effect.  My heart was racing as I slowly reached out with trembling fingers … …

Cold, smooth silk … …  soft hands on clumsy inexperienced ones, helping and guiding … … the soft swish of heavy fabric dropping onto the ground … … the familiar sense of fear that came with being exposed and vulnerable to the eyes of another combating the awe that arose from viewing nature's beauty … …  

Then her soft hands were holding mine in a firm but gentle clasp, steadying me.  "Touch me," she commanded in husky tones as she gently placed my unresisting hands on her small waist, guiding my hands slowly up towards her flat stomach … …

Smooth satin skin, skin that was even silkier than her dress … …  soft commands given … … whispered words that enlightened and educated even as soft hands guided - when to touch, how to touch, when to use fingers, tongue, mouth and teeth … … the warmth radiating from her skin and the faintly salty taste … … the unfamiliar but exotic textures … … the wonderful spot between her neck and shoulder … … deepening breathing and occasional gasps … …

We somehow ended on the bed.  My breath caught when she started touching me.  The fear was quickly overcome by stronger and more urgent feelings as she advanced slowly and carefully, running her fingers lightly over my chest.  However, I flinched and pulled back automatically when her fingers finally closed around me, my breathing quickening until I felt rather light-headed.  She seemed to understand my reaction and simply maintained a loose grip as she continued to press gentle distracting kisses on my face, lips, neck and chest until I finally relaxed.  

"What's your name?" I gritted out a trifle hoarsely.

"Call me Shadow." It was obviously her code name and it suited her to a T.  Then her hand started moving and mine followed … …

Roaming, exploring hands and lips … …  whispered words and instructions … … soft, lingering touches … … entwined limbs … … the closeness, the exhilaration of sharing, of touching someone else intimately and being touched in turn … … warmth … … softness … … wetness … … darkness … … the music of her moans and soft cries accompanied by my groans … … shifting, moving bodies … … strange but wonderful new sensations…. … her softness in contrast with my hardness … … the building tension … … the thrill of pressing together flesh to flesh … … lips devouring … … clutching fingers digging hard into flesh … … frantic, almost violent thrusting movements … … then voices raising in volume as the world exploded in waves of pure ecstasy, more powerful than any known drug … …

"Thank you," I said softly when I was able to speak, brushing my lips gently over her forehead in a silent gesture of gratitude.  My soul felt lighter after the experience.  She had somehow succeeded in exorcising certain of my inner demons.  

"You're welcome," she smiled and ran a finger down my toned chest.  I did not flinch from her touch this time.  "Ah, what a heartbreaker you'll be in a few years time," she sighed before winking mischievously at me as her hand moved lower.  "If I were five years younger … …" I trapped her wandering fingers in one hand and shut her up effectively by covering her lips with mine … …

I was woken up by the harsh sunlight that was shinning right in my eyes.  I slowly sat up in bed, letting my eyes get accustomed to the light as my head pounded with a terrible hangover.  Something was different this time.  Frowning, I looked down and the events of last night came back in a rush as my eyes caught sight of the messy, rumpled sheets.  I jumped out of bed and my eyes quickly scanned the room only to find it empty.  I ran to the bathroom, but also found it empty.  As a last resort, I opened the door of adjoining room and quickly ducked back behind the door when I caught sight of the bodyguards, fully aware of my unclothed state.     

"Good morning, sir." One of the guards saw my quick action.  

"Morning." I quickly shut the door.  I checked every corner of the bedroom and the bathroom, but there was absolutely no trace of her.  The faint lingering musk of sex in the air, the crumpled bed sheets, and my clothes that were strewn messily about the room were the only evidence that last night was not a dream.  She had obviously snuck out quietly early this morning when I was still fast asleep.  

"Like a Shadow in the night," I grimaced at my bad pun as I sat down heavily in the chair, feeling strangely deflated and a little empty.  It was almost as if she had taken a little part of me with her that was not simply my virginity, although it was my first experience with a female.  I found my thoughts returning to last night, recalling with something akin to fondness how passionate yet gentle she had been.  Her administrations had been almost tender, treating me with care as if I would - my eyes suddenly narrowed at the unpleasant direction that my thoughts had taken … … as if I would BREAK!  Why … … My thoughts were interrupted by a soft knock on the door.

"Yes?" I said a trifle impatiently.

"It's ten o'clock, sir.  Your chauffeur will be here in half an hour."

"Okay," I replied remembering the debriefing that J was meant to give me at twelve.  Perhaps I would meet Shadow there?  I pressed my lips firmly together in determination.  I was going to get some answers.  


	15. Departure

Author's Note: Hi all! The "mystery" of the lady will probably be resolved in this chapter, if not definitely the next! I really enjoyed reading all the different opinions and the clues that everyone picked up – it as extremely interesting! The opinions are still divided but I must confess quite frankly that a few people have hit the nail on the head not only with regards to the question of "WHO IS SHE?" but also with regards to my plot. Well done! 

cm: To see your name as a reviewer already brightens up my day and reading your insights is even more of a treat! As per normal, you have caught on perfectly! I realized that it would be rather "strange" as you mentioned, if Rui (being so supposedly intelligent) would fall for the entire setup even with his inexperience, "drunk" on the high following a successful operation, his "social cluelessness" (love the way you say it, I have to try to use this in one of my chapters) and his inner demons, so I decided to throw in the vodka and champagne as well!

ToinKs: *lol* Really enjoyed reading your witty comments! Desensitizing him? That was a really interesting way of thinking about things – made me really sit back and ponder how the experience will affect Rui. I had meant it to be part of a healing process to complete the cycle of intensive therapy that he appears to be undergoing willing or not ;) And you seem to think that Shadow is … …? ;) 

Lian3: Thanks so much for your wonderfully encouraging comments! I must say definitely agree with you there about cm. Three words come to mind immediately - brilliant, breath-taking and heart wrenching. However, I think you're overly modest about your own abilities especially when English is not your mother tongue. Geez, I can't even begin to imagine writing in another language! :)

Pure Innocence: Thanks for dropping by! You stated 2 points that are both extremely valid! Oh dear, I don't seem to be helping much am I ;)? Really impressed with your 2nd observation and the answer to one of your observations will be revealed in the next chapter … … :)

Twilightstarz and Shari: I realized that both of you had the same impressions (i) she is Tsukushi and (ii) Rui is falling for her :). That was an excellent suggestion actually – Mystic – a dark figure shrouded in the cloak of mystery slinking away into the night! I previously used Shadow because she was suppose to be a rather "ordinary" looking girl (just as you highlighted "common") with her best ability being nondescript and making people feel comfortable. One does not notice a shadow. And you are right! Rui opened the door in er hm … … his birthday suit! However, it was more that he did not expect the bodyguards to be waiting in the adjoining room rather than him being so distracted as you rightfully pointed out. And, no I'm not really a fan of Jay Chou. However, that could be because I have not heard his songs or anything. :)

Blackcat: Thanks so much for your kind comments! Ah, the first one who does not believe she's Tsukushi (I'm responding from the latest to the earliest comments)! I hope the answer will be revealed in the next chapter!

*Yan*: Ah, so she fits in with the description of Tsukushi? That's a very astute observation. Well … … hang in there a little more, I think all things should come clear either in this chapter or the next !! :)

Nana-chan: I'm soooooooooooo glad that you liked Meteor Garden – A different POV! Actually I thought that you were here because you previously read that story, it's even better knowing that you like Façade for Façade and was not "lured" here because I wrote POV! Thanks so much for your generous comments and between which story do you prefer or is it too early to tell as yet? 

kensingtonkid: You are so right! *lol* The girl acting "a tad" differently from Tsukushi's "hard working virgin" image is soooooo true.

Sheen: Rui is Soujirou's and Akira's assessment of what is your impression of Tsukushi correct?

Rui:???

Sheen: Ya know the "hard working virgin" image?

Rui: *Defensively* Why are you asking me?

Sheen: Well certain rumours have been floating around about you and a slim young lady with brown hair and doe-like eyes so … …

Rui: *blushes* F*** off before I sue you for invasion of privacy! *Storms off*

Sheen: Why Rui! What language … …

Drina: Hey, thanks so much for your advice! I will probably put PG-15 on the chapter instead. I must say I really have not idea what the rating should be – I thought R was a bit overboard too, but I was a bit worried because it's better to be careful than not eh? You observations really hit the nail on the head. I mean that observation about Rui's attraction to Shizuka? I actually was addressing that issue in this chapter – it's almost as if you read my mind ;)

piglet : Again very astute observations! You picked up very important details … … And you prefer Shadow (whomever she may be) to be Tuskushi ne? I hope this chapter will clarify things up, if not, the answer will definitely be provided in the next! Cross my heart! 

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Chapter 14 – Departure

"Come in!" I was in the room almost before J had finished speaking, my eyes rapidly taking in every corner of the room. To my disappointment, J was alone in his study. 

"Looking for something?" There was something close to amusement in his eyes as they looked at me. "By the way, well done Stein. The mission was a success, as usual … …"

"Who is Shadow?" I cut him off urgently, almost rudely. I could see that he was rather taken aback by my abrupt question although he hid it well. 

"You met her last night – she is another agent belonging to a different department in our organization." I lifted a quizzical eyebrow at his evasive answer. Well, at least he was intelligent enough not to pretend that he had no idea of her identity or existence. That would have been futile.

"But you sent her."

"To be accurate, that was a joint project … …" He evaded the real question underlying my statement by providing a superficial answer.

"How much does she know?"

"As much as the rest of you." His fingers were drumming the table, a sure sign that he was getting a little worried by my questions. I had enough of his evasive answers and decided to try another tactic.

"I want to see her."

"Stein, you know that unless you are both on a mission together, we do not arrange for agents to meet each other socially … …"

"What if I say I lo … … that I have feelings for her?" I made the deliberate slip as I watched him closely. 

"Stein … … how did this happen?" Disbelief flashed in his eyes for an instance. Then his forehead furrowed in consternation as realization dawned upon him. 

That bastard, I gritted my teeth mentally as I obtained my answer from his reaction. I was right in being suspicious - the whole thing was a setup. Shadow had obviously been trying to seduce me right from the moment she walked into my room. However, I had to applaud J for his extremely well-planned little ploy. He knew that the combined effects of providing alcohol and the reaction from a successful but highly stressful mission would get anyone drunk, especially someone with a track record like mine. I also had to admit that his choice of the main actress in this scheme was brilliant – I doubt that there was anyone who could match her skill in subtle seduction. J had probably briefed her about my unique circumstances, which would explain for her exceedingly (but necessary) careful treatment of me.

Although I had to admit that J probably had my best interests at heart, no one enjoys being played for a fool especially not yours truly. Also, giving him the benefit of the doubt, in his earnestness to help me out he had ignored or had probably forgotten (he was probably too jaded) the potential silly romantic notions that I could have entertained as a result of her kindness and consideration to someone as inexperienced as me, especially in my exceptionally vulnerable mental and emotional state. They did not realize that I might not have been able to put things into perspective and seen the experience for what it was meant to be – a good lay and part of a healing process. I must confess that I had been in a little danger of reading more than I should into the incident, but thank goodness for my analytical abilities! However, there was no way I was going to pass up an opportunity to make J squirm. 

"Stein?" I lifted my head to see J observing me very carefully as he waited for my answer. I lowered my eyes immediately and turned my head sharply to one side, giving the impression that I was embarrassed by his question or even worse, that I did not want him to see and recognize the emotion in my eyes for what it was. I thought of the most embarrassing moments in my life, allowing a slight blush to cover my cheeks as I shifted my weight "uneasily". I was probably producing the perfect picture of a shy boy being in love for the first time in his love or experiencing his first serious crush, I thought wryly.

I heard the sounds of J clearing his throat uneasily, "er … … Stein … …"

"Well, things happened, ok?" I turned on him at once, my eyes flashing with "outraged dignity" as I "misunderstood" his hesitation for the intent to probe further. "She's wonderful!" I protested loudly, gloating inwardly as he flinched at the double meaning behind my words.

"Stein, she's not a local. She actually did us a favour by participating in this mission even though she was on a holiday. You'll never see her again."

"Where is she from?"

"Stein, you're not even thinking of … …"

"I have no problems with dual citizenship."

"Look, I think that you are going overboard with this … …" I threw him a scathing look that warned him not to "belittle" my feelings.

"It's just gratitude you feel for her … …" he reasoned calmly. "Also, it may not mean anything to her … …" 

"If she didn't feel anything she wouldn't have … …" I curtailed my sentence suddenly and began again, "how dare you imply … …" There was just the right amount of anger in my voice. Then I balled my hands into fists and waited.

"Stein, let's cut out all these hysterics." There was something in his cool and emotionless voice that made me decide to terminate my superb performance. I found him looking at me through narrowed eyes with a speculative expression on his face. Ah, so the fox had caught on. "Alright, I sent her," he slowly admitted as he graciously conceded defeat. My expressionless mask fell smoothly in place. 

"How did you get her to agree? And how much did you tell her?" My voice was as calm as his. We could have been discussing the weather.

"I only told her that you were attacked in the line of duty. She agreed to help a fellow comrade out. The extent of her aid was not discussed although it was probably implicit given the circumstances … …" I blinked once, slowly. Yeah, any female with half a brain would have known what was expected of her. Then he added dryly, "I guess your looks didn't hurt either. I showed her a photograph."

"Thanks," was my sarcastic rejoinder. 

"Well, now that we've settled this little issue … …" J was back being his brisk business-like self. I settled myself on the chair in front of him and prepared myself for another new assignment … …

After that experience, I saw Soujirou's and Akira's lifestyles through new eyes as they went out gallivanting until the early hours of the morning. I now knew of the comfort and pleasures that a woman's body could offer. However, I was even more aware of their transient natures that only intensified the aching emptiness and loneliness following a meaningless romp where there is a lack of genuine emotions or even regard for one's partner. I doubted that my friends were really as shallow to indulge themselves simply to boost their ego or for the sheer fun of the chase. Instead, their behaviour reinforced my belief that all four of us had our own issues, but that we dealt with them in our own way in line with our characters. Tsukasa's outlet was violence because he always had anger management issues. Soujirou and Akira, on the other hand, simply chose to avoid thinking about their problems by hiding beneath cheerful fun-loving exteriors, and released their frustrations in other ways as aforementioned. And as for me, I had my own fortress of silence. Indeed, thankfully, we had each other and Shizuka as well. 

Talking about Shizuka, she flitted around the four of us like a beautiful butterfly and cared for us like an elder sister. We returned her regard and there was this unspoken agreement between the four of us to protect her. Also, the rift between Shizuka and myself (that had been of my own making) had mended a little, and we had grown closer. It was inevitable because we only had each other to confide in about certain matters. Slowly, I had started to open up to her again. However, I had never really been much of the talker even previously, hence I would be listening quietly as she spoke about her hopes and dreams about the future, growing more and more animated by the moment. I always thought that no one could ever look more beautiful than her as she sat in the shade of the tree, her eyes sparkling with life and her face glowing with excitement, her hands occasionally moving gracefully to emphasize a particular point. Then, she would try and get me to talk to her. I really had to credit her intelligence – she knew what topics would interest me and what topics to avoid, never saying anything to hurt or to embarrass me. She loved hearing me play the violin and sometimes a few hours would pass pleasantly in my music room with both of us playing our respective favourite instruments in turn. And I was just sixteen after all and still relatively inexperienced with regards to the matters of the world and of the heart. Who would blame me if I confess now that I had started to develop a small crush on her? 

Then one day, she suddenly came to my house unannounced and dragged me out into the garden. She sat down under our favourite tree and pulled me down beside her. There was a rather distracted air about her. I frowned slightly when I saw that her small white even teeth were nibbling her lower lip, and her hands were tightly clasped together as she stared into the distance for a moment. Her strange behaviour was making me worried, however, I held my silence as I waited patiently.

"Rui." I turned and watched her profile carefully.

"I'm going to Paris … …" I was stunned for a moment. Then she turned and her beautiful eyes pleaded for my understanding. "A very well-known modeling agency spotted me and they want to train me to become one of their top models. They're allowing me to continue with my studies as well … …"

"How long?" 

"Probably a couple of years … …"

"Don't go." The words slipped out before I knew what I was saying. "Don't leave us, please."

She turned to me and I saw that her dark eyes were brimming with tears although there was a smile on her lips as well. "I don't want to leave you all too. However, you know I have always dreamt of being a model and studying in Europe. This is my one and probably only opportunity! And … …" she added in a lower tone, "I'll be free of the agency's demands for a couple of years, Rui. This break will allow me to develop and grow into my own person."

I kept quiet, looking at the ground as I struggled with my conflicting emotions. One side of me selfishly wanted to beg her to remain by our side, whilst the other was ordering me to feel happy for her and let her fulfill her dreams. She reached out and held my head between her hands, turning my face towards hers.

"Please Rui, you are one of my dearest friends. I really would like to have your support."

"You are definitely going aren't you." It was a statement not a question.

"Yes." The words "with or without your blessing" were unspoken, however, I recognized the determination in her eyes and the familiar stubborn set of her jaw. There was absolutely nothing I could say that would change her mind. 

"Come back soon," I said with a resigned air. With a glad cry, she flung her arms around me and we held each other tightly for a long moment. I bowed my head into her hair as I inhaled her familiar jasmine scent, knowing that there will be few if any such opportunities in the next two years.

"Thanks so much, Rui! I'll go and tell the others … …" She kissed me softly on the lips before she ran off, leaving me staring helplessly at her disappearing figure … …


	16. Déjà Vu!

Author's note: Sorry for the delay in updating – I'm have been totally buried in work for the past few days!!!  This chapter holds the key to the mystery of the brown haired lass.  And between, do let me know if this requires a rating higher than PG-13!

Lian3: Hi!  Thanks so much for your comments !! You are right about Shadow – she did have the same scent as Shizuka.  And that was part of the reason for her "attraction".  Bull's eye and well done!

kensingtonkid : The mystery is revealed !!! Hope you are not disappointed with the result?  Yes, Shizuka has set off to discover a new world without Rui … … Sigh … … well but that bodes well for our Tsukushi ne ;)  Thanks so much for dropping by!

*Yan* : Yes, the timing is perfect as per you rightly highlighted … …  Are you disappointed with the revealing of the identity of this mysterious girl?  ;)

Shopps : Ah a new reader !!!  Hi, I think I remember you from A diff POV, but you were on the other website right?  Thanks so much for reading!  And between, just for curiosity – do you prefer this or POV?  Or is it too soon to tell?

ToinKs: Hi hi!  Ah yes, our Shizuka is pretty ruthless isn't she?  Perhaps she does not know of Rui's attraction to her?  Or does she know and is purposely doing something about it? ;) Perfectly right about distance making the heart grow fonder – I actually incorporated something to that extent in this chapter and thanks so much for your kind comments!  I read your story – blew me off my feet!

Blackcat: I'm so glad that you found the conversation hilarious!  I was trying to do something to lighten the gradually darkening mood!  Your questions about the identity of Shadow are answered in this chapter !!! Thanks so much for your comments!

curdled-milk: You made my day again and especially since I was able to read updates on two of your stories at once !!!!  You must be telepathic because you highlighted exactly the dilemma that I was undergoing i.e. in relation to the reconciling problem.  However, I won't go into much details now because that will be giving away to other readers who Shadow actually is – which I could tell you knew immediately.  Really really appreciate your kind comments and I hope you have a great holiday!

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Chapter 15 – Déjà Vu!

"Rui, hurry up!" Tsukasa gestured to me a little impatiently as I lagged behind Soujirou and Akira.  I continued to saunter along taking my own sweet time, until they actually stopped and waited for me to catch up with them.

"Why are you in such a hurry today, Tsukasa?" Asked Soujirou with a deceptively innocent look.

"Are you finally having a tryst with one of the girls who's always trying to hit on you?  Ah, Uncle Akira is so proud of you Tsukasa … …" Akira gushed enthusiastically.  I shook my head as I blocked out the rest of their teasing remarks and Tsukasa's subsequent violent reactions.  Those two are really a glutton for punishment.  A few minutes later, I was once again tagging behind a much more disheveled looking trio.

"Seriously Tsukasa, why this hurry?" Soujirou persisted.  "Don't tell me you've developed a new fetish for high school after so many months!"

"For goodness sake, we already know the stuff!  It's a waste of time … …" Tuskasa growled.  "I just got sick of Rui walking so slowly today.   Didn't you get enough sleep again?"  The last grumpy question was directed at me.

I lifted my head slowly and flashed him my deadpan look, "no."  

Really, high school was a waste of our time.  Thanks to our family tutors and the rigorous program that was specially tailored for the four of us, we were much more advanced than the rest of the students.  The main reason for us to go to high school was for networking purposes – that was why we were sent to the most elite high school in our country.  In addition, the entire school – staff included – treated us four like gods because of the power and affluence of our families.  How many different ways can you say shallow?  Frankly, I think Tsukasa quite enjoyed lording it over the school and punishing any kid who was unfortunate enough to raise his ire.  In fact, he invented his own system of tormenting such pathetic souls.  Although, Soujirou, Akira and I participated in his schemes, we often kept a close watch to make sure there were no accidents or fatalities.  Soujirou and Akira also found something to enjoy - the attention of the entire female student population.  It almost made Tsukasa and myself sick to see them charming and flirting with the horde of girls who were constantly swarming around us and batting their eyelashes at us in a manner that they probably thought was most enticing.    

I simply hated school – there was no argument about it at all.  Other than the fact that I had to wake up early and was qualified to lecture the entire staff body rather than vice versa, I absolutely loathed the attention that we were all paid by the drooling and scheming female student body.  Although Soujirou and Akira may have felt that they were having the time of their lives (as previously mentioned), I felt like a slab of rich meat displayed in the butcher's shop right in front of a pack of hungry hounds – the avarice or adulation (or a mixture of the two) glinting in the multiple pairs of hungry eyes that followed us everywhere was enough to give me nightmares.  I knew that Tuskasa, like me, was also often uncomfortable with our adoring fan club although he did not share my inner demons.  This was proven time and again when he scared the exceptionally annoying ones using threats or violent behaviour.  Moreover, the superficiality of those materialistic airheads contrasted sharply with Shizuka's personality and only intensified my longing for her company.  The rest noticed and claimed that I was moping around.  I was not.  I was simply withdrawing more into myself because there was no longer anyone around who I could confide in about certain important matters … …

"So where should we go clubbing tonight?"  Soujirou was asking Akira as we headed to the cafeteria for lunch.

"Any preferences you both?" Tuskasa shrugged impatiently and I remained silent.  I had no idea why Akira actually bothered to ask Tuskasa and myself.  We always ended up at whatever place they chose.  

"Get out of my way!" I was jolted out of my thoughts when I heard Tsukasa yelling loudly and then a loud crash.  I lifted my head as my eyes took in the scene before me – a crowd of scared looking students, an upturned bin and a slim girlish figure jumping back from the contents spilling out of the bin.  The girl turned her head to look at Tsukasa and I caught sight of her face.  My heart suddenly skipped a beat and I felt the hairs on my neck prickling as I experienced the eerie sensation of déjà vu … …

Strangely familiar startled brown doe-like eyes fringed with long eyelashes reflecting a trace of fear, long braided brown hair that would cascade past her shoulders down her back when hanging loose … …  The memories suddenly flooded into my head.  I recalled the delicate scent of her perfume, the feel of the pulse at her smooth neck throbbing wildly against my lips, the warmth silkiness of her skin beneath my fingertips, and the music of her sighs echoing in my ears … …  

Almost involuntarily, I found myself stepping forward and picking up the fallen bin.  I straightened up slowly as our eyes met.  With a strange pang of disappointment, I realized that it was not Shadow.  Those somewhat familiar yet alien brown eyes held an innocence that Shadow lacked.  And although they resembled each other physically, it was obvious that this girl was much younger and less worldly than Shadow.  Also, in contrast with Shadow's and my abilities to camouflage our feelings, her expressive face reflected every single emotion that she felt.  As I gazed at her expressionlessly, I saw her recent shock and fear dissolve into surprise, followed rapidly by gratitude and then something deeper and more profound … …

"Rui, leave it alone. Let's go!"  Akira called impatiently.  I spun around and quickly left to join the rest ignoring the fact that she was starting to thank me.

"What's the matter with you?" Tsukasa growled.

"Practicing," I gave a decidedly vague answer, leaving them to interpret it as they wished.

"Ah Rui," Soujirou almost purred as his arm went around my neck immediately.  "It's about time.  How would you like to join me and Akira for … … OTHER activities tonight … …"  The two playboys exchanged smug and meaningful glances before turning to me with similar expectant looks on both their faces.

"Home. Sleep."  With those extremely enlightening words, I shook off his arm and ignoring their protests headed for home, suddenly feeling suffocated by their presence.  Shadow's look alike had somehow brought back unwanted memories and succeeded in disturbing my peace of mind.  I was overwhelmed by a sudden need to be by myself, or just be with someone who understood.  Shizuka, I wish you were here … …

I leant back against the brick wall as I soaked up the warmth of the golden sunrays, letting myself relax as my eyes took in the beauty of nature, enjoying the peace and the quiet.  To my great annoyance, the silence was broken by the sound of approaching footsteps and the door was suddenly thrown open.  I heard the sound of heavy breathing and then a familiar slim brown-haired figure was standing back facing me.  I cocked one eyebrow in amusement as I observed that there was something sticking to her hair that had the consistency of uncooked eggs.  I recognized immediately the outcome of being feisty enough to stand up to Tuskasa.  I shook my head mentally as I recalled the recent events of how she managed to get on his bad side … …

"Damn them!" She suddenly shouted, her voice shaking with fury.  Them?  For a second, my lips twisted into a wry smile as I contemplated her choice of destination for me in afterlife.  Why on earth do I always end up being embroiled into one of Tsukasa's revenge plans even though I do not always have anything to do with them?  The problems of being a groupie.  I looked at the brown hair was cascading almost to her waist, the hands that were tightly clenched into small fists and the rigid, aggressive stance that she adopted.  Again I was struck by the difference between the personalities of two people whose physical appearances were similar enough to be mistaken for sisters.  Ignoring the small voice in my head, I decided to try pushing her buttons to see her reaction out of banal curiosity and boredom.

"There's something in your hair." I said without any inflection in my voice.  Top marks for stating the obvious, Rui!  I congratulated myself silently.  At the sound of my voice, she jumped and spun around as her slim hands moved to cover her throat.  Her brown eyes widened in shock as she stared transfixed at me.

"What is that? Raw egg? … … Hmm … … Did you decide to a special type of hair treatment with egg yolk?"  Very mature Rui, I told myself dryly, a prime indication of your intellectual abilities.  I was a little taken aback by my sudden loquaciousness and the ease that I felt in the company of this girl.  Other than her physical resemblance to Shadow, there was something totally artless and naïve about her, and I found myself teasing her so that I could watch the interesting play of emotions on her expressive face.  Indeed to my secret amusement, her eyelids stretched to their maximum circumference for a few seconds before narrowing into slits as a huge frown appeared on her forehead.  The dark brown eyes flashed angrily and she started yelling at me at the top of her voice, insulting my character, the company I keep (specifically Tsukasa) and so on.  Did she really think she could make me angry by a few choice childish taunts?  However, I shocked even myself when an unexpected chuckle sounded from my throat.  Immediately warning signs started flashing in my head.  This was dangerous – this little mite of a girl had actually succeeded somehow in making me drop my guard.  Like any cornered animal, I struck back quickly in the most effective way I knew, cutting her off rather rudely when she started to complain about how we added onto her existing problems.

"I don't give a damn.  I'm not interested in other people's problems," I stated flatly giving her a pointed look as I got to my feet and left, gloating inwardly at my accurate assessment of her character when a hurt look appeared on her face.  Bull's eye - maximum damage done!  Yes, I'm an insensitive bastard, but this would probably ensure that she keep far, far away from me from now on … …

I sat in the corner of the garden under a tree deep in thought as I tried to come up with a new code for J.  He needed it in a couple of weeks' time and I did not like lagging behind my schedules.  I was so caught up in my "work" that I did not hear the sound of pounding feet and the loud racket, until a yell broke my train of thought.  This was followed by the sound of something heavy crashing onto the ground.  I got to my feet and found myself walking towards the source of the noise.  

"Great, we've got her!  Hold her down!" A male voice was raised in triumph.  My footsteps froze for a second as the implications hit me.  Immediately, a wave of nausea swept through me.

"Nooooo!" A strangely familiar female voice screamed.  The mixture of anger and fear in the voice was palpable.  "Don't touch me … …" I broke out of my trance as I started sprinting the short distance.  Don't let me be too late, I prayed.  No one deserved to be put through that kind of torment that I had undergone, and I would do anything within my power to stop the atrocity. 

I pressed my lips grimly together as I surveyed the scene that I came upon.  A small figure was struggling wildly on the ground, pinned down by three guys.  One guy was kneeling on the person's shoulders and holding her failing arms against the ground, and she was trying to kick out at two of her attackers who had her slim legs spread apart.  The last guy (apparently the leader of the operation) had his pants unzipped and was starting to stroke himself.

  
"What are you doing?" My voice was colder than ice. At the sound of my voice, all heads swiveled in my direction and the leader actually stepped back in surprise.

"Ha … Hanazawa san!"  However, I simply ignored him, looking past him to the victim who had stopped trashing wildly for a moment.  My eyes widened slightly in surprise as a pair of angry, fearful yet hopeful dark brown eyes collided with mine.  I saw a flash of recognition and her eyes burned with hope for a long moment, then she seemed to recall something and the flame of hope died away as her eyes darkened with despair.  Those eyes reflected emotions that were once familiar, recalling memories that I had buried.  A wave of fury beyond what I had ever felt swept through me … …


	17. Getting Acquainted

Author's Note: Thank you all for all the wonderful wonderful comments!  I really had a great time reading them!  I do apologise again for the unexpected delay – I could have posted a short chapter on Saturday, but I eventually decided that will be having a cliff-hanger and so I took a little longer to complete a much longer chapter.  I hope this meets your preference as well?  Thanks again for your understanding … … :)

Kousagi: Ah a new reader!  Welcome!  At the moment, I haven't really planned for it to be a R/T or R/R fic.  More of a R/R at the moment I would think.  However, nothing has yet to be decided :)

Watery-Sky: Another new reader!  This must be my lucky week.  Wow thanks so much for your kind comments – really motivating me to write more.  I'm sooo glad that you find it interesting.  I hope you won't get bored over the next couple of chapters because they will be somewhat similar to the manga plot though of course I'm adding more "behind the scenes" scenes and interpreting some of them in my own way.

Pure innocence : Definitely!  I was like – geez how did you manage to deduce that I was going to make Rui attracted to Tsukushi because of her semblance to one of the girls that made a difference in Rui's life i.e. Shadow?  Good on you!

Twilightstarz: Well done!  Yes, unfortunately I'm going to follow the plot of the manga, though I promise I'll try to create something new each time.  I really hope you won't get bored!

Buzz : Wow another new reader!  Yeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssss! Thanks so much for your comments.  I'll really glad you like the idea of Rui workings secretly as an agent, in charge of deciphering codes!

Orenjipanda: I should really go and buy lottery – welcome another new reader!  Oops so sorry, I didn't mean to leave a cliffhanger coz you see, I figured that most readers know the story of HYD so you will kind of know what happened next right? I.e. nothing terrible to Tsukushi!  Sorry sorry about that, it really wasn't intentional!

Lian: Hi!  No actually Shadow is not Tsukushi :)  As for Rui's secret – I haven't really thought about that far yet. 

Kensingtonkid: Yes you're right!  Shadow is not Tsukushi.  Say goodbye to the women that were previously in Rui's life – Shizuka and Shadow.  We'll be focusing on Tsukushi for a while ne!  I'm so glad you liked the chapter! Thank you thank you!

Rui: I don't know why you get so excited about these reviews Sheen, they're all about me and because of me.  What role do you play?

Sheen: er … er … well … … yes … … but … 

Rui: *in an unnaturally arrogant tone* You should thank me or rather my creator.

Sheen: *bows* Thank you oh revered one … … Would you like me to add more angst to your life.

Rui: *in a warning tone* Don't push your luck too far … …

Sheen: okay okay *surrendering and hiding behind her computer*

Chi5: Hi!  It's been a while – have you been abroad? Yes, the story is getting familiar.  I'm really going to try to make sure it doesn't get stale though. At the moment, I can't think of how Tsukushi can be Shadow because of the discrepancy between their ages and their experience.  However, I guess anything can happen ne?

Piglet:  Good to hear from you! Thank you so much!  I'm really glad that you "buy" my idea.  I have been trying not to get into a plot that would sound too incredulous, that sounds maybe even a teeny weeny bit convincing?  I'm so glad you pick up the linkages so readily.

*Yan*: So sorry, I forgot, she's Tsukushi.  At the moment, I can't think of how to make her Shadow – hope you aren't too disappointed!  And I'm really glad you like this diff POV!

Shopps: Wow, you're really too kind!  I'm glad you like both this story as well as POV!  I guess POV has a less convoluted plot but is more emotional, but this story is less "moving" in that sense ne?  Thanks so much for supporting both of them. And I'm glad you find my "explanations" for Rui's actions/behaviour in the manga convincing.

Toinks: Thanks!!!!!!!!!  I'm sooooooooooooooooooooooooo happy that you like the chapter.  Hey, I love your story too!  It's really good!!!  I reviewed both chapters!!

Blackcat:  You read my 1st story as well???  Wow, hey thanks !!! I'm so glad you liked that!  I was really trying hard in this story to explain all the events that you highlighted in your last review – picking up the trash can and the rescuing of Tsukushi.  I'm really glad that you identified with it!!!  Thanks so much!!!

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Chapter 16 – Getting Acquainted

"Let her go." I adopted a deceptively casual pose, crossing my arms as I leant against the brick wall.

"Huh? But … … but Doumyouji san … …" The leader was stupid enough to sputter out a mild protest.  His voice died away and his face paled when he saw the cold murderous glint in my eyes.

"I said, 'Let her go'."  My eyes were twin glaciers, highlighting the fact that my voice was far too calm - dangerously so - and that my stance was just a bit too relaxed.  They did not stay to argue.  Within seconds, the cowards had vanished completely.  My eyes were hard and unforgiving as I continued to gaze in the direction where the louts had scampered, lost in my own thoughts for a moment. 

"Th … … thank … … you." A shaky voice brought me back to reality.  I straightened up and looked at the small figure huddled on the ground.  She was still trembling slightly but had pulled herself to a seating position.  My manners took over and I automatically held my hand out to her.  With a little hesitation, she placed her small warm hand in mine.  I was a bit surprised at its warmth.  However, somehow it felt right that her hand should reflect the rest of her personality just as my relatively cold one did.  I helped her to her feet and was about to ask her if she was fine when the long lashes lifted and dark brown eyes met mine.  The fear had left those eyes and they were looking at me with shock, gratitude and something close to adoration?  

Great, the last thing I needed was more hassling from a new addition to my existing "fan club".  Immediately, my defence mechanism was turned on.  I let go of her hand quickly saying in my coldest tone, "don't get the wrong idea.  I simply dislike this sort of thing."  I saw something like disappointment darkening her eyes as I turned to leave although her goofy expression still remained.  

I shuddered slightly – there was no way I could fit comfortably into the role of a young girl's knight in shinning armour, nor did I want to be a hero.  No, thank you indeed.  I have enough responsibilities and problems on my shoulders as it is.  She will simply have to take care of herself and from what I have seen of her so far, with the exception of foul play, she is fully capable of doing so.  Yet, the expression in those brown orbs left a lasting impression in my mind.  Somehow, I was disturbed by the fact that she was so pathetically grateful for an act of simple kindness … …  No, I flatter myself overly much, it was not even an act of kindness but just the instinctive response of any decent human being.  What kind of life did she lead?  Did she expect so little?  Perhaps it was due to the treatment that she had been receiving in this school to date.  My eyes hardened again when I thought of the possible identity of the "mastermind" behind this attack.  It was time that my best friend and I had a good talk … …

"Tsukasa." I walked rapidly into his room, neither knocking nor giving the servant a chance to announce my presence.  He looked up from the bed where he was lounging, a book held in one hand.  

"Rui?" Surprise flashed in those dark eyes for a moment, then his habitual frown fell in place.  "Just right. There's something that I need to confer upon you."

 For a moment, my anger was replaced by confusion.  What on earth could he have that I did not?  What would he want to "most graciously" "bestow" on me or "grant" me?  However, my confusion lasted only for two seconds, "you mean confer WITH me."  I added silently, you idiot.  

His frown grew deeper, "it's the same thing!"  I was about to assure him that it most definitely was not when he cut me off with, "what's the problem with you?  Why did you make me lose face?"

Understanding dawned immediately.  So, we were both concerned about the same issue.  I glanced at him emotionlessly and decided from the pigheaded expression on his face that this was going to take some time.  I sat down on a chair across from him, "I think you went overboard."  My voice was cool.

"What do you mean?" Immediately, he jumped up and started roaring in fury.  I simply waited for his outburst to subside.

"I would have never thought that you would ever sink so low."  I said when he finally paused for breath.  Immediately, that set off another tirade.  I was rather surprise that he had managed to refrain from using his fists for so long.

"… … NEVER EVER tell me what to do, you low-down skunk!" He yelled as he shook a fist in the air.  Thankfully it was nowhere near my face otherwise I would have to retaliate and I really did not want to pick a fight with him unnecessarily. 

"That does not apply to rape."  That stopped him short.

"WHAT?" The surprise in his voice was genuine.  Either that or his acting skills rivaled mine.

"That does not apply to rape." I repeated myself a little more calmly even though my voice was still slightly strained.

"I know what you said," he glared at me but some of the heat had vanished.  "What do you mean rape?"

"Your henchman said that you gave orders to rape that new girl."

"Not true!  I told them to scare her a little."  He was no longer yelling.  "I wouldn't do such a thing."  I saw the truth of that matter in his honest, open expression that held just a hint of dismay, and of course anger.  Anyway, Tsukasa had never lied to me before.

"Fair enough."

Then he spoke again, "hey, I've got his new computer game.  Want to try it out?"

"Okay." The matter was closed.

A few days later, I found myself playing my violin at one of my favourite spots on the school grounds.  It was a secluded place far from the school buildings overlooking a huge lake where rose bushes were in abundance.  I loved the scenery, the quietness and the fragrance of roses that hung in the air.  My bow and the fingers on left hand moved swiftly over my violin, each note ringing out clearly even as they flowed smoothly to generate my favourite music.  I closed my eyes, losing myself as I played, expressing my pent up emotions through the beautiful sounds.  Somehow, the soothing music always had a healing effect on my soul – it was one thing that made school more bearable and helped to fill the void in my life that Shizuka's absence created. 

Suddenly, I felt the strange presence of another living soul.  My playing stopped as my eyes snapped open.  What surprised me was not the sight of the now familiar girl sitting on the bench next to me, but the expression of rapture on her face.  She appeared to be just as immersed in my music as myself.  The only other girl who has shown appreciation of a similar degree was … … Shizuka.  I felt the familiar emptiness as I thought of my absent friend.

"Why did you stop?" She actually had the audacity to ask me the question after sneaking up on me and breaking my concentration, and then reminding me of Shizuka?  "Anyway, that was incredible," she continued with a sigh.  A slight frown ceased my forehead.  What did she know about music anyway?  My doubts were confirmed when she chattered on, "so what's that piece called? It's so pretty!"

"Quiet!" Her cheerful voice grated most irritatingly on my nerves.  "Why on earth do you have to make such a fuss?  What's the great deal about knowing how to play a musical instrument or two?"  The disdain in my voice cut her to the quick.  Immediately, she lowered her eyes as her face fell and her lips began to quiver a little.

"… … I just wanted to thank you properly for yesterday … …" I had to strain my ears to hear her soft voice.  "If you hadn't come, something … … irreversible … … would have happened … … I really appreciate it … …" So she was still naïve … … still untouched.  A small voice reminded me again that she was a different person from Shadow and definitely unlike me … …  I suddenly had an urge to remove her from my presence and as soon as possible.  Something so pure should not be in the presence of something … … not so pure … …

"Maybe I shouldn't." Her eyes flew wide open. "Not if it means you're going to be hanging all over me like a fly now.  What's the big deal anyway?" My cynical words made her blink.  "It's only your virginity right?"

"B … … but I was really happy." Her words confirmed my suspicions.  She did not show any indication that she was about to leave and I did not feel inclined to stay here for a cosy chat with someone who was just a stranger.  

"I'll see you again at the stairs!" She called when I turned to leave.  My footsteps paused for a second.

"Then I'll stop going there," I said coldly without look at her before walking rapidly away.  I was sick of her ability to stir my emotions by her naivety or by the way she kept reminding me of past events and the people who have disappeared (temporarily or otherwise) from my life.  Strangely enough, in spite of my attempts to avoid her, she kept turning up one way or another.  One reason was probably because of my best friend's strange obsession with her, and he really went out of his way to provoke her.  After being forced to observe them in their many arguments, I started to learn quite a few things about her and realised that she quite different from the conniving female population in Etoku. 

The similarities between her character and Tsubaki's were pretty uncanny.  They were equally loud, vibrant, rash, blunt, straight-forward and, of course, violent.  I suspected that Tsukasa's "unique attraction" to her was largely based on his closet sister complex and a previously dormant masochistic streak that was making itself known.   However, I had begun to feel a reluctant admiration for her courage and her constant cheerfulness in spite the hardships that fate dealt her.  Also, in some ways she reminded me of my best friend, making me feel relaxed in her presence.  I mean quite obviously I do see certain "sterling" qualities in Tsukasa that made him my best friend – and I could see them in her as well.  The vulnerability that lay beneath that tough exterior, and I could sense her caring nature  - the kindness, generosity, warmth and concern for others.  Of course, her naivety and straight-forwardness is like a breath of fresh air.  And her antics kept me amused.  Some examples?

Like the other time when I walked past Tsukasa's house and did a double take when I saw her standing outside, staring at me as if I had descended from the heavens.  After the usual polite exchanges, she suddenly asked me a philosophical question that somehow struck a deep chord in me, "do you think there's anything that you can't buy with money?"  There were so many answers buzzing in my head.  I wanted tell her, "all the important things in life."  I wanted to tell her no amount of money can buy courage, kindness, innocence, loyalty, time, life, friendship, love … … 

Not wanting to overwhelm her with the depth of my contemplation, I selected the most inanimate and neutral object that I could think of – air – and her face brightened immediately.  Somehow, my lips unconsciously responded with one of my rare smiles.  I saw those large eyes glaze over as her cheeks turned pink.  Her reaction confirmed my suspicions about her little crush on me.  Somehow, I found her "transparency" rather endearing and my smile deepened just a little.  Okay fine, I might have wanted to see how red she could turn.  So shoot me.  I am just a human after all and I do have an ego at times.  I began to observe her – surreptitiously of course.  Whenever the four of us were in her vicinity, her eyes always sought me out.  If I caught her in "action" or if she saw me looking at her with my usual emotionless face, she would blush tomato red and quickly look away.  Unfortunately, my dense best friend mistook her adoration to be directed at him.  Not wanting to disillusion him and not expecting the repercussions that eventuated, I allowed the misunderstanding to persist … …


	18. Mind Games

Author's Note: Hi all!  I do hope that you won't find this chapter being too repetitive of HYD.  What I have been trying to do is to highlight the underlying currents that have not been emphasized in HYD because they will have implications for the future plot.  Once again, I'd like to thank my reviewers for their lovely reviews!  They are extremely motivating and keeps me writing … … :)

angel310: Ah a new reader!  Thanks so much for your wonderful comments !!!  I'm really glad that you like "A different POV" too.  I actually also feel that it's quite silly to recopy the storyline from the manga and that I should simply skip quite a lot of parts.  So I'm really relieved that you feel I have been able to add certain bits to modify the story (and I really hope to make it more worth reading as well ;) )!  What I will most probably do is to either alter the later part of the story or extend it beyond the current timeframe for a while.  Probably it'll be a bit angsty :)  Thanks again for your support!  

Toinks: Hi hi hi! I saw your new chapter as I was in the process of posting this up.  Will be dropping by shortly!  I was also thinking like you i.e. guys resolve their diffs in a way that gals never would.  It would be just like Tsukasa to forget everything over a new computer game (remember how he offered Rui the squid he caught as a peace offering and then told him that he didn't really want him to eat it anyway, but still giving it to him?).  Also, I thought it would be just like Rui's character to let things go quietly and not make a fuss when he realized that his friend really did not have such intentions. :)

kensingtonkid: Wow and you actually took so much trouble to post a review ??? Thanks so much !!! I'm really grateful :)  Rui liking Tsukushi in the end? ;) Let me keep you in suspense for a while longer ok? ;)  My bad!  But yes, currently Rui certainly pays attention to Tuskushi.  Partly because it started with Shadow, partly because she's so different from other girls, and she's often a victim of circumstances that reminds Rui of his "painful past".

Lian: I have to say that I definitely agree with you.  I really like scenes where Rui plays his violin!  You are right, the girl is definitely Makino Tuskushi.  Thanks for reading!

Nana-chan: You definitely hit the nail on the head!  I am focusing on Rui's POV and I'm trying to add certain twists where to explain that things are actually not as straight forward as what they appear on the surface.  Hopefully, I'm succeeding!  I'm trying not to bore you all by too much repetition.  So please let me know if it starts getting stale ok?  Thanks so much for your kind comments!

*Yan*: I'm glad you aren't too disappointed that Shadow isn't Tsukushi.  And yes, Rui's silence is going to cost him.  On the other hand, knowing Tsukasa's character, I believe he would have probably gone after Tsukushi just as ferociously even if he knows that she likes Rui, not himself, being under the impression that Rui is in love with Shizuka. Between, I hope I'm not moving too fast?

Pure innocence: Tsukasa tends to be too presumptuous ne?  That was one of my favourite quotes in the last story as well! 

Sheen: Now Rui, we would like to know how exactly you feel about Shizuka and Tsukushi.

Rui: What business is that of yours?

Sheen: Oh, it's just that your fans are extremely interested in knowing who really like. Or do you not know?

Rui: You're the one writing me up to be one totally confused twisted character who can't even decipher his own feelings and you dare to ask me that question?

Sheen: *surrenders* Okay okay, that ends our interview for today!

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Chapter 17 –  Mind Games

"Rui!"  My entire body stiffened when I heard the familiar sweet voice.  My head snapped to the right and my eyes widened as I looked at the vision running up to me.  Then a pair of slim arms wrapped themselves around my neck and a pair of soft lips touched mine gently for a long moment.  
  


"Shizuka!"  Finally she was back with us.  We had all been anticipating her return since she called us a week ago.  I looked at her glowing face.  "France seems to suit you, you're looking lovelier than ever."  She laughed and withdrew from me as Tsukasa, Akira and Soujirou came up and kissed her warmly in turn.  I observed her quietly and impassively as we walked to the coffee shop on campus.  Shizuka had really transformed over the past two years.  There was a new maturity and wisdom (or maybe cynicism?) in her brown eyes and the angles of her face had become more womanly.  The years of modeling had rubbed off on her, she held herself more confidently and there was just the right touch of seductiveness in her inherently graceful movements, making her an extremely desirable woman in any man's eyes.  However, being sick and tired of intrigue, I had to admit that I preferred my friend of prior years and hoped that her nature had not changed too drastically.  For a moment, my thoughts drifted to an incident that took place a few days ago … …

"What are you doing kissing a poster?" Dark brown eyes stared at me with a hint of jealousy in their depths.  "It's really weird … … just because your childhood s… …sweet heart is coming back … …" I froze for a moment.  Was that what everyone thought Shizuka was to me?  There was nothing ever like that between us.  We cared for each other more like siblings.  In fact, there was a period of something similar to "sibling rivalry" between both of us when we both attempted to be the best agents in what we did.  However, her words planted the seeds of doubt in my mind.  What if the time apart form each other altered the nature of our relationship?  Not wanting to dwell uselessly on pure speculation, I decided to change the subject.

"Do you like me?" I suddenly blurted out as I took a step closer to her, noticing that she was trembling a little.  I cursed the devil on my left shoulder and chided the angel on my right for not stopping the latter's "naughtiness".

"Wha … …what?  Who the hell would like y … …" Before she finished the sentence, I acted on an impulse.  My hand shot out and caught hold of her small and fragile looking wrist.  With one smooth motion, I pulled her to my side and bent down, letting my lips caress those soft, rosy cheeks.  My curiosity was satisfied.  Her cheeks were as soft as Shadow's but warmer.  The latter was not surprising seeing that she was blushing so hard that she was almost magenta.  When I released her wrist, she wobbled a little before her legs gave way and she landed on the floor with a bump.  I winced internally, hoping that she had not injured herself on my behalf.  I could not help but start comparing huge discrepancy between her actions and Shadow's before I reminded myself of my decision to put a stop to my obsession with Shadow.  Tsukushi was a totally different and unique individual.

"Haven't you been longing for me to do that?" Somehow, the flirtatious words slipped out of my mouth without thinking.  I mentally observed the side effects of being around Soujirou and Akira too long.

"Are … … are you Hanazawa Rui?" The incredulity in those innocent brown eyes was almost laughable … …

"Rui?" I turned to see four pairs of eyes looking at me. 

"Sorry." 

"You've missed quite a bit of Shizuka's stories about the number of French men who were dying for her attention."  What a pity a dry voice said in my mind, I'm sure I would have benefited greatly from hearing such a great chuck of VITAL information.

Outwardly, "sorry," I repeated again.

"What about you, Rui?  Do you have a girlfriend?"  Shizuka gave me a teasing smile, but there was something contemplative/calculative lurking in the depths of her eyes.

I shifted uneasily, "no."

"Why?  You should get one."  She seemed to be almost testing me, weighing me up?  My suspicious were aroused.  What was happening?  I did not like playing mind games, and especially not with a friend that I trust.  Or could I not trust her any longer?  What happened in France?  I looked searchingly into those brown eyes for a moment, trying to read her intentions.  However, Shizuka had become skilled at hiding her emotions and she maintained an open, friendly and teasing countenance.  "After all it's good for a man to be with a woman who would help polish him up!" She continued light-heartedly.

Quite surprisingly, my relatively dense friends had not missed the look that I had given Shiuzuka.  I heard Akira whispering to Tsukasa, "… … Shizuka's so harsh … … knows about Rui's feelings … …"  I groaned internally at their misunderstanding. 

I breathed a little more easily when, "huh?"  Tsukasa gaped at Akira in total confusion.  Akira shook his head at Tsukasa's "insensitivity" and muttered something under his breath.  Then I turned my attention back to what Shizuka was saying.

"… … introduce you to some pretty girls."

"No, thank you."

"I thought you'd say that."

I breathed a sigh of relief when I spotted the familiar twinkle in her eye, "you were just joking around weren't you."

"Of course, I wouldn't hand over my Rui to anyone else!"  My eyes widened slightly, now when did I ever become "her Rui".  The suggested intimacy made me just a trife uncomfortable.  Fortunately at this moment, a guy came up to her and they started talking.  She introduced all of us as her close friends and "brothers" to him.  Apparently, he was some hotshot working in a hospital.  As they chattered, I observed Shizuka narrowly.  Why was she behaving this way with me?  She was almost … … flirtatious?  

She had never acted like that before.  Did she want something more from our previous platonic relationship or was this just a new mannerism that she had acquired from France?  Perhaps she was used to flirting with all guys like that? Then why only with me but not with Tsukasa, Akira and Soujirou?  Yet, here she was telling the stranger that we were like brother and sister.  My brow furrowed in consternation.  Did I even like her that way?  What was she trying to pull?  A loud crash near the entrance of the café jolted me out of my thoughts.  Everyone got up and went to investigate the source of the noise.  I lagged behind as I was not particularly interested in these petty going-ons.  

"Is this sort of thing popular amongst high school kids nowadays, Rui?" Shizuka was asking me.  I took one step forward to see what was happening and froze.  A pair of familiar long lashed dark brown eyes swiveled from Shizuka's face and fixed on mine.  The haunted expression resembled that of a dying animal caught in the headlights of a speeding car.  I tried counting the fleeting emotions that I could identify – shock, embarrassment, pain and despair.  I caught the silent but eloquent plea for help and turned my head to one side for a moment, overwhelmed by the resurfacing familiar emotions.  Why could she always stir up emotions that I never want to experience again?  When I regained my composure and turned back, I caught sight of the dark despair that had taken over and the tears that were glistening in those eyes just before the long lashes lowered and she bowed her once-proud head in total surrender.  Something twisted in my chest at seeing her courageous spirit defeated.

One of the idiots harassing her actually raised the handle of his mop with an gleeful expression on his face, all ready to slam it into her small slender figure.  A killing rage filled me for an instance and again the strange fierce protectiveness that I had felt for a fellow victim when she had been about to be raped took over.  I kicked out and connected with the handle of the mop before it could touch Tuskushi.  Unfortunately for the attacker, the force of my kick directed the handle of the mop back into his stomach.  Naturally, it was not my fault that the group was standing so close together that they started falling over like a row of dominoes when the body of their fallen companion was thrown back into them with the force behind my attack.  

I had to admit that there was no rational reason for what I did next, other than that I appeared to have suffered from the most severe brain-freeze ever for a couple of moments i.e. put simply, my brain stopped functioning.  My legs moved forward.  I found myself bending down and lifting the trembling (and dirty) slight figure huddled on the ground into my strong arms.  I was taken a little aback by the fact that she weighed almost nothing.  As I held her securely, she hid her face in the crook of my neck as a shaking hand clutched weakly at my shirt.  Something about that pathetic yet trusting way in which she sought my protection stirred my temper against her tormentors, "for goodness stake, stop acting so childishly all of you!" I actually raised my voice at the cowering bullies.  You could have heard a pin drop in the silent café.  I saw the shock and disbelief on everyone's faces including the widening eyes of Shizuka and the slack jaws of my three friends.  Ah well, I blame it on my hot temper.  My ability to control myself is in no way an indication that it does not exist.

"Rui, what are you doing?" Tsukasa finally came to life and he started shouting at me.  However, I could sense that there was something more complex that simple fury this time round.  There was something like a hint of betrayal in his eyes.  "Have you gone crazy?" He yelled.

"Tsukasa, give it a rest." My calm and cold voice stopped him short.  I had enough of the violence caused by his childish bullying ways, especially in relation to this one helpless girl.  Also, I was tired of being reminded of my past all the time.  I did not think it was necessary for Tsukasa to be as cruel as to break her spirit as mine had been.

"Don't tell me … …" something like comprehension dawned in his eyes, "you like this welfare case?"  I barely refrained from letting out a snort.  His question did not merit an answer.  How could he think that I was in love with this little mite of a girl?  He probably thought that his own twisted obsession with her is contagious.  My reactions were out of pity.  However, my silence was misunderstood by him and resulted in the most serious fight that we ever hand.  It almost tore our friendship apart – well, in fact Tsukasa officially ended our friendship in front of all the bystanders.  Of course, he regretted his harsh words when he cooled down about the event.  However, this taught me an important lesson about the fragility of human relationships and also served to inform me of the extent of Tsukasa's feelings for Tsukushi.  Our reconciliation did not take place until the cruise … …

I still remember standing on the deck with Shizuka, having one of our cosy chats.  Or at least, listening to her talking about France, enjoying the rare company of a beautiful and extremely intelligent woman.  Then suddenly, she started again.

"You must be disappointed." I raised a quizzical eyebrow at her.

"Makino san isn't here tonight."

"Why are you hung up over her?" I turned and looked straight into her beautiful brown eyes.

"Because you like her right?  I've been a little jealous since that day when you rescued her in the café … … You're not my Rui only anymore."  For the first time, I saw something like possessiveness on her face.

"And what would you say if that is indeed the case?" I asked cautiously.  The confusion that I had been feeling since Shizuka came back suddenly hit me with full force.  What on earth was she doing toying with me in this way?  I had never thought of her in a romantic way until she started with all these mind games, teasing me, hinting at more than platonic feelings for me, doing her best to make me fall for her, and yet at the same time adamantly denying that we were anything more than "siblings"  … … Thanks to the seeds of doubt that Tsukushi planted, I had started asking myself whether I was indeed falling for her.  With her beauty, brains, our past close friendship and the fact that she knew most of my secrets, I really believe it would not be hard for me to let myself fall for her, although I had to confess that I was not currently madly in love with her.  With my past track record for screwing up or getting screwed, I was not willing to let myself step blindly into something that could potentially be a cleverly designed trap.  However, she was confusing me so much.  I was getting sick of the "clever" games that she was playing.  

"Well … … I think she suits you … …" However, her expression contradicted her words.  I could not hold back a cynical laugh at her obvious hypocrisy and blatant lie.  Tsukushi suited me?  Yes, we were as similar as fire and ice, purity and sin, cotton and steel.  We were polar opposites.  If she had said something about opposites attracting each other, I would have been more convinced of her sincerity.  
  


"Why are you laughing?"

I stopped laughing abruptly and pinned her with my coldest look, "stop pretending and being such a fako.  I understand only too well the part you play in society, I am as bad as you.  However, pretending for the sake of duty is one thing.  Pretending for one's own selfish reasons and hurting others is another.  Do you take responsibility for those that you have hurt?  Do you even care?"  I asked as I recalled all the conquests she was telling us about and the number of hearts that she had broken.

Her faced paled and she flinched from my words as if they were a physical blow, "R … Rui, I never meant to … …"

"Stop it," I clenched my hands into fists, wishing I could run them into my hair and tear them out in exasperation.  "Stop trifling with me!"  Stop all these mind games!  Tell me the truth – what on earth do you really want Shizuka?  I was screaming internally.  Do you really want my heart?  Are you sure?  Then, a plan suddenly flashed in my mind.  I continued smoothly, "I like Makino Tsukushi?  You can't be serious!  The one I want is … …" I cut myself short, pleased with my own acting skills when I saw the stunned expression on her face as I allowed my eyes to devour her face.  Two can play the game.  I believed that my scheme could successfully "dig" the truth from her.  Wanting to see how far she was willing to pretend or to test her sincerity, I grabbed her slim wrist and dragged her forcefully indoors … …


	19. A Brewing Storm

Author's note:  Hi all!  I hope the wait isn't that long this time round!  I must say this chapter isn't that exciting and I'm having a little trouble trying to straighten out the plot in my head.  Hopefully, it's almost there … … :) Once again, thanks so much for your wonderful review – it keeps me writing even late at night when I'm suppose to be working on other things ;)

Lian: Hi there!  Actually, to be frank Rui is comparing Tuskushi to Shadow more often than he compares Shizuka to Shadow I must say.  Ah, Shizuka being a practiced flirt?  That was quite mean of me – I meant to depict her as just being an alluring woman! ;)

Chi5: Thanks for dropping by – glad you liked it !

Angel310: Hey, thanks so much for your review !!!  You're really too kind.  Loved reading your perspective.  Once again, here's another ffing of the manga!  However, hopefully the new excerpt at the end will be something new :)  In a way, what I'm trying to show is that there is something beneath the seemingly sureness of Rui's feelings for Shizuka in the mange.  That he was acting to a certain extent ;)  But this chapter his feelings does appear to turn more in one direction!

Nana-chan: You're definitely right!  I have selected the scenes that I believe will lead to other new developments.  Did you think that Shizuka is confusing and playing mind games?  I genuinely thought it was confusing how she seemed to tease Rui, be possessive of him and yet claim that they were only "brother and sister"!  Thanks so much for your kind comments !!!

Toinks: Were you surprised that he was confused?  Geez Toinks, you should save your compliments for yourself !!!!  You're too modest.  I read your new story and was totally swept off my feet by the chemistry between Tuskushi and Tuskasa.  If I want to read a T&T relationship, I definitely know who I should be begging on my knees to write one!

Piglet: Hi hi!  Really glad you liked that chapter and that you actually found something new in Rui's perspective!!! I've been trying hard to add at least something new in each chapter so I must say I'm delighted by your comments! Hopefully, this chapter's "behind the scenes" information will be up to expectations!  Thanks so much for reading :)

Blackcat: Hey there !!! Oops … … Ooops …. Sorry, really didn't mean to leave another cliff-hanger (I seriously thought that you would all be yawning because you would know what happened in the manga) !!!  Thanks so much for your generous comments – I must say I really love reading them though I know I don't deserve such praise !!!   Look at all the brilliant authors around … … :)  This chapter is less humours – more angsty.  However, I hope you'll still find something interesting or new within!

Kensingtonkid:  Things are heating up even more ne ;)?  Sorry between you mentioned something like "R/R"?  Did I actually write something like that?  I was trying to check the last chapter but I can't seem to find it!  Sorry, must be one of my stupid mistakes as per normal!  Thanks so much for taking so much time to review – I really really appreciate it!

Kousagi-chan : Hi hi!  I hope this is soon enough for you!  Enjoy ne!  And thanks for dropping by J

Ayasaa:Ah yes!  Another new reader *dancing around madly*.  I'm so glad that you like this fic and with regards to Shadow and Tsukushi – no they're not related.  They just happen to resemble each other physically which makes Rui feel more "friendly" or act less of an ice block at least around the latter.  I think in general I will follow the storyline of the manga, but try to add some twists to make it slightly different!  Thanks so much for your comments and I hope I have answered your qs satisfactorily!

Drina: Welcome back!  Thanks so much for your reassurance – boy do I need that ;)!  I really like reading your opinions and I am glad that you do find certain things about this story different … … :)  Oh yes, before I forget, I am currently situated in Australia.  Thanks so much for commenting :)

Rui: You again?

Sheen: *blissfully oblivious to Rui's glare* As always!  It seems to me that you are getting closer to Shizuka, Rui!  So tell me, has she succeeded in melting that ice encasing your heart?

Rui:  Where on earth did you hear that bit of gossip?  And what do you mean by that last comment?

Sheen:  Eh?  Don't you know your reputation for being Mr Ice man? And as for Shizuka, well it's kinda common knowledge.

Rui:  Your definition of "common knowledge" is seriously flawed when the person being talked about is not aware of that fact. 

Sheen: So it's not true?  So would you like to enlighten … … hey, Rui where are you going?  I haven't finished asking my questions!  Rui, Rui … ….

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Chapter 18 – France Again

"Rui, what are you doing?" I ignored her cries as I pulled her into my room.  She tripped and I took advantage of the extra momentum to push her onto my bed.  I turned and locked my door before advancing on her sprawled figure with a what I hoped was menacing expression on my face.  I knelt on the bed as I bent over her, trapping her between my arms, as my hands sank into the soft mattress on either side of her. For a long moment, I tried to decipher any devious intention in the lovely face that was staring at me in apparent shock and confusion.  Failing, I put her to the final test.  My head lowered and the long lashes fluttered shut in total submission as I tasted those tempting lips.  

I waited for the imperceptible tensing of her body, for those arms to push me away, for her hand to slap me hard.  However, nothing like that happened.  Instead, her lips were soft and pliant as they moved first gently and then more passionately against mine.  Then I felt her slipping her arms around my neck as her fingers tangled in my hair.  As I started to lose myself in the heat of the moment, the first pangs of doubt and guilt assaulted me.  Why was she so compliant?  Did Shizuka really care for me or was I "forcing" her against her will?  Was I completely off the mark by being too skeptical and cynical for my own good?  And if she was pretending, what right did I have to make her try to endure and hide the humiliation and the disgust of being vilified by my hands?  Bile rose in my throat as bitter self-recrimination took over.  I suddenly broke off the kiss and pulled away from her embrace, turning my back to her as I sat on the edge of the bed and appeared to be totally engrossed in the intricate patterns woven into the carpet.

"Rui?  What's wrong?" Was the concern in the lovely voice real?  She is your friend after all, Rui, a voice reminded me dryly.  Why are you suddenly so suspicious simply because she grew up and you didn't? 

"Why?" I spun around and faced her.  "Why are you so accepting about all this?  I dragged you in by force!  Why aren't you fighting me … …" I bit my lip violently and did not realize that my hands were clenched so tightly that they were actually shaking until Shizuka took me one of my hands in hers and stroked it gently, trying to relax me.

"Rui, it's ok with me … …" She soothed me like a child.  Then her voice took on a huskier tone, "I'm happy you need me so much.  It's just that sometimes, I forget that you're a man too … …" 

"That's not it!" I backed away.  "What I want isn't your body, it's … …" I paused, uncertain.  What did I want?  Someone to love me and whom I could love in turn.  Even as realization struck, I was still plagued by doubts.  Was Shizuka really the person?  Was what I felt for her love or lust?  Or were we both simply carried away?

"There is no need to be afraid." She mistook my hesitation for nerves and pulled me closer to her.  "This is natural between a man and a woman … …" She smiled reassuringly at me.  

"Shizuka, I … …" I was about to correct her mistaken notions regarding my experience or lack of when she leaned forward and pressed one hand softly on my lips, cutting off my remaining sentence.

"Hush … …" she said gently and then her lips covered mine … …

The cool breeze ruffled my hair as I leant against the railing of the ship.  Thank goodness Tsukusa had interrupted Shizuaka and myself – with his usual lack of finesse – before anything had really happened.  My emotions had been fluctuating wildly in the past hour or so, and I found myself teetering on the edge of falling hard for Shizuka.  Or had I already fallen?  The kind, understanding and almost loving way she had reacted had touched something deep in me, something that craved for the affection that I lacked in my life in spite of my constant state of denial.  I turned my head when I heard footsteps and I saw Tsukushi looking at me with her eyes opened wide, holding something red on a stick in her hand.  On closer perusal, I noted it was a barbecued squid.

Eager to be distracted from my thoughts, the words slipped out before they fully registered in my head, "that smells good.  Can I try some?"

"Ah … …" her eyes inevitably glanced at the squid and her cheeks flushed a little.  "I'll go get you another."  I held out my arm to stop her – I could really do with some company at the moment.

"It's fine, I'll just eat this one."  I took a bite and started chewing.  Hmm, it was actually quite good.

"Where's Shizuka?"  I choked at her abrupt question.  

When I had somewhat recovered, I spoke calmly, "I don't know.  Probably sleeping."

"I'm sorry you were interrupted … …" Her hand flew to her mouth just as my eyes narrowed and I turned sharply to stare at her.  What on earth … … so she overheard.  "You were listening." My voice was flat.

"I wasn't eavesdropping!  I was just passing by … …" We were both equally shocked when suddenly her eyes filled with tears and a crystalline droplet escaped from the corner of her eye and slowly glided down the contour of her smooth cheek.  Her hand hastily swiped at it, "smoke … … the smoke from the barbeque got into my eyes." She blurted out.

She was such a terrible actor that I sighed, "women are so troublesome … …" Of all a sudden, here was another one falling head over heels for me.  That is if I were to believe Shizuka, I reminded myself.  I found a wry smile twisting my lips – why was I suddenly such hot property?  It was not that I was unaware of the girls surrounding me in Etoku, but their infatuation was obviously superficial or even faked.  However, these two are different altogether.  They actually saw me as a human being rather than a goose laying golden eggs, and knew something about the real me that the others did not.  Then I realized the Tuskushi was saying something.

"… … don't hate me … … please … … I know I'm the only one who think of us as kind of "stairway buddies" … … but … …" her voice was shaking.

"If I hated you, I wouldn't have carried you … …" I found myself saying and realized that everything I uttered was true.  There was no way I could hate this violent and naïve girl who was warm and caring at the same time.  Her large tearful eyes widened.  Then, my best friend cut in with a clumsy attempt at reconciling with me– it was just one of his usual pathetic efforts – but I was grateful for his timely intervention and responded positively albeit silently in my usual manner.  It was time this stupid fight ended.  Somehow after that incident, I realized that my feelings for this girl ran deeper than towards a superficial acquaintance and that I actually treated her as a friend or maybe even a sister.  In addition, the doubts and suspicions between Shizuka and myself melted away.  We were back to our old friendship and perhaps even something more.  Somehow, we were spending time alone away from others as we confided in each other our dreams and hopes (or rather Shizuka did most of the talking and I simply watched her) … …

Then, just when I thought everything was peachy, Shizuka made her astounding declaration of disinheriting her name at her birthday party and her resolution to return to France.  I was thunderstruck because she had not mentioned anything along those lines in our so-called confidential conversations.   However, I was the probably the only one who realized the true meaning behind her gesture – that she was in effect cutting off all ties to the organization and telling them that she would no longer be part of them.  What would the consequences of such an action be?  Could I be as brave as her?  Did I want to be as brave as her?  In addition to all the confusion, there was a heavy weight on my chest when I thought of Shizuka being far away from me again.  I needed to be alone to think so I left abruptly after telling Tsukushi to inform the rest of my departure. 

That night, I was tossing and turning sleepless for once amongst my blankets when my handphone rang.  My hand shot out to grab it, silently cursing the party who had most inconsiderately decided to fulfill their whim of calling some other person in the middle of the night  "This had better be good," I muttered as I pressed the answer button, "hello."

"Rui."

"Shizuka."

"Can you come out?  I want to talk to you."

I was silent for a moment, then "where are you?"

"In your garden."

"Give me a minute."  I pulled on my clothes and was down in the garden within moments.  She was sitting under our tree, looking like a fallen angel bathed in moonlight with her uneven short hair and wearing a baggy jersey that hang loosely on her slender frame.  Sensing my presence, she turned and gestured for me to join her.  When I complied silently, she leant her head against my shoulder as I automatically placed an arm around her.

"Are you angry?"

"Should I be?"

"I apologise for not telling you earlier, Rui.  However, I was afraid you'll talk me out of it.  I have to go back to France – I belong there.  I like the freedom there and I can be myself."  And no one can stop me from returning, the unspoken words hung heavily in the silence between us.  I did not know what to say.

"Rui, would you like to come with me?"  I turned to her surprise evident on my face.  Then I froze as her hand reached out and brushed a lock of hair out of my eyes before her slender fingers brushed my cheek caressingly.  My breath caught and my heart started racing as they slowly traced the outline of my jaw.  I trapped those fingers in mine and touched them lightly with my lips.  For a moment, I felt a wild hope raising in my chest as I glanced at the emotion that darkened those brown eyes.  Was it … … love?  Had I found the woman of my dreams?

"Rui, I would love to have a supportive friend around that I can trust.  Also, isn't it time that you think of your future?  Are you going to tie yourself to the agency for your entire life?  Shouldn't you think of breaking free and finding yourself?  Besides, hasn't it always been your dream to make music your career?  Where better than in Europe?  And … …" she took in a deep breath.  "And I care deeply for you, more than any other man at the moment.  I can't say I love you, but … …"

"Do you know what you're asking me to give up?" My voice was low.  My emotions were in a total mess.  In one minute she had raised my hopes and in the next shattered them completely by telling me that she did not love me.  What about her misleading behaviour?  I felt that she was toying with my feelings and making me fall madly for her so that she could manipulate me to her convenience.  And I had to admit that I was starting to fall for her. The disappointment and hurt cut me to the quick.  I lashed out wanting to hurt her just as badly, "you just want a companion so that you won't be alone in France!  You are so selfish, Shizuka.  You want me to disown my friends and family so that I can be at your beck and call?  Everything is at your convenience isn't it?  How if I ask you to stay in Japan instead for my sake?"

She turned deathly pale, "I can't and I won't stay in Japan.  I want to fulfill my dreams in France."

I decided to change tactics as a last resort, "please Shizuka?"  I reached out and held her tightly against me.  "You know we all need you here.  If you wait just a couple of years, I can finish high school and ask my father to send me to university in France."

"I don't want to wait, Rui."

"Please?" I lowered my face into her hair and begged her for the second time in my life.  "I'll miss you so much, you do mean a lot to me.  You are currently the most important woman in my life.  Please, don't leave."

"No!" She struggled out of my embrace and I felt a stinging slap on my face.  "No one tells me what to do, not even you, Rui!  Either you come with me or we're through!"  My face paled as she spun around and ran out of the garden not looking back once … …


	20. France Again

Author's Note: Apologies if anyone gets confused by the title of this chapter. I actually changed the title of chapter 18 because I realize that "France Again" is more appropriate for this chapter. Once again, many thanks to my lovely reviewers … … you keep me writing!

P.S. I noticed that stupid me forgot to use Shizuka's and Rui's code names in Rui's conversation with J.  Corrected that!

Angel 310: Thanks once again for your lovely and kind comments! I'm really glad you like this multi-faceted Rui. That's somehow what I always see him as. I guess the other reason for his behaviour is that he is really autistic. However, somehow his reactions in the manage always made me feel that he's really not such a simple person. More that he is somehow crippled emotionally or crippled with regards to his ability to express emotions. Your questions really hit the nail on the head !!! I think there is really a thin line between being in love and being in love with the idea of being in love! Especially if the other party involved is someone whom is easy to fall in love with – beautiful, kind, understanding and a good friend. Do you mind if I don't answer them now? Because if I did, it will be giving away the plot directly! :) However, you're definitely on the right track to ask those questions *hint hint*. It was extremely discerning of you! 

*Yan*: Hi hi, thanks for dropping by!! :) Yes, I've always felt that Shizuka had a selfish streak in her. I mean she can be nice, kind, understanding etc but the way she acted especially with regards to Rui made me feel that she is quite self-centered and stubborn in a way. I'm glad that you feel the same way! 

Blackcat: Thank you for giving me such lovely reviews – it made me feel like writing more and more and more !!!! Cool, I didn't realize that you were from Australia as well. :) With regards to Shizuka, yes, I've always felt there was an underpinning selfish streak in her. A person who can break away from her family and friends to chase after her ambitions would need to have a determination of steel, and to be emotionally independent on others. Hence, the ability to be practical to such an extent that could be viewed as being rather "emotionless".

  
piglet: Excellent observation! I noticed that you have always been extremely accurate in your observations about this story !!! Wow, are you reading my mind ? ;) Thanks so much for dropping by! What reasons could Shizuka have for Rui to fall for her? Is she just being selfish? Is she really in love with him? Or is it something more? Of course to be fair to Rui, Shizuka is one person who knows the full extent of Rui's capabilities. It is hard not to fall for someone drop-dead gorgeous with brains to boot, and they do not even have any barriers with regards to social status!

kensingtonkid : Did you really want Shizuka gone? Or you like a R&S pairing? I must so apologise for my silly mistake! I meant to write R&T pairing but I guess my mind was so much on Rui that I actually wrote R&R! oops !!! Unfortunately, as you will realize, Rui is not exactly falling into Tsukushi's arms currently for comfort – I do hope you won't get too disappointed ne! Thanks again for commenting !!! :)

Toinks: Hi there!!!! Must really say I was disappointed that your new story is a once off – there was so much promise !!!! Sorry what is "YIM"? I must say I probably do not use it if I don't know the acronym. I do apologise for being so technologically challenged! In a way, what (at least I think) Tsukushi did for Rui did touch him quite deeply even though he did not exactly fall into her arms immediately. No no no … … more twists, more angst to follow !!!!

Sheen: Rui wait up *panting*. Ah I finally caught up with you.

Rui: What do you want?

Sheen: There are rumours that Shizuka is going off to France and leaving you behind.

Rui: *stiffen defensively* so?

Sheen: Is that an indication that you find charms of our cute Tsukushi preferable to our beautiful Shizuka?

Rui: *sarcastically* I must really applaud the ability of your mind to drawn conclusions from random events – you deserve a Nobel prize for that.

Sheen: *gushing happily* Why thank you so much, Rui! You're so kind! You're the first person who has ever acknowledged my talents … … now where did he go?

Chapter 19 – France Again

I was walking around like a zombie not knowing where I was headed. My mental state was partly due to the sleepless night that had resulted from my "sparring" with Shizuka. I could still feel her fingers touching my face gently, and then the stinging imprint of her hand on my cheek. I knew that she probably did not mean to hit me for such a paltry reason – we both simply got carried away in the heat of the moment. However, the uncertainty was tearing me apart and I had to admit that my pride was badly hurt. Somehow, I found myself near a gate when a familiar voice caught my attention.

"… … for Hanazawa Rui's sake please stay in Japan … …" I froze completely at the words coming out of Tsukushi's mouth. My blood drained from my face when I saw the person she was addressing – Shizuka!

"It's impossible … …" I stopped listening as a wave of pain and humiliation swept through me. Thanks to Tsukushi, Shizuka probably thought that I had gotten my friends to try to keep her in France as well. How desperate for her company did this make me seem! I felt anger rising in me as I watched Shizuka remain firm in spite of all the begging and groveling that the foolish girl did on my behalf. 

"What was that? Who asked you to do that?" The rage in my voice was palpable as Tuskushi spun around, turning away from Shizuka's disappearing figure. "For my sake?" I continued harshly, ignoring her expression of shock and hurt combined with just a trace of fear. "Give me a break and stop doing such ridiculous things!" Then I recalled how she had knelt down in front of Shizuka. "How could you prostrate yourself like that! Don't you have any dignity at all or did you brain simply stop working?" However, my anger was slowly dying as I continued to take out my frustrations on her. Somehow, the pale stricken face reminded me that the reason why she did this was because she had thought it would be best for me, because of her affection for me.

"How are you able to do something like that?" I sighed tiredly as I lowered my face into my hand, rubbing my temples. "I can't believe you … …" Then I heard the sniffles start.

"You've been looking so sad … … you may not see her ever again … …" Tears were pouring down her face. I turned away, unable to face the pain reflected in those dark brown eyes.

Then I hardened my heart, "it's none of your business. Leave me alone!" When I finally looked up, she was no longer around. Serves that nosy busybody right, the devil on my left shoulder sneered. She only did that because she cared for you, who else would have bothered to butt in and even degrade herself as she did? And keep in mind her feelings for you, can you image the courage and pain it takes to ask someone you love to chase after another? And then she had to put up with your temper, the angel was whispering insistently in my right ear. Unfortunately, the dry voice in my mind had to agree vehemently with the angel. Guilt poured into me like acid. Overwhelmed, I sank onto the ground and slammed a fist into the ground in frustration, "dammit!" No longer able to maintain my cool façade, I buried my face into my knees as I hit the ground with my bleeding hand repeatedly, hoping that the physical pain will reduce the tumult of my emotions … …

I was not really surprised when a strangely familiar black car pulled up next to mine on my way home. The window was wound down and I saw J looking at me. Almost automatically, I ordered my chauffeur to stop the car and to go back first. Within moments, I was out of the car and facing J in the other. There was a short silence and I found my eyes roaming the insides of one of the most luxurious cars with the latest technology that I had ever seen. There was the usual bar, television, plush seats, DVD player and fridge. In addition, it contained tracking equipment, a telephone screen, a computer with internet and a small armoury. My eyes finally met his.

"You know why I am here." His blue eyes appeared calm as usual. I simply nodded.

"She has our consent." My expression turned wary.

"Why?" I finally said.

"Did you think we were some kind of mafia? That no one leaves the government agency unless they are dead? Cleo is not that unique, Stein."

My breath caught and my eyes narrowed, "as in she's expandable?"

"Well, she has consented to help us out if we ever need her overseas anyways." In a way I felt more relieved after hearing that – I knew there had to be a catch somewhere. "She's building her reputation and may be more useful to us in future," he continued smoothly. "In the meantime we don't need her. We have lots of such agents."

"What about me?" Just the right words to make his head snap up as those icy blue eyes bore into me.

"What about you, Stein?" His tone was cautious.

"Am I expandable too?"

He hesitated, "agents of your caliber are difficult to find. You are an extremely valued employee."

"Meaning that I am much less expandable," I let out a mirthless chuckle.

"Actually, there's another reason why I am here besides the obvious one." I narrowed my eyes slightly. I should have known that the fox would have something up his sleeve.

"How would you like to go to France with Cleo?" I felt my jaw go slack. He gave me a quick glance and continued, "we have another agent in France. Currently, he's on a rather big project and he has communicated to us that he requires some help. You could use Cleo's departure as an excuse to follow her to France. Of course his identity is on a need to know basis, so this is something that you need to keep strictly to yourself."

"Then, the entire world would be under the impression that I followed Cleo to France because I … … I … … because of my feelings for her … …" I stuttered a little.

The light blue eyes held a glint of amusement as they met mine, "and that would be bad because?" I kept silent. "Professionally speaking, this would be the best cover for you … … excepting the fact that your pride might suffer a little bruising because of the unfortunate little episode that took place last night … …"

My eyes flew to his face as a wave of anger swept through me, "you were spying on me!"

"Not at all my dear boy, we were merely following Cleo to ensure that the press did not pick up anything untoward … …" His logical explanation acted to defuse my anger a little. 

I thought for a moment, "let me think over it more carefully."

"That's fine. Just remember that this is a good learning opportunity for you too. The project is something different altogether and the agent handling it is one of our best." Then he added smoothly, "and there are times when we should not allow our emotions to overcome logic especially in the face of duty." I frowned slightly as his remark hit home, that guy really knew how to push my buttons.

"I'll come by in two day for your reply." He let me off at a park near my house. I stood there for a moment, making sure that no one was following us before taking a roundabout way home. It was always better to be safe than sorry … … 

So here I am, four days later, standing in front of Shizuka's apartment in France, trying to muster up enough courage to ring the doorbell. Or rather, getting ready to pretend to eat humble pie, the dry voice in my head added. In a way, I had to thank J for this because if it were left to myself, my pride would have never allowed me to follow Shizuka to France after that slap, no matter how much I was dying to reconcile with her. J's plot had thus inadvertently provided me with an "opportunity" to take our relationship one step further (or forced me to do so), and I was partially relieved to have the decision taken out of my hands because this meant an end to the constant emotional turmoil that I had been under in the past week.

Just as I was about to press the doorbell, the door was flung open and I found myself facing Shizuka who was in the act of putting on a scarf. Her entire body stiffened with shock when our eyes met and her handbag fell onto the floor with a soft plop as it dropped from her nerveless fingers. For a long moment, we simply stared at each other. I felt unfamiliar butterflies in my stomach as I gazed into her lovely face, unsure of my reception. Then suddenly, there was a blur of movement and I almost fell back from the impact of Shizuka's body hitting mine as her arms wound around my neck. Almost instinctively, my arms closed around her as I caught her in my arms, preventing her from falling onto the ground.

"Rui, I'm sorry," her voice was slightly muffled as she pressed her face against my shoulder.

"I'm sorry too," I said without a single clue about what I was apologizing to her for. Well but that's women for you, their irrationality can be rather catching at times and an intelligent man would usually choose the easy way out, as I did. She lifted her head from my shoulder and her eyes met mine for a moment. My throat went a little dry at the intensity of her gaze. Then, I barely managed to grab my bag before she pulled me into her apartment. I stumbled in and found myself standing in a smallish living room that was joined to a kitchen. The furniture was rather new. There was a small white leather sofa set that looked extremely comfortable, a small table and a huge television and stereo set in a corner of the room.

"Nice place you've … …" I started to say when her hands pulled my head down for a long breath-taking kiss. My bag hit the floor with a loud thump. When the kiss ended, we were both breathing hard. I had to admit that my brain was not functioning all too well when I looked at her flushed and lovely face and saw that her eyes were reflecting the same desire that I felt. Well, there are certain girls whom you can have casual sex with. Blame it on my idealism if you wish, however, to me sex with someone important is more than simply a joining of the bodies but a joining of two minds and two souls. Shizuka definitely does not fall into the category of being a "bed playmate". She was someone important to me and I did not know if I was ready for that level of intimacy with her, despite the insistent signals that my body was giving me.

"Shizuka … …" I tried to say.

"Rui … …" she silenced me effectively with another kiss. When the kiss intensified and her hands started caressing me, I knew I was lost. You knew this would happen, the dry voice in my mind reminded me as we slowly made our way to Shizuka's bedroom in a passionate clinch, losing articles of clothing along the way. Déjà vu', I thought as we fell onto her bed and I looked down at her trapped between my arms. This was meant to happen. A kind of calm acceptance enveloped me as I lowered my head and tasted her slender swan-like neck. She arched her neck in further invitation as her hands pressed my head more tightly against her … …

I was holding her firmly against me as she pillowed her head on my shoulder, watching her fingers idly drawing circles on my chest as we both basked in the afterglow, tired and sated for the moment.

"Rui."

"Mmhmm … …"

"Do you think less of me now?" Her eyes lifted to my face. I instantly knew what she was talking about and decided that it was not a good time to fake ignorance.

"Of course not."

"You don't mind?" What right did I have to mind? To be honest, I guess I was a bit disappointed that I was not the first man she had been with. I mean which man would not want to be the first person to touch a woman special to him? However, although we may hope, it is not a pre-requisite to anything possible between a man and a woman be it friendship, love or marriage. And I, especially, am in no position to make such demands.

"No, I have been with others before too. So does that mean you should mind as well?" I added with a trace of humour and she laughed. Then the telephone started ringing insistently.

"Oh no!" She reached out immediately for the bedside phone.

"Hello … … yes … … I'm so sorry … … sorry … … something urgent came up … … sorry … … yes yes, I'll be down directly … … I do apologise! It won't happen again … …"

"I made you late for an appointment." I felt guilty recalling that she had been about to go out before my arrival.

"It's worth it, I was just meeting a friend. But I must run now … …" She took a quick shower and got ready as I got dressed. "I'll be back by 4pm to get you acquainted with this place. The room next to mine is empty, feel free to make yourself at home. Have a good rest!" With these last instructions, she gave me a quick peck on the cheek and hurried off. I went to retrieve my bag from the living room before making my way to the room that she had pointed out. It was simply but elegantly furnished in much the same way as the rest of the apartment. It also had a connecting bathroom. Still a bit overwhelmed by the events of the day and knowing that I still had to contact the agent some time later today, I decided to put everything out of my mind until I had a quick shower and a nap … …


	21. A New Twist

Author's Note: Hi all!  Thanks again for all your comments – I'll zip ahead and answer them directly! 

Drina: Hi there!  Yes, it does seem a bit strange why Shizuka suddenly "jumped" Rui like that doesn't it?  I was hoping that the story was building up to this climax because since the "cruise incident" Shizuka was under the impression that Rui was physically attracted to her and this would have taken place then if Tsukasa didn't interrupt them; Also Shizuka and Rui had a fight rather recently, so I thought that she was probably regretting her "unreasonableness" for hitting Rui and was probably feeling really bad and wishing she could apologise to him.  Then in a way, I thought she was probably also touched by what she thought was Rui's feelings for her – the fact that others e.g. Tsukushi were pleading for her to stay for his sake.  So when he turned up at her door, she was so moved by all the events, feeling apologetic etc (not mentioning the fact that Rui is meant to be very attractive *er hm*) and so everything exploded.  I tried to incorporate a little of this in the story this time round to explain what happened in the previous chapter.  Oh dear!  I hope that this isn't too contrived and thanks so much for pointing it out to me!!

angel310: Thank you thank you thank you!  I realise that you echoed Drina's point about Shizuka as well.  Do you think the explanation I provided is reasonable enough?  I know it does seem quite abrupt – I should have talked more about how Shizuka felt in her conversations to the rest of the F4 other than Rui to explain it better :)  I'm so glad that you found my explanation about Rui's reaction convincing.  Along with my storyline, I thought that it would be more that his pride would be hurt by Tsukushi begging Shizuka on his behalf, especially after their argument, because it made him seem "desperate" which (i) he wasn't and (ii) injured his ego.  I felt that being so intelligent, he would realise that he was only taking out his anger on Tsukushi and how much she was "sacrificing" for him, so he was extremely frustrated because he was simultaneously angry at her presumptuousness and yet ashamed that he had treated her so badly ;)  Will Rui really fall for her this time?  I have to admit he's rather touched by her, but he's not in love with her at this moment.  Tsukushi?  Will, he's still her hero as in the manga ;)  Will she and Tsukasa have their time together?  They will, but because this story is from Rui's POV so they would not feature in this story directly, just through Rui's comments and thoughts.

Angel72: Hi!  It's been a while!  I actually thought you were Angel310 – apologies for the confusion!  Thanks so much for your kind comments – I'm glad you like the way this story is going.  I must say that I may not follow the HYD plot towards the end although I will be following the actions of the characters rather strictly for bulk of it.  I say actions because I guess you can tell straight away that I'm changing the storyline a little by providing certain "behind the scenes information".  

Lian: Hi hi!  Sorry I haven't watched MG2 so I'm not too sure what was written in the sequel.  Thanks, I'm glad you like Rui's character in my story!  Between, I've read your story and left my comments :)

Piglet:  Thanks for your kind comments!  I'm really glad that you feel it "fits" with the original MG plot.  Have to admit that there were times when I had to struggle a little and certain things are pretty contrived ;)  Hopefully you'll like the new twist in the plot!

Kousagi-chan: Thanks so much for your enthusiasm!  I hope this chapter is coming up quickly enough for you :)

kensingtonkid: Hi hi! Is this fast enough?  Thanks so much for your lovely review!   Actually, I hated that scene as well – I felt that Rui was extremely mean to Tsukushi and so I thought I'd soften it a little here.  Unfortunately, that is quite an important scene in the manga ne?  Shizuka and Rui?  Poor Rui, this evil writer will never let him enjoy his peace and happiness for long … … ;)  

*Yan*: Hi!  Wondering about what is happening next?  I'm glad you find the last chapter thought provoking ;) 

Toinks: Hello! Actually, you could be right!  I'm not too sure if the last chapter was shorter because lengthwise it was normal – however, I realise that there was quite a bit of conversation in that chapter which could have affected the spacing ;)!  No no, you're not demanding at all!  I'm only too glad that you're not sick of reading and thinking, "geez man, when is Sheen ever gonna end this boring ole chapter?"!  Your comment made me realise something – Tsukushi is never really her violent and very noisy self when she is with Rui, is she?  That happens when she's quarrelling with Tsukasa but somehow she quietens down when she's around Rui.  Hmm … … I really need to think more about that and see if it will have any potential impact on my plot.  Thanks so much for pointing it out!

Blackcat:  Thanks so much for your wonderful support!  Motivates me to write more each time!  Hey I'm really glad you liked that part when Rui was having his "lapse" coz I really liked writing that too!  (Is it strange for me to confess that I really enjoyed certain parts?)  So more of Shizuka and Rui coming up!  I hope you're ready for the next serving ;)

Rui: I do not have mental lapses.  What did you mean by writing that in the last chapter?

Sheen: Urm … … *slowly* okay … … Well, but don't you give in to Shizuka sometimes?

Rui:  That is none of your business.

Sheen: Would you say that Shizuka is always correct when you agree with her?

Rui: *keeps quiet and glares*

Sheen: Yay!  Point for me finally!

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Chapter 20 – A New Twist

The soft beeping of my watch woke me from my sleep.  Stretching, I rubbed my eyes blearily as they tried to focus on the hands of my watch – it was almost 3pm.  A small right light was blinking insistently.  Suddenly wide awake, I jumped out of bed and ran out of the apartment into the corridor, making sure that the door was not locked behind me – I did not want to be spend the next hour out in the cold waiting for Shizuka.  With a swift look around, I ascertained that I was alone in the garden before pressing the message button.  I swiftly decoded the message from the agent, scanning through his instructions regarding the time and venue for our meeting.  I quickly sent back a reply in affirmative before returning to the apartment.  All these extra precautions seemed a bit superfluous but well it was part of the drill … …

The atmosphere at dinner felt a little strained, at least to me.  Although the past misunderstandings and sexual tension between us had been eliminated by our activities in the afternoon, I could not help but feel a little uneasy and uncertain about their potential impact on our relationship.  However, I knew it had been inevitable and told myself firmly that there would be no regrets.  I just hoped that Shizuka felt the same way and was not regretting her impulsiveness.  I was relieved that she, at least, was behaving normally.

"What are your plans in France, Rui?" The candlelight danced on Shizuka's face, enveloping her in an aura of mystery.

"Merci," I said to the waiter who was pouring wine into the crystal glasses.  "I haven't thought about any yet."

"I will be attending university at least four days out of the week." She informed me.

"Ok."

"You'll be alone."

"I have my violin."

"You could enroll in one of the music courses."

"We'll see."  She dropped the subject knowing that I would do whatever I wanted, and that she had played her part by telling me of the available options.  The conversation turned to more pleasant areas.  After a while, I had to admit that I was enjoying myself.  The food was fantastic and I was in the company of a lovely, intelligent woman who I was starting to fall for, what more could I ask?  We strolled home hand-in-hand, enjoying the fresh air in companionable silence.  Shizuka threw some money to a street performer who quickly serenaded her qualities with his banjo.  He had a good voice and it created a rather romantic atmosphere, but I could not resist shooting Shizuka a glance that communicated eloquently my opinion of his mediocre musical abilities.  I saw her mouth twitch although she managed to retain her composure.

"Fine, it's your turn now Mr I'm-so-Much-Better-than-Anyone-Else!" She teased mockingly the moment we were in the apartment.  "Time to demonstrate your superior talents!"  With a slight smile, I retrieved my violin from my room.  I touched my instrument lovingly and closing my eyes, began to play.  The high notes rang out clearly and sweetly, one following another swiftly as I poured out my soul.  Whenever I touched my violin, it became part of me - my voice.  The beautiful sounds rose and fell as they conveyed my emotions, speaking of the confusion of the past weeks, my acceptance of what fate had thrown to me, the happiness of my "reunion" with Shizuka, and my hopes and dreams.  Finally, the violin fell silent, its speech completed.

"Rui," Shizuka finally spoke.  "That was beautiful … …"  My eyes met hers.

"That was for you."  

I could see her eyes widen for a moment, then she tiptoed and kissed me on the forehead, "thank you, Rui." I gave her an enigmatic smile.  We sat in companionable silence as she read what appeared to be some law textbook whilst I watched the television.  After a while, I started to fell drowsy – still worn out from my long trip.  I stood up and stretched.

"I think I'll turn in.  Good night, Shizuka."  I thought I detected a faint sigh when I shut the door leading to my bedroom, but it could be my ears playing tricks on me.  Too exhausted to work out the intricacies of my relationship with Shizuka, I collapsed on the warm, soft bed and was instantly fast asleep. 

"Merci," I told the cab driver as I paid him.  Stepped out onto the pavement, the large pristine white sign hanging above the entrance to the imposing building caught my eye.  It translated into something like "Hospital of Mercy".  Although I had not expected that organization to have an office situated in a hospital (or beneath a hospital to be strictly accurate), I was not really surprised at the extent of their influence.  Hell, espionage and spying have always been most critical to the continual survival and success of most, if not, all countries.  I walked briskly into the building, mentally recalling all the instructions I had been given and acted accordingly.  After walking through a maze of corridors, changing several different elevators and even passing through a kitchen, I found myself in the basement facing a dead end.  I felt for the hidden panel and pulled the iron handle that was revealed when the panel slid back.  There was a slight rumbling sound and the wall sunk into the floor, revealing an elevator shaft.  I walked into the lift and it moved down into the bowels of the earth.  When the doors opened, I was facing a second set of doors with the usual security system.  I submitted myself to the usual retina and hand scans and keyed in my code.  The metal doors opened to allow me entry.  

Déjà vu! I thought as I found myself in a familiar corridor.  This reminded me so much of my first meeting with Prof Jacob Schwartz.  Perhaps all their "labouratories" had the same design because they are meant to provide the maximum security, nothing but the best for the government.  Then I heard footsteps and turned to see a familiar face and a deep voice said in French, "you must be Stein."

"Prof!" I gasped.

Familiar light blue eyes looked at me with slight amusement and a little sarcasm, "another of Jacob's prodigies!"

My eyes narrowed, "how are you related to Prof Schwartz?"  On closer observation, I saw that this man was slightly shorted and bulkier than my tall, thin mentor.  In addition, although he resembled Prof, his features were sharper.

"Hmm … … they really did send me a bright one," my eyebrows drew together in a slight frown at his condescending comments.  "You are looking at him.  I'm Prof Schwartz as well, Prof Jean Schwartz.  Jacob is my cousin.  Genius, as you know, runs in the family.  They call me Professeur." He ended with a mocking bow.  I returned the favour.

"How's my cousin by the way?" He said as he led me into a lab.  My eyes quickly assessed the equipment and noted that I was familiar with most of them.

"Haven't seen him for a few years."

"Ah, and you his pet student?" He raised an eyebrow sardonically.  "My what a grateful boy you must be." He was starting to get on my nerves but I kept a tight reign on my emotions.  This was only a job and I had to remain professional.

"So what did you need help with, Professeur?" 

"Take a seat," he said suddenly serious.  I obeyed instantly and he started briefing me.  When he finished, I looked at the massive document that he had laid out on the table.

"Please remind me of the deadline again?" I cursed J fluently in several languages in my head when he repeated the timeline I thought I had heard.  "Are we expected to sleep or eat at all?"  I asked dryly.  His lips twitched before he threw his head back and laughed.

"That's the spirit!  I like your attitude, boy.  Thank goodness, I thought they had sent me a nambly pambly boy still wet behind the ears." 

"You know I can't stay here."

"Naturally, there is the question of your cover."

"So?" I looked at him questioningly.

"You could work on bits at your place.  I can scan you sections at a time but not the entire document."  I nodded my head.  It was obvious that was for security reasons. 

"How do I contact you?"  That set him off on another long explanation on the different channels of communication that we could use.  I nodded at the end of his speech, having committed every word to memory. 

"Okay, I'll start now," I sat myself down at one of the computer terminals and started looking through one small section of the document.  I worked with my usual efficiency, stopping only when the small lines of text started to blur and waver beneath my eyes.  Shaking my head, I stood up and stretched.  My motion caught Professeur's eye.

"Done?" He asked.  I silently handed over the printout of the parts that I had decoded.  His eyes scanned the document and then lifted to mine.  I saw surprise and reluctant approval in them, "J's right.  You're good." 

"Thanks," I said flatly having grown rather immune to praise although I was glad to have obtained his approval.  It would be easier to establish a good working relationship which we would need since we were going to be working closely together.  At five, I left the place with a new chip installed in my watch knowing that it was going to be a long night.

Soon, my new life fell into a regular pattern.  Although nothing was made official about our status, I naturally saw Shizuka as my girlfriend.  Shizuka would leave for university in the morning and I would either work at home on my laptop, decoding furiously, or leave for one of the safe places that Professeur had informed me about.  Whenever I had completed my work, I would either personally deliver the "goods" or use one of the communication channels.  At night, we would either eat out, buy take-away or take turns cooking – yes Shizuka could actually cook and I realized that I had a lot to learn when she insisted that I take my turn in the kitchen.  After a few mishaps, I actually mastered the basics of preparing a simple meal.  We would spend the rest of the night watching television or playing our musical instruments.  During Shizuka's "off" days, we would go off together visiting some places of interest or simply having fun and relaxing.  All-in-all we had an enjoyable time except that I had to find time to make up for these little escapades – the main reason behind the darkening circles under my eyes.  Of course the other reason was the occasional romp in bed that Shizuka and I enjoyed.  She always came to me in my room and would leave just as silently afterwards, never staying the night.

"Stay," I once whispered to her when I held her in my arms.

She refused, "I'm a very light sleeper, I can't sleep with someone sharing my bed."  Although her explanation was extremely logical, I had to admit that her rejection hurt.  Strangely enough after she left me alone again, I suddenly found myself thinking that Tsukushi would have never have said no to such a request – the silly girl would probably prefer to stay awake the entire night rather than to hurt someone she cared about.  Then I shook my head hurriedly to get rid of the disloyal thought.  It was absolutely ridiculous to even imagine Tsukushi being in bed with any male at all!  What on earth could I be thinking of?  

To keep up pretenses, I had been taking some music lessons from a famous violinist.  I had to admit that my technique improved under his guidance and that he took great pains with me because of my so-called "talent". One day just as I started playing, a messenger interrupted our session and informed him that there was an emergency at home and he was needed immediately.  I decided to go home early and take my turn at preparing dinner.  However, the weather was simply lovely and I felt a sudden urge to visit the rooftop with my violin.  Obeying my whim, I climbed the twenty-odd flight of stairs instead of taking the lift.  Finally, I thought as I opened the door and breathed in the fresh cold air.

"… … safe up here?" I heard a male voice ask in fluent French.

"Yes, we're alone and we can see anyone coming up, just keep an eye on the lift."  To my greatest surprise I heard Shizuka's voice replying the guy.  Wasn't she meant to be having lessons at the university? What was she doing up here?

"And your friend?" There was a mocking tone in the deep voice that made my hackles rise.

"Safe, he's having music lessons."  My heart started pounding very fast.  It was obvious that Shizuka was talking about me.  What secret was she keeping from me?  Was she having another lover behind my back?  Did I walk into their secret rendezvous?  Although I knew they were standing on the other side of the rooftop facing the lift doors and could not see me, I slowly drew the door shut leaving just a small gap.  I pressed my ear against the slit, shamelessly eavesdropping for the first time in my life.

"Does he suspect?"

"Not at all."

"So he's really taking a break from the agency?"  My heartbeat tripled as a sense of foreboding filled me.  I hoped against hope that the terrible suspicions that were crossing my mind at the moment were unfounded.  

"As far as I can see."

There was a deep chuckle, "I have to hand it over to you.  You've got all the guys whipped – even the most intelligent ones."  My heart sank as she said nothing to deny his statement.  "So do you think he'll crossover?"

"I'm not sure.  We have never discussed about where his loyalties lie.  I have a feeling that he joined the agency because he was bored and it provided him with a challenge … …"

"We can definitely provide him with such a challenge too, my fair Shizuka.  Try your best to convert him.  We want him on our side and not the opposition."

"There's nothing much I can do at the moment, it will arouse his suspicions."

"Definitely, just keep up the good work.  He's still falling hard for you isn't he?  He isn't suspecting anything right?"


	22. Betrayal PG 15

Author's Note:  Thanks sooooooooooo much for all the lovely lovely review!  I must apologise for taking slightly longer for this update – have been so busy that I was nearly off my head.  Took a bit of pains with this chapter in order to make up for the wait … … :)

andy-chan: Ah a new reader !! Welcome!! Thanks for your kind comments and I hope the rest of the story will meet with your expectations :)

cm: Wow – you made my day again!  I can imagine how busy you must be!  Although I love to read your reviews I totally understand how it can get!  Having you read my story is already an honour – a review a bonus! Pls feel free to be as critical as you like – would love to learn from you. :)  Hopefully this chapter explains why Rui appeared to be so angsty in Japan, at least partially ;) Thanks so much for even looking at my story !!!

kensingtonkid:  Thanks so much for your kind comments!!!! To what extent is Shizuka playing with Rui?  Well, I hope this chapter explains a bit more of the mystery.  Or does it create even more unsolved mysteries? ;)  

orenjipanda:  Hi !!! Thank you thank you thank you for your generous comments and your support!!!!  Definitely, I doubt I will be sticking to the story fully – I may not follow the last quarter of the story.  However, thank goodness I have more time to straighten my thoughts ;)  Definitely will think through your suggestions :)  

Nana-chan: Thanks so much for reading!!  Talk about perceptions about people's moods – you should read curdled milk's stories.  They are soooooooooooooooooooooooo in depth !!! I hope this new chapter is as interesting as you expected :)  

angel310: I'm sooooo glad that you liked the twists in the story – I spent some time thinking of them ;)  Is she really in love in Rui?  Shall we wait and see ;)?  Will Rui join her?  Hmmm … … again let's wait and see ok?  Ain't I terrible!  Actually it's because I haven't really finalised my thoughts as much as wanting the plot to remain unknown to make it seem more interesting!  Take care and I hope this chapter answers certain questions :)

piglet : Hey there !!! Actually I must confess that I haven't watched MG2 so I'm not too sure of the storyline there.  Is it similar to the manga or the cartoon?  Is this why Rui is broken hearted?  Read on to solve this mystery in this chapter!  Does Shizuka regret what she has done? I must confess I never even thought about that!  But that IS an interesting idea about this new agency being the one that left J a broken Rui as a "present"!  Very innovative and creative – let me think more about it! 

Drina: Ominous it sounds – ominous it is? ;)  Thanks soooooooooo much about your suggestion about inserting borders !! I've implemented your idea in this draft – hopefully it turns out well when I place it on the net!!!  And I hope it'll be more clear now :)    

ToinKs: Sorry sorry, I think this chapter took a little while more to generate – but I think it's a bit longer?  (hoping to compensate for the wait)  Thanks so much for your encouraging comments !!! Let' see what trouble Shizuka gets into with Rui this time round ;)

Blackcat: Love reading your reviews !!!!! I'm sooooooooo cruel to poor Rui ain't I?  He gets a little bit of happiness only for it to turn completely sour and worse!  I'm delighted that you feel so strongly about the characters – shows that I've achieved the effect that I was hoping for ;).  

Sheen: *contritely* I'm sooooooooo sorry Rui! 

Rui: *sarcastically* I bet you are … …

Sheen : I didn't mean to be sooooooo cruel to you.

Rui:  Would you have written my fate different if you were given a second chance?

Sheen: Er …  Urm … well … it's just a story see … …

Rui : Enough of your hypocrisy you sadist! *storms off*

Lina: Wow … … Thanks so much for your kind comments !!!  Let's continue to strive harder together and to write shall we ;) ? Ganbette !!

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Chapter 21 - Betrayal

For a moment I stopped breathing, the earth ceased spinning and everything stilled.  Slowly and soundlessly, I closed the door and backed away until my back hit the wall.  My shaky legs gave way and I slid down onto the floor, my brain still unable and unwilling to process what I had heard.  I told myself numbly, first comes shock and denial, than anger, than pain and grief.  That was how one naturally reacts to … … Betrayal.  No!  This had to be a mistake … … there was no way … … I had misunderstood, yes definitely misunderstood.  There had to be another explanation.  There was no way that Shizuka could be … …  Stage one, the voice in my mind interrupted dryly, breaking my train of thoughts.  

When the truth finally kicked in, it felt like a hard punch in my gut.  Shizuka had betrayed our organization, betrayed our country and … … betrayed me.  They knew about my abilities to the extent that they had even wanted me to cross over with her … … Hence, the uncharacteristic insistence with which Shizuka had "manipulated" me into coming to France with her.  She had indeed been playing me for a fool … …  A sudden rage washed over me and I balled my hands into fists as all the pieces of the puzzle neatly fell in place.  No wonder she had been acting so strangely since she arrived back in Japan.  Little wonder why she had targeted only me and treated me differently from Tsukasa, Soujirou and Akira.  Her apparent partiality towards me, her slow seduction of me, her feelings for me … … Lies, all lies … …  

You thought she cared deeply for you, you fool, the devil jeered at me.  Did you think she would fall for the likes of you?  She had never loved me no matter what I did … …  No matter how I tried … …  And I had so desperately wanted, no needed someone to love me … …  Raw agony consumed me.  I had never experienced this terrible pain, the feeling that someone had reached into my chest and ripped out my heart.  I warned you to be careful, the dry voice in my head reminded me.  There was a burning sensation behind my eyes as I clutched my head with my hands, trying to ignore those voices that jeered and laughed at me.  Stop it, stop it, stop it!  I screamed silently again and again in my head.  What had I done to deserve this?  My vision blurred and I felt the scalding wetness of hot tears on my cheeks.  I buried my head in my knees as I rocked silently, letting grief take over.  Although it was just a minute or so before the silent tears stopped, it seemed like eternity to me.  I was grateful for the slight relief that they brought and finally succeeded in pushing aside my emotions for a while to allow my brain to start functioning.

I had to leave Shizuka's apartment, quite obviously.  I suddenly felt an intense longing to go home.  However, I knew I had responsibilities here that I had to fulfill.  How was I going to keep up appearances in front of Shizuka and what excuse would I have for leaving?  I slammed a door shut on the pain that I felt whenever I thought of her – I had to keep calm.  First things first, I needed some time away from her otherwise I might just lose control and blow my cover.  I recalled that my music professor was holding a concert in Venice in three days' time.  Excellent, I would simply leave her a note telling her that he needed my help.  I looked at my watch and realized that almost half an hour had passed.  Shizuka and the guy would have left.  I stepped out cautiously and ascertained that the rooftop was empty (much to my relief), before taking the elevator down to Shizuka's apartment.  

I was walking to my room to collect some belongings when I heard a thump from Shizuka's room and paused.  Then, there was a sound like someone moaning in pain.  Adrenaline pumped in my veins as a thought struck me – could the guy have been threatening Shizuka?  Perhaps they had been torturing her and forcing her to betray us?  The sound was repeated.  I hesitated no longer but burst into her room.  The scene that met my eyes will forever be seared in my brain.  Shizuka's head was thrown back and she emitted low throaty moans as her lithe body undulated sinuously, her long hair swaying with the same rhythm.  Long, tanned fingers were clutching her hips tightly, digging into the soft white flesh as they guided and reinforced her movements as she continued to ride the unseen stranger hard.  The sound of her moans, his deep groans and flesh slapping against flesh filled the room.  Bile rose in my throat and my vision blurred as pain erupted through my entire being.  As I staggered back under the weight of this new crushing blow, my violin case hit the doorframe with a loud crash.  At that sound, Shizuka looked over her shoulder, her body stiffened and her eyes widened with shock as they met mine.     

"Rui … …" she gasped.  I turned and fled.

I heard my heartbeat throbbing loudly in my head as my feet carried me away from the apartment as fast as they could.  My mind was still in shock and only registered different colours and shapes moving around me.  Or perhaps I was the one moving?  Everything seemed to be moving along exceptionally slowly.  I dimly heard the noise of the traffic and the bustle around me.  My limbs felt extremely heavy, as if I was moving underwater.  I finally stopped running when the ache in my chest overwhelmed my desire to get away.  Sinking onto the ground panting, I sucked in great mouthfuls of oxygen into my burning lungs, shaking uncontrollably like a leaf in the wind.

"Are you all right, sir?" I lifted my head and found a nurse looking at me in concern.  I looked past her and realized that I had unconsciously made my way to the "Hospital of Mercy".

"I'm fine," my voice was hoarse as if I had laryngitis.  

"Are you sure?"

"Yes!" I struggled to my feet and made my way to the toilet to get her off my back.  I splashed water onto my face with one hand as I gripped the ceramic sink tightly with the other for support.  When I finally lifted my head, I saw dull eyes with dark circles in a deathly white face gazing expressionlessly back at me.  I looked like a drug addict craving for a hit, I thought numbly.  No wonder the nurse thought I was ill.  I tried to tidy my windblown hair a little before drearily making my way to the lab.

"Stein, what happened to you?"  Professeur actually rose to his feet when he saw me, alarm evident on his face.

 "I want to return to Japan."

"Something cropped up at home?"

"You could say that," I said evasively.  "I'll try to rush out my part of the document for you," I quickly continued when I saw that he was about to protest.  He looked at me penetratingly for a moment longer before deciding to let the matter go.  He could evidently tell from the stubborn set of my jaw that it would be useless trying to get anymore out of me.  

I worked like a lunatic for the next couple of days, stopping only for short naps to recharge my batteries when I could no longer think clearly.  My main aim was to finish the project as soon as possible and it was an added bonus that the work prevented me from thinking about Shizuka at all – anything not to think about her … …

*************************************************************************************  

*Four days later*

"Thanks for your help."  I winced as Professeur shook my hand with a bit too much enthusiasm.  "We'll meet the deadline – I didn't expect you to finish for at least two weeks."

"No problems, it was my responsibility anyway."

"Are you sure you can make your way back on your own?" He peered at me rather anxiously as I swayed a little and quickly reached out to steady myself against the wall.

"I'm just tired.  I will be as good as new after some rest."

"Stein, if there's anything … …"

"I'll be fine," I cut in rather rudely but firmly.  He gave up and returned to his work as I made my way out a trifle shakily.  I looked at my watch.  Good, Shizuka should still be in University.  I could simply pack my bags, drop her a note and leave.

When I arrived at the apartment, I listened quietly for a long while, making sure that there was no sound in the apartment.  I did not want to risk running into her.  Finally gathering my courage, I slid my key into the keyhole and opened the door quietly.  One quick glance showed me that the apartment was empty.  I walked quietly but briskly into my room and quickly started throwing my scant belongings into my bag.  Thank goodness I travelled light.  When I was done, the moment I dreaded came.  I tore off a sheet of paper from my notebook, grabbed a pen, and my mind went automatically blank when I sat down at the writing table.  What on earth could I say?  Just then, I saw a folded piece of paper with my name on it under the marble paperweight.  The paper was almost perfectly camouflaged, being the same shade of beige as the tabletop.  For a moment, I wondered if that had been Shizuka's intention – that I would hopefully fail to see her note?  I cursed myself for my weakness when my hands shook as I unfolded the paper.

_"Rui,_

_I'm can't say how sorry I am for hurting you.  Forgive me … … But things are not always what they seem.  Let me explain, please, I'm begging you … … I waited for you here for the past three days, but you never came back.  I don't know when you'll be back, if ever.  And, I can't just stay here hoping that you'll return, I have an exam today and my absence has been noticed… … Please don't leave, at least not without letting me explain and not without saying goodbye … … If you ever cared for me, please give me this one chance … … _

_I love you. _

_Shizuka"_

It was dated today and her signature had been blotched – by tears?  "I love you."  The three words jumped out at me starkly.  What would I have given to hear them previously!  The barrier that I had built collapsed and a wave of pain swept through me as I buried my head in my shaking hands.  What was true?  What was false?  Should I at least give her a chance to explain and risk being made a fool of for second or was it third time?  I tried to control the maelstrom of emotions that were threatening to break through.  Calm, I needed to be calm.  Taking in a couple of deep breaths, I hung onto a thin veneer of control as I re-read the letter adopting the worst case scenario – that it was made up of lies.  

The devil on my left shoulder egged me on, adding cynical comments along the way.  Sorry?  Yeah she's real sorry for hurtin' ya, man.  Should have thought of that before she started humping the other guy.  Things are not what they seem – say, she's truthful for once.  Speaking about herself is she?  Geez, boy is she desperate to get you back in her clutches.  Wonder what they promised her if she managed to keep you here.  Her explanation?  Well, you'd better believe that her lies will be wonderful – she's got four days to spin them.  If you care for her, eh?  What about vice versa?  And this sudden confession of love – it's a bit too contrived.  Did her actions ever indicate this inclination towards you?  Well if she loved you and had to find someone else to satisfy her – not man enough for her are you … … Enough!  I shook my head violently, not wanting to torment myself further by listening to the acid barbs of the devil.  

Rui, my boy, that may be extreme but it's not totally impossible.  Did the dry voice sound a bit regretful?  Ignore your emotions for the moment, step back and consider the bigger picture – what implications are there for your country?

"Enough.  I know what I must do." I said aloud as I crumbled the note and threw it into the bin and reached for my own sheet of paper.  A few minutes later, I left the keys and the folded note addressed to Shizuka on the kitchen table and walked out of the apartment without looking back … …  

*************************************************************************************  

She kicked off her stilettos as she walked into the empty apartment, letting out a small cry when she spotted the keys and the folded piece of paper.  Dropping her bag instantly, she pounced on the paper, unfolded it and scanned through it quickly.  Then, she ran into his bedroom, opening all the cupboards and drawers, ascertaining that he had left nothing of himself behind.  She walked slowly back into the kitchen and leant against the counter.  One hand tightened over the paper as her eyes closed and an expression of pain passed fleetingly over her face.  A small sigh escaped from her lips, sounding strangely like a certain name.  The moment passed.  She took in a deep breath and relaxed her tight grasp as she exchanged the note for the keys.  Stooping down, she collected her handbag from the floor where it had fallen and headed for her bedroom.  As the door closed behind her with an air of finality, the small draft caused by her movement blew the crumpled note off the counter and it drifted unnoticed to the floor … …

"Shizuka, 

Thanks for your hospitality over the past few months.  Although there were times when we argued, the happy moments more than made up for them … …  It takes two hands to clap – I'm sure I'm not entirely guiltless for what trespassed at the last unexpected meeting.  However, I can't stay … … Especially because of my feelings for you.  It is beyond my ability at the moment to sit down with you and rationally apportion the blame.  I need time to put the last painful episode out of my head … …  

Thanks for the wonderful memories.  I hope that we'll be able to be good friends again when we next meet … … 

_I wish you all the best.  Take care._

Rui" 

*************************************************************************************  

P.S.  I am definitely not stopping here, but just a thought – this would have been quite a good ending wouldn't it? :)


	23. Home Again PG15

Author's note : Hi all!  Sorry for this loooooooooong lapse in writing – it really wasn't intentional!  I was overseas for two weeks and unfortunately had no access to the computer.  Just came back for a couple of days and quickly whipped out this chapter.  As always, thanks for all the lovely comments I received :)  And for all the rest of the updated fanfics, I'll be reading them soon!  Just have to catch up with work and stuff for the moment!

Lian: Hi welcome back!  Hope you're enjoying life as a housewife!  Thanks so much for taking time to read this story!

kensingtonkid:  Hello there!  I guess the main question is how much does Shizuka like Rui?  She does at least see him as a friend because that's they have always been – childhood friends and playmates.  Is she acting?  In what way?  What's her aim?  I have a vague idea that I'm slowly still trying to straighten in my head :)  Thanks so much for your encouraging comments.

orenjipanda : Did Rui love her?  Ah the all encompassing question?  I think that Rui likes Shizuka quite a bit and definitely she's his favourite gal at the moment – there's no one else in his life.  However, there's always such a thing as being in love with the idea of being love rather than being in love for real.  My interpretation from the manga is that he doesn't really understand love as such and Shizuka has always been around for him.  So his violent reaction (at least from my POV and in this story) is partly resulting from being betrayed because I believe that betrayal always cut the deepest.  And from the last chapter, Shizuka betrayed him in everyway and the worst way possible which shattered his self-confidence to a certain extent. 

*Yan* :  Good on ya!  You picked up exactly what I was trying to highlight!  The fact that betrayal hurts the most – especially for a trusted friend and worse when you are starting inevitably to fall for the person because of circumstances and other fators!

angel310: Thanks so much for your lovely and kind comments!  Really enjoyed reading your perspective !!!  Is Shizuka as evil as she seems? Does she have a valid excuse?  Or is she even more evil than meets the eye?  I'll try to answer these questions later in the story (I'm still working some ideas out in my head).  The only feeble excuse is that she NEVER meant for Rui to find her out – she didn't want to hurt him in that worst possible way, which unfortunately was what she ended up doing.  There was no way Rui could have stayed – he didn't trust himself not to lash out at her.  He was secretly afraid that it was really his fault too that Shizuka turned to someone else – simply because he wasn't lovable enough … … :)

Angel Tala: Thank you thank you for your generous comments!  I must apologise for this late update and I hope you will like the coming chapter!

Blackcat: Always love reading your comments, I'm so glad that you feel so strongly about the story !!!!  That is the best compliment that I can receive – the fact that my readers can empathize with the characters!!!   Poor ole Rui, how much more do I plan to torture him ??? ;) ;) 

ToinKs: Thanks so much for your kind comments as per always !!!!  I am confusing myself with regards to Shizuka's intentions!  I have to confess that I'm trying to work out that part in my mind – trying to determine what's the best and most convincing path!  Rui is indeed devastated … … ah that poor boy when you think what I've done to his "perfect" life as depicted in the manga ;)

Nana-chan: You're right about the fact that Rui should be doing something to stop Shizuka's plans.  However, at the moment he knows too little to go on and Shizuka is his friend after all.  So he's lying low at the moment, not too sure about what he can do … … :)  I actually must say that I like writing angst more than happy stories ;)  Somehow, it seems easier to write angst !!!!  Thanks so much for your lovely comments!

piglet : You are so right!  It's almost inhuman of Rui to be exposed to so much hurt and not end up suicidal !!!!  I'm trying to find reasons for him to continue living through each of his ordeals.  First, his "duty" to his country, then Shizuka, then his friends and when will Tsukushi join in the crowd?  I do hope that with each chapter you find more of the answers to your questions which were so spot on that I couldn't answer the bulk of them for fear of revealing the plot further !!! 

Rui: You lazy bump, how could you leave your story hanging for 2 weeks?

Sheen: Have mercy on poor little me your highness, I really had no choice !!!

Rui: You should have broken into a house, and secretly used someone's computer and internet!

Sheen: But I'm technologically challenged and I have a fear of heights!

Rui:  You always have an excuse for anything don't you?

Sheen: It's not an excuse it's the truth!

Rui: Just continue working hard and stop giving me such a hard life.  I'll go easy on you then … … Deal?

Sheen: Er … urm … 

Rui: *groans* I knew it!  Goodness knows what else you have up your sleeve … …

Sheen *sheepish grin*

Chapter 22 – Home Again

My footsteps echoed heavily as I climbed the last few steps to the rooftop.  Somehow, I found myself heading for Etoku the moment I dropped off my bagpack at my house.  I needed company desperately, not daring to trust myself to be alone and cooped up in my room.  I did not know what I would do if I had to face the four blank walls in my room - probably go insane … …  

It was obvious from the ruckus in the school gardens where my friends were.  My lips twisted into a bitter smile.  Hopefully, Tsukasa, Soujirou and Akira would prove more trustworthy than … ... Shizuka.  A small knife twisted in my chest as I thought of her.  The hurt was too fresh, the wound too raw.  The acute pain of having been betrayed by one of my closet childhood friend and "sweetheart" still lingered on, not dulled by the passing of time as yet.  

I paused for a moment in front of the door leading to the rooftop pondering how I should act when I saw my friends.  My cover would obviously be that Shizuka and I had a fight and effectively broke up.  So how should I appear to my friends?  Broken?  Upset?  Hiding behind a brave front but torn up internally?  I realized ironically that I would hardly have to act at all.  The only lie that I would be telling would be the real reason behind my … … not seeing eye-to-eye with Shizuka and subsequent return to Japan.  Taking in a deep breath, I forced a smile onto my face as I opened the door and stepped out.

"Hello, it's been a while."  Four heads whirled around at the sound of my voice and four pairs of eyes widened as varying degrees of surprise appeared on their faces.  I was rather surprised to see that Tsukushi was also up here with my friends, not to say of her physical proximity to Tsukasa.  What had happened between them in my absence?  Her eyes were round with shock and she was blinking them rapidly as if wanting to ensure that I was really there and not a hallucination that would disappear when she woke up.  This was a contrast from the last time I saw her, a brave smile forced on trembling lips and silver droplets falling from those eyes as they watched me walk away with a terrible sadness in their depths … …

"Rui, what are you doing back here in Japan?" Soujirou had gotten over his shock and had leapt over, thumping me hard on the back.

"Why didn't you call us?" Akira added.

"I just came back last night.  Wanted to give you a surprise." I said.  "So what's new?"  My eyes fell on Tsukasa's arm that had somehow found his way possessively around Tsukushi's waist during my conversation with Soujirou and Akira.

"She's my girlfriend now."  I looked at the instant rebellious expression that fell across Tsukushi's face as she pushed his arm away and stamped on his foot.  Ouch, I winced internally for Tsukasa.  That looked painful.

"Well, that's too bad for me," I teased secretly amused as Tsukushi's eyelids stretched to their maximum circumference as her face turned several shades of red and Tsukasa's eyes almost disappeared under his huge frown.  After getting warned off Tsukushi by my testosterone-driven caveman mannered best friend, I deliberately smiled at her before being dragged away for drinks by my three friends.  I realized that this new uncharacteristic behaviour was throwing everyone off balance and that it was almost effortless on my part to adopt.  Furthermore, it did fit in with my current circumstances – I could have turned into a playboy either because I was hurt too deeply by my "breakup" or had been liberated and realized that I did not care that much about Shizuka.  Though somewhat puzzled, Soujirou and Akira were glad to have a new playmate who was willing to drink and have fun with them.  I guess Tsukasa on the other hand was relieved that my earlier "friendliness" to Tsukushi was in line with my "new" behaviour and because of any newly discovered special interest in her person.

"Hey, so why did you come back?  What happened to Shizuka?" That bluntness was characteristic of my best friend.  I knocked back my vodka shot, taking the few extra seconds to contemplate my answer.

"We broke up."

"Why?" This time, he got a nudge in his ribs by Akira.  I kept my face expressionless as I signaled for another short and gluped it down, ignoring the anxious looks that Soujirou and Akira were starting to give me.

"Things didn't work out." I said cryptically, hoping that they would drop the subject.  I did not want to tell them too many lies.

"Then you can join us tonight!  There are so many lovely ladies out here."  Akira quickly cut in as he gave me a wink.

"Yes, I'm sure you must have learnt quite a few tricks in France with all those lovely French ladies." Soujirou wriggled his eyebrows at me suggestively.

"Why not?  Let's have fun tonight." I winked at them.  For a moment, they were all stunned into total silence before Soujirou made a quick recovery and started listing the bars that we could visit subsequently.  Tsukasa stared at me as if I had grown an extra head, but Akira prevented him from making any further comments by challenging him to a drinking match.  For the first time, I did not leave with Tsukasa but followed Akira and Soujirou to one of their hangouts.  The women instantly flocked to them when we arrived, barely giving us time to sit down.  I was introduced to one after another.  Instead of being my usual taciturn self, I forced myself to talk to them and soon was surrounded with as many women as the two notorious playboys.  I saw Soujirou nodding approvingly at me as he threw me a sly wink and whispered, "not bad my boy, I knew you had it in you as well.  It's the natural charm that we all have.  Now if only Tsukasa will see the error of his ways … …"  

After I started joining Soujirou and Akira on their nightly pursuits, I began to understand why they preferred this type of lifestyle.  Time passed quickly as we sat there drinking, the blasting music far too loud for any type of serious or productive mental activities, the feeling of loneliness and emptiness camouflaged by the presence of so many fellow homo sapiens squished in a tight space where all suffered from the lack of oxygen, and our irritating female counterparts who were constantly clamouring for our attention and fighting to be our bed partners.  Even now, I feel the tingles of my conscience as I have to admit that we freely took what they offered.  

"Don't take it too seriously," Soujirou advised me once when I mentioned the issue casually in a passing remark.  "These girls know what they are in for.  We never lie to them and our reputation precedes us.  Moreover, they wouldn't be with us if they didn't get anything out of it.  Think of it this way, they get their fun as we get ours, we spend money on them and they will be able to tell all their friends that they managed to get us in bed." He shrugged.  "It's not like any of them are in love with us anyway."  If I felt his attitude was a trifle blasé, I kept my thoughts to myself.  No one ever said that reality was not bleak and I realized that I was not as hardened as I had thought I was.  

So I continued to go out with Soujirou and Akira and we would part each night with different partners.  I understood them even more after the experience.  They were trying to chase away the loneliness and emptiness of returning to a cold bed in a seemingly uninhabited house.  It was indeed addictive to have another living soul to share one's bed, to keep one warm, not to say of the mindless pleasure of physical gratification and the subsequent deep dreamless sleep that one would sink into after being completely worn out and sated.  I, however, had an additional agenda.  Each night as I tried to lose myself in their bodies, I did my best to make scream out my name in the throes of their orgasm.  I needed to hear them screaming their desire for me in uncontrollable ecstasy as they clutched me tightly, needed to prove my manliness and my ability to satisfy a woman time and again before the moment of pure bliss that came with my own physical release.  Shizuka had inadvertently shattered some of my self-confidence and pathetic though it may seem, I had something to prove myself as well as to the girls I slept with.  However, I tried not to let myself get addicted to these physical pleasures.  It was not too difficult because I had not been driven by loneliness, the need for human contact or physical gratification to start off with.  Also, I really hated waking up in unfamiliar surroundings next to a complete stranger.  The feeling of disgust with a tinge of self-hatred would automatically sweep through me as I threw on my clothes as quickly and quietly as I could before sneaking out of the room.  It was worse when the girl woke up earlier then me and I learnt to fend them off rather skillfully. 

********************************************************************************************************************************

To my surprise, Akira came to look for me after the first night.  I had just stepped out of a hot shower (which was to become a habit when I returned home from such escapades), thrown on a change of clothes and was rubbing my hair dry with a towel when there was a knock on my door.  I opened the door and found him standing there with a thoughtful expression on his face.  I waved him in silently and he sat down on my bed which was one of the few pieces of furniture in my large room.

"Rui, I don't know what went wrong and I'm not prodding you for information."  My eyes narrowed slightly at his first words.  "However, there are things that you need to know if you continue to join Soujirou and myself in our er … … nightly activities."  He basically sat me down and like an elder brother started giving me an hour lecture on birds and bees and the ploys that certain females may play in order to "rope" me into marriage.  I had to admit that I was taken a little aback, not by the extensiveness of his knowledge, but the insight, maturity and wisdom that he displayed in our little talk.

"You probably don't think this is necessary, but take it from me, you're basically a sheep waiting to be fleeced."

"Thanks." I said quietly at the end.  Actually, there was no way that I would fall for any tricks of devious females but I did appreciate his concern.  There was a short silence and his eyes narrowed as they bore into mine.

"What's wrong, Rui?" His voice was quiet.  I averted my face and gazed out of my window that overlooked the rose garden.  He sighed and then continued, "I just want you to know that the three of us will always be here whenever you want to talk."

"Things didn't turn out well between us, that's all," I found myself saying as I continued to stare unseeingly out of the window.  I did owe them an explanation after all.  Hopefully there would be no other questions.  There was a slight pressure of a sympathetic hand on my shoulder and then he left just as silently as he came.  Somehow, that kind gesture brought back the pain in abundance.  Self-pity, I told myself as I clenched my hands tightly into fists leaving the imprints of nails in my palm, it was nothing more but self-pity.   

As I dwindled in my pathetic existence, things were moving between Tsukasa and Tsukushi.  I was honestly glad that my best friend had finally found someone although I could not help but envy him a little.  Hell, I was only human and Tsukushi is really quite a decent girl.  However, I soon realized from certain of their actions the possibility that Tsukushi had not fully gotten over her crush on me.  It was quite obvious in fact.  Take for example the time when Tsukasa "summoned" Tsukushi to the pub where we were lounging in.  She was in a fine rage and almost spitting fire at him.  Soujirou, Akira and I watched them in amusement as we always did when they were in one of their famous brawls.  

Suddenly, there was a strong smell of perfume next to me and I felt an arm slide around my shoulder.  In the past I would have shrugged it off immediately or leapt into a fighting stance.  However, now I knew that it was another "harmless" but scheming female trying to seduce me.  I turned my head and my suspicions were confirmed.  A young, rather pretty but over made-up doll stood next to me in a very skimpy outfit.  Her two friends made for Soujirou and Akira as she blatantly sat herself down on my lap as her other hand slid around my neck.

"You're my type, handsome," she purred as she leaned toward me.  "Gime a kiss?"

"Sure," I said easily as I leaned forward and obliged her.

"No," she pouted.  "I want a real deep kiss." I arched one eyebrow and then my arms went around her as I crushed my lips against hers in a long deep kiss.  From the corner of my eye I could see my friends watching me in surprise and I certainly did not miss the expression of shock, distress and pain on Tsukushi's face as she stared at us playing tonsil hockey. 

"He's changed.  He's with different girls every night." I heard Soujirou informing Tsukasa who was fortunately looking at me instead of Tsukushi, his mouth hanging open.

"Something happened with Shizuka." Akira explained.  When the doll finally released her death grip on me and consented to find her own chair, I realized that Tsukushi had left.  Her departure was too abrupt and unexpected.  Putting two and two together, I decided to confirm a nagging suspicion.

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"Hello!" I simply beamed at Tsukushi when she appeared at the stairwell.  She obviously did not expect to see me here for shock registered on her face before she slowly approached me with something akin to reluctance.

"He … hello." She said a trifle uncertainly.  "How .. so how … was France?" Her voice was actually shaking a little as she wiped her hands on her jeans.  I found her nervousness somewhat endearing.

"Nothing special – the streets weren't very clean.  There was litter all around."

"Shizuka san is … …"

I quickly cut her off and changed the subject, "so you're now with Tsukasa huh?"

"What?" Her eyes went wide.  "No!  I'm not!  There's nothing between us."  She started shaking her head frantically.

"Really?"  Partly because I enjoyed teasing her and partly because it had become automatic, I continued quickly, "Then I still have a chance.  Can I be your man?"

"What?" Her voice was practically a squeak as her eyebrows disappeared totally under her fringe.

"Well, aren't I good enough for you?" I said letting a slightly defensive tone enter my voice and sat back watching her splutter as she started panicking.  I decided not to give her a heart attack.

"I'm just kidding.  Tsukasa is my best friend, I can't betray him."  I frowned mentally, now what made me add the last sentence?  A puzzled expression came onto her face as she started to calm down.

"Hey, would you like to be with me in secret?"  Somehow, my tongue ran away from me again.  I sighed inwardly.  There were side effects from hanging out with the two playboys after all.  This time, in spite of the fact that she turned bright red, she managed to force out a laugh at what she claimed was my joke – even though it sounded that she was choking on something – and quickly fled from my presence.  My laughter rang out as soon as she departed but it stopped abruptly when I became aware of what I was doing.  I realized in surprise that this was the first time I had genuinely laughed since I left France … …


	24. A Misunderstanding?

Author's Note:  Hi all!  I'm going to be away for another 1.5 week so I decided to quickly rush out one chapter b4 I go to compensate from making you all wait so long last time.  Thanks so much for all the patience and understanding demonstrated by my dear readers!

angel310 : Hi hi! Sorry for the long wait and for making you check for updates which did not eventuate!  Please don't bother checking for the next 10 days or so because I will be going away again for a shorter trip this time round.  I know how you feel, I felt pretty frustrated myself when I wrote up Rui's character that way.  However, I believe that he probably went through a spell like that ;) Don't you think so?  And you absolutely hit the nail on the head – the summer trip is in this chapter!

orenjipanda : I definitely will keep on writing – just that I will be going away again for a short time.  Thanks so much for your comments!

kensingtonkid:  Yes, did you find it convincing?  I feel that there should something drastic to make Rui change so much and no reason was provided in the manga except the probability of Shizuka getting engaged to another man.  However, nothing further was mentioned about this supposed engagement.  So I decided to throw in my own side story!  You can see in this chapter the answer to you question!  Thanks for always reading and leaving your comments !!!

ToinKs: Thank you thank you!  I'll alwiz read Echoes of the Past – really really creative and well-written!  Sorry for the late review because I had to catch up with some stuff and didn't have that much time until lately to read stories on this website.  I'm glad you think that this story is still flowing.  There are certain things that I have said in this chapter that you may find more contrived though.  Let's see if you do :)' 

Ravenfire623: Thanks so much for your kind comments !!!!   Very very motivating!  I shall strive to write more ne?  I find Rui's personality most intriguing, I guess because his character in the manga has the most quirks and yet is least well explained.  Also, I like the idea that the author had originally wanted Rui to be the "lead" until Doumyouji became strangely more popular … … :)

Piglet:  Wow, thanks so much for your generous comments !!!  Yes, I thought that Tsukushi has this ability to make Rui laugh – the main reason why Rui likes her.  Even at the start of the manga Rui sees her as a kind of pet ;)  I decided to quickly whip out another chapter so that I am definitely not leaving everyone hanging on for too long at one shot.  The next chapter will have a longer break though.

Nana-chan: I'm extremely honoured that you would actually think of this story when you're watching the anime !!!! Thank you thank you thank you!  That made my day!  Did you need tissues for this chapter?  Probably not ne?  It's not the happiest chapter but I don't think it's as heart wrenching as some of the others :_

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Chapter 23 – A Misunderstanding?

Silence, at long last … … Finally peace … … I tilted my head up, looking at the millions of tiny stars twinkling in the dark skies above.  The only sound that accompanied me in my solitude was the soft swish of the waves as they slowly advanced.  I dug my hand into the soft sand and lifted up my palm.  The fine grains trickled through the cracks between my fingers and were tossed about in the cold sea breeze, as scattered as my random thoughts.  Finally, they settled on one issue – Shizuka.  

A familiar dull ache rose in my chest, but I forced myself to concentrate.  I had been pushing away the inevitable for as long as I could, it was time to "face the music" like a man.  What was I going to do with regards to her betrayal?  I locked up my emotions and tried to think rationally.  Should I tell J?  However, there was nothing concrete that I could tell him except for my suspicions that Shizuka was working for another organization.  Yet, could I simply stay silent and let things develop slowly with the possibility of putting our agents in danger?  My head started to throb.  Rubbing my temples, I decided to simply alert J to the potential of something going on, but not linking it specifically to Shizuka.  He probably would suspect but this was something beyond personal.  Even so, there was a strange hollowness in my chest at the thought of playing traitor to a … … friend? Lover? Sister?  My thoughts were bleak as I stared into the darkness.  I shivered from the coldness that had seeped into my soul … …

"Rui?"  Too numb to be surprised by anything, I turned slightly and saw Tsukushi sitting down next to me, concern evident in those warm brown eyes.  "What are you doing out here?"

"I can't sleep." I replied as I turned back to watch the waves.  For a long moment she sat next to me, not saying a single word.  However, her nearness was comforting.

"Don't you feel lonely sometimes?"  The words slipped out of my mouth before I was aware of what I said.

"Rui?" Her voice was slightly alarmed.  Suddenly, the coldness and emptiness was too much for me to endure.

"Tsukushi … …" she turned to look at me.  "Could I please hold you?  Just for a short while?  Just ten minutes … … no just five minutes?"  I longed for some simple human contact that was not amorous in any sense.  Just the warmth of a friend.  I flushed slightly with embarrassment at the pleading tone in my voice, yet at the same time I was dying to be held.  I had tried to remain aloof and strong for too long – I was finally breaking down.

"Rui?"  Her surprise was mixed with some embarrassment and natural shyness.  

"I'm fine during the day, but at night when it's dark … …" my voice trailed away.

"What about the girl … … waiting for you in your room … …"  

I almost snorted in disdain, "she's not a friend.  I need a friend at the moment."  I looked into those compassionate brown eyes and saw her inner conflict.  "Please … …"  I bowed my head as my shoulders sagged in defeat.  She was not going to touch me – I was too tainted too undeserving to receive comfort from one with such a pure soul as she. 

To my surprise, there was the slightest pressure on my shoulders as I felt two arms slip carefully around me as they held me lightly.  Almost instinctively, my arms went around the small dainty waist and she gave a squawk of surprise as I crushed her fragile body to mine, holding her tightly and yet carefully.  I pressed my bowed head against her shoulder, letting the warmth from her body flow into mine, melting the iciness encasing my heart.  

"Tsukushi," I felt her body shake slightly as I whispered her name.  Much to my horror, I felt a strange wetness leaking from the corner of my eyes before I could close them, and I buried my face more deeply into her shoulder, not wanting her to see them.  I can still feel those slender work-roughened fingers stroking my hair, the nape of my neck and back gently and softly as she muttered something in a low soothing voice, trying to remove my pain.  I found myself blabbing some nonsense about Shizuka and myself to her, pouring out my dreams.  I realized that I was telling her a highly dramatized and idealistic version which did not really reflect reality.  Not the relationship we had but the relationship that I had wanted ours to be.  However, my bitter self-recrimination and the recollection of how I "failed" Shizuka was the truth.  Why else did she have to turn to another?  I had to force myself to release the death grip that I had on her to allow her to return to Tsukasa when her pager beeped.  

"Will you be alright?" She looked at me rather anxiously, reluctant to leave me out there by myself. 

My face was averted from her.  It was enough that she had heard me in my most vulnerable state, I did not want her to see all my emotions naked on my face, "I'll be fine.  Thanks so much.  You should go back to sleep, Tsukasa is looking for you."  She flinched at my best friend's name.  When I turned around again, she was no longer there.

The next morning I had to struggle to keep an emotionless expression when she walked into the breakfast room.  Somehow, the room suddenly became much brighter and warmer.  I saw her shooting me a shy and rather uncertain glance.  However, the girl who stayed in my room was busy flirting with me and I had to give her my full attention.  Tsukushi subsequently became rather quiet and withdrawn.  I felt guilty but at the same time I realized it was for the best – I knew that my best friend was crazy about her and I did not want him to experience the bitter taste of betrayal at my hands.  If I had been in doubt of her feelings for me, they had all vanished with our encounter last night.  It was obvious that she cared for me more than she should.  Of course there was no way that I could have known the unfortunate episode that was doomed to take place, my "betrayal" of my best friend and the trouble it subsequently brought to Tsukushi.  However, thinking back, there was no way that we could have avoided what took place between us that night and in no way can I bring myself to regret what happened … …

*flashback* 

"Rui?" I turned my head and saw her thin figure trembling as she stood there in the cold night breeze.  

"You should go back to your room."  I told her coldly, not wanting to a repeat of yesterday when she saw my most vulnerable side that few had ever seen.  "I said I was okay, you should return to Tsukasa."  Then I realized that there was something about different about her.  Instead of her usual confident posture, her shoulders were slumped in defeat and something that suspiciously resembled tears shimmered in her eyes.  The pain I saw in her eyes took my breath away.  

"You're crying?  Stop worrying about me and worry about Tsukasa instead."  She was crying for me!  Tsukushi was actually crying for me!    

"I can't!" The helpless cry was almost torn out of her.  "I want to, I really want to.  However, I can't help thinking of you."  She collapsed onto her knees on the sand next to me.  "Why did you come back, Rui?  Why … …" her voice was choked up with emotion.  

My eyes widened in disbelief as I stared at the intense emotion in those caring brown eyes, unable to remove my gaze from her face.  My mouth suddenly went dry as I swallowed the lump that had appeared in my throat and my heartbeat accelerated.  An indescribable feeling swept through my entire being as my protective walls crumbled completely.  I saw my hand reach out and tenderly stroke the silky softness of her cheek with my thumb, before my fingers started to gently wipe the wetness on her cheeks.  

"Why me?"  My mask torn away, the pain and despair in my voice was evident.  What had I done to deserve such devotion?  "And why couldn't I have fallen in love with someone like you right form the start?"  Why could I not have loved someone kind, selfless and caring like Tsukushi and found my happiness in someone like her?  Why did everything that Shizuka promise turn out to be a lie?  Why was I always the one left with broken dreams?  And why did I realize her feelings only now?  Why was my life so complicated, so filled with deceit, betrayal and pain?  Tsukushi was everything that I was not, she represented everything that I could not have.  Her head shot up at my words and I found myself drowning in those beautiful eyes.

"Tsukushi … …" I breathed her name fervently as my arms lifted of their own accord and she was clasped tightly against me, her cheek resting on my hard chest.  I could feel her heart beating as frantically as mine.  I stroked her hair gently for a moment before tugging lightly at it, tilting her face up to mine.  For an endless moment, we gazed at each other.  I saw her eyes darkening with the same emotion that was reflected in mine.  

"Tsukushi … …" I whispered again.  I had a sudden mad urge to recite Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, it seemed so appropriate under those circumstances … …  _If I profane with my unworthiest hand, this holy shrine, the gentle sin is this_… … I slowly but purposefully lowered my head down to hers … … _My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand to smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss_… … I paused for the briefest moment, giving her one last chance to tear herself away from my embrace, to avoid my caress … … _O, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do! They pray: grant thou, lest faith turn to despair _… … Her long eyelashes fluttered shut and her lips parted slightly in surrender when my mouth finally touched hers, hesitantly, gently … … _Then move not while my prayer's effect I take_ … … My lips brushed hers lightly, once, twice.  When she began to respond, I took her lips in a sweet tender kiss … …  _th__us from my lips, by thine my sin is purged_ … …  I kept my passions in check as I sought comfort in our closeness, not wanting to defile the innocent angel lying in my arms who was removing the pain that I was feeling and absolving my sins  … …  It was only too soon when a loud roar shattered our quiet heaven.  I lifted my head and my eyes collided with another pair of eyes that were livid with anger, filled with pain and betrayal.  All hell broke loose … …

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After the tumult of the past month, I figured that Tsukasa should have had enough time to cool off.  He was acting every inch the huge idiot that he was and making Tsukushi miserable.  I felt a pang of guilt as the image of her pale unhappy face and her dull eyes.  It almost seemed as if the light in them had permanently gone out.  I knew she was feeling guilty in the very least and there was also the possibility that she had grown fond of Tsukasa or perhaps was feeling something even stronger towards him.  I had tried to support and comfort her, seeing that I was the source of all her problems.  Unfortunately I was a poor substitute for Tsukasa who had focused all his attention on her, because I had many other things on my mind and my own issues to sort out as well.

I knocked on his door and heard him mumble something which I assumed was an invitation to enter.  As I opened the door, he lifted his head from behind the magazine and disbelief flashed across his eyes before it was replaced by a murderous look.

"What are you doing here?"  He jumped off his bed.

"I'm here to explain and apologise."

"I don't talk to traitors!"  His eyes were icy as they stared into mine.  "Get out of my house before I throw you out!"

"It was just a kiss for goodness sake, Tsukasa.  How many times have you all kissed Shizuka?"  However, deep down I knew it was different.  Shizuka had been a sister to all of us then, and we had all been close because we grew up together.

"We're talking about Tsukushi, not Shizuka!"  He clenched his right hand and appeared agitated enough to throw a punch at me.

"She was only trying to comfort me because she was feeling sorry for me." 

"And you took advantage of her pity!" I flinched.  He scowled even more ferociously, "you know how she felt about you at one time, Rui.  We all did.  You hurt her and when she gave you up, I thought I could change her mind.  Then you had to go and kiss her … … Stop playing with her, she's not one of your sluts … …" His voice was almost a roar.  

The blood drained from my face as the truth of his words hit me.  I was almost as bad as Shizuka had been, toying with Tsukushi's feelings even though it was not intentional on my part.  Tsukasa was about to start pounding me into pulp me when Tsubaki came into the room and started beating him up instead for threatening me.  I was unable to get through to her that the whole incident had actually been my fault and in the end I simply gave up and left … ….


	25. A Disastrous Date

Author's Note: Back! Thanks so much for all your lovely comments and your patience as per normal. I hope this chapter makes up for the long wait … … :)

P.S. I have made a few changes in this chapter.  Thanks so much for your constructive comments, Toinks!  It was indeed written in a hurry *ooops* and when I re-read it, I thought … "geez, this is really quite shallow!".  Thanks again Toinks !!! :)

Stacey: Ah a new reader !!!! Thanks so much for your kind comments. I'm really glad that you like this story and especially the complexity of Rui's character. I thought the manga hinted at depths to his character that has not been explored sufficiently!

Lian: Hi!! How's life been? I know how busy it can be when there are children running around :) So you think that Shizuka should leave Rui? That's quite an interesting view point. Would you like to elabourate? That has certainly perked my curiosity !!! Thanks so much for your many comments and I am waiting to read Struggle.

Ravenfire623: Wow, thanks so much for your generous comments! I'm glad you liked the R&J moment so much! I thought this moment was strangely appropriate for that quote although the context is slightly different and requires a slightly different interpretation from R&J :)

Blackcat: Hi hi! Great hearing from you as always! That was one of my favourite scenes as well. An indication that Rui is not totally indifferent to Tsukushi after all, he had rejected all the "clingy" money grubbers and "chosen" our dear Tsukushi. Thanks so much for still leaving a comment and reading this story in spite of your busy schedule!!

just a teen: Ah another reader !! Wow you must read really fast! That's pretty impressive to finish reading everything within an evening. Thanks for your kind comments !!!

angel310 : Love reading your insightful comments as per normal. I am inclined to feel that Rui got carried away and that he was starting to feel something for Tsukushi although he isn't aware of it yet. Not love, not so soon. However, he is starting to be touched by her. However, Tsukasa would believe that Rui is only making use of Tsukushi and toying with her feelings and giving her false hopes. Rui being unclear about his own feelings thus felt guilty and was afraid that he had dropped to Shizuka's level of making use of others. Do you agree? Yes I will be showing excerpts of the basket ball scene next week. But more of insights and feelings again rather than the actual scene which everyone well knows :)

orenjipanda: Hi hi! I guess I'm following the story line rather tightly at least for ¾ of the manga so I guess Tsukushi was indeed with Tsukasa. I'm not too sure about the future yet. I must say that I have the faintest inkling of how the plot should go but I have not thought out the details yet and there is a possibility of me making changes too. With regards to Rui's feelings about Shizuka. Well, that's quite a complex part. I'd like to think that Rui is in love with the idea of being in love and that he is half aware of that fact. However, it is true that there is no one he preferred to Shizuka. A significant portion of his pain, dejection, hurt etc could be also attributable to the fact that Shizuka had been kind of a female best friend, they had shared ups and downs, and that he had been genuinely fond of her. Hence, the betrayal of a close friend hurts totally.

kensingtonkid: Hey thanks! I had fun indeed on my trip :) Ah, our dear Tsukushi's feelings of confusion! At this point in time, I believe she is at her most "confused" state about her feelings. She is starting to fall for Tsukasa, yet Rui still tugs at her heart strings. It is tough to forget one's first love, especially if the person has helped her all the time and has been kind to her eh? I definitely agree that Tsukasa is the only innocent party. It is indeed brave of him to put his heart on line. Or is it simply his arrogance?

ToinKs: Actually, I have to confess that I felt more sorry for Tsukasa then Rui at that point in the story. I felt that it was wrong of Rui to betray his friend even if he got carried away because that is not what one should do to one's best friend. However, I have to follow the story line so … … ;) Ah did Rui mean the kiss? I don't think he was toying with Tsukushi's feelings. He got carried away at the moment, he was completely vulnerable and she was there and basically what she did was very "encouraging". He was so touched by her concern that he ignored all the implications of his action. I would like to believe that at that point in time was when Rui really started to be moved by Tsukushi's feelings for him.

Drina: Thanks so much for your constructive comments! It really helps in my writing. I tried to incorporate more detail in this chapter to make up for the gap! I hope it helps to fill in the missing information :)

Nana-chan: Thanks for your wonderful comments! Actually, I didn't even think of the implications of the "wasn't meant to be" portion when I quoted R&J!! You have provided deeper insight into the scene! I was thinking along the themes of the appropriateness of forbidden "love" (in terms of Tsukushi), tainted Rui vs pure Tsukushi, the absolution of Rui's sins by Tsukushi who provided him comfort and eased his pain etc :) Thanks !!!

Chapter 24 – A Disastrous Date

For a moment, I could not believe my ears. My eyes widened for a long moment before they narrowed into slits as I glared at J. "You have got to be kidding." My voice was flat and cold, in contrast to my churning insides.  

"I never joke." His voice was equally emotionless, "you know that."

"You want me to go back to France because Professeur needs my help on another assignment? Am I the only agent that you have? Or am I the most dispensable one?"  My disbelief was evident.

"You have a reason for being in France … …" he began.

"No longer!" I cut him off as I balled my hand into fists and took in a deep breath, controlling my urge to jump up and start pacing.

"Stein, is this about Cleo? Yes, it is true that she's quite chummy with another man, but she has not stepped out of line with regards to her duties to our country as yet."  

My breath caught in my throat as his words hit home.  Then my eyes rose to meet his, "you had her shadowed."

"Of course, I could do no less after your report." I closed my eyes involuntarily, trying to reconcile myself to the fact that we had both betrayed each other, albeit in different ways.  From closest friends to enemies, I thought bitterly.

"I am ready to help Professeur with anything he needs but only if I can remain here."

"Stein … …" J took a look at the resolute expression on my face and decided to give up. "Okay, I'll get them to prepare a teleconference so that he can brief you. However, for confidentiality purposes, you have to stay here until all the work is completed." 

"How long will that take?" I asked him, recalling that I had promised to take Tsukushi out during the weekend to try to cheer her up and distract her from her feelings of guilt.  Her eyes had lit up at my suggestion although her cheeks had been slightly pink.  It was the first time since that fateful night that I had seen her look so happy.

"That depends on Professeur … …"

I turned on J the moment I stepped out of the conference room, "J, I can't finish all the work within two days."  It was totally ridiculous.  It would take two men working for at least five days to complete the pile of documents that Professeur had wanted to me help him with.

J raised a quizzical eyebrow, "you don't have to.  Professeur told me the deadline was a week away."

"But I have a date this Saturday and it is already Wednesday night!"

"So cancel it," he replied coolly. I clenched my teeth tightly as I glared at him.  However, he remained unperturbed and inflexible as a rock. With a sigh of defeat, I turned and went back into the room, resisting a childish impulse to slam the door as hard as I could. Looking at the small stack of printouts that I had to decode, I sighed heavily again. The image of Tsukushi's disappointed face appeared in front of me, her eyes dull again and her trembling lips bravely forced into a smile to hide her disappointment from me.  Somehow, I felt a sharp pang at the thought of making her more miserable.  I decided that there was no way I was going to cancel our date so there was only one thing left to do.  I sat down, "rolled up my sleeves" and put my nose to the grindstone.

*Three days later*

"Stein, you look terrible!" J actually looked concern when I stumbled out of the room with bloodshot eyes, slightly trembling hands and looking extremely pale.

"No thanks to you and Professeur. I've finished the work."

"I told him you were good," he wore a smug look of satisfaction which I itched to wipe off his face with a well placed punch. Control your violent tendencies Rui, the voice in my head advised me, you would probably topple over before you manage to hit him in your current state. 

"Yes, after working continuously with only ten hours of sleep over the past three days," I muttered to myself loudly so that he could hear me clearly. I glanced at my watch. I had barely enough time to totter home on my relatively shaky legs, take a quick shower and a change of clothes before I had to meet Tsukushi. "I'm off," I left the room.

"Enjoy your date, Romeo. You have earned it!" Was his parting shot.

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She was standing in front of the shops simply dressed in a t-shirt and jeans, looking fresh and decidedly nervous. I noticed that she was wringing her hands unconsciously.  A small smile appeared on my lips at her gesture as I realised that she was more nervous than I was.  Wait, I was nervous?  I had to admit that strangely enough, I was a little.

"Hi Tsukushi, am I late?"

"Oh no no … … not at all!  I just got here as well."  She blabbed. There was a short silence before she quickly asked, "so where are we going?"

"Did you have somewhere specific in mind?"

"No not really, let's just walk around." I felt really apologetic. It was our first date (and my first real date with any girl for the matter) and I really screwed it up. I had wanted to plan something nice for her but thanks to J and Professeur for the last minute assignment, I was on the brink of collapse from physical and mental exhaustion, and it was taking all my strength simply to walk next to her like a zombie. In fact, I had problems even walking in a straight line and trying to focus on what she was saying.  My brain just was not functioning.  I could tell that she was not really having a good time as we were walking in almost complete silence most of the time. I could not contribute much to the conversation because my brain had (unfortunately) shut down and I was having one of the worst migraines in my life. Even my eyes were aching. I decided to tell her a half-truth. 

"Tsukushi, I've never gone out with a girl before in a real date (which was the truth). So I do apologise if you are bored (though if I were in my right frame of mind I could easily have thought up something exciting or at least more interesting for us to do) … …" 

"Oh I'm not bored at all, Rui." She put in quickly. 

I can hardly recall anything of the date.  It was like I was drifting around, sleepwalking.  I think something happened to her at one time because she called to me and I found that she had lagged some distance behind. However, my head was hurting so much that I could hardly focus on where we were going. We ended up at a fast food center where I ate very little because I was feeling nauseous from the lack of sleep. Unfortunately she misunderstood the reason behind my lack of appetite as being the "poor quality" of the food. No way, I had an incredibly high metabolic rate and would eat anything, well almost anything anyway. After the meal, I felt decidedly unsteady on my feet.

"Tsukushi, let's go somewhere where we can be alone."

"Er … …" she hesitated but I simply hailed a cab and brought her to my house.

"Wow," her wide-eyed amazement brought a smile to my lips.  I have always found her naivety endearing. 

"It's just my house."

"Geez," she sighed. "You're so different from Tsukasa. He would have answered in an arrogant tone that only such a house would suit someone of his status unlike poor people like me." I smiled at her imitation of my best friend's mannerisms.

"Well, his house is much bigger than mine," I commented, trying to be fair. I saw her eyes widen even further when my nosy servant girl informed her that she was the first girl that I invited to my house other than Shizuka.  She snuck a peek at me and quickly lowered her head when she noticed that I was looking at her, playing nervously with a button on her coat. I chuckled and steered her into my room.  We both had to sit on my bed as I showed her my photo albums because I had no chairs in my sparsely furnished room.  She smiled over the childhood photographs of the four of us and Shizuka, becoming her usual animated self. Unfortunately, my bed was far too comfortable for one in my condition. I should have stood up or knelt on the floor. Her laughter seemed to waver as her face gradually blurred before me. Before I knew it, I was out like a light on my bed. I woke up hours later with a start, only to find myself alone in my room. Where was she? I quickly got to my feet and ran out of the room.

"Young master?" The servant girl that Tsukushi and I had met earlier was startled as I ran into the living room.

"Where is the young lady that I brought home?" I asked urgently.

"Oh, she left hours ago. She informed me that she was going home first and told me to take care of you." 

Guilt welled up in me at her words. Poor Tuskushi, to have endured such a boring date and, worst of all, to suffer the final insult of having her date fall asleep on her! What she must have thought of me!  Yet her parting thoughts were only for my comfort. It was so like her kind, generous and forgiving nature to put others before herself. I stifled a groan as I grabbed my still throbbing head and ran a hand through my hair in frustration.  I screwed it up badly this time, thanks to J and Professeur.  I would have gladly beaten J to a pulp if he had been standing in front of me.  I sighed and wondered how I could salvage things.  The only way to make her feel better about this horrible date was to tell her the truth – that I had actually rushed through my work with very little sleep because I had not wanted to cancel on her, and that unfortunately had resulted in me pushing myself too far. However, there was no way I could tell her the truth. I had to leave her with the misconception that either I was a very boring, self-centered person, or that I did not give two hoots about her.  Somehow, that thought left an unpleasant taste in my mouth. I promised myself I would make it up to her somehow.

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"Hi Tuskushi!" I smiled at her when I saw her in school the next Monday. As she turned to me, I saw her trying to hide her troubled expression behind a sunny smile.  However, the pain in her eyes was evident.

"Hi Rui, are you feeling better today?"

"What's the matter?" I asked looking straight into her eyes, letting her know that I was not fooled by her demeanor. Her eyes flickered to the message board before she quickly glanced away but the damage was done. With another look of concern directed at her, I walked to the message board and the following message in bold print caught my eye.

_"WHORE,_

_Return our Hanazawa-san."_

My eyebrows knit together in a heavy frown and I clenched my hands into fists as my usually dormant temper awoke with a vengeance. I turned back and saw her trying to smile at me brightly to dismiss the entire message as a joke. However, her smile faded when a crowd of hostile girls came up to her.   
  


"Whore!"

"Slut!"

"Return our Hanazawa-san."

"How did you manage to tempt him?"

"How dare you seduce him?"

"He would never have saved you if you didn't provide any kind of incentive."

Looking at her pale and stricken face, a protective rage burned though my veins and I decided that enough was enough. I quickly walked up to her, making my presence known to the crowd. I felt really sick at the way their sneering and jeering expressions quickly disappeared as they turned to me with sickeningly sweet and hypocritical smiles.

"That's enough," I bit out as I stood next to Tsukushi.  It only made me angrier when I noticed that she was trembling slightly. I felt an urge to place an arm around her protectively, but I decided not to in case my action was misconstrued and caused her more grief. 

"Hanazawa-san!" There were shocked exclamations all around me now.

"Leave her alone.  She's never tried to make any moves on me unlike you all, and I find her far more attractive than any of you!"

"How could you say that?"

"Hanazawa-san!"

"How could you speak up for her?"

"We'll no longer support you!"

"I'm glad you're no longer a member of F4!."

"I hope Doumyouji kicks you out of school!" My disgruntled ex-fan club soon departed.

"You shouldn't have done that, Rui. I would have gotten use to such gossip." Her brown eyes were filled with worry for me.  I was incredibly moved by her selflessness, which ironically only served to increase my guilt and frustration at the suffering that I had caused her inadvertently.

My eyes narrowed in anger for a moment, "it's not ok!" I lowered my voice as she shrank back a little from my harsh tone, "they don't understand you. They don't know what they're talking about. I won't let them talk about you in this way."

"But your position in this school … …"

"I don't give a damn about it at all! When I was a child I was ostracized and snubbed because I had autism. I'm use to people disapproving of me constantly and I couldn't care less." I smiled at her wide eyes and lightly pinched her nose. "I guess you feel this way too?" Her mouth fell open and I chucked in amusement. When she finally got over her shock, there was a new light in her eyes akin to hero worship when she smiled back at me. Unfortunately, Tsukasa caught us both at this moment. I believed jealous rage took over because he became determined to get both of us expelled from Etoku … …

*Flashback*

"Hey, Doumyouji's creating a racket at the principal's office. He wants to kick both Hanzawa Rui and Makino Tsukushi out of the school." My head shot up when I heard my name and Tsukushi's mentioned.

"Yeah, apparently Doumyouji's elder sister the legendary Doumyouji Tsubaki is also in the principal's office. I really wonder what is happening."  S***!  I simply turned and ran all the way to the principal's office, hoping against hope that I was not too late to protect Tsukushi.

"… … I will leave school. Isn't that enough?" I was just in time to hear Tsukushi say clearly with her head held high when I stepped into the office.

"Your mum wouldn't like it." That was her friend Kazuya.

"Shut up! If I leave, everything will be fine. Poor people like me shouldn't be in such an elite school anyway." I felt an unknown emotion rising in my chest when I heard her sacrificing herself to protect me.

"No, Tsukushi stays. I will leave school." I felt everyone turning to look at me when I spoke. I looked directly at the principal, ignoring Tsukasa's burning gaze. If looks could kill, I would have flopped over. "I'm the cause of everything. I should be the one to go." To my surprise after my little comment, Kazuya and even my two childhood friends who had staunchly supported Tsukasa all this while all insisted that they would leave the school too if I left.

"You are all betraying me?" Tsukasa was obviously totally taken aback.

"Come now Tsukasa, you know the strength of our friendship." I had rarely seen Soujirou so serious. In the end, Tsubaki came up with the most inane idea of playing our favourite competitive spot - basketball - to resolve the issue. Although I thought it was pretty ridiculous, I had no option but to agree to her suggestion because everyone agreed to it. At least this provided me with an opportunity to help Tsukushi. As I glanced at her pale face, a sudden protective instinct rose in me and I swore that there was no way I would let her down. It was my responsibility to keep her safe in Etoku and I would do so regardless of the cost.


	26. Deeper and Deeper

Author's Note: Hi all! Thanks for reading this story and leaving me all the wonderful comments … …

angel310 : Hi hi! Thanks so much for still leaving me your opinion when you're in a rush !!! I'm glad you found Rui's character in my story convincing and in line with the manga Rui !! That's one of the best compliments you could give me. Thanks so much! You hit the nail on the head with your comment. However, I won't repeat it in case it ruins the surprise for certain other readers !!!

just a teen: Yes, you're right – the story is kind of sticking to the original story line in the manga – or at least for the bulk of the manga. However, I thought that the manga isn't very clear about why Rui does certain things and the reason for his character. So I kind of tried to come up with something to try to explain the "blurry parts" ;) I have an inkling about the latter part of the story, but I haven't completely straightened it out in my mind as yet. With regards to updating, I try to do so at least once a week (sometimes once in about 3-5 days) but it depends on my muse ;) 

Ravenfire623 : Thanks so much for your kind comments !!!! I'm glad that you like my portrayal of Tsukasa as well as Rui :) I hope this update is soon enough.

kensingtonkid: Hi hi hi! At the moment I would say that your analysis is right on the dot i.e. Rui doesn't quite like Tsukushi the way she likes him or the way Tsukasa likes Tsukushi. Especially after Shizuka betrayed him, he finds it even harder to trust any female. Thanks so much for your lovely comments as always !!

piglet: Hey there! With regards to your question on MG vs HYD. Actually, I am a bit confused too! By MG you mean the TV serial and neither the manga nor cartoon right? I have to admit that though I have watched the cartoon, I have never read HYD nor watched MG. I kind of obtained the info about the manga from summarized translations placed on the websites. The rest is kinda imagined :) I'm not too sure about Rui flying the kite because I didn't read the full HYD manga as well !!! Thanks so much for your generous comments !!!

Nana-chan: I'm so glad that you found this explanation convincing with regards to Rui's behaviour on the date !!! I was hoping that it wasn't too contrived. Thanks so much for your kind comments! With regards to writing – fiction-wise I have written a couple on another net. And of course essays and stuff but I haven't written that much. If you are interested, I could give you the link to certain of my other completed stories on other websites. :)

windsoffortune: What can I say ??? Thanks so much for taking time to provide so many reviews and lovely comments !!!! Definitely made my day ! You are absolutely right about the "surfed" vs "surfaced" !!! I tend to make many silly mistakes when I'm writing. Thanks so much for highlighting it – really appreciate your help :) I hope you continue to enjoy the rest of the story !!!

ToinKs: Hi hi hi! I really really appreciate your constructive comments and I went back to make some revisions. I hope it is better now !! I totally agree with you – sometime when I try to rush things out, the depth of emotion is just absent. I usually go back to read it and try to incorporate more, but didn't do so this time round because I was rushing. Thanks again !!!

Angel-Xing: Ah!!! New reader !!! Thanks for dropping a note so that at least I know that someone has been reading my story :) I do apologise for the previous long breaks because of traveling. However, the updates should be more regular now. Thanks for your kind comments … …:)

Chapter 25 – Deeper and Deeper 

I knew we were at a considerable disadvantage because I was the only one in my "team" who could match up to Tsukasa, Akira and Soujiro in terms of physique and skill. In spite of Tsukushi's confidence in her "abilities", I had my doubts that she would be hold her own against my three friends' amazing athletic skills (and mine too for the matter). My worries were confirmed when I watched her and Kazuya playing, my heart sinking into my boots at their punny performance. In spite of her determined cheery demeanour, I could tell that Tsukushi was only trying to boost up our spirits and maintain the morale of our team. There was something about her courage and the resolute, albeit reckless, way that she met adversity head on that struck a chord in me.

"Tsukushi," I walked up to her. As she turned, I placed a finger under her chin and gently but firmly tilting her face up so that she was looking directly into my intense eyes. "Let's practice. I won't let you leave school. This time, I have something that I want to protect," the words were sincere and spoken so seriously that they sounded like an oath. My solemn oath to her. 

To prove my words, I took the ball from her numb fingers, bounced the ball a few times and with one smooth movement, jumped up and sent the basketball sailing cleanly through the hoop in a long shot. I turned around to shoot her a triumph smile only to see her eyes wide and shimmering with an unnatural brightness. Her mouth was open and her lips were trembling slightly as she weakly muttered my name with something close to reverence. I could tell that she was moved to the point of tears and remorse sudden filled me again. However, I swallowed and kept my attitude brisk. This was not the time to show any weakness, we still had a match to win.

"Hey what are you two staring at me for? Let's start … …" My voice woke them up from their trance and we started practicing hard.

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I shook my head silently at the group of fans gathering around the basketball court and quickly threw a worried glance at Tsukushi. As expected, she was as pale as a ghost as she stared at the spectators. Just what I needed, I mentally heaved a sigh, my teammates to be attacked by a case of nerves. I walked up next to her and she jumped when I spoke.

"How are you feeling?" I kept my tone low and soothing as if speaking to a spooked animal, trying to calm her down.

"I'm aching all over." When her large brown eyes met mine, somehow, the fear faded away leaving only trust shinning in them as she smiled brightly at me. I had succeeded in calming her down. I smiled back at her, more determined than ever to win the match. Kazuya lumbered up.

"Give me your hands," I said. "We will beat them." My tone was confident and assuring as we did the traditional team high-five.

"Sure!" Tsukushi was filled with energy.

"Yeah, we will whip them!" That was Kazuya.

"Okay, so let's go!" I walked into the court with them following closely behind and stared determinedly into Tsukasa's cold eyes … …

*Minutes later*

"We win." I looked up to see Tsukasa gloating as he smiled at me coldly.

"We still have three minutes." My voice was emotionless.

"And you can work a miracle in three minutes?" His disbelief was mixed with scorn. "Just admit you lost."

"I will protect Tsukushi." My tone was determined. I watched his expression change from smugness to rage in a matter of moments.

"Shut up!" He roared as his hand clenched into fists. Grabbing the opportunity as he was distracted, I turned and threw the basketball. It dropped through the hoop.

I heard a loud whoop from Tsukushi and then she shouted, "Rui, you are fantastic!" However, I was not looking at her. I was watching my best friend's reaction to Tsukushi's behaviour carefully, contemplatively. His fists had turned white and a muscle twitched at the corner of his mouth as he ground his teeth. My brain was working like clockwork and a plan fell in place as I watched him shouting at Soujirou and Akira for failing to block me, as they tried to clam him down without success. Tsukushi watched them in wonder as she made her way to me. 

"What's wrong with them? Why are they quarrelling?" Her innocent question made me grin deviously.

Then I turned to her and asked her with an extremely serious expression, "Tsukushi, will you do anything to win?"

She looked taken aback by my question for a moment before her face turned resolute, "Yes." My eyes flickered to the side to ascertain that my best friend was staring at both of us and that he could see me clearly before I made my move. My hand shot out to grasp Tsukushi's wrist and I pulled her to my side as I bent down and pressed a gentle kiss on her forehead, keeping a soft almost dreamy expression on my face as my eyes gazed at her with a tender light in their depths.

"HANAZAWA RUI!" Tsukushi gasped at me in shocked outrage. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Smile at me." She gaped at me for a second as if I had lost my mind as I continued to smile at her, before obeying my commands and lifting the corners of her mouth mechanically in an attempt to obey me. Her forced smile was almost like a grimace and set me off. I allowed myself to laugh freely, knowing that this would shock my audience further. I doubt that I had ever smiled widely in public not to say laughed.

"You idiot," Tsukushi hit me with her small fists, exasperated with my strange behaviour and my laughing at her. I simply took the opportunity to capture her small hands in mine, making it seem as if we were playfully fooling around as lovers would. All this time, my senses were focused at the corner where Tsukasa was standing, ready to pick up the slightest nuance. With great satisfaction, I literally felt the waves of rage emitting from where he was standing as he was forcefully restrained from attacking me by Soujirou and Akira.

"Let's go, Sweetheart!" I said cheerfully.

"Sweetheart?" I heard Tsukushi muttering to herself in an incredulous tone. For a moment, I felt a little sorry for confusing her thus, but well, everything I was doing was for her anyway. Only by using such underhanded means could I defeat Tsukasa. And if I had to play dirty to keep her in school, I would. My honour, if I had any to start with, paled before my responsibility to protect her. 

My tactics worked. Tsukasa was blatantly attacking me and totally ignoring the match subsequently. Although I gained a few bruises, he earned me lots of free throws and penalty points. I had to give credit to my other two friends who eventually saw through my ploy when Tsukasa went wild. However, it was too late for them. They could not stop him because well, we all know what my best friend is like once he loses his temper. He appears to be in incapable of any rational thought. We were at a draw when Tsukasa suddenly terminated that match and left. I had to admit that even I did not know what was going through his head. However, I believed that he probably felt the futility of continuing with the game because it was pointless anyway. There was no way he would gain Tsukushi's affections and perhaps at heart he knew he did not really want her to leave. Well, but those were only my speculations anyway. 

I glared at Soujirou and Akira who were commenting about Tsukasa's weird behaviour. Soujirou finally noticed my hostile look, "oh Rui, you still play well by the way."

"You were trying to kick me out of school, you … …" My voice trailed off as I tried to sort through my extensive vocabulary to find the best word to describe these two inane morons.

"Hey, we would have persuaded Tsukasa after winning the game … …" Akira protested. The competitive idiots! I turned my back on them, ignoring their explanations and found myself facing Tsukushi.

"Now, that was exciting wasn't it?" I grinned as her jaw dropped at my understatement and made for my locker. It was time to cool down … …

The next thing I knew, we were "celebrating" at the Doumyouji mansion. Tsukasa was conspicuous by his absence. I simply relaxed and drank my alcoholic drinks quietly as they rest chattered on about inconsequential topics like magpies. Tsubaki was at her most vivacious.

"Hey, Rui, you've drunk a lot." Soujirou commented looking at the empty bottles surrounding me. I refrained from letting out an impolite snort and telling him that this was nothing compared to what I could really drink. Well, they were unaware that I had been something close to a closet alcoholic, with the exception that I had always made sure I was never addicted to the vice. I realized that Tsukushi's eyes were constantly on me, watching me silently and discreetly with a question in those brown eyes. I sighed mentally, I must have totally confused her today – it was regrettable although inevitable. She flinched when someone mentioned Tsukasa and was soon lost in her thoughts.

"Sorry?" I realized that Soujrou was talking to me.

"I asked you how far you both went," he repeated patiently as if he were talking to a child. I realized that he had been talking about the disastrous date.

"Oh, just downtown."

"No no," he explained patiently. "We're not asking you where you both went on the date."

"Yeah," Akira chimed in. "We're asking if you had sex or not." Both Tsukushi and I froze. They studied our expressions carefully.

"Really? Unbelievable," that was Soujirou.

"Rui, you are strange. Are you really a man?" Thanks Akira.

"Oh, that's why you are both so stiff around each other. Sexual Tension!" Tsubaki diagnosed cheerfully and loudly as I choked over my drink. "Rui, you can use our guestroom tonight to prove that you're a normal guy. I will permit." She declared grandly as I felt my cheeks warm slightly and Tsukushi's stunned face changed colour several times. Before we could protest, they pounced on us and we were bodily thrown into a bedroom and the door locked behind us.

"Tsubaki, Soujirou, Akira!" The desperation in Tsukushi's voice was evident as she banged frantically on the door.

"We won't open the door until morning," Akira's voice said cheerfully.

"Rui, have fun," Soujirou sang out. I shrugged my shoulders in resignation as she stared at the door, lost for words


	27. Nipping the Bud

Author's Note: Hi all! Had a bit of a mental block but now the story should flow smoothly at least for the next couple of chapters (I hope)! Enjoy !!!!

p.s. sorry Nanachan, I didn't realize the weblinks I placed for my other stories didn't turn up. Putting them up again! 

Lindkher: Oops, sorry I saw your comment too late. I do hope that you mange to see this, but just in case I'll post this reply again in my next update. Thanks so much for your kind comment – I must say it really made my day because I had tried to incorporate certain of the things that you highlighted !!! Thanks again !!! 

Blackcat: Hi hi! Glad you like the light-heartedness of the last chapter. I'm afraid this chapter contains some darker themes, but not quite as dark as certain of the other chapters. A mix of angst and light-hearted bits I hope? Did Rui's thoughts in the bedroom meet your expectations ;) ?

angel310: Hi Angel! Yes, Sheen is my penname although it is also a real name that other people have!!! So Rui receives a sudden awakening in this chapter? Ah but to what extent? ;) Ah sorry about rushing the last part ! Actually, the depth of emotion was carried over to this chapter! I guess it was mean of me to stop at that point in time ne? I hope you find this chapter making up for the lack of Rui's perspective in the last chapter ;) 

Toinks: Thanks for your kind comments! You definitely hit the nail on the head – there is more than meets the eye … … coming up in this chapter … … *drums rolling* (between sorry for the silly mistake I made – I honestly forgot and thought that you had written only up to chapter 6 … … sorry!)

Kaio: A new reader !!! Hey thanks, I'm so glad you like this story. Ah so you think Rui is sexy I this story … ..

Sheen: *nudges Rui* see, I've managed to improve your image in my story from an ice block to a sex symbol !!!

Rui: *blushing slightly* that's nothing to do with you! It's my own natural charm … …

Sheen: *coughing fit* excuse me – I think something just got stuck in my throat.

Rui: *dark red* fine be that way! 

Sheen: *bewildered* but there was really something stuck in my throat! *shrugs* Ah well, the new age sensitive men … …

.:: Stacey ::. : Wow, thanks so much for your lovely comments! I hope what I have written about "what took place during the night" is up to your expectations ? :)

crybaby: Yay, another new reader! Do you consider what I have written in this chapter as Rui "doing something" ? ;) 

kensingtonkid: I love this part of MG too !!! Ah the ever enigmatic Shizuka !! I think in my story I made her even more confusing than Rui. What are her motives? What is she thinking? Why is she so temperamental? What does she feel about Rui? Hopefully certain of these questions will be answered along the way! Thanks so much for you kind comments as always !!

just a teen: I hope that you'll like what was in Rui's head during his time with Tsukushi in the bedroom! Thanks so much for your encouraging comments – I haven't really straightened out my thoughts with regards to what will happen eventually, but am still working on that!!

*~Vean~* : Yes, another new reader! Welcome and gosh you do read fast. Did you manage to read all 27 in one day ???? Thanks so much for your kind comments. I hope this update is fast enough for you!

trevtrev: This has got to be a record – another reader !!! Thanks so much for your comments – I'm so glad that you like this story !!!

Nana-chan: You are definitely right! I didn't realise it, but yes, Rui does seem to be less dark and depressed when his mind is on Tsukushi, doesn't he? I guess it's because he's preoccupied with something else so he isn't focused on his own problems and also he associates Tsukushi with innocence, humour, naivety and in general all things positive and pure! His "dark, troubled persona" (love this description of yours) shows itself for an instance in this chapter. Thanks so much for your kind comments. My other works (some uncompleted) are pretty varied.

If you enjoy reading something like this, I have written something on Itazura Na Kiss @ www . winglin . net / fanfic / SheenI / (note there should be no spaces between the dots and slashes but I couldn't get it to be uploaded otherwise) ; It isn't anything original. I simply followed the manga storyline and incorporated more of the characters' thoughts, and similar to this, the guy was a genius (hope you don't get bored by the repetitiveness).

I translated and modified a non-english story that I read – it has more adult themes and is written in a more cynical tone with a more sarcastic sense of humour. www . winglin . net / fanfic / SheenA / 

Then, my first fanfiction that I ever placed on the net. I don't really know how to describe it but it is set more in historical times. www . winglin . net / fanfic / SheenT /; I have only given you the links of my completed works coz the rest are still hanging there and I don't know when I will complete them so … … (And if you happen to read them, would love it if you could share your opinion and insight about them with me. Thanks!)

Chapter 26 – Nipping the Bud 

When Tsukushi finally turned to me, I could feel the tension radiating from her as she struggled to keep a nonchalant smile on her lips. However, amidst the natural nervousness of being left alone in a room with a normal healthy male, there was a vulnerability hidden in the depths of those brown eyes that eloquently informed me of her fear of facing rejection because of her own inadequacies, because she was not lovable or beautiful enough. 

Her voice shook slightly, "well, guess we're stuck here for the night. They are … …" 

"Tsukushi," her babbling stopped immediately and she tensed when I said her name softly, almost caressingly. She was trembling as her wide brown eyes, resembling those of a trapped animal, stared into mine. I found my hand reaching out in an attempt to calm her when I let it fall, not wanting to frighten her even more. I took in a deep breath and made my decision.

"If you want to, I will." My softly spoken words had the impact of a shout in the silent room. Her eyes widened to their maximum circumference and her breath caught in her throat. 

As I waited quietly for her decision, I kept my expression carefully guarded. It was not about me, it was all about her, only her. If she wanted me to teach her about physical pleasures, I would initiate her gently and carefully, making it a wonderful and unforgettable experience with minimal pain. I certainly had the skills to accomplish that – my reputation as an excellent lover was not fallacious. I could seduce her, but that was not something I was willing to do. In fact, in a way I hoped that she would not ask this of me. Not because I was not tempted, I had to admit that I was. Quite a bit more than I would have expected in fact. Hey, imagine the raging hormones of a teenage locked in a room with an innocent girl whom the teenager far from disliked, and add onto that the fact that expectations had been placed on him to take certain specific actions. However, other than respecting what Tsukushi really wanted, the other factor holding me back was that I did not want to betray my best friend.

As the myriad of thoughts and emotions swirled through me, I was stunned by a sudden realisation that I had let this little girl get under my skin without meaning to, that I had really come to care for her. My playboy ways had been just an act for quite sometime, and I was no longer willing to share myself with just anyone. The person had to be special to me, and someone I felt strongly for. The new knowledge that I was far from adverse to the idea of touching Tsukushi had the impact of a wake-up call. The only question was exactly what I felt for her … … 

"Do you remember a school excursion?" She spoke suddenly, breaking the trance we were in.

"Eh?" I was totally confused as she suddenly started blabbing about excursions and outings. Then I realised that I had received my answer. The tension faded away and I relaxed as she continued talking. Suddenly, Soujirou's words came to mind.

*flashback*

"Do you really love Tsukushi?" I stared at his serious expression in shock.

"Tsukasa thinks you don't," he continued as I remained silent, his eyes boring into mine. "He thinks you only love Shizuka, that you're trying to accept Tsukushi because you're lonely." 

Taken aback by his words, I found I had no answers to his questions. Did I love Shizuka? Even that was fuzzy. To be honest, I had the feeling that I was more in love with the idea of being in love. She was there, she was my best female friend, she was beautiful, she was around when I needed her, she was intelligent, she knew my secrets, we were forced together by circumstances … … Was it love? Would I have loved her under different conditions? Was I falling in love with her, had I fallen in love with her when everything happened? Did I fall in love with an illusion? The thoughts were giving me a headache and I closed my eyes, not wanting to think further. However, my mind persisted. And Tsukushi? Did I love her?

"Rui, do you know what you're doing?" His eyes were sympathetic. "All's fair in love and war. If you love her and she loves you, I can only feel sorry for Tsukasa. However, if you don't love her, please keep in mind that he really does … …"

*end of flashback*

"You're always doing your best. For example when you were playing basketball," I suddenly said out of the blue, cutting Tsukushi off mid-sentence. She stared at me with her mouth still hanging open. "I didn't understand why Tsukasa couldn't seem to leave you alone at first. The strange way he obsessed about you … … However, now I do." 

My mouth was voicing out my innermost thoughts of its own accord and somehow I could not stop, "honestly, I don't know if I love you or not." Her eyes widened. "They all said I might be looking for someone who would care for me. I thought I could forget about Shizuka, but … …" My voice trailed off as the way Shizuka had manipulated me and betrayed me came to mind. The pain was still there. I realized that I was not ready to open up myself to anyone yet, that I had to learn to trust again. However, there was something I could and had to apologise for.

_"Why did you come back, Rui? Why … …"_ the memory of her choked voice still haunted me.

"If I didn't come back, you and Tsukasa … …"

"Don't apologise," she cut me off gently. "I don't regret anything and I feel happy sometimes."

"Sometimes?" It was my turn to be surprised.

"Yeah," she nodded as she smiled at me. Her eyes were understanding although they held a trace of pain. "I never dreamt that you would open up and talk to me in this way. You used to be so quiet and withdrawn. The only thing you would tell me is that you didn't give a damn about other people, including me." I smiled as she mimicked my attitude with great accuracy. "So I'm happy talking to you and being your friend." I swallowed the lump in my throat. Tsukushi I don't deserve you, but I've always known … …

She thought I had fallen asleep after I moved to the bed. I kept my breathing even and my eyes shut as I felt her gently pulling the blanket over me.

"He looks just like a baby. So peaceful … …" I heard her muttering under her breath and felt her fingers gently brushing back a lock of hair from my forehead. There was a soft sigh and then very softly, "I don't know if I love you or not too. I'm plain confused. But thank you, Hanazawa Rui, thank you for being honest with me. Even though I'm sad, I'm also happy." Then her presence was gone. Some time later, I heard her breathing pattern change from where she lay on the couch. I got up silently and gently carried her to the bed. Although she muttered something and shifted in my arms, the alcohol had gotten to her and she did not wake up. I covered her with the blanket and went to take her place on the couch. I made sure that she was back in her original position on the couch just before the sun rose, not wanting to confuse her any further. However, my eyes did not close once the entire night and I found myself memorizing the patterns of the cravings in the ceiling … … 

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"Stein, an agent slipped up." I stiffened as I stared at J.

"What happened?" A familiar sense of dread welled up in me as I prepared myself for the worst.

"The usual interrogation, torture and the whole works," he had his usual cold calculating mask on, but I could sense that he was more disturbed than he had let on. I shuddered involuntarily.

"She wasn't one of ours." My brows burrowed. Why did he specifically summon me to inform me of the death of a fellow agent in an unrelated organization? The usual rules were that we would have received the information through various indirect means. No personal contact unless the victim was somewhat related or connected to us. Then the clues fell in place - female agent, different organization and connected to me. My blood froze in my veins as the obvious answer came to me as my eyes flew to his. 

"Yes, Shadow's dead. I'm sorry." His reply to my unspoken question hit me with the force of a blow. The gentle, compassionate girl who had responded so passionately in my arms was dead. My body sagged as I rubbed a hand tiredly over my face. So this is how it all ends … …

"She was with a friend when she was taken – a close friend. Let's just say that the close friend suffered equal consequences. There was nothing much left of him to bury." His words sent shivers down my spine. "I hate to bring more bad news, but watch your back, Stein. We all have to. We don't know how much she told them." My friends and my family - Tsukushi … … Her name reverberated in my mind as the icy fingers of fear wrapped themselves around my heart … … 

I knew that something between us had changed that night. My newly discovered knowledge with regards to the depths of my feelings for her had taken me by surprise, and I also realized that she was falling for my best friend. From her whispered words, I could tell that she had finally decided to shelve her deeper feelings for me and move on, working instead to solidify our friendship. The power to tilt the balance was in my hands – I could change her mind, I knew I could. However, this new piece of information about Shadow had shaken me to the core and made me re-evaluate the danger I brought to all whom I held dear. The image of a broken and lifeless Tsukushi lying in the morgue came to mind and I shuddered again. 

Clenching my jaw with determination, I decided that things had gone far enough. I was not in love with her, not yet. And if I valued my sanity, there was no way I would allow myself to fall in love with her. My mind turned to my best friend and I allowed logic to shove all emotions out of the way. He was the best candidate – he was madly in love with her in spite of all his character flaws, she obviously could handle him, he was rich and powerful enough to protect her against any future potentially … … unpleasant situations and would do so, and he had a one-tracked mind … … The only thing that could stand between them was the influence of his family. However, it was better for Tsukushi to have her heart broken than having her life in mortal danger. I had a one-tracked mind too and when I made up my mind to do something … … Let's just say that no one with an ounce of intelligence would get in my way. So I started orchestrating their get together … … 

I purposely forgot to inform my best friend that nothing happened between Tsukushi and myself that night although I knew his decision to go to New York was an attempt to forget Tsukushi and sacrifice his own happiness in light of hers and mine. Or at least that was the impression he had given Akira and Soujirou. I allowed him to go under the pretext that I was still pissed about him tearing apart my Teddy Bear when we were young. For goodness sake, I could hardly believe that my highly intellectual friends would fall for a pathetic lie like that. I mean how much importance could someone place on a synthetic inanimate object stuffed with cotton? Heck, but well, I guess we are talking here about people whom I had fooled since the first time we laid eyes on each other. 

Drastic as my actions seemed, I knew it was necessary especially in Tsukushi's case. Fond as I am of her, I have to admit that the girl was absolutely hopeless when it came to understanding and recognizing her own emotions. She needed to be jolted awake and how could this be better achieved than making her realize that she could loose Tsukasa for good? And it was just a bonus that Tsukasa hated sharing his toys and had an extremely competitive nature. He would only be more possessive of her if he had almost lost her to his best friend, yours truly. I watched the subsequent events unfolding with barely concealed satisfaction as everything went smoothly according to with my plan … … 


	28. Behind the Scenes

Author's Note : Sorry, this is a little late.  Had quite a few deadlines this week and just wrote this a few hours ago – will read it again quickly to make sure that I haven't made too many mistakes.  Thanks again for all your lovely comments!  Keeps me   motivated to write more and more and more  :)  P.S. this chapter contains many flashbacks so I haven't separated them.  Please keep this in mind when reading it!

Ravenfire623 : Hi hi !  Thanks so much for your kind comments !!!  I guess at the moment I am still following the storyline.  I guess I was thinking that (in the context of my story) Rui has too many burdens emotional and otherwise.  He cares for Tsukushi and he can see that he isn't exactly what would be best for Tsukushi at the moment :)  

Dark Phoenix : A new reader!  Yay !!  Thanks so much for leaving your comments and I have to admit that you have voiced one of my fears – the fact that I am repeating a lot of what happened already and it does get boring.  I am trying my best to incorporate something new be it the characters' insight or some behind the scenes event going on.  Hopefully it will alleviate the boredom?  Do let me know !!  

angel310: Hi Angel!  I'm glad that the last chapter made up for the previous one;) !!!  This chapter is also pretty self-analytical and reflects Rui in one of his rather cynical moods – I think you can tell from the style that it is has been written in.  Loved reading your insight as per normal !!!  You have caught on exactly to what I wanted to convey *dances around in joy*.  And thanks so much for your encouragement – it makes me want to continue writing even when I know how crappy my writing is :).

Kaio: Sorry for the delay in the update!!!  I tried to write as soon as I was able but I had two deadlines to meet!  And thanks so much for your comments.  I hope Rui is just as sexy in this chapter ;)

kensingtonkid:  hi hi hi! Thanks so much for your kind comments as always!!!  Yes, evil Sheen killed off Shadow!  I was thinking that could be one of the reasons that make Rui decide to give Tsukushi up to Tsukasa.  He had to have a good reason, and what better than the fact that he could be endangering his friends? ;)  I hope it was convincing enough … …

As for R&T … … can I give you the answer by and by ;)? 

vic~vic~vic : Hey thanks so much for dropping by and thanks for your lovely comments!  Feel free to drop a comment whenever !!! I always love reading the comments of my readers because it's really interesting to get an insight with regards to how they feel :)

  just a teen: Hi  hi! Sorry this update is a bit late this week – I barely made the weekly update deadline ;)  I hope you didn't have to wait too long for it!  Thanks so much for reading:)

Nana-chan: Thanks for your lovely comments as always – they're always so insightful and extremely interesting!!!  I hope you like this chapter as well.  It's in a slightly different style from the rest of the chapters, more of Rui carrying on a monologue and the interpretation of events from his standpoint.  And sorry the weblinks did not come up in my last answer to your previous comments – I have reposted the weblinks in the last chapter and they have finally appeared!  In case you didn't see them last time : 

www . winglin . net / fanfic / SheenI / (note there should be no spaces between the dots and slashes but I couldn't get it to be uploaded otherwise) 

www . winglin . net / fanfic / SheenA / 

www . winglin . net / fanfic / SheenT / 

ToinKs: Hi there!  Urm actually sorry for being confusing, but Shadow isn't Shizuka.  Shizuka is Cleo.  Shadow is the girl/woman who helped Rui out with his traumatic experience.  She was from another organization and they met whilst working on a joint project ;) I totally agree with you with regards to manipulation, power and domination!  That was deep !!!

Lindkher: Thanks so much for your lovely comments – I must say I really enjoyed reading your insight about Rui, Tsukushi and Shizuka !!!  Yes, I have to admit that I haven't committed myself to any particular pairings at the moment – it was really an acute observation.  I have a few ideas but am not very sure which is my favourite so I'll just let the story flow whilst I eliminate them one by one!  I think it's really interesting that you don't like Rui with either Tsukushi or Shizuka.  I was wondering if you had any one in particular whom you would pair with Rui?  Either from HYD or other mangas.  I'm just curious :)    

windsoffortune: Hi hi!  I'm glad that you found chapter 11 disturbing.  My aim was to emphasize how the traumatic the experience must have been from Rui.  Thanks so much for reading!  I must admit I really enjoyed reading "In the Mind of a Playboy"!

Chapter 27 – Behind the Scenes

I have to admit that Tsukasa's and Tsukushi's relationship defied anything synonymous with smooth.  They never did realize they had a "guardian angel" hovering around, doing his best to help them out along their rocky path.  However, everything comes with a price.  I unwittingly paid mine and did not realise until it was too late that the price was not something that I could afford … …

I found myself becoming a confidant of Tsukushi's, helping her out in her difficult times - usually Tsukasa related.  I swear that friend of mine causes enough trouble by being his immature, hot-tempered, reckless etc (do I need to elabourate any further?) self, not to say of the additional problems caused by his affluent family.  In the beginning, my only task was to scare off other admirers of Tsukushi's.  Fortunately, not everyone was as discerning as yours truly and (much as I hate to admit) my best friend, and thank goodness Tsukushi was focusing too much on trying to make ends meet to have time for the few other men who tried to gain her attention/affections.  Of course our little talk helped too.  She just had a huge row with Tsukasa (which was nothing new) and it was just after the little episode with Kin - a politican's son (this was unexpected as my impression of him was a rich namby-pamby, and I had not realize that he had the ability to see through Tsukushi's prickly exterior).

*flashback*

"Sometimes I just get so tired, Rui."  I kept quiet as we both sat on the stairwell, staring at the rose gardens below.

"Why is he always so unreasonable, so prickly so … so … urgh … … so Tsukasa?"

"I mean look at Kin-san for instance." I blinked in surprise.

"He isn't violent.  Although his parents are politicians, he doesn't want power or money.  He was working with me in a fast food center.  A fast food center, Rui."

"He lied to you too," I reminded her.

"He kept his identity from me so that I wouldn't treat him any differently.  He was nice to me."  A strange feeling that I could not quite identify arose in my gut.  This had gone far enough.

"Look at me."  She turned to face me obediently, a little taken aback by the serious stance that I was adopting.

"How do you feel about Tsukasa?"

"I … I …" she blushed a little. "I don't really know.  He's infuriating!"

"Do you remember what I said before?"  She squirmed a little and tried to look away but I reached out and grasp her chin gently but firmly.  She met my eyes rather reluctantly and nodded.

"Good.  Just remember that I gave you up for Tsukasa and for Tsukasa only.  Besides, he loves you … …  And you are both really compatible, you're so alike."  I deliberately added the latter and waited for her to take the bait.  It was really satisfying watching her jump up and down, waving her arms like windmills in frustration and denial.  Extremely entertaining indeed.  Who says that the job of a matchmaker does not have its moments?  Besides, I had to do something to end that awkward moment between us … …

*end of flashback*

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I watched her slowly losing her heart to him after he rescued her in the snowdrift, and after he got beaten up by that asshole Junpei's gang in order to secure her release.  That was when I started to have some doubts about myself.  Would I have gone so far for a person I loved?  Was I actually capable of loving someone to the extent that my best friend can?  Was I emotionally crippled in a way?  The dry voice in my head informed me that I could have achieved what my best friend did in both circumstances with far less danger to our lives.  

In a way that was true.  Instead of dashing recklessly out into the snowstorm to look for Tsukushi as what Tsukasa did, I kept my head.  Did you think I would cool my heels and sit snugly in front of the fireplace in the huge house waiting for news of my friends and leaving their safety solely in the hands of chance and my best friend?  I quickly called the local police and was informed that a search party would be organized in the morning because of the blizzard.  They were sympathetic but totally useless.  Cliché as it sounds, desperate circumstances call for desperate measures.  I gritted my teeth and used the trump card that I had.  I called J.

"J, I need a favour." I went straight to the point.

"Stein?"  His voice was as alert at 11pm as it was during our meetings.

"I need a search party here as soon as possible, there are two people lost in the snowstorm and the local rescue party will only start searching in the morning."

"Stein, you are aware that: Firstly, it is 11pm; Secondly, I am miles away from your current location, and lastly but quite obviously, there is a blizzard?  If the local police can't be of any assistance … …" His voice took on an infuriatingly, condescending calm tone.

"Isn't that what you are good at, J? Whipping up miracles?"  I bit my tongue.  This was not the time to make witty, sarcastic remarks, not when I needed his help so desperately.  There was a short silence.

"You owe me then."  The businesslike tone was back.  I struggled with myself for a moment.  I knew that this man could not be trusted and that I would regret it, but what other options did I have?

"Anything within reason.  By that I mean I am willing to work my ass off and put my life on line for you, but only within reasonable legal and moral limits, and if by doing so I would not endanger the lives of my family, friends and the like."

"Deal." I groaned silently at the speed with which he agreed to my conditions.  Darn, I should have struck a harder bargain.  "My contacts will be in touch with you shortly with news of your friends."  I sat by the phone waiting.  The helplessness gnawed at my insides.  I could have done something more constructive like beating the shit out of those vain, lying snobs who had put the lives of two of my closest friends in danger.  However, my strict upbringing precludes me from laying a hand on the weaker gender unless in self-defence.  Finally, after what seemed to be forever (but was actually only two hours, forty-seven minutes and seventeen seconds – yes I kept track) the phone rang.

"Hello?"  My heart was pounding.

"Stein?"  
  


"Speaking."

"Your friends are safe.  They were found in a very deep sleep in a cabin near your current location."  I finally managed to breath normally.  "We placed a heater in the cabin to keep them warm – they should be able to make their way back in the morning."

"Thank you … …" I paused as I waited for a name to be given.  Instead, with a "just doing my duty" he hung up and I was left listening to the dialling tone.  Apparently, I had just met a rare person who was just as uncommunicative as myself – probably another agent of J's.  I think it is a reflection on him that all those under him are so taciturn, but I digress.  Unfortunately, there was no way I could tell Soujirou and Akira the good news.  I could only try to calm their fears by lying to them that Tsukasa had informed me there was a cabin nearby which he was intending to head for after finding Tsukushi.  It was a long, sleepless night … …

In Junpei's case, it would not have been too difficult to come up with a plan to allow both Tsukushi and myself to escape unhurt.  Seriously, with Tsukasa's reputation and the lack of request for ransom (which I thought was a large flaw in Junpei's plans), the only motive was obviously revenge and Tsukasa should have kept that in mind.  It was almost ridiculous the way he walked straight into the trap.  It would have been quite easy to sneak around, find another entrance and catch them by surprise, or create a distraction and sneak in.  Once Tsukushi's safety has been secured, the fellows would be no match for Tsukasa or myself.  From past experience, I can safely say that Soujirou, Akira and I could have each taken on the entire crowd with only one hand.  Their skills were really pathetic.  However, is my ability to think logically under such conditions a strength or a reflection of my being less of a human being and more of an emotionless machine?

I did not have much time for further self-examination thanks to Mrs Doumyouji.  Even I have to admit that lady is force to be reckoned with.  After watching Tsukushi slowly but surely falling for my best friend, I had to watch her suffering silently but stoically as she slowly but surely got her heart broken time and again.  I managed to refrain from killing my best friend because I knew that his heart was probably also breaking at the same time.  However, he was much tougher than Tsukushi, and his stupidity and insensitive behaviour were inexcusable.  So I stood by her silently as she had stood by me during my time of need, lending her my shoulder and my strength as she had offered me comfort.  Unfortunately for me, in the process of repaying my debt to Tsukushi I was given further insight to her kind and caring nature, and she unwittingly revealed to me the vulnerability and sadness concealed behind her cheery and tough façade … …

I still remember clearly how her face paled, her sharp intake of breath and the way her trembling fingers clutched the railing as if it was a lifeline when Tsukasa kissed Shigeru, unaware that I was watching her reaction instead of the "couple" and that her reactions had totally given her away.  However, it was strangely her vehement denial of her own feelings and her obviously forced cheerful insistence of how happy she was for them that brought out my protective instincts in full force.  Somehow after that, they never subsided … …

Another thing, I admit that I do love hot springs.  Yes, I would even agree that I may be mildly obsessed with them.  However, hardly anything beats the wonderful sensation of relaxing in a hot spring, letting the hot water soak away all your troubles and cleanse your tainted soul; the steam acting as a shield between yourself and the rest of the world to allow a moment where you can drop your guard, and at the same time creating a kinder, almost dreamlike reality … …  So how could I have resisted Shigeru's proposal to visit her summerhouse?  Anyway, I thought it would allow Tsukasa to have an opportunity to compare both girls at close quarters and realise who he obviously was more in love with.  I had not counted on his jealously and his insecurities because I had expected him to have more faith in his best friend.  Sometimes I overestimate myself … …  

It still makes me shiver when I relive the moment when I rushed to the hot spring only to see Tsukushi's lifeless body bobbing face down on the water.  A cold, paralyzing fear gripped my entire body for a moment.  Then, I jumped fully dressed into the spring and grabbed hold of her limp body, turning it over in my arms.  I was already applying mouth-to-mouth resuscitation before I carried her out of the spring.  She was breathing on her own by the time I had found a towel to wrap her in.  Yes, I saw her naked.  So shoot me.  I mean I had more important things on my mind like making sure her heart was beating, her lungs were functioning properly and that she was not in shock, then observing proprieties by keeping my eyes carefully averted.  Seriously, if I had been trying my best to behave like a gentleman, it would have paradoxically only proven how perverted I was to be thinking such thoughts in a life and death situation.  Yes, I noticed that she was not very well-endowed and had a small, thin frame.  Hey, but I had to wrap her up and like any of my normal fellow human beings, I happen to have a certain component of the human anatomy that transmits signals via the optic nerve to my brain which are subsequently translated into visual images.

I was glad that Tsukasa did not attempt to remove her from my arms when he saw us together.  In spite of the pain reflected in his eyes and that I knew he had to be feeling, he would have had to kill me before I was ready to let go of her.  I had just saved her life for goodness sake!  There was no way I would be able to leave her until she woke up and demonstrated to my satisfaction that she was fully functional.  I learnt that a bond forms between two people when one of them saves the life of another.  To put it simply, from that moment onwards, I felt that her well-being was somehow more of my business than before.  I blame it on my practically non-existent possessive nature.  We both got rather emotion over the incident (although I doubt that I showed it) and when she refused to let me beat up Tsukasa or interrupt Shigeru's attempt to deflower him (Shigeru was never subtle), I ended up holding her hand the entire night.  I never knew that hands could communicate so eloquently before.  Her small and cold hand was enveloped in mine, her pain and despair evident in the way she clung onto my hand tightly and somewhat helplessly.  I could only comfort her by twining her fingers with mine, occasionally stroking the back of her hand soothingly with my thumb, maintaining a constant and steady grip throughout that long sleepless night … …


	29. Meeting an Old Acquaintance

AN (23/12/03) : Sorry another's AN – Just for anyone who's interested, I've posted up another piece of writing (under misc) so click on the author's name for more details!

AN: Dear All, ah managed to make another weekly deadline! Again I rushed this out a few hours ago. I'm afraid this chapter is not as happening as other chapters but I guess there is a need for such chapters to link the story together ne? Thanks so much for all your lovely encouraging comments and have a merry Christmas!

kaio : Hi hi! Sorry for this late update. Thanks so much for your kind comments!!! I hope these weekly updates are soon enough. :) These few chapters have been a bit difficult to write because I'm a bit stuck in terms of the plot. However, I'm working on it!

Dark Phoenix : Thanks for your kind comments !!! Did you know that the author meant for Rui to be the main male character at first until somehow Tsukasa's popularity soared above Rui's? I guess that would explain the initial focus on Rui and the subsequent focus on Tsukasa instead.

windsoffortune: I agree that my characterization of Shizuka is indeed rather negative for her imagine! In the subsequent chapters, she will appear even worse. The mystery girl is another agent from a different agency but I think you've probably already got to the part why she acted the way she did. I guess each of us would have a crush on some person who is attractive and somehow mysterious. Shadow played that role in Rui's life and somewhat a little more … … Thanks for your comments!

kensingtonkid: Hey there!!! Definitely agree with you – Rui has always liked Tsukushi and she's so kind and sweet to him – how can he not like her? I guess the question the extent of his feelings for her which he is trying to work out. I think I have covered even more time in this chapter. It's just that I didn't really want to cover Rui's perspective on every single event and thought it would suffice to highlight his role in general. Thanks so much for your lovely comments in spite of being so busy !!

angel310 : Hi Angel (makes me think of Charlie's Angels)! Thanks soooooooooooo much for your generous comments !! Actually I have to be quite frank with you – I didn't really spent THAT much effort in selecting the words ;) Oops! I guess it was kind of more of the type of mood I was in – and I just felt like writing something more sarcastic then!! Have a great hols too !!!

Fuyu : Ah a new reader! Thanks so much for dropping by and your kind comments! I hope this update isn't too late.

cuppajava : Ah another new reader! Wow, thanks so much for your lovely comments !!! Really appreciate you taking time to let me know your opinion of Façade. I've been eliminating the many endings that I can envisage for this fic. I guess with every chapter I write, the choices diminish as well. However, I'm still working on it! Thanks again !! 

Nana-chan: Wow, love reading your insight. I thought I was the only one who gets emotionally caught up in reading (even worse) summaries of manga! Would you believe that I don't own a single manga and everything I know is obtained off the net? I guess this shows how much information is actually on internet because of the many manga fans out there. 

Sheen: Rui, I think you are emotionally constipated.

Rui: What on earth brought out this random comment?!?!? What did I do now?

Sheen: Nothing, just thinking about the girls in your life.  
  


Rui: What do you mean girls? There are no girls in my life.

Sheen: Yeah, keep telling yourself that.

Rui: Tsukushi and I are friends. Shadow was … … an acquaintance with benefits and Shizuka … … I don't even know what she is … …

Sheen: He's in denial.

Rui: I am not!

just a teen: Hi thanks for your comment! Yes, one of my favourite parts is when Rui goes to New York as well. Rest assured the next chapter will deal more with that!

Lindkher: WOW !!! Thanks sooooooooooooooooooooooo much for your long and carefully thought out response. May I first say that I really really enjoyed reading your opinion and that I totally agree with you on the ideal type of girl for Rui. Shizuka is a bit too sophisticated and experienced compared to Rui. Although he needs someone supportive, he also needs someone who will allow him take care of them – does his fragile self-esteem some good. Most of all he needs someone to love him pretty much unconditionally and who is not afraid to show that to him (regardless of the method in which it is expressed). Tsukushi does not appear, on the other hand, to be his equal, nor does she appear to be intellectually stimulating. I was thinking back and realized that the only one who would probably be best for Rui (except for the age difference) is actually Shadow. Unfortunately, I killed her off in the previous chapter !!! I especially loved your expression of the female characters in the manga – it is soooooooooo true! They tend to be feminists or simply weird! 

Toinks: Hi hi! Was really really glad to know that you found the last chapter funny! I was trying for a sarcastic and light-hearted chapter so thanks so much for your comments !!!! And you really made my day with the comment about not being able to read the manga without thinking of this. Thanks soooo much !!!!

Chapter 28 – Meeting an Old Acquaintance

"Stein speaking." I rubbed my hand over my bleary eyes, shaking my head in an attempt to clear it from drowsiness.

"Stein? Rui, who are you trying to fool?" My blood froze in my veins as I heard Tsukasa's voice. How could I have been so careless? I should have known that receiving a telephone call at 2am does not automatically imply that the inconsiderate caller had to be J.

"Tsukasa, b***** h*** do you know what time it is now?" I cursed fluently, trying to distract him from the way I had answered the call. It achieved the desired effect although my hot-headed best friend did not react by insulting me back as I had expected.

"I need to talk to you, Rui." His tone was flat, serious.

"What happened?" I subsided immediately as a frown appeared on my face.

"I am in New York now. My mother is currently attending a last minute urgent meeting, which is why I am able to contact you." I kept quiet and he continued, "she forced me here. She threatened to harm Tsukushi if I remained in Japan." I mentally called Mrs Doumyouji a bitch in all the different languages and in the different ways I knew – it probably took me about 5 minutes to exhaust my extensive knowledge.

"You're the only one who can help me, Rui. The only one I trust enough … …" For a moment, the smug feeling I experienced was mixed with a certain alarm. Was Tsukasa acute enough to see through the plans that I had masterminded? I mean surely he did not know how I had manipulated both of them psychologically, kept track on Tsukushi's whereabouts every time she "disappeared" through the private eye that I had hired, and many other exploits that I had a hand in? His next words sent a wave of relief through me.

"… … Soujirou and Akira are too flighty and it's obvious that you care about Tsukushi much more than them … …"

"We're friends." I interrupted him in case he got the wrong idea yet again and went off on another rampage. It was not something that we wanted to waste additional energy dealing with in face of so many other complications.

"I know. Sometimes, I think she'd probably be better off with you though." The defeated tone was so unlike Tuskasa.

"What on earth are you talking about?" I was starting to get impatient. I thought that this issue had already been discussed and settled? It was not like my best friend to be so sappy. "Tsukushi is not a doll to be pushed around or given away. She is her own person, she can and has made her decision!"

"Promise me you'll take care of her." His abrupt statement took me totally by surprised.

"Tsukasa, I … …"

"Promise me," his tone was urgent. "I don't know how much longer I can talk – my mother's meeting will be ending anytime now."

"I promise I will take care of her FOR YOU." I emphasized the last two words.

"Rui, I leave her in your hands."

"Tsukasa, you're not f**king pushing her to me! Are you tired of her already?"

"Screw you, Rui! I love her, but I will let her go if she's going to be happier with someone else!" His words hit me with the force of a blow as I recalled being in the exact same situation and convincing myself to drop out of the race before even taking part in it.

"Who are you to decide who she will be happier with?" There was a hollowness to my voice. "May I remind you that she has chosen you?"

"Only because you pushed her away."

"And your conclusion that I want her is drawn from the fact that you want her yourself? Brilliant deduction, Sherlock." I could not hide the bitterness in my voice.

"I need to go. Just help me take care of her … …" He hung up abruptly, leaving me staring at my phone in shock … …

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"J, is this assignment so urgent?" I rubbed my aching forehead as I looked at the massive document that had to be translated into several languages. The specialized terminology used was causing me a headache. It was going to take several days of hard work to meet J's so-called deadline. I really did not see why he always had such tight deadlines.

"Have you read the content?"

"Obviously." He lifted an eyebrow at my reply and kept quiet. I sighed, fully knowing the importance of the message that I had read. It was just that I needed to keep an eye on Tsukushi who was practically out of her mind with worry in spite of her faked cheerfulness, and I knew that she was about to go to New York to look for Tsukasa. Thanks to this new assignment, I would not be able to go myself to keep an eye on her.

"Fine, fine … …" I grumbled as I started to work on the document. Fortunately, the translation process got faster after I completed the first five. As I was working, there was a knock on the door.

"Come in," I muttered without lifting my head, expecting that it was J. There was a short silence.

"Stein?" I heard an unfamiliar voice. My eyes traveled up a pair of long, wrinkled jeans, a white shirt with sleeves rolled back showing thin white arms, and a strangely familiar pair of dark glasses that hid almost half of the unremarkable, yet unforgettable pale face with the shock of white hair.

"Ace!" My surprise showed in my voice. It had been years since I last met him. He nodded a greeting as a wry smile appeared on my face. Apparently, the passing years had not made him any more loquacious. "What are you doing here?"

"Meant to do somethin' about the computers." He looked around at the almost empty room. "Seems that I've got the wrong room."

"I think you probably want the computer lab. I'll show you a shortcut." I got up and opened a connecting door. "Here, it is."

"Thanks." He stepped through the doorway, surprisingly leaving it open. I had carefully destroyed the copy of the English document that J had given me and was currently doing an Arabic translation. I doubt that Ace could understand the document. However, I took the precaution of locking away the work that I had done, only taking out sections at random in order to translate.

"Stein, mind giving a hand?" I went into the other room to see Ace's fingers flowing over the keyboard. Again, his smooth, almost elegant movements reminded me of a pianist. 

"What are you planning to do this time, Ace? Hack into another system?" I joked but my smile died as his expression never wavered. Geez, that guy seriously needs to get a sense of humour.

"Not exactly."

"How can I help?"

"You're good with languages right?" 

"I'm okay."

"Here, I'll teach you a computer language. Then you distract the computer that you'll be in contact with whilst I do my stuff, ok?" I was intrigued – it was interesting the way he viewed the different programs as different types of languages spoken by computers. Strangely enough, with this new idea in my head, I was able to learn extremely quickly. Within half an hour, I was ready.

"Ready to go?" I nodded. He typed in a few commands and then my screen flickered as my computer logged onto a new computer network. I did what he taught me, requesting for different types of complex information, requiring the downloading of information from many different routes that prevented any newcomer from logging in. Effectively, I was "hogging" the terminal. At the same time, I purposely did a clumsy job of trying to hack into the system. We timed it perfectly. Ten minutes later, the alarm in the other computer network was raised and I barely managed to disconnect to prevent retaliation. 

"Yes!" I heard Ace exclaim.

"You did it?"

"Yup, we did it." There was a grin on his face.

"Now mind telling me what we were trying to do?"

"Oh, just helping to test the security of the new computer system that my friend's contact has in place."

"And this contact happens to be an important somebody in US?" I folded my arms as I looked at him.

"Let's say it's somethin' to do with national security and I can't say anymore than that." I nodded and headed back to my own room. There was no way Ace could have lied to me, not with my knowledge of languages. I already had an inkling about what I was doing from the nature of the information that I had downloaded from the system … …

"Stein." I turned back to him and waited.

"Remember my offer?"

"Yes."

"So, wanna take me up on that?"

"Sure."

"Don't tell J though."

"Why not?" I said after a moment's hesitation. Even though I was in the business of intrigue, I hated the cloaks and daggers part of it. On second thoughts, perhaps it is precisely because of this mystery surrounding me that explained my dislike for such games.

"Some anti-interdepartmental policy shit. But you're good … … I don't like to see abilities like yours go to waste. Then, maybe you could help me out some other times like today?" That was probably the longest speech that I had ever heard from him, or ever will the voice in my head added dryly.

"Okay." I had to admit that I was a sucker for intellectual challenges – I find them extremely stimulating. 

"Call me on this number tomorrow." I ended up working doubly hard the next week or so as I spent the nights at Ace's "studio" or so he called his own work station. It was really an honour to learn from a genius like him. He told me by the end of the week that I was as good as any "ordinary ole" agent in his department. That may not have sounded too complementary, but taking into account Ace's nature and the fact that all people selected for each department are gifted at what they do, I have to admit that I was rather pleased with what he said. 

"Remember, don't show off your new abilities." He cautioned unnecessarily.

"Of course. Apart for not being as ungrateful as to get you into trouble, I can only imagine how much more J will try to squeeze out of me if he knew."

"Be seeing you around." I shook his hand warmly before leaving his studio.

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"Rui, what the hell have you been doing?" Tsukasa's voice nearly burst my eardrums when I picked up my phone.

"Busy." I said dryly.

"Do you know what is happening to Tsukushi?" I quickly picked up the reports that I had left on my desk in a hurry and skimmed through them. "She's had quite a rough time of it, but she's mentally and physically fine Tsukasa." Then my jaw clenched as I read the last report. She had discovered where Tsukasa was staying. Alarm bells started ringing in my head.

"That was before today." His voice was quiet. I cursed silently. This was not good. Why did I always have to be around to ensure that things did not run amok? All this stress is surely not good for my heart. 

"What did you do, or rather what did your mother do?"  
  


"I'll always remember the look in her eyes when I told her I was staying in New York and told her to get back to Japan. Why the hell could you not have prevented her from seeing me?"

"I'm sorry," I finally said.

"I don't know if I can trust you to take care of her anymore, Rui." I balled my hands into fists, refraining from yelling back at him that it was his fault that I had to keep my eye on Tsukushi and himself in spite of all my other numerous commitments. However, I managed to say tightly in a relatively emotionless tone, "this conversation is getting us nowhere, Tsukasa. I need to look for her now." 

I hung up on him and made the arrangements for my own private jet to fly me to New York after I quickly left a message for J. I did not want to call him in case he should prevent me from going to New York. I only had ten more translations to go and by then I had already memorized the entire message by heart – who wouldn't after translating it into a few hundred languages? I rushed through the rest of my work and managed to complete it just before setting foot in New York six hours later. 


	30. New York Part I

AN: Hi!  I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and have a Happy New Year!  Please be prepared for some repetition again !!! And thanks so much for your lovely comments !!!  Between, I've put up another piece of mine – not original this time but another re-write of a manga that I have always loved – Itazura Na Kiss – under misc. (for those who are fond of that manga as well!).

  
Dark Phoenix: You're right, it was quite obvious that Tsukasa was going to get the girl.  With regards to the volume that Rui said something to Tsukushi – I'm not too sure what you are referring to.  What did Rui say to Tsukushi?  If you mean the part when I mentioned that Rui was meant to be the main character, it was not mentioned in the manga.  I read it off the net.  I thought it did explain a bit about the discrepancies between the first couple of chapters in the manga and the subsequent.  The first few chapters where the focus was on Rui, how mysterious he was, how skilled he was at playing the violin, the way that he kept rescuing Tsukushi – first from being raped and then from being beaten up – all these caused by the action of "big bad" Tsukasa.  Then the tone of the manga changed completely.  How Tsukasa was actually a nice guy at heart etc etc.  I thought it was a bit strange, but admittedly that could also have been part the author's plan for contrast?  I hope this chapter has enough RXT for you ? :)

Kaio: Thanks so much for your encouraging comments.  I'm sooooooooo glad that you like this story.  Here's my weekly update as per always !!!  Unfortunately due to my hectic schedule, I am unable to update more than once a week.  I do hope that it's fast enough and thanks so much for your understanding :)

W.Kathy:  A new reader!  Thanks so much for your kind comments.  I hope this update is soon enough!

Blue: Thanks so much for your generous comments – really made my day!!!!!  My decision to put up I.N.K on this website is partly due to your encouraging comments.  However, I must say that the plot is (unfortunately) not mine for I.N.K. as per always, I simply added in my 2 cents worth of details and additional characterization :)   I'm so glad that you liked it.  With regs to the 2nd part of the story, I don't think I will be starting on that so soon.  Partly because I don't really want to start something that I will take a long time to complete and at the moment I have façade to complete and I already find myself struggling sometimes to keep up with the weekly updates :)  I'll let you know again when I finish façade!  And thanks so much for your support – I really appreciate it !!! Keeps me writing … … 

jestina : Yay … … Another new reader!  Thanks so much for your kind comments and for letting me know that you've been reading this little piece.  I guess all of us on this website hope that there are silent readers out there in addition to those who leave their wonderfully encouraging comments.  However, sometimes it is hard to know, so it is really a red letter day for us when another drops by !!!!  I'm glad you like this little obsession of mine with Rui.  Hopefully after the completion of this, I'll be able to get him out of my system ;) !!!

Nana-chan : Yes, I know, it's quite aggravating sometimes when you've just finished a review, pressed the button and then poof!  It all disappears !!! I know how tiring it is to re-type another comment so thanks so much !!!!!   I read your comment with interest especially when you mentioned that Rui said that he loves her and gave her up for Tsukasa.  Which part is that in the manga?  Is it the part when he mentioned that he gave her up because it was Tsukasa and not for the politician's son?  Yes, I certainly agree that his love for her is implied in the actions.  With regards to him actually saying that he loves her – I thought it was in New York (as per this chapt)?  However, I'm not sure and I would be sooooooooooooooo grateful if you could clarify it for me because quite frankly I've never read the manga either !!!!  Thanks sooooooo much !!!!!

.:: Stacey ::. : Hi !  Thanks so much for your comments !! I know, sometimes that happens to me as well i.e. leaving a review that does not appear in the end !!!!  At the moment, Rui is not really working for Ace.  It's more of the type of "you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours" type of relationship.  So Rui owes Ace a few favours because Ace was kind enough to teach him the hacking skills!  Yes, I agree that he's biting off more than he can chew, but well that's Rui for you ;)   I have to admit the part where Tsukasa pushed Rui and Tsukushi together was my own concoction.  However, that's the only explanation that I can think of why Rui is starting to either allow himself to like Tsukushi more or to show it to her.  Otherwise his actions would appear to contradict his previous attempts to bring his best friend and Tsukushi together.  I was thinking – hmm … so let's see how is this possible … How if Tsukasa in a fit of depression pushes Tsukushi to Rui for "her own good"?  How if he asked Rui to take care of Tsukushi on his behalf?  How if Rui was already getting tired of all the problems T&T are having and the fact that Tsukushi is getting hurt is getting to him?  How if his protective nature took over … … then the last chapter and this chapter popped up ;)  I hope you like it!

just a teen: Hi hi! I was really wondering about your comment – the part when Tsukushi told Rui that she used to like him.  When was this in the manga ???  Could you please clarify this further?  Coz I actually never read the manga before !!!  Thanks so much !!!

Lindkher : Loved reading your insight as per normal !!!  Quite frankly, before writing façade, I never spent so much time analyzing Rui's character either !!!   And I never thought this piece would get so long – it's close to thirty chapters!!! I had written POV and then I was reading some of the comments that I received and some asking me to write more about Rui.  So I thought – well, there are so many gaps in HYD (disclaimer : just my opinion, so please don't sue me anyone!) with regards to Rui so let's see why he acts this way … … Totally agree with your analysis about Shadow's actions in this story !!!  So sorry *a trifle embarassed* I made my comments based on the character of Shadow in my mind rather than what I had actually portrayed of her.  You know the type of forming the character in mind before the actions.  When I "created" Shadow I was thinking of what type of personality she should have to act in that way.  Then it came to me - intelligent definitely (otherwise she can't get into the "organization" and hence intellectually stimulating), not strikingly beautiful but sweet in her own way, quiet, independent, strong, one of her strongest points would be empathy, having the ability to get others to open up to her (to be able to obtain information), yet at the same time able to merge into the crowd (the skill every successful spy needs).  So she would be the type that you would never notice unless she wants you to notice her and if she wants you to notice her, you would not be able to remove your eyes from her.  Then I thought she had to be compassionate to be willing to help Rui.  Perhaps, she had a similar history?  But I did not go much further than that into the characterization, otherwise I could not have gotten that chapter out ;)!!!  I'm so glad you caught the ambiguity and the potential for trouble.  I added that so that to open up another avenue that I could pursue if I  decided to in the end … … No plans yet … … :)  
  


ToinKs: Hiiiiiiii!! Yes, it's actually Rui's fault.  He didn't do his job as he was meant to and although he was pre-occupied he should shoulder some of the blame.  I guess he hadn't counted on Tsukushi being so successful in her search for Tsukasa, but that was no excuse!  I guess the manga never really elabourated on his relationship with Tsukasa, but I'm sure they both would trust each other with close to everything;) !   Thanks so much for your kind comments !!!

kensingtonkid:  I do hope this update is fast enough !!!!   Thanks so much for your kind comments !!!  Yes, you're right, I think the bulk of the last chapter was my own creation – the behind the scenes thingy again!  And our multi-talented Rui is accumulating even more talents as we "speak".

Angel72: Wow, thanks so much for your generous comments and it was really kind of you to say what you did about the number of comments !!! I would be lying if I said that I don't love getting comments.  And I do believe that motivating comments do keep most people writing.  However, I guess I don't refuse to write because of the comments i.e. I wouldn't refuse to update simply because I don't get a certain no. of comments or anything!  It is great seeing what people think and what people feel about this manga though, and I'm sure you've read many of the wonderful, insightful comments that have been posted.  I found many of them more interesting than the chapter that they were commenting on !!!!  

Chapter 29 – New York (Part I)

"Where is she?"  Was the first question that I asked the private detective that I had hired, ready to fire him if he was not able to supply the answer to this basic question.  I agree that I may be a rather demanding employer with high standards, but his job was to keep a constant eye on Tsukushi's activities.

"In the park at this location," he quoted an address.

"Thanks.  Remind me to give you a bonus."  I quickly arranged for my luggage to be brought to my apartment and took the first available cab out to the said location.  It was rather dark and I had to walk around the park a few times before I caught sight of her small figure shivering as she huddled up on a bench in a dark corner.  There was something so desolate in her slumped posture that a lump came into my throat.

"… … so cold … …" I heard her mumbling to herself as I silently approached.  "What am I doing here?  I'm such an idiot!"

I cleared my throat, "yeah, only an idiot will be sitting alone in a deserted park in the middle of a cold winter's night, dressed only in a light cardigan."  She jumped off the bench at the sound of my voice and spun around, those brown eyes widening in incredulity as they stared at me as if I were an apparition. 

"Hanazawa Rui," she breathed as she continued to stare at me in total shock.

I gave her time to recover as I turned to look at the stars shinning brightly in the cloudless night, "I love the way the stars look in New York.  Doesn't it remind you of the view from the stairway in Eitoku?"

"Why … why … why are you … …" she spluttered in obvious confusion.  Much as I disliked to remind her of Tsukasa in her fragile state, I had to provide a convincing explanation. 

"Went to Tsukasa's place.  Did you see him?"  

"Yeah, I managed to see him easily.  He refused to return to Japan.  I just wish he had informed me of his intention, he could have saved me a trip."  To a casual observer, she seemed fine.  Her voice was steady and there was a smile on her face, but I knew her better than that.  Her inner turmoil was betrayed by the flash of pain in her eyes and the way her tightly clasped hands were trembling. 

"So, what are you doing here?"

"Just sightseeing.  This park is meant to be famous.  And yourself?  Why are you here?"  She turned to me with an overly bright smile.

"I was worried about you … … thought you might be hiding somewhere and crying … …"  Before I finished my sentence, her shoulders slumped forward as her brave façade finally crumpled.  Her lips were trembling and tears welled up in those large brown eyes that stared at me helplessly, pain evident in their depths.  Under my steady gaze, the long lashes fluttered shut as the tears finally overflowed and slid down her cheeks.  I was not aware of actually moving, but she was suddenly cradled protectively in my arms.  My heart was aching for her as I held her tightly, trying to soothe her as I stroked her hair and rocked her gently as her body shook with the violence of her sobs.  The soft sounds emitted from her throat resembled those made by a dying animal.  I could have held her forever, but I was worried that she would catch cold.  When she finally stopped crying and was shaking less badly, I got a cab and brought her to my apartment.  I noticed with some relief that my luggage had arrived.

"Here," I threw her a towel, a T-shirt and a pair of shorts.  "Take a hot bath, you'd feel better and you need to warm up."  I pointed out the bathroom and she silently obeyed me.  In the meantime, I ensured that the beds in the master bedroom and connecting guestroom had been made up in line with my orders.  When she finished her bath, I brought her to the guestroom and turned back the covers for her as she climbed into bed.  I drew the covers over her as she simply lay there, exhausted and overwhelmed by the events of the day. 

"I didn't know you had an apartment in New York," she suddenly said dully.

"There're lots of things about me that you don't know."

"I can see that."  The light in her eyes had been replaced by pain and despair.  Spurred on by an uncontrollable need to remove that pain in her eyes, I sat down on the side of her bed.  Her eyes met mine.

"Go to sleep, you're exhausted."  I placed a comforting hand on her head.  That gesture almost undid her and I saw her biting her lips to prevent them from trembling.

"Rui, thank … …" her voice was unsteady.

"Hush, it's okay.  Everything will be ok.  I'm here.  I'll take care of you."  I gently stroked her hair as I repeated those words over and over in a low, reassuring tone, until the sound of my voice lulled her to sleep.  

I sat there staring at her sleeping face, wondering at the strange hollow ache that I felt in my chest, and the overwhelming urge to hold her in my arms and protect her from the world.  These feelings that suddenly sprang out of nowhere could not be normal – there had to be something wrong with me.  Suppressing a sigh, I bent down and brushed my lips gently against her forehead before leaving the room.  I had to get some supplies from the convenience store around the corner, and it was best to go now so that I would be back if she should wake up later. 

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"Good morning!" I looked up from my paper at the sound of her cheerful voice.

"Ah, you're finally up.  You've slept for twelve hours."

"Geez, I can't imagine why … …" she began.  "I didn't know I was so tired, but probably it's because I didn't sleep all that well over the past few days."  I smiled at her, not wanting to tell her that she did not sleep well either last night.  I was woken up a few times by her thrashing around in the bed although she had relaxed when I soothed her and held her hand.  I ended up sleeping in a chair next to her bed with her small hand clasped firmly in mine, which explained for the stiffness in my neck and back this morning. 

"Are you hungry?" I chuckled as her reply came in the form of a loud rumble emitted from her stomach.  As per normal, she turned bright red.  "I can't cook.  So I bought these … …"  Her eyes went large when she saw the spread on the kitchen table when I removed the covers.  

"Wow!"  Then a mischievous gleam came into her eyes.  "You went shopping?  The great Hanazawa Rui?  I wished I could have seen it."

"Have some coffee." I quickly pushed a steaming cup in front of her as I took another for myself.

"Delicious!"

"Terrible stuff!"  We exclaimed simultaneously and then looked at each other.

"You spoilt brat," she said as she rolled her eyes good-naturedly.  "This is great coffee!  It's much better than what we get in Japan in the cafés.  I wonder where you get your coffee from."  I simply arched an eyebrow at her.

"Hanazawa Rui."  I was taken aback by her suddenly serious tone.  "Thank you.  For all that … … that … …" she stumbled a little.  "Thank you.  Truly. Thank you."

"It's okay." I replied in a very patient tone as I managed to school my expression into one of mild boredom.  "You have already said that many, many times.  It's enough, I know."  Then I swallowed and fought to maintain a neutral expression as those large brown eyes gazing into mine were suddenly shimmering with unshed tears and a tender, almost loving light shone in their depths.  I clenched my hands to prevent myself from grabbing her.

Distractions, Rui, now!  I mentally yelled at myself as I quickly picked up the newspaper, "Tsukasa's family is in trouble.  Apparently the intended merger was unsuccessful.  This is quite a bad set back.  Probably explains his presence in New York and his reluctance to go back."

"It doesn't matter anymore," the sadness in those softly spoken words were tangible.  "I'm rather … … tired … …" her voice trailed off and I looked at her profile as she gazed pensively out of the window.  She sagged against the chair as if she no longer had any more energy to hold herself up.  The shadows under her eyes contrasted sharply with the pallor of her face.  So beautiful, the thought suddenly came unbidden to my mind and my heart clenched powerfully as I continued to look at her, so beautiful … … and so fragile.  My heart was pounding and I found myself leaning towards her … …

She turned to face me, obviously struggling to force a laugh from those pale trembling lips, "I'm so sorry for getting all sappy … … This is so embarrassi … …"  The rest of her words were cut off by my lips.  I was blessed with a taste of heaven again as my lips caressed hers, slowly and tenderly as my fingers cradled her face lightly.  When I gently pulled back, her eyes were wide open as she stared at me in complete shock and disbelief.  Shit!  Guilt coursed through my veins as I felt ashamed of myself for taking advantage of her in her vulnerable state.

Turning away, I managed to mutter, "What wrong with getting sappy occasionally?"  My voice was deeper than normal.  Pull yourself together, Rui!  Don't scare her off when she has no one else to turn to but you.  I chided myself as my mask fell in place.  "Well, since you came all the way here, shall we do a bit of sightseeing?"  I pretended that nothing out of ordinary happened as I looked out of the window and saw the inviting blue sparkle of the ocean waters.  "What about going jet boating?"  When I heard no reply, I turned to look at her.  Tsukushi had not moved a single muscle and she looked as if a feather could have knocked her down easily.       

"Urm … … urm … just … just now … urm … huh ?"  She stammered incoherently.  However, it didn't take a genius to figure out that she was asking about the kiss.  I sighed mentally although I maintained the nonchalant expression.

"The kiss?"  I smiled slightly. "No particular reason, I suppose I just felt like … …"

"No reason?" Her voice rose a little. "You … … NO REASON?"  

I decided to change tactics and tease out of her funk, opening my eyes wide to simulate an innocently surprised expression, "Yeah.  You mean I shouldn't?"

"You shouldn't!  Friends don't kiss!" She started looking a little mad.  "You should only kiss someone you love, not a pet!" 

"A pet?"  I chuckled recalling what I said about her previously.  "Oh, you took that seriously."

"I mean, you should only kiss Shizuka."  I froze for a split second.

"Oh, I keep forgetting about Shizuka when I'm with you."  I said as I forced myself to relax with another smile that did not reach my eyes.  Then I realized in surprise that I was just stating the truth.  Why?  Why do I worry so much about Tsukushi?  Why do I do such irrational things when I'm with her?  Why did I suddenly find myself rushing to New York when I … … I really don't understand myself sometimes … … I shook my head, frustrated.    

"Er … Rui … …" Tsukushi's hesitant voice interrupted my thoughts.  I looked at her with a small start of surprise – I did not realize that I had been verbalising my thoughts.  Her eyes were wide and a slight blush was covering her cheeks.  As our eyes met and held, I felt my heartbeat accelerate.  I was drowning in those brown orbs… …  The strange feelings that I felt yesterday were starting again and I felt the same impulse to hold her … … This could not be happening … … Her eyes widened as they gazed into mine and a light of understanding gleamed for an instance in them, before being replaced by an emotion akin to the panic that I was feeling … … THIS COULD NOT BE HAPPENING!  

However, the recognition dawning in her eyes brought me back to reality.  My mind raced madly as I tried to find a way out of the situation.  However, it was a bit hard to think with those brown eyes fixed on mine.  Deny it?  Brush it off as a joke?  No, she had seen the truth in my eyes.  Admit it?  No way, she wasn't ready.  Confuse her.  Keep her guessing.  Yes, those were the best solutions that I had.  

I quickly tore my eyes from hers and I stared at the ceiling blindly as I pretended to be deep in thought, "Hmm … … I wonder if I'm in love with you."  Even I myself was impressed with the casually disinterested tone that I had adopted.  Then I turned to her and flashed her one of my best smiles, although my eyes were guarded.  "That must be it."  I said in a rather flirtatious manner before sticking my hands in my pockets and strolling to the kitchen.  "Oh yes," I looked back at her stunned expression, "your coat was dirty so I sent it to the cleaners.  So pick one of my jackets."

"Oh … … Right … … Sure … …Get jacket … … Sure … … Ok … …" She walked to my room a little stiffly, still evidently in shock.  I kept the smile fixed on my face.  "Can I borrow this?"  She came out a little later with one of my jackets.

"Of course … …  Ready to go?  It's been ages since I last did any jet boating.  I'm really looking forward to it."  I grinned widely at her and even started humming a little as I pulled on another jacket.  Tsukushi stared at me as if she thought I had gone nuts.  "Ladies first," I held the door open for her and she gave me a dubious look before she stepped out.  I quickly shut the door and heard the automatic lock click in place.  Then I quickly jammed my hands into my pockets, hoping that she had not seen that they were shaking from the strain of keeping up with my pretense … …  


	31. New York Part II

AN: Hi!  I hope you all had a lovely New Year and here's to a great year ahead!  Thanks for your lovely comments as always :)

the frustrated writer :  Yay a new reader!  Thanks so much for your encouraging comments !!!  I'm so glad you like POV and façade as well :).  Actually, I thought the themes of façade are more mature than POV.  You have a very interesting pen name!  I think it describes very well what we've all often felt! 

just a teen: Thanks so much for the information and your kind comments!  I'll go check it up (I suspect I may have incorporated it in this chapter) !!

twilightstarz : I'm so glad that you aren't falling asleep at the repetitiveness!  Sometimes I find it boring myself so I try to incorporate something innovative in each chapter but it is hard for certain parts of the manga where it is extremely detailed and yet the scenes are crucial to the story ;)  Thanks so much for your lovely comments and I hope you had a wonderful break too!

Kaio:  Ah, my weekly update in place again!  I hope you didn't have to wait too long.  I actually kind of wrote this chapter twice  :)  There's no way I'll forget about you all – writing is quite stress relieving at times ;)  And thanks so much for always motivating me !!!

kensingtonkid: From what I understand, Tsukushi at this point in time really loves only Tsukasa though she admitted the extent of her "love" definitely can in no way match up to his.  I think the problem about Rui is that he's pretty reluctant to commit to anyone partly because his past experiences have made it hard for him to trust anyone enough.  And his career isn't exactly "safe" too.  Thanks so much for your encouraging comments!

Blue: Wow, thanks so much for your kind compliments !!!  It motivates me to continue to strive to do better!

jestina: Thanks so much !!!!   I think the reason for Tsukasa leaving New York and refusing to go back to Japan was because his mother got the spies to "capture" him and then threatened him with Tsukushi, so he had no choice but to obey her.  She's a real tyrant isn't she?

Nana-chan: You are right!!!  Rui did tell Tsukushi that he loved her in the manga – I read a translation (was doing some research) that highlighted exactly what you said.  I like what you said about utopia and having a Rui … … I totally agree with you!  I hope you'll like this follow up chapter as well.  It's actually much longer than usual coz I wanted to try to incorporate everything in it :)

:: Stacey ::. : That's very true.  Tsukushi has somehow gotten under Rui's skin – no one else had been able to except for Shizuka.  However, they were "comrades in arms" unlike Tsukushi.  I think Rui admires Tsukushi's qualities and he (through his own experience) understands how difficult it is to keep up a stiff front especially when she is actually very vulnerable beneath her prickly exterior.

Trevtrev: I hope this chapter update is fast enough !!!  

Chapter 30 – New York (Part II)

Throughout our tour of New York, I noticed that Tsukushi was giving me surreptitious glances, trying but failing to be discreet.  She was unusually silent and her expression was rather thoughtful.  I, on the other hand, put on an extraordinarily cheerful front and was much more talkative than usual.  

 "Thanks, Rui," she suddenly blurted out of the blue after my comments about certain famous landmarks in New York sent her off into peals of laughter.  "… … Every time when I'm hurting and when I need someone very badly, you've are always there for me … … surrounding me, protecting me, never intrusive or stifling … …  You've been so kind to me.  So please, don't say that you … …" she paused before continuing gently.  "… don't crack jokes about what you feel about me … I can't lose you and I'm too tired … … it makes me want to run away … … to escape from everything and most of all from here … …."  

I listened to her outburst in silence, then "alright."

"Huh?"

"You feel like escaping from here?  Let's escape back to Japan.  We'll go home together," I smiled at her stunned expression, hiding the pain I felt at her confession.  Retribution.  It was my turn to experience what she must have felt when I had coldly and persistently pushed her away.  Sometimes I wonder at the cruel games played by fate.  Why did I have to be taken by surprise at the strength of my feelings for her only when she has fallen for my best friend?  Or was it a self-preservation mechanism that only allowed me to be honest with myself only when she was no longer available, because everyone who loved me will be removed from me in the cruelest ways?  

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When we finally returned to the apartment more than twenty-four hours later, Tsukushi went straight to her room to take a nap as she was exhausted from the cleaning we had to do at the restaurant.  I proceeded straight to my study to think over the events that had taken place over the past twenty-four hours.  If I had not witnessed it with my own eyes, I would have passed off the idea of Tsukushi forging a friendship with the famous Mr William Hunt (i.e. the CEO of the company that the Doumyouji's wished to merge with) through offering him her hotdog lunch as being completely ludicrous.  Even more amazingly, the dear forgiving girl actually tried to help both Mr Hunt and Mrs Doumyouji resolve their differences in an endearingly naïve manner that I would not have recommended even to my worst enemy.  I have to agree that it was probably the first step to a potential reconciliation, but it was highly unlikely that the merger would take place unless … … 

I leaned back and closed my eyes as I mentally scanned through the information that I had previously read in the detective's reports, recalling the bits that were related to Mrs Doumyouji's actions.  The information was unfortunately not extensive.  With a sigh, I turned to my laptop.  After a few attempts, I had hacked into both companies' network and retrieved all information classified and otherwise regarding the merger.  I shook my head, disgusted at the relative ease with which I had obtained the highly confidential information.  It was really quite disgraceful that I only required an hour or so.  However, it was true that I had been taught by the very best.  And yes, what I was doing was illegal but well, they had to catch me first.  

After spending some time processing the information, I realized that the Doumyoujis had something to offer the other company that would result in synergistic benefits for both companies.  In fact, it was so glaring that I was rather surprised the Doumyoujis had not picked it up in the first place.  Then again, they did not have access to the confidential information from Mr Hunt's company unlike me.  My fingers flew over the keyboard as I quickly came up with a succinct report.  Now, the problem left was how I would be able to convince Mrs Doumyouji without destroying the protective shell that I had been hiding behind for years … …

"Mrs Doumyouji, this is Rui speaking."

"Rui, this is unexpected.  What can I do for the Hanazawas?"  She stressed the last word, subtly indicating that she would entertain no nonsense from me and that she was only accepting my call because she did not want to offend my parents.

 "I have some information that will greatly increase the chances of success of your merger with Mr Hunt's company."

"Indeed?"  I could tell from her scathing tone that she did not believe me.  I did not blame her.

"Yes, I received on the behalf of my father a report from our New York branch."  There was a short silence.  I knew she would buy this excuse because all our families have been training their children to take over their business.  Effectively, I was not really lying but simply misleading her to the fact that my father had been training me more extensively than he really had been.  

"And you would be willing to share the information with us … …" She deliberately left the end of her sentence hanging.

"… … if you promise me something," I winced at the unprofessional words that I intentionally used in completing her sentence, but I had to keep up with my pretense.    

"Yes?"

"Grant Tsukushi one thing that she asks for."

"No," her voice was flat.

"Mrs Doumyouji, don't forget how she helped to reduce the animosity between Mr Hunt and yourself just now.  You owe her." I almost added "and you need this merger badly" but I managed to bite my tongue.  It certainly would not help my case if I aggravated her or made her suspicious by appearing to be overly well informed.

There was a short silence, then she said in a decisive tone, "only if the merger pulls through."

"Deal.  I will e-mail the report to you immediately.  And please don't mention this to anyone including my father, although I may need you to confirm this to Tsukushi sometime."  I decided to add the last sentence in order to convincingly play the role of a teenager acting without parental approval in an attempt to win the girl of his dreams.

"I agree.  Goodbye, Rui."

"Thank you and goodbye, Mrs Doumyouji."  I remained polite to the last.  Then I glanced at my watch and went to wake Tsukushi in time for her to pack her luggage.  

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We had just checked in our luggage when we found ourselves staring at the formidable Mrs Kaeda Doumyouji in person.    

"I'm not here to send you off.  Your intervention just now was most uncalled for and embarrassing to say the least."  Her narrowed eyes were splinters of ice as she stared at an extremely pale Tsukushi.

"Excuse me m'am, but I'm afraid we do not understand your meaning." I was coldly polite.  All the gratitude that I had felt at her keeping to her side of the bargain was fast disappearing.  She looked mildly surprised to be addressed by me.

"Hanazawa san, it is beneath you to be found in the company of such people.  Think of the detriment to your family's reputation."  I heard the thinly veiled warning in her voice and understood the deeper meaning underlying her words.  

"Mrs Doumyouji, I think you should know by now that my family's reputation is the least of my concerns.  Anyways, my parents don't appear to be bothered at all."

"Really?"  Her tone was disdainful as she looked down her nose at me and smiled scornfully.  "Well, it's good to know that there's going to be one less competitor in the market that I need to worry about."

"Stop insulting Hanazawa Rui!" Tsukushi burst out as her hands clenched into fists.  "Just say what you want to say and go back please!"  Her eyes were practically spitting fire as she glared at Mrs Doumyouji.  I was immensely touched although my face remained expressionless as I moved protectively to her side, watching Mrs Doumyouji closely in case she decided to retaliate against Tsukushi.  

"I refuse to be indebted to you so I will grant you one request.  Say it, please."  I secretly heaved a sigh of relief – so the merger was indeed a success.  Tsukushi hesitated for a moment.  Was she going to ask for the freedom to be with Tsukasa?  My heart was pounding when she finally spoke, "Tsukasa has made a promise to me … … I want him to keep that promise.  Please tell him that, and he'll understand what I mean."

"I will relay the message," was her only reply before  she spun around and stalked out of the airport.

"Why didn't you ask for Tsukasa's freedom to make his own decisions?"  I could not help asking, a little disappointed at how little she had asked for.  

"It was his decision to stay.  I respect his decision." She said quietly.  Then, "I know you'll tell me this is not necessary but … … thank you, from the bottom of my heart.  Thank you so sooooooo much."

I could not stop a smile from appearing on my face, "it's not necessary."  Then I bent forward and brushed my lips lightly against her forehead.  I quickly changed the subject as she blushed madly.  "Isn't it strange how our fates are always similarly linked with airports?  First, I was down and you supported me … … now it's your turn to be down and mine to support you.  Karma indeed … …" Her beautiful smile appeared, lighting up her face.  "Well, we need to go."  She nodded obediently and we turned towards the gates.  I crashed into her a moment later as she suddenly stopped walking and stared ahead, disbelief clearly written on her deathly pale face.  I lifted my eyes and found myself staring at a most familiar scowling face.

"Tsukasa." Tsukushi breathed.

"What are you two doing?" The jealousy in his voice was palpable.

"I'm taking Tsukushi home." I said.

"Obviously, I can see that we are in an airport.  I'm referring to just now … …" he almost snarled.  Oh shit, he saw me kissing Tsukushi.  "Rui, what on earth do you think you're doing?"  He glared at me.  I quickly glanced at Tsukushi's pale, shaken face and my blood started boiling with anger and (although I hate to admit) a certain degree of jealously.  I had had enough of his unreasonable demands.  What right did he have to expect Tsukushi and me to jump and obey his every whim and fancy?  Especially after he had broken her heart and left me to pick up the pieces.  I literally lost my head as anger took over and I said certain things that I regretted later.  

"I love Tsukushi," I said as I glared back at him.  "I never said anything because I wanted thing to work out between you both, because you're my best friend.  But you've gone … …"  His fist crashed into my face just as Tsukushi yipped.  Enraged, I punched him back just as hard.

"What are you doing?" He had the audacity to roar at me.

"No, what the hell are YOU doing?"  My throat was actually a little sore from yelling so loudly and I lowered my voice a little.  "How could you have treated Tsukushi the way you did?" And put the blame on me, I added mentally.  "You left her alone to wander in a foreign country and she can't even speak English… … well not much at least," I amended.  "And you dared to claim that you are protecting her?  In that case, I would prefer that you never protect anyone who I care for!"  The guilt in his eyes and the sad yet loving look that Tsukushi cast in his direction stopped my tirade.   

"Tsukushi," I said quietly as I continued to stare at Tsukasa.  "It's your decision whether you want to stay or not."  Instead of answering me, she bent down to retrieve a book that had fallen from her bag.  She opened the book and I saw her touching the two pressed roses carefully before sliding them deeper between the pages.  The sight of the roses brought back memories of that unforgettable morning.   

*Flashback*

"Urm … … Rui, can I ask you something personal?"  Tsukushi was mopping the floor hard.

"Yeah?"

"About what you said about Shizuka just now … …"

"Yes, we broke up in France."  I saw her eyes widen in shock.  "I guess we were too young, or at least I was.  I treasured our friendship so I clung onto her … …  I was in love with the notion of being in love and could not differentiate between admiration and love … … "

"… … You were something different altogether … … your passion for life, your fire, courage, energy and determination … … You were never afraid to show the world what you felt be it happiness, anger, fear, sadness.  You made me realize that I existed, but had never lived … …"

"At first, I thought you were a real pain – you managed to catch my attention alright … … then slowly, little by little things started to change … … I noticed the way you cared about everyone, your kindness, generosity and your loyalty … … suddenly, the stairway was strangely quiet and empty where you weren't around and then I finally realized that I missed your presence … … when I came back from France, you were already going out with Tsukasa and I knew you wanted some form of closure when you asked me if I knew that you loved me before  … … suddenly, I found myself unable to face you because I knew you did not need to know about my altered feelings towards you … …"  My cheeks were burning when I gathered up sufficient courage to look at her.  I suspected that my heart was in my eyes but for once, just for once I was sick of pretending to be an emotionless block.  Tsukushi's cheeks were flushed when she returned my gaze with those unusually bright eyes.  Her lips moved slightly but no words were formed … …  

 "Hey, the first money I've ever earned by myself in my life!" I told Tsukushi as I waved the two one-dollar bills that the manager given us for "doing such a good job".  Yeah, did I ever mention that I was working for J on a pro-bona basis?  Of course they covered all traveling, living and miscellaneous expenses and gave me an allowance when working on assignments, but I was not paid any fixed salary.  I was quite happy to work for them for free because there was no way that I needed the money anyway … …

"Ah, your memorable first earnings.  Take good care of the two dollars."  Tsukushi said with a perfectly straight face.  Even I could not tell if she was being sarcastic.  

"Wait here for me," I was up and running the moment as an idea flashed in my head.  "For you." I panted out five minutes later as I held out two red roses to her with a slightly embarrassed smile.  "That's all I could get for two dollars I'm afraid, but I wanted to get you a little memento … …" Her eyes filled with tears and a smile trembled on her lips as she took the flowers from my hand and touched them with gentle fingers.

"They are beautiful … … thank you, Rui … …" I was nearly thrown off balance when she suddenly flung her free arm around my neck, taking care to make sure that the roses were not crushed.  Then my arms wrapped around her like bands of steel and I held her tightly to me with her head tucked under my chin.  We were both blushing when Tsukushi finally disengaged herself from my arms … …  
  


*End of Flashback*  


	32. Brewing Troubles

Kaio: Thanks for reading, commenting and motivating me as per normal !!! Sorry I have been pretty tied up this week so this update is a little late (but still within the week;) )! I have jumped quite a lot in this chapter in terms of events, but largely they relate to T&T.

Yuei: Ah a new reader ! Welcome !! I'm so glad you like Façade !!! Thanks so much for letting me know … … And I'm glad you like Kiss too. Sorry that update's been slow. I guess my main focus has always been on Façade, so I didn't have as much time to spend on editing. (found lots of mistakes in that!). I think it'll be a bit more focused on R&T for the moment, but yes, I intend to answer those questions hopefully quite soon!

Lindkher: Hi hi! Hey, please don't apologise for not commenting or anything! I mean I know how it's like sometimes when I don't really know what to say about a chapter coz I have a mental block, or lack or time or 100 000 other reasons! Though I love reading all the comments I get, please please please don't feel obligated to do so :) !! About the airport dialogue, I think I read it in a translation (coz I don't own the manga). However, I must say that I do kind of create of at least reword quite a significant portion of the characters' conversations so there's a mix of original fic vs. my own thoughts. However coz I try to stick to the storyline, it's quite diff to distinguish btw what I created/what was written! Thanks so much for your kind comments!

orenjipanda : Actually to be frank, I haven't really decided yet! I mean I'm letting the story speak for itself and I have a few endings in mind which I am still trying to decide on! Thanks so much for your encouraging comments!

.:: Stacey ::.: I'm so glad you liked this chapter and I really liked your interpretation of Rui's loss of control! And thanks so much about your comment on my writing of this vs the diff POV. I guess I was trying to improve my writing and I'm so glad that you think I have. Thank you thank you! To be frank when I wrote the diff POV, it wasn't meant to be a story at all. I wanted to stop after the first 3 chapters when Tsukushi, Tsukasa and Rui had had their say about their point of view about the entire story – which was why the title was diff POV. However, I got carried away as usual ;)

ToinKs; Hi hi! I think Rui always has problems with expression his own emotions and comprehending them. Yes, this was one of my favourite scenes too – so I couldn't help but incorporate it. Also, I think this event was extremely important in terms of how it affects Tsukushi's relation with either of the boys :)  
  


Nana-chan : I'm glad my last update was timely and hopefully this will be too! I am writing more about his other life in the next chapter. I decided not to incorporate it into this chapter because otherwise the update will be far too long !!! Really enjoyed your astute observation about wrong timing – that made me think of this story in entity in relation to your comment. Actually, we could say that a lot of events that took place in this manga occurred because of wrong timing and we would probably not have a storyline if not because of that !!!

kensingtonkid: Hi hi hi! To be honest, some of the scenes are created and not from the manga. However, I must say that New York I and New York II probably sticks rather closely to the manga because of the importance of the events, except for of course any part my write-up that relates to Rui's agent lifestyle. Those are strictly out of my head ;) I hope you enjoy this next update and thanks for your comments!!!

crybaby : Another new reader!! Yay !! I'm glad you like the flashback – Rui was in his "sweet" mode wasn't he? I think Rui has deep feelings for Tsukushi, but to be fair to Tsukasa, so has Tsukasa. In fact, I wouldn't like to compare the depth of feelings that they have for the same girl. I feel that the only thing is that Tsukasa is a less complex person with a less complex life so he can simply throw himself headlog into his feelings for Tsukushi, wherelse Rui has lots of baggage emotional and otherwise and he perhaps analyses too much!

Chapter 31 – Brewing Troubles

"Make sure you keep the promise you made to me. Because I will be waiting." My heart contracted sharply as those fateful words fell from her lips. I turned my head abruptly to the side when I saw the look they exchanged - the look of longing, sadness and love, not wanting to intrude on their private moment or to torture myself any further by watching the dying embers of a hopeless dream … … 

"I will keep my promise. I swear." I heard my best friend reply.

"Okay, I'm off then!" With that, her small hand was dragging me off in the direction of the gates. Before we stepped through the gates, I looked back and caught Tsukasa looking at me with a rather sheepish expression on his face. I knew things were more or less alright again when we both exchanged our usual "see you later dude" kind of nod. 

"Is everything alright?" I could not help but ask Tsukushi when we boarded the plane.

"Yes, everything is fine!" She smiled at me, a brave smile that was still a shadow of her former cheerful and light-hearted grin.

When we finally arrived in Japan, I dropped her home only to discover that her place was swarming with unwanted guests - Soujirou, Akira and the rest of the crowd. I left her with the "wolves", making an excuse to get some groceries. By the time I returned, she was alone again. 

"Thanks so much, Rui." She said as I left the groceries on her table.

"That's all right, I didn't think that you'll have the energy to cook so I took the liberty of getting take away for you as well … …  Okay, I'm leaving now!" 

"Rui." I heard her soft voice calling me when I was halfway down the stairs. I turned back and saw her running out of her apartment.

"Yes?" She swallowed a little nervously and hesitated for a moment before finally speaking in a rather gentle tone, "Rui, I ... I need you to know that I love Tsukasa, even if my relationship with him is rather undefined at the moment. And even if our friends may say or think otherwise." She was too kind to leave me with false hopes that may have arisen from our mutual friends' speculations. I knew I had made the right decision to leave Tsukushi just now although it might have seemed cruel. It would have been more difficult for her to answer the questions that the crowd must have bombarded her with honestly if I had been around. 

My answering smile successfully concealed the tumult of emotions that I was experiencing, "you don't have to explain anything to me. Your relationship with Tsukasa doesn't bother me. I'm just happy to be your friend and I want to see you happy. That's all." With that I walked away into the darkness and never looked back. 

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I rubbed my hand tiredly over my face. My head ached just to think of this latest development. Just when we thought things were getting back to normal, just when I had resigned myself to watching the woman whom I had deep feelings for happily spending the rest of her life with my deliriously happy best friend. Did fate just get a kick out of messing with my life and my friends'? From Soujirou and Akira's frowns and occasional sighs, I could sense that they were similarly troubled. I have to admit that although quite the strategist, I am definitely no doctor. And even if I could complete an entire medical degree within one year (which I probably could), Tsukasa's condition was not one that even the best-qualified doctors could really help. 

How does one deal with "selective" amnesia? I think partial amnesia is probably the more accurate medical term, but selective amnesia seems more appropriate in the current context. Not that I blame my best friend if he wants to remain in his blissfully oblivious state. His life has been more than hectic enough ever since his mother decided to get on his case. However, he should have thought of Tsukushi who is, as expected, a total emotional wreck although she manages to hide it relatively well. 

We watched in relative silence, refraining ourselves from meddling when Tsukasa repeated drove Tsukushi away with insults and his infamous rages. Akira had to restraint me with a heavy hand on my shoulder when Tsukasa threw Tsukushi out of his hospital room for the third time. She was obviously in tears as she fled the room. I had enough, no, I had more than enough. When I felt composed enough to face Tsukasa without beating the crap out of him, I shook Akira's hand off and stormed up to his bed (okay so maybe I was not as composed as I would have liked to be). 

"What on earth are you trying to do Tsukasa? How can you treat Tsukushi this way?" 

"Why can't I get rid of that annoying idiot? She's not even pretty too."

I had to exert my utmost self-control to hold myself in check, reminding myself that a second concussion would likely aggravate his condition. "That's not what you used to think," I managed to grit out through my teeth. "Tsukasa, look, I can totally comprehend why you would choose to pretend that you don't know Tsukushi. Tell me, are you not acknowledging her for her own sake? I promise not to tell her." From the genuine confusion that appeared on his face, I could tell that he was not putting on an act. However, to be certain, I decided to try harder.

"Hey, you're such a coward! Aren't you even man enough to admit that you know her? My goodness, you're such a weakling."

"What are you talking about you little piece of s***!" He roared at me. "How dare you accuse me of pretending? Whatever for? And isn't she your girlfriend?" I knew he was telling the truth because acting was not one of my best friend's forte, and to fool me, you had to be REALLY good.

"Fine," the entire room fell silent when they heard the glacier tone of my voice. "Just keep in mind Tsukasa, how badly you've hurt Tsukushi and that you gave her up willingly. Don't you dare to blame me for whatever is going to happen. You are no longer fit to even lick her boots." I left the room.

"Tsukushi." I had been waiting outside the dango shop for two hours when I finally saw her slight figure emerge. She turned and waved at me as her co-worker and good friend – Yuki – said her goodbyes and left.

"Rui." Her voice was bone-weary.

"Let's get you home." I waved to my chauffeur.

"I'd rather walk – I need the fresh air to clear my head." 

"I'll walk with you," I said simply as I made a different gesture to my chauffeur and he drove away. She did not protest any longer but allowed me to walk by her side. Other than asking her preference for dinner, we both walked in companionable silence for the entire journey. When we reached her apartment, I handed her the food that I had bought and turned to leave when she called my name softly.

"Wouldn't you join me for dinner? You've bought enough food for an army and I'm sure you haven't eaten." I retraced my steps. We ate in the same easy silence, or at least I ate - she hardly touched anything as she sat there and stared at the table. My patience had been tried rather severely of late and soon I decided that enough was enough.

"Eh?" She was startled out of her reverie when I, rather impolitely, grabbed her meal box with one hand and removed the chopsticks from her hand with the other.

"You've got to eat Tsukushi. Since you appear incapable of doing so, I'll feed you." Totally ignoring her protests, I acted on my threat promptly. She stared at me numbly as I focused on selecting the choicest morsels and delivering them to those pale lips. She obediently opened her mouth like a child and I fed her silently. I was concentrating on trying to remove a fishbone, when my concentration was broken as a drop of water plopped into the mealbox. Stunned, I lifted my head only to see that tears were streaming down her face as her slight shoulders hunched forward with suppressed sobs. Wordlessly, I laid down the box on the table and pulled her forward into my embrace. She did not resist. Like a broken doll, she crumpled against my chest as her small hands fisted in my shirt. I stroked her hair and back soothingly as I held her tightly in my arms, letting her cry herself out. When the whimpers finally stopped, I carried her to the bathroom and left her to clean up as I prepared her futon for her.

"Come, it's time for you to rest," I told her when she reappeared in her pyjamas, ready for bed. "Don't worry about cleaning up or anything, I'll do that." She obeyed me almost mechanically and got between the covers. I sat on the edge of the futon, holding her hand.

"Rui," her voice was hoarse.

"Yes?"

"Thank you … …" her lips were starting to quiver.

"Hush, it's okay. Don't think anymore. Just go to sleep." Hoping to take her mind off her worries, I started humming my favourite tune although I had to admit that it sounded far better on my violin. Perhaps I could play my violin for her another day … … When her even breathing informed me that she had finally fallen into a deep sleep, I left her side to clean up the place a little before locking up and calling my chauffeur to collect me from her place.

I was waiting outside her apartment bright and early the next morning, waiting to walk her to school. When Tsukushi appeared, I smiled at her and her face brightened for a moment as she caught sight of me before turning rather red. 

"Rui, I'm so sorry about last night … …" she began.

"Have you had breakfast?" I interrupted her. There was an answering growl from her stomach and I laughed merrily as she blushed even harder. "Here, my cook was baking some muffins. Have some." I pushed a blue berry muffin into her hand as I took one myself and we started eating as we walked to school. It soon became a routine and we became rather inseparable. Or rather, I found myself by her side most of the time, supporting her, encouraging her and trying my best to take her mind off her worries. Vicious rumours about her started spreading in school. However, this only made Soujirou, Akira and me more protective of her, and we made sure that there was always either one of us or her close friends around her at all times. 

Then one day, Akira approached me, "Rui, we need to talk." I brought him to the stairwell and arched an inquiring eyebrow at him.

He went straight to the point as usual, "you're getting too close to Tsukushi. Is this fair to Tsukasa?"

"You tell me." I challenged him.

"She's still in love with him." Akira said rather gently. 

"I know but he doesn't deserve her," I muttered.

"That's not something we can judge. It was not his choice to forget her. He loves her so much."

"And you think I don't?" I bit out as I spun around and faced him. The stunned expression on his face mirrored my own. "Damn," I ran a hand through my hair in frustration. "Forget I said anything."

He was silent for a long moment. "I really didn't have any idea that you felt so strongly about her … …" Then he added a little hesitantly, "Rui, you'll end up being the hurt party. Are you sure you can handle that?" Again, his perceptiveness caught me by surprise – there are times when I really underestimate Akira.

"It's my choice," I said lightly but there was something in my tone that warned him to drop it. He acted accordingly, knowing when not to push. He had played his part as a friend by giving me advice and I had acknowledged it. That was the end of the matter.


	33. We Meet Again

AN:  My dear readers – thanks so much for all your lovely comments!  I have read each and everyone of them carefully and am grateful for all the constructive suggestions.  Sorry for not answering each and everyone of you individually this time round – I'm rushing a deadline – but rest assured that I will do that next time!  Thanks again and I hope you like this new chapter!

Chapter 32 – We Meet Again

Tsukushi slowly flourished again under our care - mine in particular.  Those bright smiles that lit up her entire face made their appearance more regularly and she started to laugh again.  However, the shadows still lingered.  There were times when she withdrew into herself, when the brightness in her eyes would dim and be darkened by pain and sorrow, and she would force a ghost of her former smile on her lips.  If I happened to be around, I would either distract her by teasing her out of those moods or simply hold her hand quietly as I remained by her side.  However, she was almost back to being as normal as she could be under the circumstances, studying and working her head off as always.  

She told me once, looking at me with those candid eyes of hers, "life goes on, Rui.  We don't know when he will recover his memory … …"  The words "if ever" remained unspoken as she paused for a moment.  "I can't wallow in depression or self-pity forever – I don't want to live this way, I refuse to.  Since my presence is unpleasant to him, I'll just keep away from him and put the memories of our times together aside for the moment."  I was speechless with admiration as she ploughed right ahead, proceeding courageously to accomplish what she had set out to do with determination as always.  

The bond of friendship between us which had been relatively strong to start with, became practically unbreakable.  I knew she was neither wanted nor was ready for anything more than a platonic relationship.  I respected her wishes and kept my distance accordingly.  Yet occasionally when I caught her off guard, I would see a sparkle of some elusive emotion in those dark eyes before they shifted quickly away – a hint of wistfulness, yearning, tenderness, sorrow, guilt and regret.  There was always guilt and regret.  However, when she looked at me subsequently, she would be smiling brightly again.  It made me wonder sometimes if it was simply my overactive imagination at work, until that fateful night … …

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"No, I'm not free this weekend." I looked at J whose eyebrows were raised high – an expression that appeared on his face only when he was extremely surprised.

"You've never really refused an assignment before, Rui."  He looked at me with a calculative glean in those shrewd eyes.  "Protested yes, persisted in refusing no."

"There's always a first," I shrugged nonchalantly.

His reply hit me with the force of a hammer.  "If it's because you yearn to be in the company of a certain delightful young lady, I can assure that she will be able to cope without your presence for the weekend.  She does not appear to be in as fragile a state as you and your friends seem to think so."

"How … …" I began but then immediately shut my mouth, not wanting to make a fool out of myself for asking such an obvious question.  Of course, he had his sources.  My anger started to simmer at this uncalled for invasion of my privacy.

"I never knew that you were one of those who would fall for a pretty face, Rui … …." He held up a hand as I opened my mouth to provide a blistering retort, "fine, she is a bit more than a pretty face, but surely not your type."  That presumptuous, arrogant bastard!  A muscle twitched in jaw as I clenched my teeth and shoved my tightly balled fists into the pocket of my jeans, continuing to stare into the empty space above his head to reduce the temptation of throwing a punch at him.

"We've received some intelligence that there will be an attempted assassination against one of our more prominent political figureheads."

"Well, excuse me for failing to see the connection sir, since I was still NOT a field agent the last time I checked," I countered sarcastically.  "Or perhaps I could refresh your memory regarding my duties which incidentally are restricted to sitting at a computer or a desk and coding, decoding or translating messages."

"Precisely," he said dryly.  "We need you to help in transmitting information that our field agents are trying to glean, and also to communicate our action plans to them."

"Why me?" I bit out.  

"Professor retired."  My eyes opened wide as I contemplated the possibility of having developed a hearing problem.

"Sorry?"  Not only was that man a genius who loved his job, but he was practically a workaholic – I could practically see him working on his deathbed.  

He continued ignoring my interruption, "and one of our agents resigned.  So our capacity has been severely reduced."

"Why would Professor retire?  It's not like him."  For a moment, I thought caught a flicker of emotion in those icy blue eyes.  However, they were as expressionless and calm as the surface of a mirror when I looked again.

"He's dying of lung cancer."  I stiffened and was sudden caught up in a whirlwind of emotions – shock, sorrow, pity and regret.

"He deserves better." I said softly.

"So now what about your help?" He changed the subject abruptly.  Talk about having a one-track mind.  I conjured up several new adjectives on the spot that fit the cold and unfeeling pathetic excuse of a man.

"I'll work at home in my own time – more days, shorter hours … …"

"Security reasons … …" he began.

"Come off it, J.  Get Ace to fit up some connections."  The way his eyes narrowed as he contemplated me for a moment sent chills down my spin.  I hate it when people try to analyse me and the intensity of his stare left me feeling totally exposed and somewhat violated. 

Finally he gave in, "just this time, but you need to change that attitude."

"Thanks," I actually mumbled before striding out of the room as fast as I could.

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The weather was exceptionally hot that evening.  I pulled at my tie, loosening it a little before throwing a wry glance to Tsukushi who was standing next to me, "how are you hanging in there?" 

She smiled at my expression as she slipped her arm through mine in easy companionship, "I should be asking you that question."  I gave her an extremely tortured look and she laughed.  "Well, at least Akira and Soujirou appear to be enjoying themselves."  I turned to look in the direction of her finger only to see the two playboys surrounded by a gaggle of giggling girls (okay they remind me of geese).  

"Thanks for being my bimbo repellent," I gushed with excessive gratitude.  "I wouldn't know what to do without you here." 

She swatted at me playfully, "to think I always thought you were so cool and emotionless.  Who would have thought that a clown lurked behind that cold and handsome exterior?"

"I'm … …" I started and she rolled her eyes.

"Okay, I got it.  You've told me hundreds of times.  You put up an appearance for everyone and only allow a very selected few to see beneath that.  I promised I wouldn't blow your cover, so relax!  But I really don't see the need to be so mysterious … …"

"Thank goodness my father is only sixty years old once in his lifetime," I swiftly changed the subject as I turned to look at the entrance where my father was welcoming the guests.  My eyes fell on the new arrivals and my breath caught in my throat as I stiffened in shock.  Recognition flooded through me the moment I saw the tall, slim and graceful brown hair beauty talking to my father.  

Shizuka!  I could not believe my eyes.  What on earth was she doing here, wasn't she across the oceans in France?  Tsukushi had turned at the sound of my gasp and I could feel her eyes on me.  My mask quickly fell in place and just in time too as I saw my father making a gesture in my direction.  Shizuka turned her head and my eyes clashed with a pair of familiar brown orbs.  I marvelled at her wonderful acting skills as a smile of recognition and joy at meeting an old friend appeared on her face.  She said something to my father and started making her way towards us.  I straightened up and maintained a smile as she approached, my face betraying nothing of my inner turmoil, or perhaps it was simply that the numbness of the shock had not worn off completely.   

"Rui, it's so good to see you again.  How have you been?"  There was nothing to do but to return her warm embrace in order to keep up appearances.  However, when she tiptoed to kiss me on the lips in our customary greeting, I quickly bent down and deliberately offered my cheek to her.  

"Shizuka, you're looking well," I said.  "What are you doing back here?  How are your parents?"

"Oh, they're fine.  And here's Tsukushi – you're looking lovelier than ever."  Both girls embraced although Tsukushi was a little stiff – she was never good at hiding her feelings.  I knew the playboys had told her the little they knew - that Shizuka had hurt me - and was probably not feeling very charitable towards her at the moment.  

"How is Tsukasa?  Oh sorry, or are you with Rui now?"  I wanted to kick her for the tactless question as Tsukushi flinched although it was natural given the circumstances.

"Tsukasa left early because he had something on.  He's still got partial amnesia and Tsukushi's one of my best friends."  I quickly cut in.  Something flickered in Shizuka's eyes for a moment – was that hurt or ridicule?

"Shizuka, is that you?"

"Shizuka, great to see you!"  I was extremely relieved as the two playboys appeared and greeted Shizuka warmly with an embrace and a kiss.

"Oh, I'd like you guys to meet Bernard," Shizuka gestured to a young man in a suit who had been standing politely a little distance away.  I noticed that he was a personification of the expression "tall, dark and handsome".  He came forward when she looked at him and slid a possessive arm around her waist.  "Bernard is my fiancé.  He's a fellow lawyer whom I met at court."  

"What Shizuka really means is that we were adversaries.  I was mesmerised by her but she wasn't exactly what one would consider a good sport and really had a hard time trying to get her to even look at me a second time after beating her and winning the case."  We laughed at the anecdote as Shizuka threw him a half-annoyed and half-amused glance.

"Don't forget that I whipped your ass the next time."

"Only because I realised that it was the only way to get you to agree to go out with me on a date."

I saw her watching me closely when she introduced him to each and everyone of us.  However, she did not get a rise out of me as she probably expected because I simply shook his hand firmly as I congratulated both of them.  He thanked us politely and then spoke to Shizuka in French as they left to mingle.  The moment he reverted to French, I realised that he was not the person who had driven me away from Shizuka in France.  The sound of that deep voice speaking fluent French was forever seared in my memory.  I did not know what to think, what to feel.  Disgust at Shizuka's infidelity? Relief that she was not sleeping with the enemy?  Bitter at the fact that she found someone to replace me whilst the only potential candidate I had for my girlfriend was in love with my best friend?  Confusion at seeing her again and her acting as if nothing had happened between us at all?  I was woken out of my deep reprieve by a small hand tugging on my sleeve.

"Rui?" I looked down to see Tsukushi staring at me anxiously.  Akira and Soujirou were also looking at me with similar worried expressions on their face.


	34. A Mistake? PG 15

Warning:  The rating of this chapter is PG-15.

AN: My muse has struck again! This is one long chapter where I have finally managed to wrap up everything I needed from the HYD manga except for probably one more major event. No more repetition … … :) Yes, the story will be finally ending. I can't exactly say how long more it will be, but seeing that this is chapter 33, I expect it to definitely end before 40. Would like to end it by chapter 35 but I don't think the events I am thinking of can be squeezed into just 2 chapters. Well, we'll see. In the meantime, thanks to my lovely readers for being so supportive and leaving such encouraging comments even when you are equally busy!!

Dark Phoenix : Yes, what is Shizuka up to this time? The mystery will be solved soon!

Toinks: Thanks for the well wishes and for your encouraging comments!! Sorry to know that you are tied up as well coz your story is really going excellently and I am so waiting to see what mysteries are unfolded :) !!

Nana-chan: Really insightful questions that I'm afraid that I didn't really answer this chapter either!!! The only answer revealed was what happened on the "fateful night"! Unfortunately, I can't answer these questions at this moment otherwise because they are so crucial to the plot that if I did the entire plot will be revealed !!! I'm really glad that you have (as usual) caught onto all the innuendos in the chapter. Thanks so much for your constant encouragement, it really motivates me to continue to strive on !!!!!

Kensingtonkid: Hi hi! I guess your first two questions are kind of answered in this chapter ne? Or at least the truth appears to be starting to emerge from the murky waters? I'm so glad you caught on to all the hidden suggestions in this chapter too! You're right, Tsukasa still did not remember as per last chapter about Tsukushi. Thanks so much for your lovely comments !!!

Kaio: I hope this update is fast enough! *lol* I'm so glad that you're always there to motivate me with your enthusiasm though :) Keeps me on my toes! (And thanks so much for your warm wishes – but actually I was not sick, just busy! Sorry to give the wrong impression !!)

Just a teen: Tell me about it! I just so totally understand how it is to be pressed for time !!! Thanks so much for letting me that you have been constantly reading and that you've liked the other chapters as well. I hope this story will continue to provide nice little surprises all the way to the end ;)

Angel310: Welcome back! Yes, Rui is getting out of control !!! I think it's partly because everything has been building up in him as well. In my story, Akira is actually meant to be very perceptive – he is after all the mature one who falls for older women ;). I think I have managed to stick with the manga ending quite closely – do you think so? Except that the manga ending is not the ending for this story, I continue beyond. Thanks so much for your kind comments !!! (Between, I'm actually not sick, just busy, but thanks so much for your concern – I really appreciate it!)

Celebra: Thanks for the constructive comments – I totally agree that the story was starting to drag!!! Sometimes I wanted to just fly to the end of the manga but I was worried that certain readers who had not read the manga would be confused by the sequence of the events. Your comment fortified my decision to end all repetitions in this chapter (I might have dragged on for another chapter otherwise). This story will probably be ending in another 4 or 5 chapters?

Stacey: Thanks so much for your kind comments! The promise that T&T were talking about was his promise that he would have dinner at her place. I guess in my opinion the importance of the promise was the fact that it represented Tsukasa's "oath" (?) to Tsukushi that they would be meeting in future, kind of a promise that they still had a potential future together ;)! I'm glad you find Rui lovable! I actually tried to be more pragmatic about his character and I thought I had incorporated lots of undesirable traits in his character! Proud, sarcastic, to a certain extent self-centred, arrogant, cold and unfeeling at times, emotionally constipated etc etc etc ;)!

*****

Rui: You don't really have a good opinion of me do you?

Sheen: How on earth did you draw that conclusion?

Rui: *sarcastically* I mean it was really difficult to do so. After all you did describe certain sterling qualities of mine, I quote "Proud, sarcastic, to a certain extent self-centred, arrogant, cold and unfeeling at times, emotionally constipated".

Sheen: Er … … well that's only one side of the story. I mean haven't heard my opinion on your good qualities … …

Rui: *walking away* Spare me.

Sheen: *still oblivious and starting to count on her fingers* intelligent, having a caring nature beneath that exterior of ice, witty, great sense of humour, understanding, absolutely loyal to friends … … *looking up* Eh? Now where did he go?

*****

Piglet: Hi, welcome back! I have to confess that my story doesn't really emulate the manga or anime strictly and I have (unfortunately) this tendency to infuse the story with my opinions and create events that appear to fit in with the storyline but may be totally different from what the author had intended! So pls don't let this story mislead you. Thanks so much for your kind comments and I hope this update is soon enough!

Chapter 33 – A Mistake?

"Yes?" I allowed a rare genuine smile to grace my lips to let them know that I was fine. However, they did not appear to be too convinced, especially Tsukushi. I heaved a mental sigh. The problem of constantly acting is that when you reveal any true emotions, the people around you think that you are putting on a show. My lips twitched involuntarily as the irony of the situation hit me.

"Are you alright?" Tsukushi persisted as her brows furrowed.

"Why shouldn't I be?" I raised an eyebrow at them and watched in secret amusement as they squirmed and quickly changed the subject.

"Let's have our own party," Soujirou suddenly suggested. "Do you need to hang around anymore, Rui?" I thought for a moment and then shook my head. I could not deny that my father would obviously have preferred me to stay behind to socialize and see the guests off at the close of his birthday celebration. However, he knew me well enough to be satisfied that I had hung around until the cake had been cut.

"Not too far though, just in case."

"All right, it's party time!" He sang out as he shoved us all in the kitchen and started pushing bottles of different types of wine and liquor into our hands as well as grabbing plates of finger food.

"Where are we going?" Tsukushi asked as she tried to balance the bottles and plates that she was holding. I had to admit that she was handling them far better than us. It must be the practice from her second waitressing job.

"Rui's entertainment center aka playroom." Upon unloading the stuff in the room, Tsukushi and I were sent back to the kitchen for additional supplies. When we returned, I realized that the two playboys had been up to their usual tricks because there were two beautiful female additions to my room.

"Shigeru and Sakura will be joining us soon." Akira informed us as he slid his handphone back into his jacket. We played silly drinking games, screened a movie that no one was really playing attention to, blasted the music (the room had soundproof walls), danced the night away and had fun in general. I was dancing with Tsukushi, Akira and the two girls (Tohra and Nayamo) when she tugged at my sleeve made a gesture towards the door. I nodded and grabbed a bottle of champagne and two glasses on our way out.

"The heat and noise was a bit too much?" I guessed as she breathed in the cool night air deeply once we were outdoors.

"Yes, and I wanted to talk to you." I nodded and brought her to one of my favourite spots in the rose garden next to the pond. I laid out my jacket on the grass and forced Tsukushi to sit on it as I settled down next to her. We sat sipping the champagne in silence for a moment.

"Rui."

"Mmm."

"Is Shizuka's engagement a blow to you?" I had been expecting that question ever since she said wanted to talk to me and I had been asking the same question myself. 

"No. I care for her but I don't love her anymore, if I ever did." I replied simply as dark brown eyes scanned mine for the truthfulness of my answer. Satisfied by what she saw, she sat back with a sigh of relief.

"Why do you care?" I injected casually expecting her to thump me on the head for asking such a "stupid" question or laugh it off. Instead, she flushed to the roots of her hair.

"You're … … you are one of my best friends after all." Her tone was defensive. I decided to tread on surer grounds.

"Hey, can you hear the waltz?" I could hear the strains of music from a distance.

"Of course, I'm not deaf!" Was her scathing rejoinder. I stood up and held my hand out to her. "Huh?"

"You always said you wanted to learn how to waltz properly." A smile appeared on her face as she accepted my invitation. I don't believe I had such fun in a long time. Part of it unfortunately for Tsukushi was due to her natural clumsiness and part of it her alcohol consumption. She stepped on my toes, made wrong turns, tripped and bumped into me. I could not resist adding my own observations, throwing in witty remarks now and then like a sports commentator. Our laughter rang out constantly. Finally, during a few complex spins (I should have known better than to try those) she got dizzy and was thrown hard against me. The momentum sent me falling backwards. My back painfully hit the ground hard with a loud thump and before I got my second wind, the air was forced out of my lungs as her body slammed into mine. For several heartbeats, my vision dimmed and I saw a few bright spots swirling in the encroaching darkness. Then, I became aware of a hand slapping my face gently and a voice repeating anxiously in the background, "Rui, are you alright? Are you alright?"

I opened my eyes and found myself staring into Tsukushi's frantic eyes and groaned rather dramatically, "I think I have just been knocked down by a train." A sigh of relief escaped her lips as she quickly flung her arms around me.

"You scared me out of my wits you idiot!" Her voice was muffled against my shirt. I was about to retort sarcastically that I doubted that would be any great loss seeing that there was not much to start with when her voice started getting a little shaky. "Thank … … thank goodness you're alright, Rui … … I … … I don't know what I will do if … … if anything happened to you … …" Stunned to say the least, my first thought was that she had to be PMSing as my arms closed around her comfortingly. When her head finally lifted from my chest, the raw emotion in those slightly teary eyes that met mine took my breath away. We stared at each other for a long moment as the rest of the world receded into the background and suddenly the entire universe was simply us, just like it had been since time began. I suddenly became very aware of the fact that Tsukushi's body was still sprawled across mine. Almost in a trance, I raised my hand to her face gently wiping away a single errant tear with my thumb. 

"I'm not worthy of your tears, Tsukushi," my softly spoken words were laced with pain and a thousand other emotions. She stared at me for a moment longer, the same pain reflected in her eyes. Then with a soft sigh of surrender, her eyelashes fluttered shut as she leaned forward and my entire body jolted with surprise as those soft lips touched mine. 

I froze for a split second, then my brain shut down as the reflexes took over. My eyes closed and I deepened the kiss as one hand cradled the back of her head protectively and the other wrapped around her waist possessively, drawing her body tightly against mine. Her response had been initially tentative, almost shy. She parted her lips slightly as my tongue brushed against her lips gently, encouragingly them to part. Our tongues touched briefly, almost timidly, and the kiss exploded. In spite of my history, I had never experienced these fireworks going off in my head. It was electrifying. Somehow, our positions shifted and I found myself lying on top of Tsukushi as my mouth ravaged hers passionately. 

She made a soft sound of protest when my mouth left hers and then sighed in contentment when my lips started worshipping her neck. I loved the taste and feel of her silky skin and she smelt wonderful – like wild flowers. I breathed in deeply as I nibbled lightly and kissed my way down to her collarbone, eliciting a sound resembling something between a purr and a moan from her. My hands moved up and down her sides in a soothing motion as her fingers stroked my back. My lips travelled to her right shoulder and I pressed a tender kiss at the spot just below her shoulder. I loved the intimacy of such an action that conveyed eloquently a man's most ardent feelings without the need to say a single word. I knew we should not have gone as far as we did and that what we were doing was morally wrong if Tsukushi was still in love with Tsukasa. However, passion has a way of taking over especially when common sense and self-control have been dulled by wine … …

Everything that happened subsequently took on a dreamlike quality as both of us were lost in a passion induced haze … … the sound of her zipper as it was tugged down seemed strangely loud … … the way she blushed furiously and tried to cover herself shyly when her soft, creamy flesh was first exposed to my heated gaze … … her soft sighs, moans and an occasional giggle as my trembling fingers and mouth touched her reverently (so my Tsukushi was ticklish) … … the wonderful feeling of her fingertips lightly exploring my bare chest, shoulders and back as my muscles flexed reflexively under her tentative touch … … the way she trembled as my fingers stroked her soft silky thighs … … exploring hands and mouths touching and tasting … … my fingers finally slipping under the sheer thin material of her damp undergarment … … 

"Rui!" Her ecstatic cry rang out as her body arched and then convulsed in ultimate pleasure when I touched her, her hands clutching my arms tightly. The passionate response brought a smile to my lips. Dazed eyes met mine when her body stopped spasming. I chuckled at her bemused expression and tickled her, extracting a few reluctant giggles. "Stop it, Rui!" My smile froze as the smile on Tsukushi's face wavered and died when she caught her breath as the enormity of what we had just done started to sink in. I watched helplessly as pain, regret, embarrassment and shame passed over her expressive face as realisation dawned. She closed her eyes tightly, clutching her dress to her with trembling fingers. I turned away giving her privacy to get dressed as I buttoned up my shirt with hands that were as unsteady as hers. When the rustling sounds stopped, I turned around slowly and saw that Tsukushi was dressed again with her back facing me. My heart twisted in pain when she shrank from my touch as I gently placed my jacket around her shivering form.

"Tsukushi … … I'm sorry I shouldn't have … …" I began and stopped, not knowing how to continue.

"This … … was a mistake … … we were drunk … …" Her voice shook as she determinedly kept her face averted from mine.

"This was not a mistake!" I said vehemently. "If you think what took place simply resulted from the alcohol and our hormones, you are completely … …"

"Rui, we must forget this ever happened. Thank goodness nothing really … … We have to make sure it never happens again." She cut me off as her eyes finally met mine. I felt my heart breaking at the guarded expression on her face. She did not trust me – my Tsukushi was wary of me.

"I'm sorry if I caused you any pain but I can't regret this. It meant something to me even if it didn't to you, Tsukushi … … I love you … …" Her eyes widened with shock as she stared wildly at me for a moment. My expression must have convinced her that it was not the champagne speaking because I saw her eyes darkening with some emotion as tears started brimming in her eyes. Then with a broken cry, she turned and fled into the darkness.

"I love you, Tsukushi," I shouted after her, but she did not turn back. "I love you … …" I whispered again as I looked at her vanishing figure. There was only one thing to do. For the first time in years, I got myself dead drunk. 

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I found myself standing quite a distance from the dango shop where Tsukushi worked, just needing to see her and make sure that she was fine – from afar. My fingers rubbed my temple as I leaned against the wall, hoping that the pressure crushing my skull would soon be gone. For the umpteen time, I cursed my own stupidity. I had forgotten just how painful a hangover could be. Due to my lack of focus, I almost missed her departure. I quickly went after her as her figure disappeared around the corner. 

"How many times do I have to tell you that Rui isn't my boyfriend?" Her unusually shrill voice made me pause and I peered cautiously around the corner.

"Who says that Rui is your boyfriend?" Tsukasa roared as he leant over her. There was something in his voice that I had not heard for a long time – jealousy. I realised with a mixture of relief and dread that he had finally regained his memory. After a long moment (Tsukushi is sometimes rather slow), she gave a small incoherent cry and pounced on him. I turned and walked away as fast as I could when I saw them embracing, the pain in my head paling in light of the more terrible ache in my heart.

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The footsteps stopped next to me. However, I did not turn my head as I knew who it was.

"She asked about you today." I did not respond.

"How long more are you going to avoid them? You can't keep this up forever."

"You'll be surprised," I muttered. I was really grateful when Akira simply kept quiet and did not rub it in by telling me "I told you so".

"We are not F4 without you, Rui." He finally said.

"I need more time." He sighed. 

"What?"

"Huh?" Akira turned to face me with a puzzled expression on his face.

"Just spit it out already," I rolled my eyes at him.

"There's something not quite right. I mean on the surface everything seems fine and they both act lovey dovey. Ooops sorry … …" he paused as I winced.

"Continue." I said quietly.

"It's Tsukushi. I mean she's as all over him as she can be for Tsukushi. That's just exactly it - a bit too all over him. Naturally, she should be more clingy for a while given the circumstances that she almost lost him. Yet, there's something strange about her behaviour. I can almost swear that I have seen guilt in her eyes when she looks at him and then she tries too hard to be extra nice to him, almost as if she's trying make up for something." I swallowed at Akira's astute observations. His eyes were penetrating when he turned to look at me. "Rui, tell me. What on earth happened between both of you?" 

I looked away as I said with a touch of bitterness, "nothing permanent that you need to be concerned about." With that, I left. 

I lost track of time as I wandered around aimlessly. When I was aware of my surroundings again, I realised that my feet had carried me to one of J's "hangouts". My lips twisted in an ironic smile. It had only been a few days since my conversation with J although it seemed like ages ago. Apparently, I would be free to work this weekend after all. Since it was Friday and I was already at his doorstep, I decided to see if he had anything that I could start on. There was nothing like intellectually-demanding hard work to prevent one from thinking and dreaming about things that one can never have.


	35. A Captive

AN:  Wow, loved all the reviews that I got last week !!!! Thanks so much guys !!! I'm so glad that you enjoyed the chapter and my apologizes for messing up on submission the first time round.  I accidentally submitted the chapter 32 again.  Between, I think I can finish the story in 2 more chapters for those who are actually wondering. :) Finally !!!

Jia-Li E. :  Wow, your review made my day!  Thanks so much !!!!  I'm so glad that you enjoyed the Façade to the extent that you took one chapter into a meeting !!!  I guess that's one of the biggest compliments that I could be paid :). I certainly hope it didn't get you into trouble :)!  Very insightful comments! I think I have kinda addressed them in this chapter or have I succeeded in only deepening the mystery?  Regardless, I hope you will continue to enjoy the last few chapters of this story and thanks again for your kind comments !!!!  

just a teen: Hi hi!  Thanks so much for your comments !!!! Yes, I have followed the manga in general rather strictly even though I thought that I would veered from the ending.  I guess, I'm now extending the story beyond where it ends.  It does end on a rather uncertain note to my understanding.  However, I don't own the manga so I could be totally wrong.  No, you are definitely not the only person who wants a T&T ending in this story!!!!  You're not alone ;) I have to admit that because this is a Rui story (kind of), so many of the readers are more likely to be Rui fans.  To be very frank, I have 3 endings in mind which I will be deciding on.  However, the actual ending selected will be based on how the chapts flow as they write themselves out.  I'm only the tool ;)  

Nana-chan: Thanks so much for your encouraging comments !!! It sounds like you're going through a rough patch in life.  Just in case you really are, hang in there!  Things will always get worse before they eventually get better!  And yes, this chapter is largely related to Rui's job :)

Lian: Welcome back!  It's good to see you around again.  How's life now? I hope being a busy housewife and taking care of the kids is being everything you hope it is!  Wow, thanks so much for spending so much time to catch up with my story.  I'm so glad you like it and thanks so much for your encouragement!!!

the frustrated writer: Wowww … … Really loved your review !!! (what can I say, I'm really a sucker for compliments when they are directly related to the way I write!)  Thank you sooooooooooooooooo much!  Your review was definitely another that made my day.  I guess we are all plagued with doubts and uncertainties about how crappy our writing really is (speaking about myself of course ;) !)  I really like your interpretation about Rui's maturity.  I must say I have never really thought along those lines i.e. his maturity vs. inability to understand his own emotions.  I'm glad you liked the scenes!  Thanks again for all your encouragement!  

****

Rui : At least there are people who are sensitive enough to appreciate my maturity unlike some others that I could name … …

Sheen: *brightly* Well, I must say there is a thin line between opposing explanations sometimes, isn't there? 

Rui: Are you implying that I am immature?

Sheen: *realizes that she has put her foot in her mouth* Er … … not at all … … I was merely making a generalized observation … …

Rui:  I don't want to waste time arguing with you over such juvenile matters *stalks off*

Sheen: Phew … … well, he may be more mature than I think after all.

*****

kaio:  Thanks so much for your kind and always extremely motivating comments !!!!  The ending will be here soon, but in the meantime, I hope you enjoy the deepening mysteries!

Twilightstarz: Hi hi !!!  I'd like to think that Tsukushi is starting to be swayed by Rui's feelings.  I guess it is easy for her because he was her first love and hence has always held a special place in her heart.  However, she's currently confused as to whether she's simply moved by Rui or whether she returns his feelings, and of course there is always her loyalty and feelings for Tsukasa to complicate matters !!

kensingtonkid:  Great interpretation !!!!!  I would say that you are close, very very close ;)  However, I can't say anymore in case I give the game away.  Thanks for your encouragement as always !!!!

.:: Stacey ::.:  I'm so glad that the last chapter had an impact on you !!!  Thanks so much for your comments!   You're right!  I would say that this is the first chapter where Rui says that he loves Tsukushi in earnest.  In New York, he kissed her and than pondered aloud to her face whether he loved her.  However, he did it in such a way that was no indication of his actual feelings.  Answer is that Rui is avoiding Tsukushi and because he is, she does not need to avoid him.  However, she is also rather concerned about his well being which is why she asked Akira how Rui was doing.

angel310: Wow, I really appreciate you taking the time to resubmit your review !!  Thanks so much !!!  Loved your analysis of the chapter and I totally agree with you especially with regards to Tsukushi.  Well said !!!  I will try to end within 2 chapters which should not be too difficult !  Hopefully I would have answered all questions by then ;)

sweetpeakit: Ah a new reader !! Welcome !!  I'm glad that you like Rui's characterization in this story and my development of his rather silent persona.  I totally agree with your analysis of Tsukasa – that fact that his emotions are so raw that he always ends up hurting others.  He may change over years though?  Hopefully?  And may I say that I appreciate every single comment that my readers have taken pains to give me, and that I read through them carefully and take them very much to heart.  So thank you so much for letting me know that you like this story – I really really appreciate it !!

piglet: Thanks so much!!! I'm so glad you liked the last chapter – this chapt is much less emotional but more action packed.  Totally different style so I hope you like it as well.  Yes, it's about time this story ended – I think it's been going on for too long.  I had no idea that this would be going beyond 25 chapters when I first started ;) !!

ToinKs:  I'm so glad that you liked this last chapter more that the previous, especially because the plot of this last chapter is kinda original as it is not incorporated in the manga !!!!  Thanks so much for your kind comments :)

Chapter 34 –  A Captive

My working hours turned out to be rather sporadic.  It was probably either the timing (it was early days) or the incompetence of our agents (which I doubted was the cause), but we did not receive messages frequently.  We ended up waiting for long periods with frantic bursts of decoding of captured messages by me, waiting again albeit more briefly for our side to decide on our course of action, and the coding of these messages.  Few messages of critical importance had been intercepted as yet.  J warned me that I might have to camp in the "labs" subsequently when things sped up.  I was absolutely fine with that suggestion.  The only drawback of the current situation was that I had long periods of free time, and although I tried to keep myself amused by starting to create a new language, there was nothing to keep me from going to school.

I had met Tsukasa and brushed off his stammered thanks.  Fortunately, he did not really bring up the subject of Tsukushi and I did not encourage him.  In fact, I did everything in my power to avoid that topic.  I needed to put some distance between us so that I could bury my feelings for her with time, and because I knew from past experience that I was not ready to see her whilst the wound was still so raw.  I was grateful when she did not seek me out either.  However, Akira often gave me updates about her wellbeing.  From his descriptions, I realised that she was trying too hard to appear cheerful which made me ponder briefly about her emotional condition, seeing that Tsukasa was back to being his normal violent and obnoxious self.  However, most of the time I tried my best to put her out of my mind.  

I was playing my violin in the school gardens one evening a few weeks later.  It was winter and even though it was only around four pm, the grounds were starting to get dark.  My music has always had a therapeutic effect and I closed my eyes as I let myself be enveloped by the soothing strains of the lilting music as I stood in the shadows, leaning against a huge oak tree.  My concentration was shattered by the scatter of applause, and my errant heart beat erratically for a moment as I recalled the last person who had seen me play.  Almost reluctantly, I opened my eyes.  A familiar figure stood near me.  Shrouded by darkness, I could still make out the wavy brown hair and the slim built.  For a moment I was paralysed.  It could not be … … yet there was only one person I knew who looked like … …

"Shadow … …" I breathed.  The one person who had comforted me and helped me to heal in the not so distant past.  Before my brain could convince me of the impossibility, I found myself reaching out for her and pulling her towards me.  My arms went around her almost instinctively as I lowered my head to take in the scent of her hair.  To my surprise, it was not the familiar jasmine smell I expected.  Releasing her, I tilted her face to the light.  To my disappointment, the features were not hers.  The eyes were smaller, the nose higher and the lips were not as lush and inviting.  What had I been thinking of?  Shadow was already dead.  It was just another one of my fans.  

I sighed with disappointment and was about to put some distance between the both of us when this girl suddenly flung her arms around my neck.  She pulled my head down and kissed me with great enthusiasm.  I paused for a moment, too taken aback by this new development to resist.  She had obviously mistaken my intentions.  However, to be fair to her, my actions must have appeared to be rather encouraging.  I moved my hands to her waist and was about to set her away from me firmly when I heard a collective gasp.

"Rui, you sly dog!"  I turned my head and groaned silently when I spotted Soujirou leering at me with a mischievous gleam in his eyes.  Akira and Tsukasa were looking rather surprised.  I quickly removed my hands from the girl and stepped hastily away from her, but the damage was done.  My heart sank as my eyes fell on the fourth person of the party – the one that I had been expecting yet dreading to see.  Tsukushi had turned away from me and she was tugging at Tsukasa's hand as she pulled him away from us.

"Tsukasa, I'm already late for work.  Let's go."  Without even a glance at me (perhaps she had been sickened by the "display"), she walked quickly away from me dragging Tsukasa behind her.  

"Let's not disturb lover boy here," Soujrou told Akira.

"Please go, I mistook you for someone else." I told my fan frankly when we were alone and the poor girl fled with a loud sniff.  I heaved a sigh as I rubbed my temple feeling the beginnings of a headache, wanting nothing more than to slam my head against the trunk of the oak tree repeatedly.

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It was another rather uneventful day at the lab, all the more boring after the "exciting" events of last evening.  I decided to go home early for once.  When I neared my house, I had the feeling that someone was watching me.  I glanced behind me surreptitiously, but could not see anyone.  Feeling the need for stealth, I swiftly and noiselessly ducked behind a clump of bushes near my gate and waited.  

Almost immediately, I heard the sound of footsteps approaching slowly, moving away and then approaching again.  The pattern was repeated a few times and I realised that the person was pacing.  My brow furrowed as I pondered at this extremely weird behaviour displayed by the supposed spy.  I concluded that the so-called "spy" had either been trained by very eccentric superiors or was actually a civilian.  Acting on my suspicions, I quickly peeked around the side of the bushes as the footsteps withdrew again.  To my surprise, a familiar female figure with shoulder length brown hair was retreating.  My heartbeat accelerated as thoughts crowded through my brain fast and thick.  What was Tsukushi doing in front of my house?  Was she actually waiting for me?  

Unfortunately, I was so lost in thought that I let my guard down.  By the time I heard the noises behind me, it was too late to react.  Rough hands grabbed me as they painfully twisted my arms behind me and held them in an iron grip.  I had barely started struggling when I felt a sharp pain akin to a bee sting on my neck.  I thought I heard a shriek but I could not be certain as my surroundings started to get blurry.  My last conscious thought was that I had been drugged and then darkness descended … …

  
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My first waking sensation was the strange hard lumpiness of my mattress, a heavy feeling in my head and a strange dryness in my mouth.  Something felt wrong.  I kept my eyes closed as I continued to breathe slowly, giving my brain time to start functioning properly.  As I gradually recalled the events of last night, I felt a chill creeping down my spine.  I hoped desperately that this was just one of the normal kidnapping schemes that we all went through at one time or other, but some six sense warned me that this was far from ordinary.    

I cautiously opened one eye and found myself in a cell.  It was not one of the cage-like rooms with iron bars.  Instead, the huge room had four solid walls.  There was a large table in the middle of the room and the bed I was lying on was placed in one corner.  In the opposite corner was what basically would be considered a toilet without walls separating it from the rest of the room.  It even had a shower.  Although that the furnishings were sparse, the cleanliness of the room and the faint but distinct smell of disinfectant did nothing to provide relief to my strung up nerves.  I had a really bad feeling about this.

"Ah, our little captive wakes up!  How are you feeling?"  The door was suddenly flung opened and a pair of legs stalked into my vision.  I knew that the small hitch in my breath as the door opened had given the fact that I was awake away, so I opened both eyes and sat up.  I experienced a wave of dizziness from my movement and shook my head to clear it as the room spun.

"A little dizzy I see," the voice continued smoothly.  "Only a side effect of the drug I assure you, Stein.  Far fewer side effects than the chloroform used by amateurs."  

My body stiffened with shock.  This was absolutely terrible.  They actually knew my code name.  I quickly changed my almost imperceptible movement into a jump of surprise as I said in a shocked gasp, "Stein?"  I looked up to see a blond middle-age man dressed in a suit with his lips twisted in a sardonic and cruel smile whilst the coldest eyes that I had ever seen stared at me penetratingly.  "You've got the wrong person, I'm not Stein.  I am Hanzawa Rui, the only son of the Hazawa family."

"Good, very good." He was actually applauding.  "Your performance is admirable, master Hanazawa.  I would have believed you if not for the fact that I have the most reliable information about your other persona – Stein.  Quite a romantic notion isn't it?  Kind of like Batman – rich philanthropist by day and saving the world at night under a different guise."  For one of the few times in my short life, I tasted real fear – my entire body was held in the icy grip of fear.  Although I allowed no other emotion than puzzlement to appear on my face, I could feel cold sweat starting to form on my forehead.

 "I'm afraid I don't understand."

"Ah, you soon will, my friend.  You soon will."  With that, he left the room, leaving me quaking in my shoes.  I had to admit I was scared.  Who would not be?  Only an idiot would be in denial.  Recalling all my training, I started getting myself mentally prepared for the ordeal that I was about to face.  There was nothing I could do against any physical torture, but I could do my best to erect and maintain those mental barriers in face of the atrocities … …

They started the process of breaking down my defences with the usual glaring-lights-in-eyes-with-no-sleep-and-nonstop-questioning routine.  I was seated at the table as they repeated ask me the same questions.  It would begin simply with my name, age and other facts of my life, then questions about my agent life would come up.  Sometimes they changed the sequence or mixed questions or even switch languages, trying to catch me unaware.  However, although I had the worst headache of my life – my head felt as if it was splitting in two – and my eyes were swollen and aching horribly by the time I suffered through forty-eight hours of this treatment, they did not manage to wrangle anything from me.

"Stein, you will realise that your resistance is futile."  The apparent head of the operations (the person whom I met first and whom I subsequently named Hitler) informed me with a sneer when they finally left me in the room.  I had to admit that they did provide me with sustenance.  However, I was too nauseas and drained to do anymore than drink some water from the sink.  The room probably had cameras, but I hoped that they would not have the ability to drug the water in the sink at least.

*In another room*

"He's very well trained.  Are you sure he has not been trained as a field operative?" There was a pause as the male listened intently.  "Alright, I want you in tomorrow morning … … Do your best, understood?  Bye."  There was a low chuckle as the phone was hung up.  "Now, my little friend, let's have some more fun with you … …"

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I collapsed on my bed, my body screaming in agony.  As I had expected, I was barely allowed ten minutes to rest when I had company again.  My palms were sweating and my heart was racing with fear when four Amazons stalked into the room carrying interesting looking equipment.  This time, they chained me to the strategically placed iron hoops in the wall and then proceeded to have a great time roughing me up.  The strangest thing was that they did not ask me a single question – not one – during the extremely painful session.  It was as if their main aim was to inflict maximum pain without causing too much damage and I must admit that they succeeded.  

Although my ribs were bruised and they hurt every time I breathed, I knew from prior experience that they were not fractured.  Unfortunately, I could not lie on my back to relieve the pressure of my body on them, at least not until the deep bleeding cuts on my back from the whips they used had coagulated.  I supposed I had to be grateful that they had refrained from stripping the entire skin off my back.  However, the psychological warfare that they were adopting was making me exceptionally nervous – I have always hated cat and mouse games and the worst thing was not knowing exactly where I stood in the scheme of things.  Due to my highly-strung nerves, I dozed fitfully and was already awake when my door was next opened.  

"Ah, we have an early bird on our hands.  I see that my boys have been a little rough with you?  Well, well I must tell them to treat you with more respect."  I simply looked at Hitler with my usual emotionless mask firmly in place.  "Now why don't we start by answering some questions, Stein?"  I maintained my ignorance and threw in a few threats of what my powerful family would do when I was released.  He soon lost his patience.  "I would love for you to experience some more of our special treatment for guests but we're a little short of time.  Let me assure you that your protests are doing you no good, Stein.  We know who you are.  Bring her in."       

My eyes widened in disbelief as I gazed at the person who appeared at the door, "Shizuka … …"


	36. New 902 A Recurring Nightmare R

AN (9th Feb 2004): Hi all, I was continuing my writing when I realized that what I written actually belongs in this chapter and it isn't as long as I thought it would be. So please do go and read the last part of this chapter where I have indicated the update as of 9th Feb 2004. I will also incorporate a note in the next chapter when I finish writing it and have posted it up. Again, apologies! At least I wouldn't have ended on a climatic note now!

Warning: This chapter is rated R for violence and rape.

AN: Thanks sooooooo much for all the wonderful reviews that I have received!!! I must say that I definitely uncertain with regards to how this chapter will be received (probably confirms my sadistic nature). However, this chapter is crucial to the plot and it has been planned almost from the start of this story (see references to the past) ;). Thanks so much for all your support and let's start the count down - 1 more chappie to go! 

Kaio: Yes, poor Rui will be scarred but the whips have definitely not left the deepest scars! I think this is probably the fastest update I have provided for a long time ne ;) ?

angel310: Oh dear, after reading your comment I can't imagine what your reaction to this next chapter will be !!! *lol* Yes, poor Rui !!! It must be my sadist streak showing :) I think this chapter will answer quite a bit of your questions about Shizuka ne ;)? More Rui and Tsukushi moments! Sure thingy - but I think not exactly in the way you expected ;). I hope this chapter won't distress you overly much and thanks so much for always supporting this story :) !!! 

Magicalfoci: Wow, a new reader !!! Thanks so much for your encouraging and kind comments !!!! I'm delighted that you find the "explanations" behind HYD plausible !!!! I must say that I haven't read the novels that you mentioned - are they fantasy? I must say I'm not that well read especially wrt fantasy books. I think I've largely only read those by David Eddings, a couple by Raymond E Feist, a couple by Anne McCarty (did I spell her name correctly?) and of course every single one of the HP series ;)! And with regards to the concepts that I selected from this story - I was thinking of Rui's behaviour and thought "how if Rui has been acting all along?" - these concepts appeared to be most relevant in explaining his behaviour. It's really such a coincidence that you mentioned being raped in late teens around 17 years old . . :) This story is ending soon and I usually update towards weekends :) Thanks again for reading !!!

Yumez: Another new reader !!! Yay !!! Thanks so much for your lovely comments !!!! I'm really glad that you choose to read it in spite of my focus on Rui. Are you then a T&T fan? I hope this time I have not stopped at such a climax as previously? It's just that if I continued, this story would probably be another page or so, so I thought I'd better stop at a convenient point ;) !!! I hope you'll like this chapter!

.:: Stacey ::.: Hi hi! With regards to the mistake Rui made, it was a dark winter evening - his eyes weren't working and he was in desperate need of comfort. You know how sometimes we believe in what we want to believe in rather than in what is plausible and humans will always continue to hope . . I would like to think that Rui was in such a state. :). This chapter probably answers your questions about Shizuka and Tsukushi ne? Thanks so much for your encouraging comments !!!!! And as for R&T chapters - would you consider this one of them ? :) 

Nana-chan: Yes, the plot is definitely getting to the climax. Everything is falling into place (I hope, I hope, I hope!). I must say that that it's largely Shizuka that has the major role in Rui's other persona i.e. Stein. Thanks so much for reading and I do hope that things get better soon for you !!! Take care !!!

the_frustrated_writer: Wow . .. Thank you thank you thank you . . your comments definitely made my day again !!! I hope you'll like this new chapter just as well. And I'll definitely read your story this weekend and leave you comments!!!! When will you be resubmitting it? Would you prefer me to read the before or the after version? With regards to autism, I can't remember but I probably surfed the net briefly to check up on certain of the symptoms just in case I make a fool out of myself in front of knowledgeable readers/fellow writers like yourself !! I have to admit my laziness and the lack of time prevents me from doing more detailed research though . . :) Thanks again for your kind comments !!! I'm looking forward to reading your story in 2 days' time! 

Jia-Li Endicott : Oh dear, you picked up my masochistic tendencies so fast !!!!! Thanks so much for your encouraging comments !!!! And may I say I was absolutely thrilled that you caught on to Rui's code name which was given to him because he was a genius like Ein"Stein" !!!!! Shizuka was given her name because she is beautiful, elegant and intelligent like "Cleo"patra. And Shadow was Shadow for her abilities!!! Unfortunately, no I'm not bringing Shadow back to life - even though I agree with you that she's perfect for Rui. I knew I shouldn't have killed her off so fast !!!! It's just that I can't think of a rational explanation to bring a dead person back to life. Sigh . . I should have planned more thoroughly!

Lian: Yes, Tsukushi is jealous !!!! *evil chuckles* Well, but I guess she would have to be a saint not to be when she saw what she thought was Rui holding and kissing another girl in his arms ;) I hope this update is fast enough !!!

just a teen: Thanks so much for letting me know that this fic still holds your interest and for your encouraging comments !!!!!! I think the events in these last few chapters will be very very fast moving because I no longer am restricted by HYD's storyline! Hip hip hooray !!!! ;)

kensingtonkid: Hi hi hi! Yes you are correct about who spilled the beans! I hope you don't mind my not repeating it here coz it is repeated in this chapter !!!! I hope this chapter and the explanation that I have provided satisfies you !!! However, I must say that more explanations will be provided in the next chapter when I get down to writing it ;) Thanks so much for always leaving me a comment !!!! It's really motivating to have someone consistently supporting you all the way !!!! Thank you !!!

piglet: Yes, I've faced that same prob before !!! I think quite a few rules have been changed on this website since I joined. That was a great suggestion - I agree that it would have made the ending more climatic !!!! I'll do that next time ;) Thanks so much for your encouragement and constructive comments !!!a

Chapter 35 - A Recurring Nightmare (Rated R)

There was no hint of recognition in those emotionless eyes that met mine. As I looked at the cold beauty who was radiating a deadly aura, I realized that the doppelganger standing in front of me was a complete stranger. I was starting to contemplate the possibilities of Shizuka having a biological twin separated from her from birth when Hitler spoke.

"So my beauty?"

"It's him." My breathing stopped when I heard Shizuka uttering those words. It was really her. My eyes bore into hers with a burning accusation as my heart screamed - traitor, liar, scum of the earth! Instead of showing any sign of repentance, a chilling and cynical smile appeared on that lovely face and transformed into a contemptuous sneer.

"I told you that there was no point in resisting, Stein." Hitler spoke again. "Now let's make up for the time we wasted in trying to get to know each other better. I will tell you exactly what I want you to do for me, agent." He explained succinctly their need for me to decode and code messages (obviously to keep tabs on our side, provide false leads and to lay traps), as well as to provide them with a detailed account of every message that we had captured to date.

"No." I said as a strange calmness descended. So they had known from the start. All the abuse was simply to toy with my mind and to better understand how I functioned in order to break me down further. And of course they had hoped to glean my cooperation without having to reveal their wild card for future operations, should I escape from this ordeal alive. Unfortunately for them, I had withstood their torture and hence forced their hand.

As I glanced at Shizuka who was standing silently at Hitler's side resembling a beautiful but lifeless wax doll, the words of her last letter sudden came to mind. _". But things are not always what they seem. Let me explain, please . ."_ Almost involuntarily, my lips twisted into a bitter smile. Indeed, she was even more of a traitor than I had expected. Never in my wildest dreams would I have expected her to be capable of betraying a childhood companion - the term friend could no longer be used to describe her. I had obviously never known her at all. Yet, somehow there was a pain in my heart when I recalled her kind, emphatic, understanding and caring nature in the past. Was everything a lie or was that her true self before she was corrupted? 

" . . another way to persuade you, I see." Hitler was saying when I finally brought my attention back to him. "Bring in the other present." He was obeyed instantly as the guards roughly shoved someone into the room, the momentum sending the person sprawling onto the floor. To my horror, I found myself staring at a somewhat roughed up and very frightened Tsukushi who was staring at me in shock.

"This sweet young thing was hanging around when we visited and we had to bring her along as well. However, I understand from Bella here that she's a good friend of yours. Perhaps she will be able to assist us in persuading you to be more communicative."

"Let her go, she is of no consequence in your plan," I said staring at Hitler as I ignored Tsukushi.

"Ah, more communicative already." He smiled gleefully as he rubbed his hands. I gritted my teeth and stubbornly held my tongue.

"Rui? Shizuka? What is going on?" Tsukushi's voice was quavering.

"Your little friend here is being a bit stubborn, so we need your help to convince him to be more cooperative." 

"To do what?" Her voice sounded more alarmed with each passing minute.

"Oh, just some coding and decoding and translation of messages."

"You are mad! Quite mad!" I glanced at Tsukushi who was now staring at Hitler with disbelief and conviction on her face. "How on earth can you expect Rui to know things like that? I'm sure it's more of him not being able to help you than not wanting to help you!" 

Hitler threw back his head and laughed, "I see you don't know what he is. Well done, Stein. Great deception skills - we need to keep that in mind for future reference. Go on, tell her what you are."

"I have no idea what . ." Instantly, a fist crashed into my face. My bruised lip split open and I tasted blood in my mouth.

"Stop it!" I heard Tsukushi scream as the same fist slammed into my stomach and I collapsed on the floor with a groan.

"Shut up." I looked up in time to see another guard striking Tsukushi in the face.

"Don't touch her!" I yelled, regretting my words instantly as Hitler gazed at me contemplatively.

"Interesting." He commented. "Hit her again!"

"Stop!" I sucked in a deep breath and then repeated the same word in all the languages I knew - I assure you that it took a few minutes before I actually stopped speaking. The entire room was silent during my little "performance" and even the guard paused. When I finished, I looked at Hitler and observed a gleam of satisfaction shinning in his eyes. I realized the only way I could save Tsukushi was to bring in Tsukasa and pretend that I did not care all that much for her. 

"I'm sure you don't know that Miss Makino Tsukushi over there is the girlfriend of the only son of the influential Doumyouji family in Japan, in addition to being a good friend of mine. If you value your country's trading relationships with Japan in the very least, you would not do anything foolish to provoke the Doumyoujis. It would be tantamount to committing political suicide. I assure you that you will be unpleasantly surprised by the extent of their power." Those cold shrewd eyes bore into mine for a long moment after I completed my little speech.

"Bella, is what he says true?"

"Yes, sir. It may be better to leave her out of this matter."

"Please kindly keep me updated with regards to such interesting facts next time."

"Yes, sir." 

"Shizuka . ." Tsukushi was staring at Shizuka with shocked wide eyes. The latter ignored her assiduously.

"Stein, now please proceed to inform us of the messages that you have decoded in the past fortnight."

"None." 

He sighed in disappointment, "I would hate to have to do anything more drastic to you, Stein. However, it is obvious that you are lying." I shuddered at the cold cruelty evident in those narrowed eyes that were staring into mine. "This is your last warning, Stein. Let me warn you that I am well versed with all your inner demons. And whilst we are on the subject, may I warn you that you may not leave with your sanity intact?" I was paralyzed with fear. Surely, he did not know about my past . . my demons . . I stared at Shizuka who averted her face, before turning back to the devil reincarnate who was grinning sardonically at me. I knew then that he knew everything. I resolutely pressed my trembling lips together, sealing my fate with my own hands. His brows drew together and he nodded curtly to his guards. 

Numbed by shock and terror, I simply stood there motionlessly as time slowed down to a crawling pace. The door opened and more guards entered until the entire room was swarming with them. Shizuka disappeared and Tsukushi was pushed to a corner of the room.

"I thought you'd love an audience," Hitler said as Tsukushi looked on, her rapidly paling face filled with terror as the guards surrounded me. 

Buried memories resurfaced . . the fear, the pain, the humiliation, the degradation . . I was young then and I could not defend myself. Now, I had trained myself to be a deadly weapon. My body tensed as I got ready to take them all or to die in the attempt . .

"Stop!" Hitler suddenly yelled and everyone froze obediently as he strode towards me. "You will not struggle or fight back. If you do, their next target will be her. Her fate is totally in your hands." The thin lips twisted into another cruel smile as he made a gesture to two guards who immediately took up their posts at either side of Tsukushi. "Of course if you change your mind and decide to cooperate any time soon, feel free to inform the guards and they would naturally have to stop their activities to update me with regards to your decision . ." 

I remained frozen in my position as my brain worked furiously, trying to think of a way out of the two horrific choices that I was given. He got impatient with my silence and made another gesture to the two guards. Tsukushi let out a yelp of surprise and pain as one of them pulled her up by her arms and twisted them behind her back with one swift movement, whilst the other gripped hold the collar of her shirt and ripped it open. I could literally hear the sounds of her buttons popping off the shirt and scattering onto the floor as her plain cotton bra was revealed. Her deathly pale face was a mask of terror. 

"Stop!" I shouted. To my surprise both guards actually obeyed. I closed my eyes for an instance and took in a deep breath before determinedly lifting my shaking hands to my shirt. Before my resolution could fail me, I set my teeth and unbuttoned my shirt, shrugging it off. I tried my best to ignore the jibes, whistles and suggestive comments as I focused on stemming back the horrible memories of the past that were threatening to overwhelm me. I knew it was not so much the horrors awaiting me, but my nightmarish past that could really break me. As my hands went to the waistband of my jeans I paused, wanting to save Tsukushi from witnessing the ordeal and my humilation. 

"Tsukushi, close your eyes." The calmness of my voice took my by surprise. I could have been discussing the weather. From the corner of my eye, I saw Hitler frown at my composure.

"No, make her watch. I'm sure Stein would appreciate an audience . ." A guard entered the room and Hitler left after a brief whispered conference. 

My jaw clenched as I saw one of the guards gripping Tsukushi's chin with a bruising force, tilting her face so that she was staring directly at me. Our eyes locked and held as we exchanged a desperate glance filled with fear, despair and . . a stronger and more tender emotion. I would have called it love if I had not known from prior experience that I was the only one experiencing that particular emotion. I tried to hide my humiliation behind a reassuring smile aimed at her before looking away as I removed the rest of my clothing. 

Almost immediately, rough hands reached for me from all directions and before I had time to do more than suck in a deep breath, I was flung face down on the table and held firmly in position. I took my punishment without struggling and was almost totally silent, except for the loud gasp that I could not contain as the vaguely familiar splitting agony first ripped through my body. Somehow I managed to remain relatively still during the debasing and revolting process. My mind battled to retain my control and sanity against the resurfacing the nightmares that exacerbated the entire experience. I tried to shut out the voices that seduced and entreated, promising blessed oblivion in exchange for my cooperation as they continued to inflict physical and psychological pain . .

"Noooooooo!" My mental struggles were interrupted when Tsukushi screamed. It was the shrill cry of a lost soul filled with pain and disbelief. I twisted my head in her direction and the remaining blood drained from my face at the scene that met my eyes. One of the guards was rutting between her legs, his naked body moving back and forth rapidly as his hands held her thighs tightly against either side of his thick waist. The other guard pinned her down as she struggled and twisted beneath her attacker.

Everything faded into the background as I was filled with a killing rage, and then something in me exploded. With a wild cry and a burst of inhuman strength, I flung off all the restraining hands and broke free. My vision turned red and I started taking down the guards methodologically as they tried in vain to stop me. I was no longer bound by any rules of fair fighting, humanity or even compassion. My only objective was to get to Tsukushi and I totally disregarded my own safety in that process. All my moves were swift and deadly with the intent to maim or kill, and I used any weapon (and anything that could pass for a weapon) that I could lay my hands on. 

"No shooting allowed!" I heard one of them yelling frantically, "we need him alive."

**UPDATED AS PER 9TH Feb 2004**

I was unstoppable. The sounds of breaking bones, gunshots, bodies slumping onto the floor, flesh slashed and torn, screams, cries and moans filled the room as I took them down steadily and mechanically. There was so much blood. I knew that I was probably injured but was strangely not feeling any pain. When I finally worked my way to the rapist, I broke his neck with my bare hands. It took just one quick clean twist and then I was dragging his corpse off Tsukushi. Almost instantly, a pair of arms closed around my neck as his partner in crime tried to strangle me. I reacted quickly by slamming the back of my head into his face and heard his nose break with a satisfying crunch. His hold weakened for one second - a second too long. I whipped around and my knee crashed into his crotch as my hand snapped his neck. I looked around the room as his lifeless body dropped onto the floor, still caught up in a killing haze. Broken bodies were strewn all over the room. The surviving guards lay moaning where they fell, most of them unable to move to save their lives.

I turned my attention back to Tsukushi and saw that she was trembling and whimpering where she huddled on the floor. Although I had been expecting it, my heart still shattered when I spotted the telltale trickle of blood down her inner thighs, the crimson drops staining the floor. I was too late. They had broken her, mercilessly ripped her innocence from her. I had failed to protect her. I sank onto the floor next to her, my legs suddenly unable to hold my weight any longer. As I shakily laid a blood-covered hand on her shoulder, she jerked violently and whimpered as she tried to cover herself by clutching more tightly onto the tattered remains of her shirt. 

"Tsukushi," her name spilled from my lips in a flood of anguish as I pulled back immediately, guilt and remorse burning through me like acid. "Sweetheart, I'm so sorry."

"Rui?" A soft whimper escaped her lips as she raised her head a little. Her eyes were wild as they peered at me through the tangled mess of her hair - the haunted eyes of a trapped animal in terrible pain.

"Yes, it's me." Before the words left my mouth, she flung herself into my arms and broke down completely, shaking and weeping uncontrollably on my shoulder. I knew there was nothing I could say to make her feel better so I simply held her carefully, making sure that my lower body was not touching her. I kept watch as she sobbed and only left her side when we were attacked by some foolish guards. You would think that they would be more aware of their own limitations and would avoid attacking anyone who had skills far superior than theirs, but obviously they either lacked the common sense or had a secret death wish. After each encounter, I would return to hold her, becoming a little more battered and worse for wear each time. Our rescuers arrived soon after, although their arrival was paradoxically too late by far. I could no longer differentiate between friends or enemies and was attacking everyone who approached us viciously. In the end, they had to render me unconscious with a dart gun . . 


	37. Aftermath

**IMPORTANT NOTE: I HAVE POSTED PART OF THIS UPDATE ON 9TH FEB 2004 IN THE PREVIOUS CHAPTER.  PLEASE REFER TO THE LAST CHAPTER BEFORE READING THIS CHAPTER FOR CONTINUITY PURPOSES ! :)**

AN:  What can I say ???? Thanks so much to all my dear readers for the wonderful reviews.  Loved every one of them!  Between, loved the fact that you found it disturbing :)!  I certainly hope that this chapter explains everything clearly.  Definitely there will be an epilogue after this.  I won't leave you all hanging :)  **Between, if you have any questions about any parts of this story please ask them prior to my next update because this website has disallowed authors to post any chapters comprising solely of author's notes. ** This chapter should have solved every single mystery in the past so if anything is not clear, pls feel free to ask and I'll answer in an Q&A section in my next (and hopefully last) chapter.

Magicalfoci: Hi hi!  Oops science fiction? Sooo sorry!  I hope this chapter answers your question indirectly about how Rui feels about Tsukushi's involvement!  Really enjoyed reading your opinions and thanks so much for your encouraging and motivating comments !!!

Kaio:  Hello there !! Actually this took place after she got back with Tsukasa.  I meant for all the weirdness in the manga to take place before this "kidnap".  How does this sequence fit in with your thoughts?  I hope it's still okay?  I think in the Manga Tsukushi almost slept with Tsukasa and I was trying to capture it in Akira's conversation with Tsukasa - the part when she tries too hard to make it up to him.  However, perhaps it was too subtle :).  Thanks for your clarification!  At first I did think you meant R&T until I read it again :) Thanks for your encouraging comments and I hope this chapter is fast enough ;)

Angel72 : Yes, it's been a while!  Good to "hear" from you again!  Really enjoyed reading your comments.  I wonder what your feelings for Shizuka are now?  Exactly how screwed up is Tsukushi after this encounter?  Well, I guess this chapter answers your question ne ;)?

.:: Stacey ::. (perfectionisimpossible@hotmail.com) : I'm sorry to hear about your grandpa.  I do hope he's now fine.  Don't worry about my updates - they'll alwiz be on the net anyways!  Ah Shizuka seems to be on everyone's hate list ;)  Anyway, take care and I hope everything that happens will be the best for you!

piglet: When I read your comment I was thinking - oh gosh, if I had completed the entire update (including the part that I posted on 9th Feb) how much more horrific would that be ? :)  Thanks so much for your wonderful comments and insights.  Loved reading them.  I'm so glad that you liked that sentence - I actually spent slightly more time on that compared to others :)  Will this end up R&T?  Still thinking about my 3 potential endings ;)

Nana-chan: Hi hi!  Oops, I'm afraid the pain isn't ending yet.  However, I shan't elabourate here otherwise I would be giving too much away :)  I hope you'll still like this chapter in spite of the dark themes though.  Thanks so much for your encouraging comments !!!!

kensingtonkid: Hi hi!  Another Shizuka hater I see! (Actually quite frankly, I have to admit I don't like her that much myself - I'm sure it shows in my writing unfortunately.)  Thanks so much for your kind and encouraging comments as per always !!! 

zro: A new reader!  Ah welcome!  I hope you didn't have to wait too long for this chapter and that it meets your expectations ;).  And I hope this chapter answers all questions about Shizuka!  Thanks so much for reading !!

trevtrev :  Thanks so much for your kind comment !!! I'm so glad you liked the last chapter.

sweetpeakit: Hi hi!  Yes, I definitely agree with you that R&T have suffered enough (more than enough actually) but sometimes my fingers just get away from me . . ;) (Rui: Yes, that's right!  Go ahead and put the blame on an innocent part of your anatomy that is controlled by your brain!)  The ending huh . . Let me think about my 3 endings - I guess you would expect one of them to be happy and one of them to be sad . .   Thanks so much for your comment - really enjoyed reading your opinion !!!

angel310 : Hi Angel!  Righto!  Hitting the nail on the head as usual.  I was trying to finish this story quickly. I thought it has dragged on long enough - did you notice how exceptionally long last chapter and this chapter is ;)?  Thanks thanks thanks so much for your kind comments on my writing !!! Made my day!  And loved reading your insight!  Sorry 'bt the unexpected "togetherness" of R&T and the depressing events.  I guess there are indeed some dark bits in my story. (Rui: That's definitely the understatement of the day!)

just a teen: Hey I loved your name = description.  It was so appropriate for that chapter!!!  I hope this update is fast enough for you and thanks for your encouraging comments !!!

Yumez: Wow, thanks sooooooooo much for your lovely comments!  Really enjoyed reading your interpretation of Rui's character and I'm really impressed you recalled Rui's dilemma in the past when he was questioning his own abilities to love others the way his best friend could !!

Cuppajava: Thanks so much for your kind comments !!! Really really appreciate it especially when it comes from a fellow writer.  I hope this chapter meets your expectations as well :)

Chapter 36 - Aftermath

*Two months later*

"Thanks for your help.  We've finally got them all including their leader.  Also, we could not have infiltrated their "camp" so easily if you had not informed us of the location and lured him away with a false message."  Although there were dark rings surrounding the pale blue eyes of the elderly gentleman, his expression was still extremely alert.  

"At what price?" The slim figure turned towards him.  A closer examination revealed worry lines on the classically beautiful face that told of the strain she had been under and many sleepless nights.  The bitterness in her voice was palpable as she continued relentlessly, "years of living the life of a leaper and a part-time courtesan, being separated from my friends and family, and allowing all including those closest to me to believe that I am a traitor . . Which ironically I am, depending on whose point of view you are adopting.  Having to lie to all those people who have ignorantly welcomed me into their lives and losing an extremely close friend whom I also loved.  And in the end, those closest to me still get hurt especially the innocent . ." Her voice faded away.  

She knew that he could have told her it was just the nature of the game and that she had been informed of the possible consequences from the start.  He knew that she could have countered by arguing that they had taken advantage of the unrealistic optimism and idealism of a sixteen year old who had barely experienced life.  So, the words remained unspoken.

"Why don't you ask?" He finally broke the silence.

"How is he?"  Her tone was very quiet.

"The doctors didn't really lie, you know."

She made a noise that would have been identified as a snort coming from any less elegant person, "of course I know they have to stick to the truth to a sufficient degree so that even other doctors not in direct contact with the patient would not suspect a thing.  Isn't that the basic of telling a convincing lies?  You've all drilled it in me since the age of . . Six?  Seven?  I can't even remember any more. "    

"Well, you know that he's still in the rehabilitation ward . . "Cell" would be a better term though."  Her brows furrowed at the thought of the padded, barely furnished and enclosed room.  "Physically, he's more or less recovered and will fully recover, although he was bedridden for almost a month.  Mentally . . the doctors are not sure if he would regain the full use of his mental capacities although they remain optimistic . . he is suffering from an extremely severe case of post-traumatic stress disorder after all, one of the most severe cases to date . ." Her heartbeat sped up as he hesitated.  

"He hasn't improved much . . Most of the time he either sits and stares blankly at the wall or out of the window, or hides in a corner of the room and rocks himself to and fro, not responding to anyone.  And he is quite often sedated at night because of his recurring nightmares . . Then there are periods when he shrinks from any human contact and also periods where he gets lapses in his memory - he doesn't know who he is or where he is . . and of course the occasional bouts of violence when he attacks everyone and anyone, tries to hurt himself or gets extremely agitated to the extend of going into fits . . He can't see anyone in a uniform or anything that reminds him of the past with the exception of Ms Makino because it sets him off, and we never know how he would react . ."

"He will never be the same man again.  He has been through too much.  The effect of the second rape was compounded by the fact that it led him to relive the horrors of the first.  Rape is not something you get used to, quite on contrary.  Also, he not only had to deal with the guilt of being unable to protect, but instead be - what he mistakenly thinks as - fully responsible for the rape of woman that he totally loves . ."

"I had no idea . ." she started saying.  "He hid his feelings for her too well."

"And to top it off, he killed a small army of men with his bare hands.  Regardless of whether he felt or still feels that it is justified, he has to deal with the emotion backlash that comes with killing another fellow being including the guilt, the remorse and the horror.  It does not matter if the other party deserves to die or not, he has to live with this new perception of himself as a monstrosity, and the belief that he has turned his back on his values, upbringing and even the basic human emotions of compassion, decency and humanity. .  He wasn't trained by us to be psychologically prepared for something that."  Although she remained silent, she twisted her hands together - the small action betraying her distress.  

Then he made a comment that was completely out of character. "Did you know that in our numerous arguments, he would always emphasize that he was not a field agent to get out of missions?  And he ends up taking out more people than a team of my armed field agents normally would in a lifetime, with the exception of a war breaking out.  The rescue team basically only had to clean up after him when they arrived." Then there was a trace of something similar to regret in his voice, "I have hand-picked and trained many excellent agents, but he was definitely one of the most gifted along with you and a couple of others.  His most unique ability was his versatility, and his downfall was that his inability to be as coldly logical as his exterior led people to believe.  He cared too much about those he loved." 

"And when is being human is a fault?"  She could not help commenting.

"Cleo, you are far more able to control your emotions.  That can make a difference between life and death in situations."  It was a fact that no one could dispute.  

"And so you decided to write him off?"

His brows furrowed slightly at her terminology, "we had to sacrifice someone, Cleo."

"Why did you have to choose him?  Hasn't he suffered enough?"

"We have been through this argument before and my answer remains."

"That your decision is final?"  She said with sarcasm.  "Or is it because you think he is the weakest link?  Do you know that he remained loyal and didn't give anything away?  He could have saved himself instead . ."

There was nothing he could say to that.  However, someone had to be the lure.  And as circumstances had it, unfortunate as it may be for him, Stein had certainly been the "best and most suitable" candidate.  He changed the subject, "I see that your other friend is recovering quite nicely."  

Shizuka made a sound of disbelief, "amongst other things, she's undergone periods of deep depression, has had her confidence and belief in other people shattered, initiated and suffered through a messy break up with an extremely possessive boyfriend, has been and is still totally torn up about Rui, and is still seeing the psychiatrist you recommended . . You call that "recovering quite nicely"?"

"This is normal for someone who has undergone such a traumatic experience as her.  She's been very strong and coping extremely well, all things considered.  I mean look at Stein.  Also, she hasn't been blaming you, has she?" 

Shizuka lowered her head, "no, your talk with her after the rescue apparently worked wonders.  She has never blamed me.  In fact, she looks at me with compassion."  Her hands were clenched tightly into fists.  "She's the kindest, most understanding and most forgiving person I know.  Always had been, and this experience hasn't changed this aspect of her.  Thank goodness."

"So, what are your plans now that you can no longer remain in France?"

"I will stay here, in Japan.  That happens to be in line with Bernard's plans as well."

"Between, please feel free to reconsider your decision.  We will always welcome such a talented agent back."  

"J, you promised that this was the last assignment."

"And I never break my promise," he added smoothly.  "I know you better than yourself Cleo.  Do you think you will be satisfied with leading a normal life after this?  You thrive on challenges.  I'm just letting you know that my door will always be open."

As she walked out of the door, he added a parting shot, "and don't worry about your friends.  They are in good hands."  Of course, Shizuka thought wryly as she left the building, he would continue to keep tabs on everything in relation to the last showdown, just as he had masterminded the excellent cover job in converting the entire event into a kidnapping with ruthless kidnappers.    

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*One year later*

"Tsukushi, are you ready to be with me again?" A tall dark handsome gentleman wearing a dark suit bent down as he took the slim young lady's hands in his strong tanned ones.  His curly hair was still as unruly as ever but the angles of his face had grown more pronounced, adding strength and maturity to his face.

There was a long silence, then, "I'm sorry, I can't."  She said softly as she gently withdrew her hands from his.  "Please forgive me."

"If it's because of what happened . . you know I don't care."  He persisted.  "Let me take care of you."  A spasm of pain contorted her face for an instance before it smoothed out again.  It hurt.  It really hurt to hear those familiar words.  Just how many times had HE said those same words to her, only to have her brush them away or take them for granted?  

"Tsukasa, you know how I feel.  Nothing has changed since the last time you asked me.  Please don't do this to yourself anymore."  She said gently, not wanting to hurt his feelings.  She knew that Tsukasa had been devastated over the entire incident that had culminated in him losing his girlfriend and his best friend all at once.  He had refused to accept her decision, putting it down to the ravings of one who was temporary insane as a result of the terrible experience that she had undergone.  It took quite a while and all her powers of conviction before she finally got through to him and he had accepted that she no longer loved him that way.  Then came the terrible period when he withdrew from the world and avoided her.  She had seriously thought that it was the end of their friendship when he suddenly showed up at her doorstep one day with Akira and Soujirou.  They started hanging out together again and slowly rebuilt their friendship, although their bond remained extremely fragile.  

Dear loyal Akira and Soujirou.  She thought of the two playboys fondly.  They had stood staunchly by her side helping her through the difficult time, and had become her close friends.  Of course although they were her friends to start with, undeniably a small part of their reason for supporting her was because of Tsukasa and of course Him.  Technically HE was still alive but . . she close her eyes briefly at the ache in her heart that accompanied any thought of him.  Time had managed to dull the acuteness of the pain but she wondered if it would ever be removed totally . .

"I can wait.  You may change your mind after a few more months."  Tsukasa's voice brought her back to the present.  Tsukushi saw the stubborn expression on his face and quietly heaved a sigh.  

"Tsukasa, you have been asking me the same question every two months since we broke up more than a year ago.  Nothing will change." She said softly.    

"Tsukushi, if it's because of Rui, may I remind you that I had already changed your mind once before and I can do it again.  And remember what the doctors have said?  You saw it with your own eyes.  There is no point in waiting for him . .  He wouldn't want to see you this way . ." He stopped when he caught the flash of pain in her eyes and sighed heavily. 

She clutched her hands tightly together, "you won't understand . ."

"Then make me!"  He reached out and framed her face with his large hands, not allowing her to turn away.  "That's what you have been saying to all of us.  What makes you think we all wouldn't understand?  At least give us a chance.  Speak to us, speak to me . . You owe me."  He reminded her.

"Why do you persist in making me say things that will only hurt you?"

"Because it's better to have my hopes dashed all at once than for me to continue hoping that things are still possible between us if they aren't.  You have to be cruel to be kind, unless you still feel something for me.  And you know what?  I think you are scared and confused about your feeling.  Guilt is not love, Tsukushi.  Tormenting yourself will not bring the Rui that we know back."  His dark eyes were flashing and his nostrils dilated in passion. 

"Do you promise that we will remain friends no matter what I say?"

"I do."

"Alright," she said steeling herself as she took in a deep breath, "I'll tell you . . the long and short is that I love Rui.  I have always loved him, but he was cold and aloof . . then you came along and I thought he'd love another, so I turned to you, storing the bulk of my love for him away and converting the remainder to something more platonic.  We know what happened subsequently . .  I loved you then and was loyal to you.  He accepted that and the fact that he could only love me from afar.  Although it must have caused him great pain, he hid his anguish and only thought of me as he continued to be there supporting me through all difficult times.  I should have known how much he loved me by his actions, but I was always stupid, oblivious and stubborn . ." Her voice became unsteady, "when he started opening up to me, to show me what he really was like, I fell hard . . but my loyalty was in the way and I struggled hard against my feelings . ." Tears started welling up in her eyes.  "When we were captured, I learnt things about him that I never knew . . Tsukasa, he's so much more than we ever imagined him to be, so much more.  If only I knew . ." Even as her eyes shimmered with tears, they shone with a tender love and hero worship.  "And he sacrificed so much to protect me.  If it wasn't for me he wouldn't be in his current condition now . ." 

Tsukasa sighed, "his condition hasn't improved at all.  Did you manage to see him the last time?"  Tsukushi shook her head.

"You know that I get to see him about as regularly as you all do, which is almost never.  Most of the time he doesn't even appear to know that I'm around.  And they have decided not to let me visit him in his rare lucid moments because you know what happened the first and last time they did . ." The tears finally slipped down her cheeks.  He did know.  Rui had been unable to stop apologising and finally became so agitated and upset that they had to sedate him.  Then when he woke up, he tried to hurt himself . .

"Hush .. it's okay." Tsukasa said as he slowly slipped his arms around Tsukushi and held her lightly.  He suppressed a sigh when he felt her body tensing at the initial contact before she relaxed and gently put her arms around his waist.  After all, she had undergone an extremely traumatic experience as well.  However, as the doctors pointed out, her compassion and concern for Rui had hastened her recovery.  She cared far more for his welfare than her own, which made her situation appear less severe to herself than it would otherwise have been.  They both sighed simultaneously as they comforted each other without words, thinking about their absent friend . .


	38. Epilogue

Author's Note: I do sooooooooooo apologise for the long wait. Has it been almost two months? I was worked off my feet and was really glad that I had already finished this story and that there was only the epilogue to go because there's no way I would be able to cope with all my commitments as well as continuing to write this story. And I wanted to provide a decent ending too! Thank you sooooooooo much for your patience! I am really grateful to all my wonderful readers for their understanding and for not flaming me! I hope you will like this epilogue. I will update this again a few days later to acknowledge all my readers. However, let me just add a personal note to all of you who have been reading this story and especially those who have reviewed.  
  
This story would never have been written without all your encouraging comments, your constant support and loyalty, your constructive input, insightful comments and all the undeserving praise that you have so kindly and generously provided. This epilogue is dedicated to all of you! I actually have 2 more endings that I have passed in favour for this. I will briefly describe them in a subsequent chapter so that I will be able to answer any question regarding this story as well. Once again, my most heartfelt thanks to my wonderful readers.  
  
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the frustrated writer: Hi hi! Good hearing from you. Sorry I had been very busy. Thanks so much for your concern and I look forward to catching up with your story some time soon!!  
  
Kaio: Ah my most loyal reviewer! I do so apologise for this late update !!!! Really really didn't mean to make you all wait. Sorry, sorry, sorry ... ... You reviews did motivate me to write more as soon as I can (even though I only slept 4 hours last night).  
  
Purple: A new reader! Thanks so much for your kind comments. I hope you will enjoy this last "real" chapter!  
  
GreenCookie: Hi! Thanks for your invitation! I will visit your site as soon as my commitments allow.  
  
twilightstarz: Yes, our dear Rui is effectively a "walking corpse" after the terrible experience. I thought no one could survive that unscathed. Sorry for this late update!  
  
.:: Stacey ::. (perfectionisimpossible@hotmail.com): Hi ! I hope all is well with your grandfather. More to happen in this final epilogue – did you manage to guess it correctly? Thanks so much for your constant support as always!  
  
Magicalfoci: I hope that Tsukasa wasn't too OCC! Sorry about the confusion caused by all the hints ;) !!! The whole capture ... ... well, the plot I had intended to convey is that Shizuka has been working as a double agent. She was loyal to J's agency and got recruited in another agency in order to spy for this side. J had masterminded the destruction of the agency, but in order for his plan to succeed Shizuka had to gain their trust and in the end because the circumstances, Rui was the best "sacrificial lamb". His identity was revealed to them, leading to his capture and J's "counter-attack". Was this in line with what you had thought? Thanks so much again for your kind comments and I really love reading your insight!  
  
Angel72: Ah I see that I had destroyed Shizuka's standing completely with you!!! Thanks so much for reading and I'm so glad that her character is able to make an impact with you!  
  
angel310: Thanks so much for your well wishes and again, I must really apologise for taking so long to churn this last chapter up. I wanted to do a proper job rather than a slipshod one. Really interesting to read your point of view about the past events and I'm so glad that you caught onto what Shizuka had been doing!!!!  
  
kensingtonkid: Another of my most loyal readers! I must really thank you for always motivating me to continue. It's readers like you that give me the final push to complete this story and thanks so much for your encouraging comments all along. Thank you so much!!!! About J, well to stand in his shoes, that's his job i.e. to put his country before himself and his fellow men. He is successful but there's no way I would like to be under the control of someone as manipulative as him!  
  
Nana-chan: hi hi! Yes, this story is pretty angsty. Hoping for happiness ... ... urm well please read on! I won't want to leak anything out so close to the end and thanks so much for always leaving me comments and encouraging me to continue! I hope things are looking up for you!  
  
Piglet: Wow ... ... thanks so much for your encouraging comments and thanks so much for always being so motivating! Loved reading your view point. Between, is this ending up to your expectations? Or did it fall flat?  
  
Lian: Sorry for the long wait but thanks so much for leaving me a comment in spite of being so busy at home! I hope it's up to your expectations :)  
  
Liliane: Thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to read your insight !!! I really enjoyed it and was most impressed by your ability to capture all the nuances that I thought were pretty subtle in this story. Quite frankly, your review made my day and I still go back to read it because I know that there's a person out there who has the same point of view about Rui and Tsukushi as me and has completely understood everything that I was trying to convey in this story. I especially loved your comment about Shizuka – it was so perceptive. In a few short sentences you have captured her entire personality in my story. Thank you again and I can only hope that someone will brighten up your day as much as you have, mine.  
  
just a teen: There is no greater compliment than letting me know that my writing has actually been able to change the mind of a T&T fan to accept R&T !!! With regards to another fic. Urm ... ... I'm not too sure when I will start another. Things are looking pretty tight for the next few months (as I guess you can tell by this long wait). Thanks so much for your constant support and if you like you could leave me with an e-mail address so that I can contact you if another fic is up (between did you just want to be notified for HYD's fics?). My e-mail is stated on the author's detail's page. Thanks again for your kind comments!  
  
sweetpeakit: Thank you so much for your kind and generous comments!!!! I hope you will like the ending and really apologise for this long wait.  
  
Leia : Ooops! An enraged R&T fan? I'm so sorry !!! I know I go overboard some times with my sadistic nature. Sorry about that!  
  
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Rui: Finally! I thought you were never going to show up ever again!  
  
Sheen: *in a sickly sweet tone* Dare I hope that you have actually missed my presence, Rui dear?  
  
Rui : *turning green and jumping as far from Sheen as possible* No way! And please don't "dear" me. *Shudders* I was feeling sorry for your readers who were waiting to learn more about my fate.  
  
Sheen: *aside* I see that his arrogant nature has not changed. *aloud* Well, so this is your last appearance. So you have anything to say to your fans?  
  
Rui: *softening* Well, just to thank them. Thank you!  
  
Sheen: *dramatically* The emotionally constipated genius actually has a humane side!  
  
Rui: *frowns* Why you little ... ...  
  
Sheen: Save me someone! *runs away from a fuming Rui*  
  
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Chapter 37 - Epilogue  
  
*3 years later*  
  
"Good afternoon, Rui! How are you today? It's really lovely weather outside, isn't it? Maybe we can take a walk on the grounds after you have had your lunch!" A slim girl in the garb of a nurse burst cheerily into the sparsely furnished room and set down her containers on the white table in the middle of the room. She bustled around, opening the windows wider and drawing back the white curtains to allow the warm breeze and sunlight to enter the room. She picked up the white plastic vase and left the room only to return moments later with the same vase filled with bright yellow sunflowers.  
  
"Look Rui, aren't they beautiful? They add quite a dash of colour to your room, don't they?" The silent figure sitting huddled in the white armchair next to one of the windows slowly turned his head. Dull, emotionless dark eyes in a thin pale face framed by longish black hair flickered briefly in the direction of the cheerful voice before returning to the window. Undaunted by the disinterest shown, she placed the vase on the table and brushed her hands briskly. "There! Much better!" She proceeded to pull one of the two chairs from the table right next to the armchair before removing the lid of the thermo flask and carefully sitting herself down in the chair.  
  
"See, I've brought your favourite chicken soup today!" She carefully blew on the soup and gently spoon-fed it to Rui like a child. "Do you like it?" Although his eyes were still fixed on some invisible object outside the window, he tilted his head slightly to intercept the next spoonful. The corners of her mouth curled up in an even wider smile. "I'll make it more often then! I'm so glad the cooking lessons are paying off." She continued to feed him the rest of the lunch she had prepared, continuing her cheerful monologue.  
  
"Okay, let's go for a walk shall we?" He obediently stood up a little unsteadily and she took his arm, leading him to the beautiful grounds. "You know, Rui, I think Tsukasa is falling for Shigeru," she confided in him. "It's about time. Those two are really a pair! And you should see the chemistry sizzling in the air!" She continued updating him about the lives of their mutual friends. "And Shizuka's wedding plans have been finalized. She wasn't pleased that Bernard's parents wanted such a grand event but she gave in because she didn't want to make things difficult for Bernard. I'll be helping with reception!"  
  
When they returned, she tucked him into bed, "it's time for your afternoon nap! I'll be back later, I have a few errands to run now!" She pressed a tender kiss to the pale forehead and watched his eyes close. Suppressing a sigh, she stood up and quietly left the room.  
  
"Hey Tsukushi," a passing nurse greeted her with a smile. "Is it your off day today?"  
  
"Yes. How are you, Joyce?" she returned the smile warmly. Joyce was one of the nurses taking care of Rui.  
  
"He's really lucky to have you. The rest of the patients here hardly have any visitors, however, you visit him every other day and spend your free day of the week taking care of him! It does make our jobs a lot easier though!" Joyce joked. The entire staff body liked this bright and cheerful girl immensely and they had been extremely touched by her devotion to the silent occupant of room 311. A couple of the doctors and male nurses had even asked her out. However, each time she would refuse them politely but firmly. "So when are you transferring to here?" Tsukushi laughed. They were always teasing her for spending so much of her time in the nursing home. However, she could not bear to leave the sick kids in the pediatric hospital where she was currently working at.  
  
"I've gotta run some errands, see you later." With a wave and another smile, she was gone.  
  
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*A few months later*  
  
It was almost midnight. Brisk footsteps could be heard walking down the corridor. They stopped in front of a door. There was silence and then a key was inserted in the keyhole and a soft click was heard before the key was withdrawn.  
  
"Good luck, sir." A voice spoke softly and the speaker received a curt answering nod before the leader turned the doorknob softly and walked into the room. His eyes had adjusted to the darkness during the long trip down numerous dimly lit corridors and they quickly scanned the room, stopping at the slight figure huddled in the chair next to window. The slight stiffening of those shoulders would have been indiscernible to anyone but one who had been specially trained like him to take note of even the most minor details. He could literally feel the tension emanating from the man who was persisting in ignoring his presence.  
  
"Hi Rui, it's been a quite while." He finally spoke in a conversational tone, his deep voice breaking the terse silence in the room. He strolled to the chair next to the silent figure and sat down. "Sorry I haven't been visiting regularly, you know how busy things get." His sharp eyes picked up a slight twitch in those unsmiling lips and continued his little speech with more confidence. "I know you've recovered much more than you've let on. Hell, you are kid who had adults all around you fooled for years with your autistic act. I can only imagine how better your skills must have gotten. But you're overdoing it now, Rui." His voice turned deadly serious in the familiar way that would sent chills down his agents' spines, "do you know how much pain and suffering you are causing your friends and family? And what about Tsukushi? Are you as selfish as to hold her back? Do you know what she has been going through?" He waited. Two seconds ... ... Five ... ... Seven ... ... Ten seconds ... ... Then he secretly crowed in triumph as the pale face turned towards him and a pair of dark emotionless eyes fixed on his face.  
  
"What has she been going through?" The voice rasped out a little painfully, hoarse from years of disuse. "Tell me."  
  
*Hours later*  
  
"You actually got him to respond to you? Wait ... ... Wasn't he diagnosed to be still totally in his own world? He spoke for the first time since that incident? And not only that, he agreed? He actually agreed to your scheme?"  
  
J looked at his third in command in mild disapproval, "I thought I'd trained you better than this."  
  
"But sir, that's totally incredible."  
  
He sighed, "there's nothing impossible in this world, and you should never underestimate anyone, especially Rui." However, there was a twinkle in his eyes. "He knows that he is acting selfishly and holding back all those who care for him. Also, I doubt that he wanted to live his life cooped up in that dreadful nursing home, staring out of the window and counting the minutes, hours, days, months and years to his eventual death ... ..."  
  
"If you put it that way ... ..." His subordinate's voice trailed away.  
  
"Okay, implement stage one."  
  
"Right away."  
  
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*Next Afternoon*  
  
"Paging for Nurse Makino Tsukushi ... ... Nurse Makino Tsukushi ... ... please come to the reception now." Tsukushi smoothly slipped the clipboard back into its holder at the end of the patient's bed. With a smile and an assurance that she would be back soon, she left the room and quickly walked to the reception, wondering who was looking for her. Her eyes widened in surprise and then a bright smile lit up her face as she caught sight of four familiar faces.  
  
"Yuki, Soujirou? How was Greece? I thought you were both coming back next week? And Akira, how was your business trip? It's lovely to see ... ..." Her cheerful voice faltered as she noticed the unnaturally grim expressions on all four faces. Upon careful scrutiny, she could see traces of ... ... pain ... ... or was it sadness? She felt the first tendrils of fear encasing her heart as her mouth went dry.  
  
"Tsukushi." She found herself staring up into Tsukasa's eyes as his hands reached out and held both of her arms firmly, trying to anchor her ... ... trying to lessen the shock ... ... She saw the overwhelming sorrow in those pleading eyes ... ... And she knew.  
  
"Tsukushi, you have to be brave." No! Her mind was screaming silently as her eyes remained transfixed on his. No! No! No!  
  
"It's Rui ... ... he jumped from his window early this morning ... ..."  
  
"No ... ..." Did that pathetic meow of a whimper come from her throat?  
  
"He's ... ... dead ... ..." The world around her faded away as she found herself sinking into a dark abyss ... ... deeper and deeper ... ...  
  
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"How is she doing?" Soujirou asked in a subdued tone for once as he looked at the pale, still figure that was Tsukushi lying on the hospital bed.  
  
"What do you expect?" Tsukasa snapped as Akira placed a steadying on his shoulder.  
  
"This is a shock to all of us." He intervened in a quiet tone. "Please calm down. We are both as upset as you are."  
  
"How could this happen?" Tsukasa punched the wall in frustration as he closed his eyes, trying to keep his emotions under control.  
  
"Mr Hanazawa has hired his own private investigation team to look into it. It does sound a bit dodgy especially given that the ... ... the ... ... face was not recognizable ... ..." Akira's voice faltered and the three of them paled as they recalled the mess of blood and tissue that was meant to be Rui's face. There had been a subsequent race to the bathroom before they lost it on the disinfected floor of the morgue.  
  
"At least we know that they have conducted tests and the DNA matches."  
  
"Why would he ... ..." Doubt and confusion were mirrored on all three faces.  
  
"I didn't know that he had recovered enough to even feel depressed." Soujirou sighed as he kneaded the bridge of his nose. "Perhaps we haven't been around enough for him ... ..."  
  
"Stop it! You certainly aren't helping things," growled Tsukasa. Just then, a slight movement caught his eye and he rushed to the bedside. The figure shifted and the long lashes fluttered. "Tsukushi, are you feeling better?" There was a dazed look in those eyes.  
  
"Where ... ... How did I get here? What happened?" Then the eyes darkened in remembrance and her lips started quivering.  
  
"Tsukushi ... ..." Tsukasa took a step towards her, only to be stopped by an outstretched arm as she covered her face with her other hand.  
  
"Stop," the hoarse voice was almost unrecognizable as hers. "Pease leave me alone ... ..."  
  
"Tsukushi ... ..." this time Soujirou tried.  
  
"Please leave! Please ... ... Get Out! Get out ... ..." Her voice was shaking by now. With a sympathetic look in her direction, Akira grabbed Soujirou and Tsukasa and shoved them out of the room without saying a word. The moment the door was closed behind them, she broke down and collapsed into a heap on the bed, her frail body racking with the violent sobs that were torn from her throat ... ...  
  
How could he be so cruel as to leave her behind? How could he? How could he? And why did he suddenly decide to leave her? Did he sudden come to his senses and the enormity of the past was too much for him to bear? Was her love not enough to keep him alive? Why, Rui? Why ... ... But these questions would never be answered ... ... For the first time, she really wanted to die ... ...  
  
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*Two months later*  
  
A soft rustling sound could be heard as a slight girlish figure wandered through the cemetery, terminating as she stopped in front of a newly constructed grave. She knelt down, lightly running loving fingers down the polished marble surface, oblivious to the two quick flashes of light in a tree overhead.  
  
"Rui ... ..." her soft whisper was almost a sigh. "I miss you." Her eyes dimmed with tears as buried memories resurfaced. "I thought you might like some company on your first night here alone." A shadowy figure shrouded in darkness behind an enormous gravestone a few yards away stiffened at the sound of her voice and slowly straightened.  
  
"Did you see everyone crying his or her heart out? Even Tsukasa and Akira were crying ... ..." A shaky giggle was heard. "Except for me. It was really hard to get them to leave me alone." She sighed. "Well, I hope Yuki will forgive me for drugging her tea tonight. I did make sure that there were no unpleasant side effects. But I had to come here and she would have stopped me ... ..." There was a long pause.  
  
"They are right, you know, Rui? They were right to be suspicious ... ... I have no intention of leaving here tonight or ever again," she continued in a conversational tone as her eyes remained expressionless. The dark figure tensed. "I can't live without you," she stated calmly as her hands were preoccupied with something. "Did you know that you were the only thing that kept me going? Now, there's no reason for me to live anymore. Don't wander too far. The sooner I catch up with you the better," she whispered as she pressed a tender kiss against the engraved name. When she straightened, there was a filled syringe clutched in her right hand.  
  
"Quite the modern Romeo and Juliet ending, isn't it? Except that heroin was probably not so popular then." She chuckled wryly as she held out her left arm, ready to inject the lethal dosage into a vein, and then screamed as her arm was caught in a strong grip. Pale, strong fingers encircled her wrist. For a split second she stared at them, paralysed by fear. However, her fears were replaced by a far stronger emotion a few moments later. Not quite daring to breathe, she barely acknowledged the hope burning through her veins as she turned stiffly, slowly lifting her eyes to the dark figure that was towering before her. Her vision was suddenly blurred by hot tears and her world teetered precariously as a soft gasp escaped from her lips, "Rui ... ..."  
  
In the next moment, the syringe was wrenched from her nerveless fingers and strong arms encircled her waist, steadying her. She buried her face in his chest as she breathed in the scent that was so distinctly him. Her hands gripped his cloak so tightly that her knuckles turned white. Her face was wet with tears when she finally found the strength to lift her head and gaze into the pale and haggard, but still handsome dear face.  
  
"How?" She managed to ask.  
  
"Engineered by J." His voice was raspy.  
  
"How could you!" She hit him with one hand as she clung onto him tightly with the other. "How could you let me think you were dead!"  
  
"So foolish." He sighed as he held her more tightly. "I'm not worth it."  
  
"So if I hadn't tried to kill myself, you'd have left me forever! How could you be so cruel?" His fingers gently brushed her tears away.  
  
"It's for the best." He said quietly. "I'm a wreck. I'm no longer the man I used to be, and I will never be the same again." He stopped her when she tried to furiously deny what he knew was the truth. "J told me that I was causing grief to my family and friends. He then proposed the only alternative available to me. And I grabbed at it."  
  
She looked at him inquiringly.  
  
"A position of a professor with the organization. To teach others what I know." He answered her unspoken question. "However, to protect me, I needed to disappear."  
  
"Take me with you," she said urgently.  
  
"Sweetheart." Her heart clenched painfully as the familiar endearment that she had thought she would never ever hear again fell from his lips. "I don't want to destroy your life along with my own."  
  
"What rubbish!" She was furious now.  
  
"You will be giving up your entire life – your family and our mutual friends."  
  
"As long as I can be with you."  
  
"It will really be only me." He stared into her eyes, trying to stress the direness of the consequences of leaving with him.  
  
"I don't care."  
  
"No," he said with finality.  
  
"Fine, then give me back my syringe and let me end things now. Or I'll try again until I succeed, when you aren't around to stop me." Her eyes flashed defiantly.  
  
"You are not acting rationally," he tried to reason with her.  
  
"There's no logic where love is concerned." She said softly. "To me the only choice is being alive with you, or waiting in afterlife for you to join me in death."  
  
"You have always been stubborn." However, she sensed his capitulation as he lowered his face into her hair, his arms still encircling her protectively yet desperately.  
  
"Stein?" They both jumped as another voice interrupted them. She turned to see another man standing in front of them.  
  
"Will there be a problem if I take her along?" He gestured helplessly towards her.  
  
"No sir. J had anticipated this situation. We'll simply proceed along plan B." Rui raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Take both of you to the hideout and engineer her death." He explained.  
  
"This is your last chance to change your mind," Rui said softly as he gently disengaged himself from Tsukushi and waited. Bright determined eyes met his.  
  
"That is not an option," she said firmly as she grasped his outstretched hand tightly.  
  
"No regrets?"  
  
"None." His control finally broke and he descended upon her in one swoop. She closed her eyes, letting a stray tear trickle down her cheek as his arms wrapped around her slender form like bands of iron. Her hands slid around his neck and a moan escaped from her as his burning lips devoured hers passionately. She was leaning against him for support, her trembling legs no longer able to hold her, and he was breathing hard, shaking when they finally broke off the kiss, staring entranced into each other's eyes.  
  
"Er hm ... ..." The sound of embarrassed coughing brought Rui to his senses and reminded him that they were not alone. "Er ... ... I think we should make a move." With a silent nod, Rui slid an arm under Tsukushi's knees and picked her up easily as if she weighted nothing.  
  
"Rui, I can ... ..."  
  
"Shush, let me carry you, love. You can't even stand." He had a point. With a sigh of surrender, she held onto him tightly and laid her head against his chest as he took the first steps towards a future that was suddenly starting to look very much brighter. Yes, they were going to have to live under false identities and were never going to see their families or friends again. They still needed time to recover from the traumatic past and to heal. However, they were finally reunited and that was enough to give them strength to face the trials ahead together ... ...


	39. Alternate Endings Contemplated

AN:  Just to fulfil my promise to all my dear readers!  I will go straight to the alternative endings that I had been thinking of first (but which I subsequently decided against) and then answer the questions that I have received/clarify certain points of the story that was raised!  

1st Alternative Ending:

Everything is the same right until the graveyard scene.  Tsukushi kneels in front of Rui's grave and confesses her feelings for him and he listens to her silently, hidden from her sight … … 

"Rui … …" her soft whisper was almost a sigh as her fingertips caressed the smooth surface of the marble.  "I miss you."  There was a long pause and her voice was trembling when she finally spoke again.  "I don't know if I can go on without you.  The mere thought of existing without you terrifies me … …"  She inhaled shakily.  "But I know you would want me to be strong.  I promised myself that I would continue to live on for your sake and for our friends … …"  Her slim shoulders started shaking as her words were interrupted by sobs.    

"… so hard … it's so hard … … let me cry tonight … … cry my heart out … … then I will be brave … … again … … just like you … … always hiding your pain … … let me be weak now … … then I'll be strong … … like you … …"  The shadowy figure remained as still as a statue as the heart-wrenching sobs shattered the silence of the night.  The only visible movement was a muscle twitching in the otherwise granite-like face as the jaw tightened and rapidly whitening knuckles as pale fingers dug mercilessly into soft flesh.

"Tsukushi," a familiar deep voice rang into the night a few minutes after the sobs had ebbed.

"Tsukasa," her voice was bone-weary.

"It's time to go."  There was a strange tenderness in the voice.  A tall dark man dressed in a suit bent down and gently helped the woman to her feet, sliding his arms around her waist to support her when she swayed a little.

"I'm fine now," she said as she gently disengaged herself from his embrace.

"Damn it woman, you don't have to pretend to be brave all the time!"  Their voices gradually drifted out of hearing range.  The stiff figure finally relaxed.  After a few moments, he emerged from his hiding place and walked to the middle of the clearing.  There was no sign of surprise on the pale features lit by the dim moonlight when another dark figure appeared soon after.  

"Stein, we have to go."  Rui nodded mechanically at the other agent as he followed him through the woods to another clearing where a jet plane was waiting.  He closed his eyes after putting on his seatbelt, not wanting to be disturbed by any well meaning comments by his companion.  

"Goodbye, my love."  His mind whispered when they were finally airborne.  "I wish you every happiness with Tsukasa.  It is all for the best."  He felt an unfamiliar wetness on his cheeks … …  

Years later, a lonely elderly man but one of the best brains in the organization was given a new pupil to train.  To the professor's (Rui's) shock, a teenager – a male version of Tsukushi – appears in front of him … …

2nd Alternative Ending:

(Really tempted to have this ending, but I thought it was a bit too "unfair" to be so mean to Rui!)

Everything is the same right until the graveyard scene.  Rui isn't there this time because Tsukushi was meant to be watched by her friends.  She succeeds in killing herself in front of Rui's grave … …  

"Quite the modern Romeo and Juliet ending, isn't it? Except that heroin was probably not so popular then." She chuckled wryly as she held out her left arm, ready to inject the lethal dosage into a vein.  She felt a pinprick as the needle slid smoothly under her skin.  Glass shattered when the empty syringe was dropped from her nerveless fingers.

"Not too long now," she murmured as she sat down on the tombstone, her face stoic as she waited patiently for the drug to kick in.  She started shivering minutes later as her teeth chattered.  The paralysis slowly crept in and it was taking more and more of an effort to simply breathe.  A faint smile touched her trembling lips as the world gradually faded out … …   

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*A few hours later in a lab*

"Stein, there's something we need to tell you … …" Rui glanced at J.  A familiar feeling of dread came over him when he saw the grim expression on J's face.  The world stopped spinning when J tried his best to break the news to him gently.  For the first time in his life, he broke down and wept in front of J like a baby … …

Basically, no one realised that Tsukushi never really recovered from the attack either.  She appeared to be strong because she had Rui to focus on and this allowed her to shelf what happened to her.  Without Rui, she simply broke down.

Ending 1: Days later, Rui committed suicide.  His body was found hanging from the heater in a bathroom.

Ending 2: As the worst form of punishment, Rui forced himself to continue living the rest of his live alone – a broken old man.

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Okay, now to answer some questions:

1) Was Rui pretending for years?

No, he was actually suffering from severe post-traumatic stress syndrome for the first couple of years.  He gradually recovered to the extent that he became aware of what was happening around him, but he was still so depressed that he refused to emerge from his own little world … … 

2) Why did he agree to J's plan?  And why did he have to pretend to kill himself?

He realised that his behaviour – hiding behind his shell – was causing grief to his friends and family, and also he believed that he was a burden to them.  Especially with regards to Tsukushi.  He did not want her to continue to wait on him and wait for him as he knew he had serious issues and did not know if he would fully recover or remain a mental case always.  He felt at least with the organization he would be contributing somewhat by doing the only thing that he did best.  And it was probably the life that was most suitable for him.

He had to "die" because his cover was blown and there was no telling how far the news had already spread.  So in line with most witness protection-type programs, the only way to protect him from rival countries was for him to die and obtain a new identity.

3) Why did Tsukushi have to die?  And was she selfish?

Otherwise people may be suspicious about her sudden disappearance and start linking it to the fact that Rui may not be dead.

Yes, to a certain extent she was selfish.  However, in addition to her feelings for him, taking care of him had been the best therapy session for her and she needed it to continue the "therapy" to survive.  They had become dependent on each other and needed each other to live.

Author's Note: I realised that some of you found the ending sad?  Actually, I thought it was one of the happiest endings that I have ever written!  Sorry, I guess I find it difficult to imagine that they would live happily ever after.  It's hard after such a traumatic experience, not to say leaving their friends, families and effectively identities behind.  I think this is probably the most fairy tale like ending that is still believable.  Don't you agree ;)?

My most sincere thanks to all my wonderful readers.  Thanks for coming along for the ride!  I hope you enjoyed the story half as much as I did your comments!  Special thanks to my reviewers (in alphabetical order), especially those "regulars" who have encouraged and motivated me continuously with your kind and generous comments – you know who you are!  Love you guys!   

Angel72, angel310, Angel-Xing, ayasaa

Blackcat, blue, Buzz

Celebra, Chi5, chris37, cm, crybaby, cuppajava 

Dark Phoenix, Drina

emptiness-sky

fresh8, Fuyu 

GreenCookie 

jestina, Jia-Li Endicott, just a reader, just a teen

Kara, Kaio, kensingtonkid, Kousagi-chan

Leia, Lian, Liliane, Lily, Lindkher

Magicalfoci, moonlighter 

Nana-chan

Opal Soul, orenjipanda

plagiarist, Piglet, Pure Innocence, Purple.

Ravenfire623, Reius Devirix

Shari, Shopps, Silent_Reader, .:: Stacey ::., star_gal, sweetpeakit, Syaoran's Tenshi Itsumademo

the frustrated writer, ToinKs, trevtrev, twilightstarz 

W.Kathy, windsoffortune

*~Vean~*, vic~vic~vic

xin2005

*Yan*, Yuei, Yumez

zro 


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